I’ve been in one of those seasons where I feel God is teaching me so many things about church leadership, and leadership in general for that matter.
My most recent lesson has to do with decisions.
I’ve always thought a strong leader was a leader who could make a fast and informed decision about anything at anytime. I thought this kind of decision making would help you achieve a irreplaceable position in the organization.
And it might.
But it’s horrible for the developmental culture of your organization.
Making all of the decisions does nothing to help develop other leaders or make them feel like they’re an important part of the process and furthermore it continues to feed your self deception that you’re actually the smartest person in the room.
So these days when faced with a really important decision that needs to be made I’m learning to respond with a simple question.
What do you think?
Amazing how that one question…
-develops ownership
-generates better ideas
-creates extra time for you to focus on what only you can focus on
Don’t be afraid to let go of your need to control your own life. Decide not to decide.
I’m finding all kinds of uses for this principle at work, in my marriage and with my kids.
So let’s all say it out loud together….What do you think?
Anyone else struggle with a few control issues?
Letting go of control is where I’m at. Accepting it is ok for others to participate in the process. Like you said, there is ownership with a “what do you think” approach.
A big thing for me is to accept the help when it is offered – instead of throwing out the self-righteous “no, I’ve got it” answer that always sits on the tip of my tongue.
“No, I’ve got it” has been a go to phrase for me as well.
I am so thankful to God that He has given me a strong team as we are working on opening the Pregnancy Center… I am so blessed not to have to feel the whole responsibility and burden of having to make the decisions alone… so many times I am blown away by who God has placed on that team and how their input is amazing and I could have never come up with what they are contributing…
I am humbled to be in a position of leadership and blessed to not have to do it alone…..
I shall be listening to your sermon on Sunday online…. can’t wait!!!
Looking forward to it as well!!
I don’t know if there is a pastor out there who doesn’t struggle with control issues. I know I do.
I definitely need to ask that question way more often in my marriage. Too often I get too set in what I think is the “right” decision to even hear from the other half of us.
Thanks for the great reminder, Pete. Today I’ll be asking “what do YOU think?”
When you ask this question it also causes those to whom you ask it, to knit themselves to you and your leadership. It clearly makes them feel valued, but even more than that it will cause people to follow you further and longer. Great question. I need to start implementing that in my sphere’s of influence. I certainly wish that I was asked that question more often.
I believe Maxwell will affirm this in the Five Levels of Influence . . . moving from Positional to Personhood – well said Pete! great challenge!
Thanks Rhonda.
I really love the infusion of different perspectives, different vantage points…
I tend to kick off the discussion, sit back and actively listen asking questions to spur momentum, then wrap up at the tail end.
This habit has given me the best active interesting teams that invest themselves and feel heard, validated, and completely part of the decision-making process. Result: great meetings and good decisions.
not being in control is never easy, I find myself in the same place as you right now, both at work and at home. Thanks for the challenge.
Many times when you ask someone the right questions in return they figure out the answer for themselves. That process helps to develop confident leaders who have ownership over what their doing and keeping you from being the one overwhelmed with other peoples problems.
Leading is not making decisions for other people to implement, but leading them in the right direction so they can decide for themselves what to do and grow in the process.
I definitely have control issues. Learning to ask “what do you think” will be a big help in all areas of my life. Thanks for the insight.
I have lots of control issues, mostly with my kids. That’s a good question to ask them, though… gets them thinking and gives them the creativity to come up with their own ideas.
Always difficult with my kids as well.
I work in a culture (another country) where your boss is always right. No exceptions!!! It is a culture that foster a lot of craziness.
I step into that culture as an outsider, and I am amazed that when I ask the “What do you think?” question the looks of “Really? You want to hear what I have to say? You want my opinion?”
When I finally pry their real opinion or solution out of them, I am amazed at how great their opinions are and how freeing that is for me. When I ‘decide to not decide’ they do step up with to the plate in a big way.
BTW, the ‘Strong leader than can make fast and informed decisions’ is the type od model I look for when I have to call 911!
Very interesting perspective Frank. So appreciate you sharing.
Wow, I can’t even get my mind around “decide not to decide” as a principle, it’s not computing….I get asking what someone else thinks, I do that…….what if no one is leading in these situations, do you still” decide not to decide”, confusing????
I’m so glad you posted this. I’ve experienced this in other leaders before and found it to be troubling (on my part). The feeling I get is that the leader really doesn’t know what to do, think, feel, etc…As a follower I come away concerned. First, it sends the message that the leader has not considered or thought about the problem/issue at all. Second, it seems that the leader is paralyzed or afraid to make a decision or move.
Seeing your post is helping me to see this from a different angle. I guess there has to be a balance between leading and bringing others along.
Leadership isn’t my gift. Little lion personality exists here as I am a total golden retriever.
When following especially in difficult situations, I appreciate leaders who ask “what are you thinking about this?”
Patti
To answer the question: Yes. I thought I was the director of my own life. I had to throw away the directors chair and ask for help with everything. I ask God to direct me thru pray and then I share whatever is going on in my life, whether good or bad. I have trusted mentors that I share with and I accept there voice as maybe what God would tell me. Some things take 24hrs and some take years. Things will always materialize if we work for them. Do the next right thing and put one foot in front of the other.
No I don’t have any issues….I just want to control my lack of control:)
Does it means delay or slow to inform all decision doesn`t make you strong leader?.
Dear Pete brief me more about DECIDING NOT TO DECIDE.