Orange Week: Partnering with Parents
There are few things more important to me these days than figuring out how to help our kids and students at Cross Point grow into the men and women God has created them to be. While I’m short on all the answers, I do know that we’ll never figure this out until the church gets more serious about partnering with parents. That’s why I’m so thankful for the reThink Group. Never before has there been a group of amazing leaders so dedicated to thinking and praying through how the church can partner with parents to help children become vibrant followers of Christ.
Today I’ve asked our family ministry pastor, Pat Rowland, to share some of his thoughts on what this looks like for us at Cross Point.
I have this theory about Christian Parents, although it has yet to be tested scientifically, but I believe it holds true. It isn’t based on your spiritual history, your ethnic background, or what part of the country you call home. Here it is… “All Christian Parents want to teach and disciple their children to have a maturing faith in Christ.”
I’ve talked with hundreds of parents about their child’s faith and the larger influence they possess, and I’ve yet to hear a parent say, “No way, I don’t want to teach my kids about a faith in God.” I believe all parents want to engage in faith development and discussions in their home. Here’s the challenge… most parents don’t know how, don’t think they have the time, and or think they are capable.
Parents, get this, you don’t have to do this alone because even the best of parents fail when they go at it alone. You need a partnership with the Church.
There is more to this theory… I believe all churches (especially pastors) want to encourage parents to engage in faith at home. Who doesn’t want to have a community of adults fully engaged in teaching their children Biblical character and values? Here’s the challenge… most churches and leaders don’t know how, don’t think they have the time (or resources), or think they are capable.
Church leaders, get this, you can’t go at it alone. We’ve spent years trying and we’ve failed! There are many churches today with the most creative programs and experiences for kids. We’ve got million dollar facilities, full time staff dedicated to children and student ministries, and services designed specifically and creatively for kids and students. Yet, research continues to point to twenty some-things walking away from the church, and most will never return. We need incredible children and student programs, but there has to be more we can do…
The Church has a responsibility to partner with parents, because “Two combined influences make a greater impact than just two influences.” As a pastor, I’ll never rival the influence a parent has over their student or child. However, as a pastor, I can encourage and resource a parent to leverage their influence.
Parents need a Clear Strategy, and the Partnership of the Church.
They need resources, not just a program
They need to be shown how it works, not just told they should do it
They need a community of encouragement, not an unattainable image
They need an environment of integration, not complete age segregation
At Cross Point, I’ll be the first to admit we are still trying to figure this out, and I’m thankful we have a partner in the Rethink Group. They’ve created resources and a strategy that effectively brings together the home and the church! Recognizing the amazing potential that each parent has to change the heart of their child, that in turn engages the heart of the family, which in turn engages the heart of the church. As a matter of fact, we are rolling out a new resource from Rethink this Sunday at FX Live as our “Cool Tool.” For more information on the amazing resources, check out the Rethink Group.
How important do you think it is for the church and parents to work together in this process?
As a former children’s pastor, I’m with you 100% man. I got to see in action how this plays out. If the parents don’t reinforce what the church is teaching then the kids will mimic their parents…on the other side if the church drops the ball and does not help equip then their are major probs.
This has always been my problem Michael, shouldn’t the church reinforce what the parents are teaching?
Great discussion and question. I would love to hear more of your thoughts on this. I think partnership isn’t about one reinforcing the other, it’s about getting these two great influences working together and on the same page and having the same goal. The church has to realize that the parents have incredible influence, and parents have to see that the church can help them leverage their influence in a way that shapes their kids and or students faith.
Pat I think you said what I would have liked to have said in a much better manner.
Absolutely the Church and parents need to partner. The parents spend the most time with the child and probably are the greater sphere of influence, however the Church can provide a tomb of information and resources. Additionally should a particular child be wayward the Church may have experienced this with other children and would have tools to help this parent rein the child back to God. But also, sometimes something as simple as hearing the Word, the stories etc. from others can hit home more if they come someone other than a parent.
I just had to share that I think teaching my kids about Jesus is my primary responsibility as a parent!
The best part of the church is the kids getting to learn about the Lord with their peers! Getting to interact with friends their age who also love the Lord!
One caution for you at Crosspoint….love the kids when they start to rebel as teenagers! When my kids began to mess up, the church shunned them. I felt abandoned just when I needed my church family the most. It has taken years for my kids to slowly come back to church but those scars will always be with them!
Love them no matter what, unconditionally…that’s what they need from the church! That’s what you and I need too! <3
Great point!!!
“Compassion”
Wow!!
That has to be one of the most awe-inspiring gift of the Spirit, or attribute of GOD.
Really an indescribable feeling..
This is such a thick part of being a Christian. One I am just starting to learn.
Compassion is throughout Gods Word.
Such an awesome truth.
Awesome post. Couldn’t agree more!
definitely not politically current now but just having my parent DRAG me to church every Sunday, instead of letting me quit, like dance class and piano lessons, helped give me a foundation of faith. HA
(Cross Point has so many cool things geared for kids. Can you imagine what sitting through a LATIN mass was as a kid? HA… but some of it did sink in and for that, I’m very greatful)
“Can you imagine what sitting through a LATIN mass was as a kid?”
I can’t imagine doing that as an adult.
I grew up in a strict, legalistic, baptist home. So much so, that when I messed up as a young teen my mom actually called the church/christian school to see how they wanted to discpline me?!?! (let that sink in for a bit)
So, yes, I want the church to come along side my wife and I, but it is our biblical calling to raise and teach them. So many parents rely on church and christian school to do all the work.
I don’t want my kids raised like I was..i want them to have a mind of their own, ask questions, doubt, etc.
I totally agree with the post above about the church setting being a great place to talk, live, engage with like minded kids and a place that welcomes them not pushes them away.
Well said, I’m a recovering saved and sanctified Nazarene thankful for God’s Grace. We are all a little screwed up.
I did not grow up in a home that was active in the church. I NEED the church to help me teach my children about Christ and continue their paths as the wonderful women of Christ they are. I can lead, I can pray – but the “muscle” of their education via worship, bible study and group education comes from our church and other church members.
Just as having a new baby – you often go to “that” parent or friend with the unknown or support. I need to be able to ask the questions – and I need to know that my children are able to do the same.
Our youth program is amazing – and they are already teaching my junior high student how to become an effective leader for the middle school and elementary students. I know that she will be a better mom that I am already! She will have the experience and life of Christ to lean on as she raises her children
BUT – if we are reaching the unchurched and/or new Christians – they don’t know how to teach their children as they are learning themselves.
Pam, Great point! I love that you are looking to the church for support, and that you recognize your opportunity to influence your children. Your finger prints of influence (spiritually, emotionally, and mentally) will be all over your child’s life. I would like to encourage you to not sell yourself short on teaching your kids. The fact that you are praying and leading your children will impact generations to come. Thanks for commenting!
Pat – for some reason I just got this response. Thank you for your encouragement and support and allowing me to just “drop in” every now and then.
Our main problem with our church right now on the subject is everything is separated! Even middle schoolers & high schoolers have to attend a different church service! So if you have kids in both age ranges you don’t go to ABF with your spouse if you want both kids to have someone to sit with. When the kids are alone alot of them don’t know how to behave in a service because they have spent their whole church time in kids activities until then. I have personally had to go to other parents of high schoolers because they were so awful to the kids sitting with me- pulling hair, teasing, throwing coke cans in a church service!!! It really blew my mind! The parents are not overly made to feel welcome by the youth pastor staff in the hub (what our teen area is called) kids are welcome in senates group or other adults “only” events. We are starving for inter generational interaction and people can’t even see it.
Sorry this is a hot button subject for us right now, we’ve been trying to get a family ABF class or something going where the different generations can come together and learn from each other and we just keep getting shot down. We just did a whole month on the homefront Allince and while loved the sermons we were disappointed more of a family worship type of service didn’t come from it.
Sorry I meant are not welcome in senders groups! Silly IPhone is trying to rewrite for me! Lol
As children’s pastor in our (small) church I couldn’t agree more.
In our church the kids stay with the adults for worship and singing, so they spend only part of the time in their own service. It works great both ways … the kids see their parents worship and pray and the parents see their kids. And we are small enough for me to have a relationship with all parents and talk to them when necessary.
It keeps us all moving in the same direction … to our Lord!
The more we understand that we don’t have to do things on our own and that we are a family of believers who accomplish more together, the better our lives will be. Great idea!
I LOVE THE ORANGE CONFERENCE!! You all sent me several years ago when I used to teach SS… all I can say is, it was LIFE CHANGING for me… and definitely made me a better teacher to both the children AND their parents!!! So to answer your question…its VITAL!!
I heart you Psquared!
Gonna step on u alittle bit here Pete, please forgive me.
If you are concerned about church and families working together start by keeping them together.
I’m all for this Orange program 100%, and I love Crosspoint, the messages are full of truth and the worship is nothing short of awesome, “but”.
I do question the church format. The way I see it the Church is already structured to sepperate famileys.
“you go here, I go there, meet back up, and were gone”
We have made it easy for people to just do church.
Why wouldn’t you have it structured were families worship together? (also the influence of seeing other believers worship) Even if the message is mature. Any question or non understandings that children have about the message is a good thing for parents to elaborate on and discuss.
This is a very serious problem or oversight in my mind. Especially for the future survival of the church in this culture.
Is it because of time?
Is it because of numbers?
Like you said before Pete; “anything can draw a crowd”.
Is it becouse of resources for adults?
With the way it is structured now it is posible for a child to go with there parents to church for 17,18 years and never worship together.
Does that not set off alarms in your head???
From the 45 program and up should also be coordinated with the the main topic of your series.(this will take a lot of effort and coordination between all ministries and campuses) That way families can be on the same page at the same time. Take the resource of this Rethink group and mold it.
Lets have faith in God, his Word, and the Holy Spirit. That authentic discipleship will prevail.
“Don’t play patty cake with the enemy, you will get burnt.”
***Please reply on what Crosspoints vision is on this.***
Please don’t misunderstand this as being negative or strife. Just some concerns I have as a parent and a Christian.
Great thoughts! My wife is taking a course right now on the “spiritual Formation of Children.” It is challenging us to rethink how we are doing our children’s ministries. And, yes, we absolutely need to have parents and churches partner together.
I worked in youth ministry for 12 years, working with Jr. High and High School aged youth. Over that time I experienced a great deal of frustration with the parents and the church as a whole in relation to spiritual formation in those youth.
I made many observations over the years and formed several theories based on my experiences and observations:
- Kids don’t need programs, they need real Christian lives being lived around them and along with them
- Rigid segregation after the age of 10 almost always harms, inclusion is important and necessary
- The church body must know their children and have relationships with them, because by the time they are teens, most of their parents will have lost the majority of their ability to speak into their lives
- A believing child should be no different than a believing adult. They should be ministered to and brought into their function within the body.
In my observation the single greatest influence in healthy spiritual formation within children is related to family and the church under what I call the 80/20 rule. If 80% of a family’s church-life is visibly and regularly lived outside of formal church meetings, I have seen that children seem to be exposed to something that makes a serious and indelible impression on them.
I think that it can be safely said that there is no single solution, because there is no single problem. Simply having the spiritual formation of their children on the radar and actively wrestling with it is probably the best thing a church can do.
I agree with Pat on his ideas and I pray that the reThink Group is able to help equip not only the parents, by the entire church to minister to their children to bring them into a healthy and powerful relationship with Christ.
Pete, good luck with your working-with-parents program. It’s vital.
I learned how important it is rather unexpectedly. While working on the chapter “Loving Christians from Other Churches” in my book, I asked my son and daughter (both then in their 20′s) which of the many good churches we’d attended as we moved around had influenced them the most.
Their answer? NONE of them! That shocked me. But they both said that what DID influence them was seeing us live consistent lives at home, plus the miracles and answers to prayer they saw in our own family.