I believe sometimes you have to forgive someone, not for their sake, but for your freedom.
This past weekend my friend and neighbor, Will, did one of the bravest things I’ve ever seen. He shared with us his story of sexual abuse and how it led to a double life.
I know, statistically, there are hundreds of you who read this blog who have been a victim of a similar devastating and painful act. I have no right to tell you what you should do or how you should handle it, but I’m praying if there’s hidden pain in your life that you can find a safe person to confess that hurt and pain to and possibly begin your process of healing.
I’m sorry you’ve been hurt. I’m sorry you have to live with the consequences of someone else’s sin. However, I think there’s a big difference between living with those consequences in the bitterness of unforgiveness verses the freedom of forgiveness.
We’re all praying for you today!!
Wow. I am a survivor too. It was my dad, cousin, and brother in law who caused me such pain. Honestly, I have over come so much. The ability to completely shut down haunts me. I wish I could still present and feel life more. I am learning. I can say that I am so grateful to KNOW that the cycle ends with me and my two kiddos are so innocent and there is loads comfort in that. I do still 25 + years later have very dark days, flashbacks and nightmares. I can deal with those pretty well but the shutting down and not allowing people in makes me pretty lonely.
I am praying for healing, it really touched the hearts of those who attended. One of the strongest displays of courage I have ever watched.
Thank you for not hiding from this issue. A former professor of mine just helped put out a comprehensive psychological, theological and pastoral care resource on this.
http://www.amazon.com/Long-Journey-Home-Understanding-Collaborative/dp/1608993957/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1327505830&sr=8-2
Great resource. Thanks Jacob.
So powerful. I teared up. Thank you for sharing this. I’m so glad your community is faithful and open to walk through darkness with each other.
I’m praying as well, praise the Lord for His grace
If you have not read the book UNBROKEN, you need to read it. It is the best story of forgiveness and survival that I have ever read. Thanks for the great message.
Thank you, Will for sharing your story. May God continue the healing.
As I listened to Will tell his story, I just kept thinking… I know that pain. I’ve walked that… I remember keeping that destroyed part of me so separate that NO ONE could tell that inside I felt like I was dying. Until I sought out counseling I remember that I NEVER had a day when my mind didn’t replay the abuse for me over and over, like a bad movie I couldn’t leave. I would pray for night time to come quickly because I was only able to escape the “movie” when I was sleeping. I went for help, when the nightmares started. When I couldn’t get away from it even when I slept, I knew it was time. I go through months at a time now where I don’t even think about it. You get free by taking the power away. Talk to someone, get help. Keep talking Will! It gets better. Thank you, Pete, for making this a safe site to talk about this subject.
You bet.
Wow, thank you for sharing.. Praise God. This is such a touchy subject that the church does not like to speak on. End the Silent.. God Bless You, awesome testimony. Your story will encourage others to speak out.
Amazing Courage, Will! Amazing Church, Pete! Amazing Grace, God!
Amazing courage on this video. I appreciate that you aren’t willing to shy away from this very vulnerable spot that effect the lives of so many people.
As a fellow survivor, it is a continued reminder that hope and healing exists in Christ. He is the author of my story and the one who will redeem my hurts and brokenness for His glory!
Praying for each one who hears Will’s story that they too will have the courage to reach out for hope and healing!
Blessings!
Thanks, Will. I’m encouraged.
what a powerful share, thank you Will for your honesty. I pray for your healing, we all need healing.
Telling the painfully ugly parts of our story feels so risky because we acknowledge that we live in a sinful world filled with imperfect people who just might not *get* us. But, choosing to honor God and deciding to tell our stories is the most beautiful worship we could ever give Him. Telling says that there’s purpose for every speck of our story, even if it doesn’t make sense. Telling trusts that He uses the ugly parts to show of His unbelievable grace and mercy and most especially His love and magnificence. There’s no way on earth we could possibly understand just how big His love is and how powerful He is, and as awful as the telling is, it’s just a smidge of evidence of Him.
Rich blessings to Will and also to Pete for choosing to love on him and enable Will to tell his story in this way. Being honest with ourselves and those around us is one important step, but being willing to surrender our fear and speak to a wider community really is incredibly beautiful worship. It’s live giving to live in this kind of freedom.
and *telling* is how we minister to others of who He is. It’s what’s required of us in being a Light. It’s laying our life down for another to live…by experiencing freedom, grace and love in unbelievable ways.
Amen!
Please let Will know how courageous and inspiring he is to share his story. I won’t even pretend to know how difficult sharing that part of himself must have been; his bravery is genuinely appreciated.
He is an awesome inspiration and reminder that taking a chance and sharing with others is worth it… refusing to let horrific experiences control your life is worth it!
THANK YOU, WILL. TRULY.
Wow. Thank you Will. I’m a female survivor but am always so encouraged to hear a male survivor share his story because I know it takes so much courage, I think even more so for a man. I respect you so much Will for your honesty and courage.
It drives me crazy that sexual abuse is such a HUGE issue that affects SO many people, but yet it is not openly talked about or addressed. People think they are alone in it when in fact that is so far from the truth…if it was not such a secret topic. More has to be done and it starts with people sharing their stories. “They overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and the word of their testimony…”
Thank you Will. Praying for you Will that God protect your mind and give you peace as I can only imagine Satan wanting to have a field day in stirring up memories and fear after such an act of bravery. And thank you Pete for being willing to talk about this in church. Also being someone with one of my abusers being a pastor, it is healing to know there are pastors out there willing to address the issue.
In my celebrate recovery small group as I was trying so hard to share, I asked them why when another person violates us, we feel guilt, shame, dirty, and we want to hide away from the world. How and why does it flip around onto the victim and the victim blames themselves? There are things that happened to me as a child that I could not stop, and I have carried the shame, guilt, feelings of being dirty, and worthless, with me most of my life (Jesus has and is changing this)it has effected every aspect of my life. Does anyone have the answer as to why the victim feels these feelings, when the truth is that they do not belong to the victim the victim did not do anything wrong, they should belong to the abuser.
This is truly the question that has plagued me for decades. Why do I feel broken when I did nothing. Why do I feel lost, alone, guilty, ashamed and embarrased. Why do I feel safe when I’m withdrawn from the real world, but security when I’m alone or living my day to day on a totally fake plain. Why did the secrecy or hidden life style that I knew was morally wrong and physically self destructive provide me with solace and security all the while radically destoying my real life, cause me and other an unbearable amount of stress, fatigue and depression. Why was I not horrified when I let my mind go to ultimately ending everything, instead I felt a sense of calm and resolution.
The way I have come to realize this within my soul is like a bacterial satan. The abuses happened over an 8 year period about once a week. Each time there was a transference of the disease inside of me. My body and soul is programmed to get it out, it’s a foreign body that is destructive and it knows it. I try running it out, working it out, considering killing it out, but it’s still there. Its painful physically, mentally and spiritually. This bacterial satan is also aggressive and it wants to be transferred to others. Sometimes the knowledge of this disease world slip out in conversion. I would be terrified that I would have to retreat and strengthen the disease but I realized that the very words leaving my mouth takes strength from this demon. Over time it happens again and the same thing, I’m extremely cautious because I do want it out but I’m affraid 1 bad step will send it back stronger than ever. This continues and every time it get weaker, but I have never said anything to anyone outside of my circle of security. I read from the bible and listen to Pete. I learn about sin and that true confession doesn’t take place in a comfortable place. True confession means yelling it as loud as you can from the highest mountain. In my case, in front of people that don’t know me and could possible judge me, but I realize they are not my judge. Only God is. So I do exactly that, yell from the highest mountain for all to see my brokenness and for God to grace me with the strength to over power the demon through forgiveness and peace.
The demon is still there but everyday that passed it is weaker and controls less of my body,mind and spirit. And because of this I can finally see the person I was before it all happened and the future of the person I may be.
First of all I would like to say, thank you Pete for this blog. I am continually amazed by your transparent and authentic posts. For a pastor to let his community into the areas of your life that you do, is awesome! Thanks so much for being real and sharing it.
To Will, wow! I am truly touched by your testimony. To be willing to share what you did took A LOT of courage and strength. To let people see into your life and the pain you have experienced is HUGE! I have found that it is so freeing when you get to the point where you can share what has been bottled up for so long. I am not a victim by what you have shared, but when I got to the point where I could open up and face my addiction head on, not letting it define who I am anymore, it was unbelievably freeing. I love the way your small group reacted when you opened up. To have that kind of support is wonderful! Thanks again for sharing. I pray God will give you complete healing over this.
Praise God, Will, that He is healing you! I also am a victim of a level of abuse. My mothers step dad who I grew up knowing as my grandfather. He picked on those of us in the family that were quiet and shy and unfortantatly I fit that discription. I can honestly say that I have forgiven him and hold no anger towards him but what I have struggled with and can’t seem to get past is seeing a father and daughter or a grandfather and a granddaughter and always wondering if the are safe or if anything is going on that shouldn’t be and that really saddens me that my mind thinks that way. I always wanted a daughter, but God blessed me with 2 wonderful sons, who are 21 and 17. I have wondered all these years if God just know that I would have been a nervous reck if I would have had a girl. I was very careful with my boys also though. And you said in the video, Will, that you would ask them why and I found out years later that my Grandfather was a victim himself, not that that justifies what he did all those years but it did make it easier to forgive.I did not say anything until I was 21. When I found out that he had finally been caught with my cousin, one of which I lived with for a few years when I was older and I would watch out for them but this happened after I wasn’t there any more, so I wasn’t able to protect her.I have felt guitly for years for not saying anything before I was 21 and then maybe others wouldn’t have been hurt,but I just did as I was told and I was told by my grandfather when I was 10 and it stopped that it was our little secret is what he said to me. So I have forgivin but wish I knew how to change my mind set. I have known many good fathers and grandfathers, but my mind still seems crippled by this.Pastor Pete Iam reading your book Plan B right now, so maybe I will find some answers there. God bless you Pastor Pete for wanting to deal with such a hard issue to so many. I caught the end of your sermon on Sunday night Jan.22 it was a live steam line on the computer it was called CPLive and it was on Forgiveness and Healing, I believe that Sam, from Mikeschair said that you did that same sermon 5 times that day!Do you tape those live shows? I would some how love to hear the whole sermon.I have downloaded a bunch of your sermons on I tunes and I am going to start watching them, but would really like to see this particular one and would like my husband to be able to see it.God bless you a 100 times over for how much you bless others and for caring so much! Linda