There have been people throughout the course of my life whom I’ve said…
“I don’t know what it is, but I just don’t like them.”
If I were really honest it would probably be because they got ahead of me in some area of life and that ugly green monster is rearing its head in my heart.
My guess is a lot of the people we “don’t like,” we don’t want to be around, or we’re critical of are really just a reflection of something we aren’t that we wish we were, or something we don’t have that we wish we had.
You know an interesting thing I’m learning about envy, it breeds in proximity. In other words, I’m not really in danger of envying Tiger Woods or Bill Gates. Instead it’s my neighbors, my close friends, and maybe even my spouse.
Aristotle said “Envy grows naturally in a relationship between equals.”
Envy breeds in the environment of proximity, where it’s always lurking, waiting to destroy community.
So how about you?
- Do you cringe when your friends seem to succeed where you’re failing?
- Are you critical of other’s accomplishments, talents, and appearances?
- Do you tend to look for the flaws in others hoping they will do less than their best?
- Are you secretly happy when a friend suffers a setback?
Be honest, how are you dealing with envy these days?
Our family of six is down to one car right now and I’ve got some car envy going on! LOL The day after Thanksgiving all I could see are new cars with new car tags with beautiful shiny car finishes. I wasnt’ hatin on them, but I sure wished I was in another position financially to go get a new CR-V.
This post is helpful reminder for me to rejoice with those that are rejoicing…even if I don’t know them personally. Like I said, I didn’t go negative on them, but I wasn’t mentally rejoicing either.
Thanks for the honesty Rich!!
Hi Pastor…. Is there anyway that maybe you can right a blog about how to deal with this next
Because your blog today couldn’t me more true… it was really great and made me realize and understand a lot of “whys” behind some “whos” in my life 
Thank you for your great post!
SO I totally didn’t mean to say “right” hahah I meant “write”
I’ll try…as soon as I figure it out. Maybe I’ll follow it up tomorrow.
Alot of life lessons have actually taken envy out of the picture. Learning to even deny this emotion when it crops up is the best. I found out the more I celebrate with others successes, the better I actually feel about myself. Getting the opportunity to tell someone how blessed they are is really a good feeling. It takes ALOT of work but its beatable.
I can be competitive and I suppose the flip side is I am occasionally envious. Envy is actually quite a complex emotion when you try and dismantle it. I’m sure I have work to do in this area.
I don’t know who told me this about envy but it’s changed the way I feel about people who have what I want. Rejoice with others who have what you really want, because you’ll want them to do the same for you when you turn comes. I found that when I rejoice with others about things that I’m asking God for, I feel better. I really do.
That’s *your.
Couldn’t agree more Carrie.
If you have an ambient temperature of more than 16º (degrees C) in a room you are sitting in I am particularly envious! I’m not one to moan but brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. It’s chilly!
These days it is increasing difficult to deal with, but I am reminded that I only see what someone wants to reveal or on the surface.
I do not know the details behind a success, a new ‘toy’, or accomplishment. I have had enough successes and accomplishments to understand those can come at the expense of something else. Doesn’t mean that I am not envious, though.
In talents, I honestly remind myself of I Cor 12, and that we all are gifted in different area. I wish I was better with all the new gadgets, but I am not. I can however change a tire in under 15 minutes in a driving rain storm.
A Dr. Philism: There’s just something about that person I don’t like about me.” !
So true.
I was brought up to rejoice in the successes of others. I was brought up to be excited for them, not jealous or envious of them. To this day, I feel great joy for someone who has achieved what I am still waiting for. That is not to say that there haven’t been some very very dark times, where I asked God, why not me too? Usually He chose to remain silent on the matter in the moment, and later I was able to see the big picture.
I have noticed that it is not those closest to me where I feel envy, but those who are a step away that I actually desire to be closer to. When I see good things occur in their lives and am not able to share in that with them, I can feel envious. I think the hardest points I have dealt with in the last year or so are when I see others connecting, setting up time together, etc. (mostly through social media) and I am not invited to join them. The envy stems not from what they have, but from my mishandled wants. I am learning that my response when I feel envy needs to be stop, drop, and let go because my heart needs to change and I am not guarding and caring for it well. Emotions may not be bad, but I sure hate the envy I see in myself.
I’m bad about this. When I catch myself and do something about the conviction, I pray for the person… pray for God to bless them even more. That seems to help some of the envy. I don’t take that approach enough though.
Hard to be envious of someone you’re praying for.
I agree with Julie R, being able to accept delayed gratification as a positive answer to prayer is one of the best things about having faith and belief. Having said so, I find gratitude on behalf of others much more difficult when my basic needs aren’t been met. This is one of the reasons I value the work of missions trips and would love, one day, to go on one. You really have me staring down the green monster now! I do trust God’s plan. I just feel so exhausted!
My mother-in-law and I don’t always see eye to eye. I realize that’s not unusual, but part of it is because I see a lot of me in her…. mostly the parts of myself I don’t like. Sure, we have some actual personality conflicts, but I am trying to be more understanding and patient as I realize that all I am doing is looking into a mirror most of the time…
A very appropriate article.
It is strange, but I do find myself being envious of my spouse in many areas, as of late. In so many areas she excels more than I could ever, it seems. The hard part is to be continually rejoicing in my wife’s efficiencies while, at the same time, working on improving my deficiencies.
I used to struggle with envy when I equated success with happiness. I used to think that there must be a formula for various successes and I was always several steps away from figuring out the equation. That all changed when I found joy in my trials (James 1). Experiencing God’s love from the deepest of pains killed for me any notion that life is some sort of a competition and that I wasn’t winning. Envy is a nasty root – hard to weed out but God wants us freed from envy and I believe He frees us when we ask. Rejoicing with others in their good news these days is fun instead of bitter. Only He can radically transform a heart!!
I don’t know if I have the ability to communicate my thoughts on this, but this is a timely post for me.
The spirit has been making me more and more aware of envy lately. Its like somthin will come around and instantly I will be clear to me in my hart that I’m envying. Looking on my life compared to others.
(this is where the communication gets difficult)
The more I seek and learn about the Kingdom the more I start to understand. There is no place for envy in Gods Kingdom. Its hard to put into words but, somehow just by knowing Him it seems that little by little things like envy are being washed away. It will still jump into my mind, but when I realize that there is nothing to envy or even no reason for it. Envy is damaging.
Envy is like a primer for wickedness.
You wana see somthin interesting go to biblegateway.com and type in keyword envy and read the scriptures that come up.
I’m envious of your blog – super awesome design with solid content
Seriously, I’m envious naturally but of late I’m figuring out if the feeling of envy is leading to emulating them (like the success of my mentors) or to destroy (at least secretly wish for it) them. I am getting better at happy for others.
BTW: in this TED talk Alan de Botton says why it is a wrong idea to go for a school reunion: http://www.ted.com/talks/alain_de_botton_a_kinder_gentler_philosophy_of_success.html
Continue with your sharing and nudging. Hopefully one day we will attend your church (I’m not in the US)
Honestly, I find myself struggling with envy when it comes to those who aren’t my friends…but they are still in close proximity to me. And usually what I find myself envious of them over is always something I always possess. Relationships. I have good, close friends…but the ones I find myself in envy over, have [on the surface] a lot more “friendships.” I find it absolutely weird when I think about this, because it is a mindset of always thinking the grass is always greener on the other side; when in fact, it isn’t for my life.
The personality God has me living in is fairly introverted. I love people, and I reach out…but as an introvert I need a small number of close friends I can trust, rather than a large number of friends that I barely know. Yet, my flesh simply looks at the surface of all this and simply desires what appears to be wonderful…for all the extroverted people I find myself envious of at times are always doing so much with so many other people. And then I begin to feel like a loser for not having a gaggle of people to go and hang out with..and I tailspin into pity party about what I don’t have…leading me into forgetting what I do have.
What a beautifully designed entrapment (aka: deception) the enemy builds when this junk happens. I am just thankful I’m continually brought back to a place of sanity to where I find myself simply thankful to God for the small number of trustworthy people I have in my life that I know God placed there. For they are a gift and blessing beyond my comprehension.