WithoutWax.tv by Pete Wilson | Archive | August, 2011
Archive - August, 2011

How To Destroy A Relationship

How do you destroy a relationship?

Step One: Make Assumptions.

Just yesterday I received an email from an old friend who was upset with me. I’m not really at liberty to talk details, but it turned out to all be one BIG misunderstanding. In fact, he had made a series of assumptions which turned out to be completely false. At the end of the day I was just relieved we were able to work through the conflict, but it got me thinking.

Assumptions are the silent deadly bombs that do nothing but destroy healthy relationships. An assumption is one person’s IDEA of what someone else is thinking, feeling or doing.

Parents often assume they know exactly what their children feel, think or want. Bosses may assume employees know exactly what they want when they ask for something. Church attenders assume they know exactly what the pastor’s motives are. All of this is mind-reading or assuming and it is dangerous.

While you may be right from time to time, more often your assumptions lead to unnecessary conflict, worry, and broken relationships.

So today I just want to encourage you to stop and think. Instead of making assumptions how about asking questions.

Some of you will. Some of you won’t.

You know why?

Because some of you are more comfortable with your assumptions. You actually like the false reality you’ve created around you. It serves your agenda quite nicely.

But never forget what Lemony Snicket said one time…

“Assumptions are dangerous things to make, and like all dangerous things to make — bombs, for instance, or strawberry shortcake — if you make even the tiniest mistake you can find yourself in terrible trouble. Making assumptions simply means believing things are a certain way with little or no evidence that shows you are correct, and you can see at once how this can lead to terrible trouble. For instance, one morning you might wake up and make the assumption that your bed was in the same place that it always was, even though you would have no real evidence that this was so. But when you got out of your bed, you might discover that it had floated out to sea, and now you would be in terrible trouble all because of the incorrect assumption that you’d made. You can see that it is better not to make too many assumptions, particularly in the morning.”

Called To Be Boring?

I’m blessed to serve at a church that is full of tons of young people who desperately want to be obedient to God’s call in their life.  I think they often fall into the trap of thinking that “God’s call” will come in the form of big, bold, and anything but boring.  With than in mind I loved the article I read last night in Relevant entitled “We Need Boring Christians.”  Andrew Byers wrote…

Many of us want to do something awesome, something epic.  We tend to think that the more normal, the less “spiritual.” So it is quite possible that our aspirations to be radical stem from dangerous ambitions to perform biography-worthy feats of global glory.

But radical discipleship is not adventure tourism.

Following Jesus is not to be romanticized through impressive Facebook status updates or photos of exotic places on our blog.  Discipleship is often ugly, messy and painful. Faithful service will regularly lead us into dull labors and bewildering struggles that would make unexciting press.  To romanticize social justice or cross-cultural evangelism is to promote an idealism that will be inevitably vaporized on the field, inadvertently leading to burnout and cynicism.

The first person to be filled with the Holy Spirit for a task in the Bible was not commissioned to lead a battle or to prophesy over Israel. Bezalel (ever heard of him?) was filled with the Spirit to build stuff.  To make art. To carve, mold and weave.  He was the guy God commissioned to build the tabernacle and its accoutrements (Exodus 31.1-5).

Spirit-anointing does not always propel us into radical action.  Instead we may find ourselves entrusted with tedious, meticulous handiwork that feels … well, boring.

 

So what do you think? Is it possible that your “calling” may not be sexy, exciting, and viewed as incredibly important to the rest of the world?

Dear Guest Speaker

Over the past couple years I’ve done a lot of guest speaking at churches.  I consider it a great honor to give friends a break who may be out getting some much needed rest.  I also learn a ton while visiting other churches.  So many different things we’ve implemented at Cross Point over the years have come from my visits to other churches.

This past weekend I had the opportunity to speak at Central Christian in Vegas for my good friend Jud Wilhite.  I can’t say enough good things about what this church is doing under Jud’s leadership.  Unbelievable!!

With each opportunity I’ve had to visit  your churches there are a couple things I’m picking up on.  I don’t have this whole “guest speaking” thing down, but here’s what I want to share:

First of all I want to address those of you who do guest speaking from time to time.

To Guest Speakers:

1)  Don’t go over your allotted time. Period.  I don’t care how “inspired” you feel.  You have no idea the issues  (parking, service turnover, take down, childcare) you create when you don’t follow the time frame they’ve given you.

2)  Don’t make controversial statements the church staff are going to have to clean up later. Your *funny* joke may have cost the pastor hours of meetings.  If you feel led to stir the water a bit do it on your own platform, not theirs.  They’ve probably spent years intentionally building integrity with their community and attenders.  You have the power to put that in jeopardy in one 30 minute message.

3)  Respect the methodology of the church you’re speaking in. It’s quite simple.  Take time to understand their protocol.  If they do altar calls each week then you need to do an altar call.  If they don’t, then you don’t.  If you like to use outlines but their church never uses outlines, then take a pass and find a way to communicate your message without using an outline.  If you can’t jive with their methodology than you shouldn’t  have accepted the request in the first place.

4)  Take a moment to give honor and respect to the pastor and staff but don’t overdo it. I think it’s important to recognize the pastor and his leadership.  Say for him what in his humble spirit he would never say about himself.  But at the end of the day make sure you put the focus of the message where it really needs to be, which is on Christ.

To Guest Speaker Listeners:

It’s confession time. While I appreciate your kind words and praise you need to know something:

I brought my silver bullet. Chances are I gave my “best” message I’ve written in the past two years.  If I was assigned a topic I ignored it and still gave my favorite message in the past two years. (:

No seriously, if I was assigned the topic I still probably had several weeks or months to prepare and work in my favorite illustrations and zingers.  Your pastor who pounds out new messages week after week, he’s the real hero and he’s probably twice the communicator I am.

What communication tips do you have for guest speakers?

Are you a Risk taker?

After 12 years as a professional actor, including a brief stint on Fox’s Prison Break, Blaine Hogan now acts as the creative director at Willow Creek Community Church. He recently published his first e-book called, UNTITLED: Thoughts on the Creative Process, which takes the reader through the dreaded and beautiful process of filling blank pages. It hit the the Amazon Arts & Entertainment bestseller list just a week after it’s release.

I heard a quote recently that I hate: “Most men live lives of quiet desperation and go to their grave with their song still in them.” Whatever it is you create, get it out. Don’t sweep it under the rug or underplay its significance. The world needs the real you. Put your fears in the grave not your creative passions!

Below is an excerpt from UNTITLED and Blaine’s graciously offered to give away 5 free copies of the ebook for WihoutWax.tv commenters who answer the question at the end. Enjoy.

“The problem with putting it all on the line is that it might not work out. The problem with not putting it all on the line is that it will never (ever) change things for the better. Not much of a choice, I think. No risk, no art. No art, no reward.”
- SETH GODIN

I’m always in the middle of a few projects that include elements I’m not sure will work.

Let me rephrase that.

As I imagine the untried elements, they work incredibly well and people are deeply moved, but in the execution – well, that’s where the work comes in, doesn’t it?

I am hopeful that in the end they will do what we want them to do, but it’s always a risk.

This is exactly where I want to be and this is where I want you to be as well.

Sure this place is scary as all get out, but I believe, like Seth, that where there is high risk, there is also high reward, and also, high art.

That might sound rather bold, so let me be clear.

Cavalier risk-taking for the mere sake of taking a risk is just plain old stupid.

Going down in a blaze of glory, just for the glory, isn’t very glorious at all if you ask me.

No, I’m talking about the art of taking risks in order to create risky art that soars.

I’m talking about personal risk.

Vulnerability.

Are you willing to look foolish?

Are you willing to fail?

Are you willing to put it all on the line in the hopes that it will change things for the better?

Are you playing it safe? Well, stop it!

Jump, leap, the net will appear – all those cliches – but more importantly ask yourself this:

Am I being safe for them or for me?

What could you be intentional about risking this week for the sake of breathing life into your creative process?

After your answer, let me know if you’d like to be entered to win a copy of Blaine Hogan’s ebook.  You can also purchase the book here.

Personal Finances, Marriage, & The Church

I recently had the opportunity to sit down with Dave Ramsey’s daughter Rachel Cruze to talk about personal finances, marriage, and the role of the church in the current American Crisis.

Her wisdom absolutely blew me away and I want to share it with you guys.

My personal take away from my conversation with Rachel is that I need to be doing a better job of teaching financial principles to my own boys. Outside of teaching them about Jesus, there are few things that will set them up better for the future, than teaching them how to manage the blessing of money.

Do yourself a favor and check this out:

God Behind Bars

Did you know there are close to three million prisoners in the United States right now and that population is growing at a compounded rate of well over 2 percent a year? What will the future bring?

Introducing God Behind Bars

This ministry is the real deal and if you’ve been looking for something to support, get involved with or pray for, you definitely want to check this out.

God’s prompting of the founder, Jake Bodine, and the skyrocketing number of incarcerated men and women in the United States has led directly to the creation of this one of a kind prison ministry.

Here are some of the features of what makes God Behind Bars unique:

  • Unique four-step strategy that will allow a person to have full life change instead of some life change.
  • Partner with churches and faith-based organizations to stream live, dynamic, high-quality worship experiences into prisons all over the world.
  • Online campus called “Church With Inmates” that allows the families of prisoners to see and experience the same service that their loved one is watching from inside the prison.
  • Intentional about family reunification through outreach ministries such as their promising new children’s ministry “Project 22”, a ministry focused on providing children of inmates with a safe place to live and restoring the child and parents relationship through biblical principals.
  • Next-generation aftercare program that pledges to walk with and care for each former prisoner who completes the three prerequisite steps. Among some things that will be provided initially by the ministry are temporary living quarters, groceries, gas, a cell phone, clothes, employment training and placement.

This video tells the story of God Behind Bars. To get involved or learn more, click on one of the links below.

Donate Follow Like Volunteer

Stats Freak

I’m a stats freak.  I love them even though I, ironically, almost failed my “statistics” class in college which was required for my Sociology minor (but I digress).

My new addiction, thanks to Blake Bergstrom, is Geo Hive. This site is full of interesting international statistics like the following graph…

I’ve blogged a lot about our ministry in India but this one simple graph explains why I think it’s so important to have a thriving ministry there.

Where did you go on your last mission trip?

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