Saturday, my sons, Jett and Brewer, turned 11 and 6 respectively.  Wow! Time flies. Man, I love these boys more and more each day.

Today I’m releasing the 3rd edition of our new podcast. Would love for you to join us. Talking about all kinds of things including a book I wrote that was TOTALLY rejected by my publisher. It was a huge learning moment for me. Hope it will be helpful to you.

Any questions or topics you would like to hear us talk about?

Join us for this conversation and for future podcasts, we would love to answer YOUR questions. If you have a question you can call us at 218-248-7383 or leave a comment on this post.

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Criticism happens, right?

I don’t care if you lead a public ministry, bag groceries, stay at home with your kids, or govern a state. You’re going to be criticized for the way you do it.

We don’t like to think about it much until we overhear it or read it, but guess what?

It’s happening right now in THIS moment. Some people don’t like you. They don’t like how you…

dress

sing

lead

preach

vote

think

write

spend

And there’s not a thing you can do about it. Nothing.

So in the words of my friend and favorite theologian Taylor Swift “Don’t you worry your pretty little mind. People throw rocks at things that shine.”

So, today, do your thing. Shine bright. And remember there’s a bunch of us who really believe in you!!

“There will be people in your life who, basically, want to worship you. In their eyes you can do no wrong. They put you up on a pedestal and believe every word, every action, every thought is pure as the fallen snow.”

“On the other hand you will have your critics for whom you can do nothing right. Every word, action, and thought will be criticized with little thought to who you are as a person.”

If I remember correctly, he went on to essentially say that the wise leader will not take either one of these groups seriously. I don’t think he meant we shouldn’t still love them because, I believe we should. I think he meant we shouldn’t allow them to shape and mold us. Their false worship and eager critical hearts will simply damage the work God is doing in you and through you.

I’m embarrassed how much time I’ve wasted focusing on that blistering email, brutal review or just down right hateful comment.

Hear me now: Don’t waste your time listening to false praise or distorted criticism. The praise will go straight to your head and the criticism will go directly to your heart. Both will lead you astray and both will damage the work God is doing in you and through you.

Which is more likely to get you off course? Praise or criticism?

Pete Wilson is a pastor in the Purpose Driven/Seeker Driven sector sounding more and more like those timid fellows who are within the Emerging Church.

And today Wilson would warble:

Ah yes, Wilson would appear to have been very well conditioned into today’s effete centered on the self form of Christianity. Indeed, he has quite ably parroted the “humble” pastor’s postmodern partyline.

Well,  Apprising Ministries still remembers the day when leaders were actually leaders. As for me, I think few things are as inspiring as a godly man who can tell the flock, I know the way; follow me.

Here’s another Christian blog (I use that term loosely) who wrote this last week:

TN seeker Pastor Pete Wilson promoting Twilight books and movies?

Read his post here. This is a example of a seeker pastor who cares more about being relevant and culturally hip than preaching the gospel.

And we wonder why so many people are screwed up in our churches. Cause we have Pete Wilson types in the pulpit.

Listen, I’m not complaining or whining. I get it. Part of having a public ministry is every word that comes out of my mouth gets analyzed. It’s just the way it is. They’ll pour through hundreds of posts and tweets until they find one they can use to make an example out of. I’ve stopped trying to defend myself against such critics as in most cases as it’s usually a losing battle.

I think what bothers me is this incessant need Christians seem to have to categorize other Christians. The above critics labeled me seeker/emergent/postmodern and a host of other things based off a couple sentences.

We  (yes, I do this too) tend to quickly and vocally label everyone around us. Their liberal or conservative, sensitive or callous, contemporary or traditional, attractional or missional,  important or irrelevant.

These labels give us the illusion of understanding the actual person and reveal more about our insecurities than about our love for the Gospel.

Do yourself a favor this week and fight the temptation to label those around you. Why don’t you instead take the time to actually get to know them? Find out what’s going on in their life. Find out what they truly believe. You may be surprised at what you’ll find if you’re willing to explore beyond your premature and childish labels.

He essentially said,

“There will be people in your life who basically want to worship you. In their eyes you can do no wrong. They put you up on a pedestal and believe every word, every action, every thought is pure as the fallen snow.”

“On the other hand you will have your critics for whom you can do nothing right. Every word, action, and thought will be criticized with little thought to who you are as a person.”

He said the wise leader will not take either one of these groups serious. I don’t think he meant we shouldn’t still love them because I believe we should. I think he meant we shouldn’t allow them to shape and mold us. Their false worship and eager critical hearts will simply damage the work God is doing in you and through you.

Late last night someone sent me a link to a radio program that had aired earlier in the day. I listened to this guy spend two hours bashing me and taking one of my messages and going line by line tearing it apart. My first thought was…well, I can’t tell you my first thought. My second thought was, Who has this kind of time? And why would he go online and pick the one message he thought he could pick on the most? Why would someone who calls himself a Christian do this? How does this build up the Kingdom?

And then I thought about Swindoll’s words and I turned the radio show off, shut my computer, climbed into bed with my amazing wife and was reminded of how grateful I am for the things God is doing in my life.

Hear me now: Don’t waste your time listening to false praise or distorted criticism. The praise will go straight to your head and the criticism will go directly to your heart. Both will lead you astray and both will damage the work God is doing in you and through you.

Which is more likely to get you off course? Praise or criticism?

*Note: Please do not go on the guy’s blog above and say negative things. A reaction is exactly what he’s looking for and it only get’s him going more. At the end of the day he’s someone I’m called to love and extend grace to. While I clearly don’t do ministry in the way he does, we’re on the same team. Plus, he’s right. It really wasn’t my best message.

Over the years people have publicly applauded how I’ve handled it, but to be honest it’s all been a fraud. While externally I learned to finesse my way around it, internally I would obsess about my critics.

Why? Because I’m narcissistic. I’m obsessed with myself.

Why do I focus on the one negative comment?
Why do I work so hard to formulate a response proving I’m right?
Why do I go to great lengths to gain the critics approval?

Because I’m soft-hearted? Because I care about others so much?

Nope.

Because I’m Narcissistic.

The problem is not the critics. Critics do what critics do. The problem is I’m absorbed with myself and wanting others to applaud me and approve of me.

That’s the ugly truth. And to make matters worse this narcissism which so many of us possess keeps me from experiencing all God has planned for me.

I’ve been reading an incredible book entitled “The Shattered Lantern” by Ronald Rolheiser and he gave this great example of how this happens in our life.

“Imagine taking a walk in a beautiful forest on a splendid summer’s day. The earth is ablaze with the fire of God and the sights, sounds and smells are enough to make you want to take your shoes off before the burning bush. But if your mind and heart are hopelessly torn, and if, for example, you are painfully infatuated with someone who has just rejected you, you will see virtually nothing on this walk-not just of beauty and creation, but nothing at all. You are inside yourself, torn by your pain, endlessly reviewing past and future conversations, possibilities, and fantasies. For all you are actually seeing, hearing, or smelling of beauty and nature, you could just as profitably be walking in a parking lot or a rubbish dump. You are locked in an inner world whose obsessive reality absorbs all your awareness.

I’m tired of walking in the parking lot. I want to experience the fullness of God!

How about you?

I think there are basically two kinds of people. People who are doing things and people who aren’t doing things, but they need something to do so they take potshots at people who are doing things.

There. I said it.

Come on, folks. Let’s be about the Father’s business.

In the words of Michelangelo: criticize by creating!

Can I be brutally honest?

The psychological tendency to try to feel better about ourselves by pointing out what’s wrong with someone else is immaturity at its worst. And no where is it more prevalent than the church

Now, I will be the first to say that I have displayed this kind of immaturity in the past. I have also been the recipient of my fair share of this kind of immaturity over the years and even more so lately. In the end, nobody wins. Nobody grows. Nobody is reached. Nobody is loved. Nobody becomes more like Christ. It’s got to stop.

That’s just my opinion. What do you guys think?

Pastor Dave Brown was visiting Cross Point Nashville this weekend and offered some very detailed and much-appreciated constructive points on my speaking skills. If you’re like me, then these kinds of things are difficult to hear at first. However, if you will take the time to listen to the people around you, I believe you can become a much better communicator. If you speak in public at any level, read through these and see if they apply to you. Maybe you can learn from my mistakes.

I would simply like to offer you a couple of small things that I believe will make a huge difference in your ministry.

1. You and I are very similar in our delivery style. I’m not very dynamic but, through Toastmasters, I learned to vary my speech volume and even get loud every once in awhile, when I’m genuinely passionate, just to get their attention. It works. I have to work at it. I have to sometimes do it consciously until it becomes more natural. But it works. It wakes up the guy on the fifth row. He needs to hear what we’re saying.

2. This is the MOST important thing I can offer you and you really need to hear this. It will make a HUGE difference. Please slow your head movement down. Please talk to me when I’m in the congregation. To ME. And then, slowly, look to another section of the church and talk to them. Look someone in the eyes and hold it for about a full sentence. Talk to that person. And while you’re talking to some section that’s to my right or left, I promise I won’t feel left out. I’ll watch you and hang on your every word… because I know you’re going to slowly come back to me and my section and talk to us for awhile. I mention this in my blogs about two other churches where the pastors did it way worse than you do. But in every case, including yesterday, I never felt you were talking to anyone in particular. I felt you were just throwing the words out there and hoping someone would catch them. Make me hear you. Look me in the eye. It’s okay. I won’t feel offended. I’ve had so many people tell me, “I felt you were talking right to me.” That’s because I was. And I didn’t even know it. I just randomly picked a pair of eyes and gave that person one complete thought – just between the two of us. If you watch Joyce Meyer (you may not like her, but she does know how to command an audience and draw a following), she’s casual, slow in her body movements, deliberate, and she looks people in the eye – and I know she can’t see anyone really. The stage lights are too bright. Enough. Dead horse. But I can’t tell you how much this will make a difference. People won’t be able to tell you why, but they’ll be able to follow you better. Every time you “searchlight” from right to left extremes, they’re trying to keep up with your movement and they’re not hearing what you just said. And, if anything, give the people in the middle section MORE of your attention, not less. There they are sitting right down front in the middle. They deserve to be treated a little special. And talk to your cameras. If you’re simulcasting, those people in Dickson need to feel like you’re talking to them, too. They NEED your eye contact.

3. I loved the way you closed your service. Most others we’ve visited had no time of introspection and prayer. And then when you actually started talking us through this time, giving us ideas as to where we might be judging someone, it was perfect. EXCEPT that the band obviously came up and starting tuning up their guitars, etc. Right in the middle of the most important time of the service. And I never looked up, but I knew what was going on because I couldn’t hear you anymore. I heard the guitarist tuning up. I’m a guitarist. I know it’s important to tune up. But it can be done so softly that no one hears it. Or better yet, I’ve learned that music behind your speaking during this very important and sometimes emotional time, enhances it greatly. Just like in a movie (which you know so much about, obviously). Music behind the script and acting takes it all to a new level. Get your P&W leader to begin playing something softly while you’re closing your sermon and leading people in prayer. That will cover up some of the noise the band makes when they re-enter the stage and tune up.

4. It’s a small thing and perhaps yesterday was just one of those sermons where, for some reason, you didn’t do it when you normally do. You talked about judging others, etc. and you alluded to your own struggles with such things. VERY COOL. People need to know the Pastor’s a person, too, and we’re all doing this Christian life struggle thing together. I know that’s one thing that people love about you. I think it would be even more effective if you told us HOW you struggle. When were you judgmental? What does that look like? Can you make it funny? Can we laugh at you a little while we know we’re laughing at ourselves as well? Can we find out you struggle with being judgmental in very specific ways so we can pray for you? And so we can then, more easily discover (with the help of the Holy Spirit) the specific ways we’re being judgmental as well? You may do this a lot but I don’t recall any specific personal examples, yesterday. If you gave some, then you should ask yourself why I don’t remember them.