Not sure if everyone saw this in the comments, so I thought I would post it. This is Brad’s response to my post entitled “A Lump In My Throat” from Friday and the comments you guys made. Thank you, Brad, for being so transparent with us. You and your family are in all of our thoughts and prayers.

Pete–first of all, thanks for the love and friendship you have expressed in your tender, honest comments. And to those on both sides of the ‘feelings’ spectrum…I understand. I’ve been on both sides, equally disdaining myself, and seeking a way to forgive.

To Judas and Bill…the consequences of sin are as sure as God’s nature. The tsunami comes and there is no escape. I cannot stop it. I cannot contain it. I cannot limit it.

The issue I’ve pondered is the contribution unkind people make to this. Is this their right? Is their responsiblity? Does God need them to weigh in on this, or add hostility?

I have concluded: No

The consequences that have a unique spiritual dimension are phenomenal. Suffocating. Staggering. No help needed.

So, the role of Samaritan, care-giver, back-rubber, bandage-provider becomes supreme. Without such men and women, those of us bleeding out from self-inflicted sin, would in fact, bleed out.

A couple of points are helpful for insight: I wasn’t caught. I wasn’t fired. The weight of my sin tore at me, I spiraled into depression and couldn’t recover. I confessed to my wife and to my two beautiful daughters (hardest moments of my life). Then, I resigned from the church. It was nearly a month later that I voluntarily met with Elders to address community rumors that were just then surfacing.

for Scot Justice–I appluad your care for my ex-wife and my kids. I would give my life if I could un-rip their hearts. However, I have and continue to have so many conversations with them about the harm I have done them…but for them, I keep that aspect of the conversation out of the blog.

Regarding friends and others being allowed to react with anger, hatred, (fill in an adverb)…here is the most recent part of me that God is forming…How in the world can I hope for grace unless I can give grace to sinners? How in the world can God form a grace-giving heart in me without continuously keeping grace-needy people in proximity to me?

I am in their life so that God can form good stuff in them. They are in my life so He can form good stuff in me. And so it goes…

Regarding future ministry…uh, no. Can’t see it. Not qualified. It’s gonna be a back row, head down, annonymous in church thing for a bit. God can drag me in the game. He did it 30 years ago, so I’m confident He knows how…but….uh, no.

The blog-world is my vomit bucket or pulpit, depending on the day, because I have come to know I must put thoughts to words and express the words…that has been such a part of my life.

Anyway, you are sweet people if you read this far. Thanks. And Pete….you rock. Thank you, brother

Brad Johnson