I read a great article the other day from John Ortberg called “Who Am I?” I so identified with this section:
There’s the public me. I prepare talks, and lead meetings, and say words that I want others to hear. This public me isn’t deliberately false. But I am always aware, when I am in the presence of other people, of how they will hear what I say. This awareness is a kind of filter that I cannot put away. This public me will always be gauging other peoples’ responses and adjusting accordingly. I often do not like this dynamic. But I cannot flip it off as if it were a switch.
There is the private me. This is the me who watches and listens and feels. I sometimes avoid this me, especially in seasons of great busyness. When I slow down, and bring the private me before God, I often become aware of my inadequacies or sense of lack. I sometimes can slow down to a level of deep peace, or of awareness of my longing for God. This private me often seems surprisingly conflicted—moved some times by genuine desires to serve and grow, and other times by reflexive habits of greed or resentment.
There is the real me. This is true person who inhabits my life; the mixture of what is admirable and what is squalid and what is small. This me must exist, and must be fully known if justice is to prevail.
So, clearly part of the goal here for my life is to spend more time getting to know the “real me.” Knowing this people will often point to Psalm 139:23-24 to illustrate the need for self-examination. It says,
“Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my thoughts. See if there is any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”
But if you back up to the beginning of Psalm 139 you’ll discover something interesting. The Psalm actually begins by acknowledging that God has already searched me. Verses 1-4 state:
“O Lord, you have searched me and known me. You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from far away. You search out my path and my lying down, and are acquainted with all of my ways. Even before a word is on my tongue, O Lord, you know it completely.”
Ruth Haley Barton says, “This may point to the fact that the real issue in self-examination is not that I am inviting God to know me (since he already does) but that I am inviting God to help me know me.
As I’ve been spending more and more time alone with God I’ve begun to pray, “God help me to know me. Help me to tear down the scaffolding of power, praise, perfectionism and performance that I use to prop myself up. Strengthen me so I can bear to be naked, vulnerable and willing to see the areas of my life where Christ likeness is so lacking.
How in touch are you with the “real you?”
This makes me think of facades & the masks that we wear depending on what it is that we are doing. Ortberg nailed it though…a desire to get rid of all the masks and just be real across the board. Letting people see who we are at all times. I feel like God is showing me who the real me is but I’m not close be being there yet. One more day on the Potter’s wheel. It is cool that you posted this today because I’ve been thinking about this very thing for some time now. Allowing God to search me and then being willing to listen to His results…that’s the tough part!
Reminds me of this great quote from Richard Rohr:
“Our first job is to see correctly who we are, and then to act on it. That will probably take more courage than to be Mother Teresa. To be really faithful to that truth is utterly difficult and takes immense courage and humility. We have neglected the more basic and universal biblical theme of “personal calling” in favor of priestly and religious vocations. The most courageous thing we will ever do is to bear humbly the mystery of our own reality. That’s everybody’s greatest cross.” –Richard Rohr
Love that! Thanks for sharing Michael.
That is beautiful!
I’m not nearly as in touch, sometimes even aware of, as I often think I am.
Earlier this year I read a book by David G. Benner called “The Gift of Being Myself: The sacred call of self-discovery”. From the back cover: There cannot be deep knowledge of God without deep knowledge of one’s self…” And as it states on page 47: ” Knowing ourselves must therefore begin by knowing the self that is known by God.”
This is challenging and well-written book. Based on your post, I think I am going to pick the book up again and re-read it.
I’ll have to check that one out Greg.
Love this – my son-in-law recommended I read Ortberg’s book (with the Suessical title “The Me I Want to Be”) after some other heavy reading left me confused about who I’m “supposed” to be and how to fulfill others’ expectations. Very helpful stuff. Especially when I feel genuinely called to “small” service in this season of life. I also love Tozer’s quote on meekness and self-knowledge (“stopped being fooled about himself” LOVE that):
“The meek man is not a human mouse afflicted with a sense of his own inferiority. Rather, he may be in his moral life as bold as a lion and as strong as Samson; but he has stopped being fooled about himself. He has accepted God’s estimate of his own life. He knows he is weak and helpless as God has declared him to be, but paradoxically, he knows at the same time that he is, in the sight of God, more important than angels. In himself nothing, in God everything. That is his motto. He knows well that the world will never see him as God sees him and he has stopped caring. He rests perfectly content to allow God to place His own values. he will be patient to wait for the day when everything will get its own price tag and real worth will come into its own. Then the righteous shall shine forth in the kingdom of their Father. he is willing to wait for that day.”
I really enjoy your blog, Pete! Wish I lived closer – I’d love to visit your church sometime!
Thanks Pete, Good Word!
“God help me to know me. Help me to tear down the scaffolding of power, praise, perfectionism and performance that I use to prop myself up. Strengthen me so I can bear to be naked, vulnerable and willing to see the areas of my life where Christ likeness is so lacking.
Need to pray that same prayer, then hear what God is saying about me, honest with Him and myself about who I really am and what God wants me to be.
A friend gave me a prayer challenge in this very area. Here is a link he gave for “Prayer of Intentions”
http://solidarityformation.blogspot.com/2011/03/prayers-of-intention-dr-john-h-coe.html
I love John Ortberg’s words of wisdom.
I have struggled for a long time trying to be the me that I thought others wanted me to be. I am now beginning to learn how to be the me that God wants me to be.
This is a really interesting question, Pete. My struggle is not in knowing myself, but rather, being comfortable with what I see in myself. By God’s grace, He has really gifted me (undeservingly) with self-transparency, honesty with self, and a deep sense of conviction when I am confronted with an area of my life that is sorely lacking. So while I think I know myself relatively well, I am not always comfortable being the “me” that God created me to be. There are moments in my life where I am totally at peace with myself and God in the midst of the full knowledge of how sinful of a human I really am (“peace that surpasses all understanding”), knowing full well the work that Christ is completing in my life. But other times, I am so uncomfortable with who God designed me to be. So, I suppose my prayer is more for being okay with the person that God has revealed me to be than in knowing myself more.
This is interesting. I think self-examination and self-awareness is possibly the number one key to maturity and wholehearted living. I’d like to believe that I’m pretty self-aware. I do however see a bit of danger in the movement encouraging people to “find the real you” because I hear people discovering things about themselves and using it as an excuse not to strive for holiness. “That’s just the way I am.” kinda thing. I know that’s not what you’re advocating here, but I hear it in secular psychology a lot.
l am so glad that God knows the real me…..getting to know the real me will be a lifelong journey for sure. I think how in touch you are with this will be how willing you are to expose yourself, which is what you are saying. I heard something today, that we all have flaws, weaknesses, and if we use the clay pot analogy, those cracks are where God will shine through the most. So backwards to what I do sometimes. Getting to know the real me makes me want to know the real me in others too, that’s always been my heart’s cry.
It’s always nice to hear someone speak from their heart and say the things others are afraid to say themselves. It is when we are able to admit the truth about ourselves, expose our weaknesses in front of God and man, and become fully submissive; in that moment we allow God to become the center of strength in us and in our lives. We fully surrender and become stronger than ever because we have released everything to the One who holds all things in His hands. That is what I am hearing from your article Pete; and I commend you for your honesty. I pray that in the future, my past weaknesses and failures will no longer define me and my life will be used to fulfill God’s purpose someway, somehow.
Deep post Pete! Kinda reminds of one or two I’ve read by Rick Warren or George Muller…
Sounds like Paul’s struggles.
If u stay this way daily, u’ll do beautifully n people who know u will be the better for it.
We love to be somebody else don’t we? We hate to look at ourselves honestly, because there is no where we can turn… except back to God and face up.
I think we are scared of rejection from others if we let go of our false persona’s and start being real. Although those are the best and most freeing times!
Thanks Pete for the reminder.
Yeah, this can get ugly — especially when I allow myself to drift without self-examination. We tend to shy away from the hard stuff — the difficult questions about ourselves, like, what is it in me that drives this or that behavior or allows me to too easily lash out at those I love?
Sometimes I think that if I had the answer to all the questions about the real me, then somehow I’d be able to be “fixed.” But I don’t think I’ll truly be fixed until I meet the Ultimate Fixer eye-to-eye.
“The Me I Want To Be” was a great book by him. That has helped revealed a lot about myself. And the Ruth Barton quote is perfect and so true.
It’s amazing to me how we can so harshly judge someone on an action and yet justify it if we are doing it ourselves.
I love your prayer at the end and will definitely start to incorporate that in my quiet times.
Thanks Pete
I think we all have a public and a private persona.
The first book proposal I wrote landed me an agent and got me in front of a major worldwide publisher. It took a few months for things to get moving and in that time my agent and I had the opportunity to meet several more times in NY and get to know one another. Finally, when the proposal was cleaned up and ready to go out to more than a dozen publishers I got a call. “Joan” he said, “I could sell this book tomorrow, but I have to share something.” I braced myself as he said, “Now that I’ve really gotten to know you better, I can see that the tone in the book and who you are in person are different.” Now I could have kept going. I was confident that I was called to write, doors had opened with confirmation after confirmation, and yet I knew I didn’t want to be one more of “that person” in this faith. So I told him to stop. The I stopped. I didn’t write anywhere but my journal for 18 months. I fasted weekly, spent time in silence. I got used to the fact that my perceived calling might not manifest until I was 80. And then one day I felt like I was supposed to try again….but had an entirely different book. I think we accept this duality as the price of living a public life. I only thing that is true if we are unwilling to sacrifice what we are doing in pursuit of being true no matter what the cost. This is courage. And it is rare.
I can completely understand that differentiation, seems like it goes with being a pastor and author.
I loved this part of your prayer: “Help me to tear down the scaffolding of power, praise, perfectionism and performance that I use to prop myself up.”
Which reminded me of this “The crucible for silver and the furnace for gold, but man is tested by the praise he receives.” Proverbs 27:21. Even praise can be a test, along with criticism…
I’m on study break this week (from my role as worship pastor of my church) and the first few days were spent struggling with the core issues of knowing myself and understanding who I am in ministry.
It’s not easy. I wrestled with God today, over that part – that it’s not easy. I’m not sure that’s even the issue, but dang it – it’s NOT EASY. It’s hard, almost every day. Rewarding and fulfilling and life-changing – but hard, too.
Knowing who I am is necessary to make it today and to move forward. This post couldn’t have come at a better time for me. Thanks, Pete.
I cannot begin to express what my heart is feeling!
I am thankful I read your blog today! This takes me
back to many thoughts I had as a child. I desire
all of this so much. Time, to start tearing down some
walls.