The “I Wish” Game
To be honest, for much of my ministry I’ve played a mental game that has wreaked havoc on my self-confidence and distracted me from God’s unique call on my life. I call it the “I Wish” game.
I wish I could lead like Jeff Henderson.
I wish I was creative like Ben Arment.
I wish I could preach like Perry Noble.
I wish I could cast vision like Steven Furtick.
I wish I could network like Brad Lomenick
But comparison is a deadly game. The danger of comparison is no matter who you do it with, eventually there is always someone who’s prettier, smarter, faster, more connected or higher-up than you. They’re more _______________________.
There is always somebody who is “more.” In other words, you never win!
The danger of comparison is we find ourselves looking to other people for our value and determining our value by how we compare with other people.
You put two similar things side-by-side and compare them. We all do it when we comparison shop. It’s okay for cars, golf clubs, and shoes… but not for people. For people comparison is deadly.
We have a tendency to keep looking over our shoulder to see who gets the car we wanted, the job we needed, the spouse we desired. Who has the most gifted children, the bigger blog, the fastest growing church and who has the latest iBook, iMac, iPhone, iPad or anything else that starts with an i.
I’m tired of playing this game. How about you?
Those guys are like.. “I wish I had style like Pete Wilson.”
Definitely tired of playing this game.. thanks for the reminder.
Yes, I have played this game.
I have coveted Mac Powell’s singing skills.
I want to sing like him.
I don’t care that he’s a dude and I’m a girl.
He sounds awesome cool, and I want to sing like him.
Dang it.
That dude can sing but I bet you got some pipes as well.
There is a lot of danger is this sort of thought. (trust me I’ve done it too many times) I think when we fully embrace that we have all been created uniquely, we’ll find a lot of freedom.
Sign me up for the support group.
I’m with Karen.
Wishing for something we don’t have or to be someone we are not takes the focus off of what we DO have and who we are today in Christ. If we could just remember (or believe) that He isn’t comparing us, that His will for us is unique and it all matters well to Him in the end, we wouldn’t waste a lot of heartache wishing.
And by the way it was SO nice to see you at church on Sunday. Sometimes I just need to hug my pastor and I’m grateful my circumstances brought me to the Nashville campus this weekend.
It was great to see you as well. Let’s do it more often.
You have no idea how timely this message is. Thank you!
“In the world to come, I shall not be asked, “Why were you not Moses?” I should be asked, “Why were not not Zusya?”
~Rabbi Zusya
I kept reading waiting to see…
” I wish I could cook like Heather”
Thanks for making us think! H
I wish I could cook like Heather!!!
Heather…read your blog yesterday & thought, “Wish I could decorate like Heather.” The house looks great!
Pete, I’m so thankful for this post. Two often I get caught up in the snare of compare. I don’t like that about me but I have an ever growing desire to be who Christ wants me to be when and where ever I’m at.
God’s plan for us was to never make us more like the other guy, it was to make us more like His Son. I am a comparison guy, and it can cripple you. I think it is ok though to say I want to be more like Jesus. Thanks for these thoughts Pete.
M
ummmm….yep!
and with that comment, i’ve revealed my wish to be able to make really cool videos like Rob Bell.
I want to be in the video Chuck and teach like Rob Bell in it.
This post reminded me of another of your posts:
http://withoutwax.tv/2009/09/14/a-deadly-game/
Is this your version of Thanksgiving leftovers?
Exactly. Read it last night and it really spoke to the mood I was in so I though I would freshen it up and let it roll.
Sometimes leftovers are better Tony.
Especially for meatloaf and chili.
I am not too big on leftover turkey, however… it starts to taste funny when it cools down.
I wish I hair the hair of ‘the chosen one’ PW.
Although, let’s see how you do when you are 53. I’m holding my own.
I wish I didn’t name my book “Plan C”
You are so much smarter.
Dude (Pete), these are really weird wishes. If I’m gonna wish, it’s for something totally superflous and expedient–money, lipo, more money, hair with body…you know…the basics! LOL
Yep! That dangling carrot will win every time.
Well said, or written I guess. I do this far more than I’d like to admit. Whether I’m comparing myself to my brother (we’re both in very similar ministry positions & we’ve been told we look like twins for about 24 years) or I’m comparing myself to people I went to college with & are in “better” positions than I am (even though I love where I am), it happens all too often.
You nailed, it’s deadly. When we compare who God created us to be to who He created others to be we destroy the beauty of God’s most prized possession.
Oh Dan I think this game is really tough when you start playing with family.
Yes it is.
Jeremiah 1.5 & Psalm 139.13-15 are great sources of encouragement though.
I used to struggle with this but lately that question’s seemed to morph itself in my life to “I wish God would just tell me my purpose instead of just preparing me for some unknown future.” I just crave for God to meet me and say “this is what I uniquely created you to do…now go do it.”
Amen Pete.
I am bad about doing this but what is ironic is that it annoys me that I have friends who are verbally this way with me.
What a perfect day to focus on not wishing in is sense.
Thanks, Pete.
I’m currently reading a book by John Ortberg entitled, “The Me I Want to Be.” In it, he highlights many of the same themes you’ve mentioned here; the importance of being ‘you’. When we try to mimic another person, even for all the right reasons, we can at the same time sabotage what God is doing in us – His unique work that matches our DNA. The ‘Me I Want to Be’ is God’s best version of me, not someone else.
I wrote a preliminary review of John’s book and some of his initial insights in my most recent blog posting. The link is below.
Blessings,
Jeff
Love that book Jeff!
Pete, a few years ago, after you had preached a funeral for someone dear to me, I introduced you to a family member as my Pastor. They spoke to you of how well the service went and I said, yes He’s just perfect. This embarrased you to no end and you quickly corrected me that you were not perfect in any way. Well I think of why I said that occasionally. I believe you were perfect that day to me. Just what I needed at that moment in time to give me what God had given you to bring comfort. I understand being envious of things and stuff and talents but I also believe just what we are for one time in our lives is just perfect to someone else who needs us at that one moment. So no matter how we see ourselves as lacking, one day you could be perfect on just the right day. When that happens, you are better than any preacher, leader, creater, vision caster or networker who ever existed. Those are the days that count in your life. Don’t you think?
Pete,
While what you said was very well said and true. I fear the other effect of comparing ourselves to others. The PRIDE that comes from thinking I do _____ better than _____. One of the deceivers favorite tricks.
I wish I could be transparent like Pete Wilson.
Luckily, I don’t play the “I wish” game. (as you say, it’s self-defeating.) I tend to play the “I want” game:
- I want to be a better father and husband.
- I want to be a better servant of God.
- I want to be a harder worker.
Etc.
When I mentally frame things in that way, I find that Christ is already there, trying to show me the way to reach those goals. Now, following that clear path? That’s the tricky part!
Totally agree Pete! Although, I am sure my husband would agree that it’s hard not to covet your hair, it pretty much rocks.
I wish… too many to list here.
I wish… I could write like Donald Miller
I wish… I got more comments on my blog
I wish… my wife would stop “Jesus juking” me and start supporting my writing
I wish… I could stop comparing.
Funny how the people that say not to play this game already have it all, while those us in want must keep on playing.
Jeff (and Pete) Ortberg’s book is a life changer. Four good friends and I are taking a year to work through it together (we started maybe 5 months ago). Man, it can get discouraging when i realize I’m not yet the best version of me.
I didn’t realize until I read this post today that inthe past 5 months I’ve done very little playing of the I Wish game.
So that is cool!
I get reminded of this myself from time to time. I think part of what we have to keep learning is God has us right where He wants us. We may not know why, but God is using whatever we are in and however we are to build us into who He wants us to be. Like my pastor says, the church is filled with a bunch of mess ups (I’m a mess up for the Lord!!). So in all of our imperfections and mess ups I embrace that I may not be able to play every single note in the clarinet music for the Christmas concert on December 5th (percussion is my main instrument lol), but I will do it and I will do it for the Lord and I will have fun in the process!! No wishing I could sound like Benny Goodman (that is more a fantasy than anything else lol)
I bet I know one thing you don’t wish for “I wish I could have a cat for the church to keep the mice population down” lol If you ever want one I have three – take your pick!! I’ll send one back with Allan when Selah is here December 12th
We are fearfully and wonderfully made – each and every one of us.
I am grateful for the YOU, you are, Pete! (And everyone else, too!)
The plan works best when each of us becomes fully who God created us to be – otherwise the body doesn’t fit or function as it should. We each are a piece of the puzzle that God is completing for His glory.
I know it is hard to not make comparisons – we really have to catch ourselves (and each other) when we get distracted by thinking less of ourselves (and more of ourselves for that matter). That kind of thinking becomes a petri dish for fear and pride. Neither of those are on our Father’s to do list.
We need a holy pinch every time we cast our gaze sideways so we can quickly return our eyes on Him. I have my share of pinch marks – but I am determined to stay focused on Him.
I have played that game a lot. Its something I work on daily…not comparing myself to others and wishing I could be like them, have their stuff, do stuff better than them.
I get sick playing that game! I am who God made me to be…enough!!!
absofreakinlutely
I am tired of this as well.
I think naturally I will always struggle against this game and want to play it and have to fight to stay out of it.
This all came crashing down for me over the past 2 months.
I think the Empty Promises series has helped a ton for me and now after having Grant tell me over and over I need to read Counterfeit Gods by Keller I am learning more and more.
Great stuff Pete.
And I am glad you are you and not those other guys. I mean no one can pull of “the Pete” like you.
Thanks Kyle.
I’m definitely tired of that game. I always wished I was tall so I could model for a living and God decided that is not the route for me… I overcame my height issues several months ago and it feels good to know that I am perfect in His eyes.
http://www.mygodspeaks.blogspot.com
I despise the comparison game. I found myself comparing myself more than I ever had in my life when I was on Facebook. And on FB, most people are putting their best foot forward, stretching the truth a bit, bragging if you will, only sharing happy times and not being real with their struggles or problems in life…bragging on everything from the new house they just got to the amazing starbucks they are drinking at that very moment.
This can lead you to think “i am the only one with issues. are these people’s lives really THAT perfect? what’s wrong with me?” At the time I was a single 29 year old and I compared myself to everyone that was married and had children etc and started feeling bad about myself when I normally didn’t. I had to remove myself from the intrusiveness and fakeness of FB. I was playing the comparison game and it was making me someone that I wasn’t in normal, day to day life. I haven’t gotten back on FB in a year and I haven’t played the comparison game since. I focus on my life and not the life everyone presented on FB. FB wasn’t all bad, but it wasn’t worth taking away from my actual life and being so concerned with other people I normally wouldn’t know that much detail about. Now i focus on my real life friends and family and it’s made a huge difference. Once I focused on what’s important and gave my time and attention to that instead of FB…my life grew for the better even more. 
Comparing can hurt your spirit even when you don’t mean to do it. Sometimes you have to walk away or log off of places that breed that type of behavior or feeling.
That is a GREAT word! My family and I were so blessed by the message you shared at Biltmore Baptist on 11/21. Thank you for letting God use you!
I once wished for a pastor who was kind… a pastor who treated the Gospel of Christ with grace & hope… a pastor who knew he wasn’t perfect and didn’t mind talking about his/her imperfections… a pastor who I trusted enough to challenge me… a pastor who would become less like a pastor and more like a friend…
And all of those wishes have come true.
PS: Forgive me for this slightly cheesy comment.
And what church do you go to?
You made me tear up bro. Thanks.
Yep, most definitely!
I lived a big part of my life trying to be what I thought others wanted me to be and trying to be who I thought I was supposed to be. Lately, I have learned that I just need to be the person God wants me to be (Thanks John Ortberg!:)
“Comparison is the thief of joy”
Love that quote!
I “wish” I could always remember that my place in God’s heart is special. That’s all I need.
The most dangerous one for me is: “I am a better dad/husband than…”
I play that game all the time. Stupid satan-inspired game.
Yep. Tired of that game. These, too:
I deserve…
If only…
I can do _____ better than…
It’s all stinkin’ thinkin’ to me.
Ohhhhh, I’ve played that “I deserve” game a few times as well.
I don’t want to play that game and glad you don’t either Pete.
Therefore, please kindly ship to me your iMac, iPhone and iPad.
This is a tough thing to escape. I know that even if I proactively tell myself I’m not going to compare myself, in a split second I’m going “Oooh, I wish I had her hair.” And on and on. It’s nothing more than trying to fill a void within my self worth.
I am guilty of the “I wish…”. I think a lot of the time, the enemy uses this to keep us from doing God’s unique call on our lives. If we focus on the comparing, we definitely don’t accomplish what God wants for us. God doesn’t want us to compare – He made us all unique; none of us is the same.
I can tell myself to stop comparing, that it does not good, and certainly it doesn’t please God…but it’s like I need something more than me to accomplish this. That something is God, Himself. He is the only one who can give me strength to do this. Mind you, that doesn’t give me liberty to keep comparing myself to others, it just means that I can’t do it on my own.
Hope this makes sense.
Oh yes, I think we all play this game. : ( I just wrote a post from my luncheon at the TN Christian Chamber today with similar content.
Ecclesiastes 4: 4
And I saw that all toil and all achievement spring from one person’s envy of another. This too is meaningless, a chasing after the wind.
In my younger days I used to approach my dad and say, “dad, I wish I had (fill in the blank)”
And, he universally replied, “Nate, you can wish in one hand and sh*% in the other. One of them will fill up first.”
I never tested that theory but I believed him. It also made me keep my wishes to myself! We all fall in to this game.
I wish I had hair like Pete Wilson! Has anyone said that yet? I didn’t want to look at all the posts…
I agree. I was just “playing” this in my head earlier this week. Jealousy can only lead you down the wrong road. No good can come from it.
:/
Pete-Great post. Comparison brings either pride or insecurity, neither of which are admirable traits. Thanks for the reminder.
Great post. Recently I’ve downloaded a free app for my iPhone with sound Biblical preaching. The Very First CHRISTmas is a MUST HAVE interactive storybook of the birth of Jesus Christ! The App is all about Christ’s birth. Beautifully illustrated, with sound Biblical teaching. There are three different activities to reinforce the message of Christ’s birth. With the two fun filled games that support the story and animation which allows the kids to put together their own storybook, this App is sure to be a Christmas favorite!There is also a feature to allow the App to automatically read the story to the smaller children.