So you may find this hard to believe, but Brandi and I do have moments of intense fellowship now and then. We usually fight over the same stupid things most of you probably fight over.
I could list out our last five fights but as I review them every one of them was over things that, looking back, were so insignificant.
I do remember one of my favorite little spats though.
I had just gotten home from our Sunday services at Cross Point and I was starving. I noticed I was about to be served a bowl of soup. A bowl of soup which did not appear as if it was going to fill up this pastor who had just preached four services and was about to pass out. I’m a meat and potatoes kind of a guy.
Brandi happened to be in the other room when she, with her supersonic hearing, heard me whisper under my breath and describe the soup as “This is kind of blah.”
She quickly stormed into the kitchen and said “Listen, you know every meal is not going to be a home run. Do you think every one of your sermons is a home run? Because they aren’t, okay. Some are great, some are kind of average, and some are like this bowl of soup…kind of blah.”
Ouch. That hurt. That really hurt. Our spat lasted a few more minutes and then we made up. I promised I would never make another comment about a meal she fixes. My self esteem can’t take it.
So be honest. What was your last fight about?
I don’t remember our last fight, but I do remember our first married fight. I wanted white bread and she wanted wheat. We’ve been married for nearly six years and have yet to buy white bread.
I’ll be honest. I would love to fight. I could go for a good brawl, something to have to make up over. We don’t fight and it drives me bananas. (We being me and my hubs of course….)
That’s the worst. When you want a good fight you need a good fight.
I love this post!
Matt and I (are dating and) fight most often when he doesn’t act/say/do what I WANTED him to and planned in my head that he WOULD do based on what I ASSUMED he would inherently KNOW I wanted him to do.
We are both shocked when this comes up – Him because I didn’t say anything beforehand and me because he didn’t know WITHOUT me saying anything.
Typical.
Thank you for the “laugh out” loud moment. We just returned from a road trip and my husband, who once had a great sense of direction, would question my co-pilot directions every time. I finally told him he could either listen to me or be lost. We were looking for a particular restaurant so he gave in to a hungry stomach and followed by directions. By the way, the food was worth the spat:)
Love that transparency bro. How blessed to be married to a partner that slaps you into reality sometimes!
Very true Artie. Hope you’re doing well pal.
Sounds like your and Brandi’s fights are very similar to mine and Shannon’s Pete… Much ado about nothing.
Our last “tiff” was actually an exchange of back and forth little things inspired by lack of sleep on both sides. I’m not even sure what the initial fuse was that lit it, but once we were both agitated we used the excuse to vent weeks of little “peeves” we’d both held onto. It’s actually pretty rare we get to that point, but sometimes a cleansing rant can do wonders to clear the air.
Thanks for the transparency, and have a Blessed Weekend!
Ours nearly always occur about three days after payday (normally on a Monday), when we check our bank account, and someone inevitably says – “Where did the money go”?
It will last for a little while, followed by mild depression, then making up, then figuring out how we will get by for two weeks. The lights always stay on, and we never go hungry, but it’s stressful none the same.
I love the fact you’re showing you ARE human like the rest of us! Been there, done that, got the T Shirt! It’s always about the silliest things that mean nothing except at that moment they do! Have a GREAT day Pete! See you online from Florida Sun. Night!
Thank for joining the online campus Jeff. Glad you’re with us man.
“Intense fellowship” is the term that my husband and I use because we don’t argue. Disagree? Yeah!
I usually seem to misinterpret what he says as something evil and just plain hurtful; when he didn’t even mean it that way!
Before we “get into it” we try to make it a practice to ask ourselves: “My perception is my reality…but is it truth?”
Our last “argument” was probably about not having any sweet tea ready for him when he got home. That was easy to remedy though.
she decided to clean and organize my “shop”. after about the third or fourth “can you come here and tell me where you want me to put ____” i rather ungratefully said “agggh, i didn’t ask you to clean my shop!”
not a smart thing to say. at all.
intense fellowship ensued.
I can so see me saying something like that.
that’s the beauty of having been married for 26 years plus. you can’t remember the last fight, no matter how recent it was.
Being a city girl turner “farmers wife”, Its still hard to really understand the commitment that farmers have to the farm. Cows got pink eye, fence is tore up, tractor needs greasing. You see where this is going. Feeling a little left out and having way too much quiet time, we had a spat. By the time I get the words out, I realize that I cant go around this mountain. Call it prompting from the Spirit, I immediate apologize. Our spats don’t really last long nor do we have many but we’re pretty good at keeping each other in check.
Friend-husband and I are in the same boat – only for forty-odd years now. (Some of the oddest years of both his life and mine.) Once you learn that the 54 black, four-legged ladies in the pasture come first, though, you begin to recognize your place in his scheme of things. When I realized that he thought of me as simply an extension of himself, I began to adjust. It was somehow flattering, and freeing. “The two shall become one flesh…”
I secretly want to be a farmer.
our last one was who was going to bathe the dog. silly.
Seriously? I’ve never heard the term “intense fellowship” used to describe fights, LOL. We just resolved a three day long fight about issues that are not new. It only lasted three days because he decided to clam up, walk away, go to sleep instead of working it out, which doesn’t work for me the extrovert who needs verbal resolution to everything. Life is so much better on the other side of forgiveness and resolution.
haha so funny!
Wow! Is it not amazing that the ones closest to us, know just how to pop our ego. Arguments seem to start from what “I want, What I need”. A debate begins, I’m right, your wrong. Is any fight, really worth fighting about? Maybe! Now the make-ups are always a wonderful feeling. We say were sorry, we kiss, and continue loving each other. Saying I’m sorry, is the right thing to say, but to truly be sorry means CHANGE of Behavior, or it just becomes a habit. What your really sorry about, is you got caught. What happens when a habit forms? Resentments build mole hills into mountains. Don’t take for granted the opportunity to make amends. When mountains form, Love can disappear in the blink of an eye. The only thing we can control is our response. My advice is hit the pause button.
wow. needed to read this.
Spot on! My husband and I have been married for almost 29 years and were friends/dated each other for 8 years before we married. From our vantage point of longevity, yours is a wise reply!
Haha!!! I copied and sent this to Bobby and he laughed and said to tell you at least she didn’t bring up your vests. =) Don’t worry, you’re a snappy dresser, Bobby wears a carhart ballcap!
Our last fight was over how indecent one of his Assassin’s Creed video games got, to which he threatened to take my Desperate Housewives away because it’s just as indecent. I had to forfeit.
What??? Bobby doesn’t like my vests?
Just read this to my husband and we both had a good laugh. Thanks for being so real. We after 33 years of marriage still have our “little tiffs”. I love that we can air our differences, I do believe that God is very aware that we will have issues, but if we are obedient to His Word we will over time learn what is and what isn’t important regarding our issues. I still have a few memories of serving my husband some not too interesting meals. He is also a meat and potatoes man. Again thanks for the Friday am chuckle. Have a wonderful weekend with your family.
What! Neither one of us can hear anymore so most of our arguements begin with WHAT? OR
“Where would u like to eat tonight?”
“I don’t care”
Love the fun transparency. Keep em coming
That’s awesome Ken!
Hmmm our last fight was @ supper, I had voiced my opinion about one of my kids taking a job that would require driving a long way. Their vehicle is old and I thought it wasn’t a good idea. Everyone reacted strongly and when I tried to defend myself I was told not to argue, even by my husband. I like to discuss things and want our children to do the same so we can get to know what they think etc. sometimes something’s bugging them and then it can come out. My husband comes from a home where his parents argued all the time and they would get violent almost every night. So when I came to understand that, I let it go and we came to an agreement. No more discussing things @ the supper table that can cause fighting…….
We went to see House of Heroes at Exit In on Sunday… we were there until 11:00, which is late for us. We just bought CDs from both bands and wanted to holla at the lead singer of HOH, as we have been fans for about 6 years and we usually like to say “What’s up?”
We were waiting patiently as the guy ahead of us took his time talking about every concert where he’s seen them perform. Then? My husband notices Matt Thiessen (lead singer of Relient K). He’s star struck and wants to go say hi.
I don’t want to go say “Hi!” because it’s not his show… he is supporting another band and I think it’s inappropriate. However, being a supporter of my husband, I give up my place in line to speak with Tim to walk over to Matt. While waiting for an appropriate time to address Matt, the bouncer announces “We are closed. Please evacuate.”
We left an didn’t get to talk to either… I stormed out mad because I didn’t want to talk to Matt anyway and sacrificed what I wanted for my husband. My husband was upset because he realized neither of us got what we wanted. He got the silent treatment for quite a while…
He apologized, so did I and we made up… but it was good to have a talk about what we felt was appropriate or inappropriate in public, and we should talk about things openly, even in public. It’s okay to express your thoughts, in a nice way.
First, all of your sermons are home runs. I don’t know what Brandi was listening to when she thought it was you. Maybe a podcast from Furtick or Stanley or something.
Our last fight? I can’t remember but I know it was something dumb. Might have been about what to make for dinner.
Two thoughts!
1. Go Brandi !
2. I hope my wife doesn’t read this blog
You guys have been fun to watch over the years! Thanks for keeping it real!
HAHA! Man that was some good come back… touche!
Mine and my wife’s last fight was over her snapping at me for asking a simple question while she was busy doing something else. I got my feelings hurt and snapped back with a rude comment about how she always brags about being able to multi-task and why she couldn’t just answer a simple question. She turned laughed and apologized… we made up and all was better. I like that we can get over most of our disagreements (even the more serious ones) that quickly.
This made me laugh out loud. Wish I could think of comebacks like that, I always think of them an hour later.
But in all honesty, thanks for the transparency. Great reminder that we all have our “intense fellowship” moments it’s how we resolve them that matters!
What was our last fight about? Nothing important, I can tell you that much.
I can’t remember exactly what our last fight was over…but I am pretty sure selfishness was involved…it usually is.
But I must chime in as a fellow pastor…tell Brandi that was a low blow…even though we ALL know it’s true. Seriously if my bride said that to me, I think I would probably end up crying the night away in my room. OUCH! If I were there I would have given you a man hug…
Love your title!
We rarely disagree – certainly not about anything really importnat. But our last intense fellowship was over the science of loading the dishwasher. My husband doesn’t think I do it as well as he does! After starting to defend my methods, I acquiesed and he’s now the primary dishwasher loader.
We both learned years ago that he doesn’t do the laundry correctly when we wound up with pink socks. And in almost 20 years he’s never done the laundry again. Hmmm… maybe I learned something from him?
That has always been my strategy.
Mother’s Day. Long story short, rarely do I have expectations but for whatever reason, he didn’t meet the expectations he didn’t know I had. I knew in my heart I was being unreasonable but I chose to ignore that and mentally started tallying ways he had hurt me through the years. I was so rude to him it was ridiculous. I am married to an incredible man and he is a much better husband than I am a wife, that’s for sure. It only lasted a short time and it was all through text because he had gone to help a friend (thus my anger), but I was terribly sorry when it was over.
Well, since you asked, my husband and I are now working together FULL time and finally after almost 4 straight weeks together, we had a little intense fellowship yesterday over addressing envelopes for some product we were mailing out. I asked him to handwrite and address 4 envelopes and I would do the same. But noooo, he wanted to print up labels on all of them, which to my way of thinking took longer to do than just printing them. In the end, he hand printed ONE of them and labeled the rest. LOL
I can’t remember. But, I like how God speaks to me. I read your article a few minutes after reading Ephesians 5. When the wife wakes up, I’ll be sure to ask her to forgive me for my less than Christ-like moments!
haha, I think Brandy has Latina power, but it’s good that we can put each other up to reality sometimes. Thanks for be transparent.
As long as you don’t get your sermons from a can, I think you were in the right
Our last fight was about a mop. He wanted to scrub he floors on hands and knees and I wanted to buy a mop for that purpose. NO WAY was I spending the last forty five minutes of my night on the floor doing a chore that could easily be done on ten with a handy tool. Admittedly, this came on the heels of a stressful arrival home in which he discovered that the dogs had escaped their cage and destroyed the house. Sigh. It was ridiculous though.
As long as I do what I’m told everything is OK.
Ohhhh.. and provided she never reads this comment and takes it the wrong way. I do love my wife very much.
Pete -
Thanks for your authenticity! As a communicator/speaker, I can definitely relate to the “Intense Fellowship Moment” you described. I have had the very same moments with my wife even down to it being over a bowl of soup! But thank God for grace and restoration!
For His Glory,
Mike
Have never met your wife but love her, real…
This story made me laugh, Pete! I am well acquainted with this “intense fellowship” of which you speak. We had our last spat maybe a few days ago – we’re both learning grace and patience. In particular, I’m learning to keep my mouth shut. Thanks for being real and sharing your life with us!
Lol. This made me smile.
Oh gosh…over the past 14 years you expect me to remember the last fight we had? haha Wow…ummm…yeah, that’s not happening.
I honestly can’t remember, because it was that insignificant. Most of our fights have been such. We have had some doozies that have had lasting impacts on our marriage (in the best ways, seriously) – and the last one we had like that was about 4 months ago when things just exploded. One of the things my husband and I are good at is being really stubborn with one another…and when we both get mad and angry with one another, it is very messy. However, during this night of explosion (I honestly can’t remember what started it) we found ourselves talking about God and what He is doing in our lives and marriage – and what we want to focus on in Him to help our marriage better – as things came down to a wind down. Usually moments of intense heat in our home like this tends to bring about great conversation about God more and more…not that I suggest this is the way to really address really good talks about God and what He’s doing in our lives and marriages. But I am finding out more and more than God is using our hot tempers and hard headed stubbornness to bring about deep growth for ourselves and marriage. More and more, I am finding out these kind of fights don’t happen as often as they used to – actually they are very infrequent now. Perhaps one day we just will get to that place where we will be level headed from the starting line? We’ll see! haha