WithoutWax.tv by Pete Wilson | Tag Archive | porn
Tag Archive - porn

Porn Week

November 3, 2011 in Family, Spiritual Growth with 51 Comments

So apparently this week is Pornography Awareness Week. I know this because I stumbled across an article last night by Dr. Marty Klein a sex therapist who believes we should use this week not to warn of the dangers of pornography but to actually celebrate it.

He offered 14 different ways you can observe the week. Here’s a few of his outlandish suggestions. My comments are in parenthesis.

1)  If you use porn, talk about it with your partner. (I actually agree. However, something tells me this conversation is not going to end with the two of you cuddling on the couch.)

2) Thank the clerk in your local convenience store for carrying porn magazines or DVDs. (Might as well buy them some flowers and chocolate while you’re at it.)

3)  Write a letter to the editor of your local newspaper explaining that most people who use porn have no problem with it. (Please, please, please do this. I can’t wait to see how you back this one up. Oh, and make sure you send a head shot and email address with the letter.)

4)  Invite your partner to share her/his concerns about porn with you. (Ummmmm, I’m pretty sure they won’t need your invitation. If you follow suggestion 1 I got a feeling you can skip this step)

5) Use some. Guilt-free. (Good luck. While the last thing we need is more people walking around under a cloud of guilt the reality is sexual intimacy was not designed to be exercised in this way and it will almost always lead to guilt, a lack of intimacy and a host of other issues in your life.)

Dr. Klein may want to pretend as if this isn’t a major issue but I have to disagree.  I’ve met with countless individuals and couples over the years whose lives and relationships have been severely impacted by pornography.

* 42 percent of surveyed adults indicated that their partner’s use of pornography made them feel insecure.
Marriage Related Research, Mark A. Yarhouse, Psy.D. Christian Counseling Today, 2004 Vol. 12 No. 1.

* 41 percent of surveyed adults admitted they felt less attractive due to their partner’s pornography use.
Marriage Related Research, Mark A. Yarhouse, Psy.D. Christian Counseling Today, 2004 Vol. 12 No. 1.

* 47% percent of families said pornography is a problem in their home.
Focus on the Family Poll, October 1, 2003.

I’m not here to try to pile on the guilt. Lord knows if you’re addicted to pornography you don’t need anymore guilt.

I just want to remind you of the truth which is porn is a powerful cycle of addiction that can and will destroy your ability to enjoy intimacy with your partner in the way God intended.

I want to remind you that you don’t have to continue to allow your mind and soul to be poisoned by this stuff. You can find freedom from the cycle of guilt and shame you’re caught in!

One of the wisest things I’ve ever done is installed Covenant Eyes on my computer and established a system for accountability in this area of my life and I want to encourage you to do the same. If you have computers in your home and or work which don’t have some kind of filter on them I think you’re just asking for trouble.

Your Thoughts?

Free Pornography Book

January 3, 2011 in Spiritual Growth with 25 Comments

I’ve passionately written about the impact of pornography before.

I’ve talked about my own personal struggles.

I think it continues to be a growing  issue in our culture today. Rarely a week goes by that I don’t hear about another couple whose marriage is blowing up in our church with pornography being a primary issue.

I also talk to a ton of pastors who are secretly battling this nasty monster. They feel like they could never tell anyone they struggle with it so they choose to stay in the dark where this sin just continues to gain more and more momentum. Believe me when I say I know all about the criticism you’ll receive when you publicly talk about this stuff. But it will be the beginning of freedom for you.

With all this in mind I’m really excited about a new resource that’s available specifically for those of you in ministry called Internet Pornography: A Ministry Leader’s Handbook. In this FREE e-book from the great folks at Covenant Eyes which contains stories of pastors and counselors who dealt personally with the addiction of pornography and many who have broken free from Internet pornography addictions themselves. Please, please, please, take the time to read this. It could change your life.

And if you still don’t think this “porn” stuff is a big deal than check out this graphic which sums up some heartbreaking statistics.
Continue Reading…

Let Me Go First Today

January 19, 2009 in Leadership, Religion with 74 Comments

John Stott once said

My main concern for the church everywhere is that we often do not look like what we are talking about. We make great claims for Christ, but there is often a credibility gap between our words and our actions.

No where is this more true than the church’s claims of authentic community. We love to throw the “authentic community” words around, but rarely are we willing to live with the risks associated to create such environments.

Most Christians I know are chained to their fears of being found out. However, you need to know, for every fear you accept in your life there is always a corresponding consequence.  The damaging consequence of this fear is that our churches are full of people running around hiding their sin, their addiction, their doubts and their hurts.  We’ve learned this kind of secret behavior is not only allowed, it’s actually rewarded.

I love it when Jon Acuff talks about “the gift of going second”. When you go first and admit the sin, the junk, and all the crap in your life you give others a gift allowing them to follow you. It’s always easier to go second.

I think those of us who have been placed in positions of leadership in the church have got to “go first” creating environments where people feel free to bring their junk into the context of community where they can find grace and healing.

So, let me go first today.

Last week I was  I was doing some research for a message online when I stumbled on a pop-up ad that was very enticing.  All I had to do was click on the image and I knew it would take me to a place where I could escape the current writing pressures I was facing.

For more than a minute I sat there debating whether to click or not. There was a war raging in my mind.  I would go from praying for strength to trying to justify what I wanted to do.  In the end I didn’t click.

You know why?

Because, I have Covenant Eyes which reports to one of my accountability partners every website I visit. I knew I would be busted.

However I’m still disappointed in myself. I want to get to the place where I don’t click, not because I’m afraid I’m going to get caught, but because I don’t desire. I don’t desire it because I know what that junk does to my soul. I know how it destroys intimacy in my marriage. I know how it keeps me from growing in Christ-likeness.

I want to not want.

That’s a glimpse into the darkness that can raise it’s ugly face in my heart from time to time.

So there you go. I went first today. Where do you need to go first in order to encourage others to bring their sin into the context of community where they can experience grace and healing? What do you think we need to do in the church to back up our claims of authentic community?