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Tag Archive - Relationships

Friends, Pizza, And How I Met My Wife

April 19, 2012 in Random Fun, Videos with 22 Comments

Spent about an hour on the phone last night with my friend Kevin who lives in Denver. God brought Kevin into my life while I was in college at Western Kentucky University and as my roommate he shaped me in so many different ways.

I was a young believer at the time and our regular conversations about God, girls, and the future, which we had over pizza at 1:00 AM would prove to be instrumental in my life.

A couple years ago Kevin and his wife Amy met Brandi and I back at WKU to reminisce about old times and share the controversial story about how Brandi and I met. If you haven’t seen this I think you’ll enjoy.

This morning I’m thankful for friends like Kevin. Time and distance have no impact on such relationships.

The Tree Between Two Dorms from Pete Wilson on Vimeo.

How To Destroy A Relationship

August 11, 2011 in Relationships, Spiritual Growth with 29 Comments

How do you destroy a relationship?

Step One: Make Assumptions.

Just yesterday I received an email from an old friend who was upset with me. I’m not really at liberty to talk details, but it turned out to all be one BIG misunderstanding. In fact, he had made a series of assumptions which turned out to be completely false. At the end of the day I was just relieved we were able to work through the conflict, but it got me thinking.

Assumptions are the silent deadly bombs that do nothing but destroy healthy relationships. An assumption is one person’s IDEA of what someone else is thinking, feeling or doing.

Parents often assume they know exactly what their children feel, think or want. Bosses may assume employees know exactly what they want when they ask for something. Church attenders assume they know exactly what the pastor’s motives are. All of this is mind-reading or assuming and it is dangerous.

While you may be right from time to time, more often your assumptions lead to unnecessary conflict, worry, and broken relationships.

So today I just want to encourage you to stop and think. Instead of making assumptions how about asking questions.

Some of you will. Some of you won’t.

You know why?

Because some of you are more comfortable with your assumptions. You actually like the false reality you’ve created around you. It serves your agenda quite nicely.

But never forget what Lemony Snicket said one time…

“Assumptions are dangerous things to make, and like all dangerous things to make — bombs, for instance, or strawberry shortcake — if you make even the tiniest mistake you can find yourself in terrible trouble. Making assumptions simply means believing things are a certain way with little or no evidence that shows you are correct, and you can see at once how this can lead to terrible trouble. For instance, one morning you might wake up and make the assumption that your bed was in the same place that it always was, even though you would have no real evidence that this was so. But when you got out of your bed, you might discover that it had floated out to sea, and now you would be in terrible trouble all because of the incorrect assumption that you’d made. You can see that it is better not to make too many assumptions, particularly in the morning.”

Engage or Withdraw?

March 29, 2010 in Relationships with 57 Comments

I’ll admit that at times I have a hard time trusting certain people. I generally develop my feelings of distrust after someone has done something intentionally or unintentionally that makes me question their character. And let’s be honest, if you’re in any kind of relationship with someone long enough from time to time they’re going to act in a way that will bring the issue of “trust” to the forefront.

We all have a trust-meter. Every time you interact with another person your trust-meter goes up or down based on a set of factors that would include such things as the person’s truth-telling record, their commitment keeping pattern, their confidentiality, their consistency in character, etc. This is true of all of your relationships…

co-workers

parents

children

friends

spouse

pastor

All of this happens subconsciously. So when you have a person in your life that gossips about another one of your friends or doesn’t show when they say they’ll show or you catch them in a lie, your trust-meter goes down.

When your trust-meter goes down the natural tendency for most of us is to begin to withdraw. And generally the further we withdraw the more suspicious we become of the other person. This almost always either stunts or at least redefines the relationship.

Now some of you need to realize your trust-meter is broken. It’s giving you false readings. Because of the baggage from your past your trust-meter is all jacked up.

So what do you do? The wise person when confronted with a relationship where the trust meter is headed south will engage instead of withdraw. God has really been growing me in this area of my life. He’s been prompting me to engage in that relationship and sit down and talk about the issues. Tell them about the doubts creeping into my mind and heart. The goal here is to find out if there is actually betrayal going on (that requires further conversations) or if I’m getting false readings.

So do you have problem trusting other people? Do you think your trust meter gives you false readings from time to time? Do you tend to engage or withdraw when your trust meter is headed south?

The Green Monster

September 29, 2008 in Cross Point Church, Family, Friends, God, Leadership, Preaching, Relationships, Religion with 44 Comments

There have been people throughout the course of my life that I’ve said…

“I don’t know what it is, but I just don’t like them.”

If I were really honest it would probably be because they got ahead of me in some area of life and that ugly green monster is rearing its head in my heart.

My guess is a lot of the people we “don’t like,” we don’t want to be around, or we’re critical of are really just a reflection of something we aren’t that we wish we were, or something we don’t have that we wish we had.

You know an interesting thing I’m learning about envy. It breeds in proximity. In other words I’m not really in danger of envying Tiger Woods or Bill Gates. Instead it’s my neighbors, my close friends, and maybe even my spouse.

Aristotle said “Envy grows naturally in a relationship between equals.”

Envy breeds in the environment of proximity and that is why it destroys community.

So how about you?

Do you cringe when your friends seem to succeed where you’re failing?

Are you critical of others accomplishments, talents, and appearances?

Do you tend to look for the flaws in others hoping they will do less than their best?

Are you secretly happy when a friend suffers a setback?

Be honest, how are you dealing with envy in your life?

Is Your Trust-Meter Broken?

September 22, 2008 in Cross Point Church, Family, Friends, Leadership, Preaching, Religion with 39 Comments

We’ve been in this series at Cross Point entitled Baggage. We’ve been talking about the emotional baggage we all carry from relationship to relationship. This baggage keeps us from loving in the way we’ve been called and created to love.

Yesterday we talked about the baggage of betrayal and abandonment.

All of this happens subconsciously. So when you have a friend that gossips about another one of your friends or doesn’t show when they say they’ll show or you catch them in a lie, your trust-meter goes down.

When your trust-meter goes down the natural tendency is to begin to withdraw. And generally the further we withdraw the more suspicious we become. This almost always either stunts or at least redefines the relationship.

Now some of you need to realize your trust-meter is broken. It’s giving you false readings. Because of the baggage from your past your trust-meter is all jacked up.

So what do you do? The wise person when confronted with a relationship where the trust meter is headed south will engage instead of withdraw. You need to engage in that relationship and sit down and talk about the issues. Tell them about the doubts creeping into your mind and heart. Find out if there is actually betrayal going on or if you’re getting false readings.

So tell me. Do you have problem trusting other people? Do you think your trust meter gives you false readings from time to time? What are you doing about it?

Unrealistic Expectations

August 21, 2008 in Family, God, Leadership, My Family, Relationships, Religion with 41 Comments

I’ve got to be honest and say, I’ve had a hard time watching the Olympics. It’s painful for me. I can’t stand the pressure these athletes are under. I fear so many of them are under unrealistic expectations. While I’ve heard several similar stories, I just read THIS ARTICLE which illustrates my point. The article states…

Kelly Sotherton’s bronze medal celebrations proved short-lived when she was reduced to tears by her coach. Minutes after claiming Britain’s first athletics medal of the Games, Sotherton, 27, had to endure a dressing down from Charles van Commenee, UK Athletics’ technical director for the heptathlon.

He believed that Sotherton should have won the silver medal behind Carolina Kluft, the Swede who succeeded Britain’s Denise Lewis as the Olympic champion.

Give me a break! She just won a bronze medal in the world Olympics. She’s a champion and we should celebrate with her.

Maybe it bothers me so much because I know this isn’t just a problem with athletes. Maybe it bothers me because I know how destructive this can be in every day life.

Unrealistic expectations can destroy a marriage.

Unrealistic expectations can suck the joy out of your job.

Unrealistic expectations can sever your relationship with your kids.

Unrealistic expectations can burn out your volunteers.

So, where in your life are unrealistic expectations eroding at relational health? Who do you put unrealistic expectations on? Who has unrealistic expectations for you?

I Need Your Input!

August 3, 2008 in Cross Point Church, God, Leadership, Preaching, Religion with 97 Comments

I could really use your help. I have a deadline later this week for a fall message series I’m writing for Cross Point. It’s a relationship series based on John 17:20-21 where Jesus said,

20 “I am praying not only for these disciples but also for all who will ever believe in me through their message. 21 I pray that they will all be one, just as you and I are one—as you are in me, Father, and I am in you. And may they be in us so that the world will believe you sent me.”

There is an alarming connection between the way we treat each other and relate to each other and people’s perception of God. In other words our ability to maintain healthy relationships is a direct reflection of God’s glory.

In this series I want to address the barriers we all have to maintaining healthy relationships. The focus is not on one particular type of relationship, but relationships in general. This could be your relationship to your kids, to your parents, to your spouse, or even to your co-workers.

So what do you think are the major barriers that keep us from being one? Maybe jealousy? A lack of forgiveness? Let me know what you think!