Artificial Harmony
Sit down, get comfortable and enjoy the following.
The first couple of episodes of American Idol each season are a prime example of what happens when you surround yourself with community who’s not wiling to speak truth. I mean, each one of these people at some point sat in their living room, dorm room or friend’s house and belted out these songs. Someone actually heard them and then looked them in the eyes and said, “Wow, that was incredible. You should totally go stand in line for two days and compete against America’s best voices. I actually think you’ve got a shot.”
Proverbs 12:26 NLT The godly give good advice to their friends; the wicked lead them astray.
Most of us have the tendency to avoid truth telling in our relationships and if you want to do that you can, but don’t complain about your relationships being superficial because that’s exactly what they’ll be without truth. Don’t complain about your marriage being stagnant because that’s exactly what it will be without truth. Don’t complain about the small group being sterile because that’s exactly what it will be without truth.
Community without truth is artificial harmony.
In fact if you’ve surrounded yourself with community that won’t speak truth to you then you don’t really have community as much as you have a gathering of convenient relationships.
On a scale of 1 to 10. How honest is your community?
I can say a 9. I have some friends who can tell me anything. If I didn’t know that they truly loved me, I may get offended now and then. But because there is love, it is easier to deal with.
I think it’s around a 5. I get it from both sides. Those who say what you want to hear and I have some that will speak what is best for me. It would be easy to just hang around the first group because they are easy on the ears.
I can’t see the video but I assume it features those contestants on Idol who are not gifted in singing.
I have wondered about that many times… where are their friends when they are practicing?
Here is a thought that may be worth considering.. maybe their friends truly believe they are good. Maybe they are giving what they think is good advice.
Though, to be honest (
) … I prefer the NASB version of the verse you inserted above:
The righteous is a guide to his neighbor, But the way of the wicked leads them astray.
I almost get a picture of being an example and maybe not so much ‘giving advice’ (though that certainly could be part of it). I haven’t studied the verse in great detail so I could be way off base.
As far a my community, I would have no way of providing a scale of how honest they are with me. I can’t see their hearts or intentions when it comes to all that is shared with me or NOT shared. I think the omissions that communities hide away are probably more of an indication of how honest they are.. but how do I know what they are not saying?
But this I understand, if I provide an example of honesty (funny how things come full circle), then they are much more likely to feel comfortable in doing the same.
So true Tony!
It all started with a lie. Genesis 3: 4
10 – I have a small community and we are very open, ‘true faced’ ‘anti-poser’ with each other. We live in love and grace with one another. It’s beautiful, even when it gets ugly.
Your singing my tune.. Love this post.
The notion of candor has challenged my character and leadership more so recently than ever before.
I am fortunate to have a forge of brothers that share the same values in authenticity and relationship. But am challenged by the way we relate to people in church. We are so afraid of hurting someones feelings that we fail to deliver the sober truth.
It is harmful to use words recklessly, but all the more reason to lay our own “self” at the foot of the throne and speak with the grace and love God gives to us.
just joined a new community group – so the number isn’t too high. Can’t get too stuck on the ideals, communities are built not dropped from the sky.
Very true.
I’d like to say that Stretch is a 9 or 10. Time will tell as we all continue to get to know one another. Realistically its probably a 7 at best. While we have a lot of brutal truth in our group I think there is still that grey area of not wanting to hurt any ones feelings or there is the fear of being judged. The nice thing about Stretch though, is what an overwhelming safe place it is. You instantly feel that from all 150+ of us.
In my community of FRIENDS, the number is a 9. My friends all know my love is unconditional, and I made a promise to always tell them the truth… I sometimes have been known to say that God blessed me with truth and not so much tact…
I would love to be able to say the number is the same in my FAMILY.
Funny you would bring that up. I wonder why it’s so much more difficult with our family.
I can only speak for me here. I grew up a PK in a pretty strict Christian home. I was taught many things… I was taught how to deal with my siblings, how to view God, my responsibilities within my home, my school, my community, yada yada yada…. As I and my siblings grew up we began to question many things we were taught… which for me created internal conflict… I keep my TRUE opinions to myself because it isn’t how I was raised…
I guess it depends on how you define community.
If it’s my one or two friends, a 9. I don’t really have a larger “community” than that right now.
I try to temper honesty with kindness. But when you do that, so people only hear what they want to hear.
I can imagine a friend saying kindly to them “I don’t think you are cut out for American Idol. Around here, to your friends, you ARE already a star… We love your voice because we love YOU. AI won’t give you a chance to show all those qualities that make you lovable, and therefore your voice palata… I mean, pleasant. You belong here…” and the contestant wannabe hearing “She thinks I’m already a star here and would hate to see me leave…”
The “community” that I was once a part of was a prime example of artificial harmony, but I didn’t know that until it began to unravel. So glad to be free of it….hoping to find the genuine article!
Truth works both ways – you have to give it yes, but you have to receive it. Many times, as in the AI situations, people don’t want to hear the truth. It’s hard to tell someone the truth when they don’t want to receive it. Rather than hinder the friendship, you do let them go in front of the judges and get a dose of reality.
It’s the same with our kids. I wanted to save my kids from other people hurting them with the truth so I would tell them at home. But, it hurt just as much and attacked their self confidence. Perhaps other people wouldn’t have cared as much as I thought, or my kids would have just adjusted instead of feeling like they were under a magnifying glass. We all too often use “truth-telling” as an excuse to not include discretion and wisdom in doing so. Lessons I’m still learning.
Good points! As a parent, we so want our kids to be protected from all that “stuff” that we can overdo it and become just as bad.
There’s got to be a balance. For my grandson, I always try to praise his efforts regardless of the outcome. And I say it that way. If there’s room for improvement, I ask him how he might do it differently next time, or I make suggests with a “What if you did it like….” kind of pretending. (WISH I’d used these tactics on my kids!!)
I use this quote of yours all the time. It is seriously plastered all over my blog.
This is why we left our last “community”…when it came time to live in truth there were certain people you could talk about sin and real heart issues with and others you were not allowed to touch. The “inner sanctum” served “community” on a silver platter, catering to each other, using all the right words, portraying an image of supreme spirituality while living some really big, fat ugly lies in their personal lives and families.
When I felt like it was time to live in truth and share not just my ugly stuff, but confront the sin of one in that inner sanctum…well let’s just say the rest is history. Two years later I’m still trying to figure out what community really is. I am trying to learn to love the church again. But when the people you trust {decades of relationships, mentor, pastor} shove you out the door instead of seeking reconciliation and truth together…it is difficult to rush back in to a new place.
Praying the authentic is out there somewhere.
I hope you find that authentic community! I’m so sorry you had to deal with that. That is the kind of “community” that sent my father running away from the church and kept a bitter as gall taste in his mouth for over 50 years.
Thank God, He has helped Dad heal and move on, but it’s not been easy for him.
I can’t watch this show for this reason! I can’t sit and watch these people who audition with such high hopes because no one told them their singing was horrible.
That kind of dishonesty is far too prevalent even in churches — because we don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings. So.. everyone gets a prize? Sorta cheapens the prize, doesn’t it?
My community? I’m with @tony — I can’t read hearts & minds, but I’ve seen some of the “Don’t tell them that’s horrible, you’ll hurt their feelings!” kind of behavior. I’ve been told I have no mercy because I prefer truth over feelings. YES, truth IN love. I wouldn’t spew the casserole on the floor and cry out about how disgusting it is, I just wouldn’t eat it — or compliment it.
I do have a friend however with whom I can be candid and she with me. Sometimes it hurts. Most of the time it’s awesome.
It’s a shame that Fox exploits these poor souls by picking out these people for the exact reason that they are horrible, knowing it will help their ratings. I don’t care so much about how they got there. So, I am not exactly sure what relevance this video has with the topic of “Artificial Harmony.”
This video sparks a “judging” conversation with me personally. “Man, at least I don’t look/dance/sing like that guy.” Sorry Pete I love the topic, but I loathe American Idol.
I disagree Jody. I don’t blame the media for this. This is what media does. It exploits by nature. They’re just doing what they do. Why blame a secular organization for acting secular.
The break down is in “community”. Community isn’t acting like community when it doesn’t speak truth.
what’s wrong with all the singers? i thought they all sounded phenomenal. LOL
*btw..im tone deaf =]
So true, such a great perspective & truth that we need to remember as a church, christian and those that are in community w/ one another.
thanks for sharing.
Interesting and well articulated post Pete. I just asked the same question on my blog yesterday – http://areteguides.com/Blog/?p=30
I like your point ‘Community without truth is artificial harmony.’ and as I mention in my post that was a failure I learned the hard way.
God Bless, James
Im out looking for a community that will speak the truth in love. Last environment was as artificial as one can get. Its sad I know, but it was the truth.
Soooo true! I think people are sometimes too worried about people not liking them etc. Sure, the truth sometimes hurts us, but said in love is something we all need to hear.
Some people don’t want to hear the truth – just like many of the AI contestants. I have to ask, “Am I one of THOSE people?” When people in my circle are aware of ways I can improve, will I LET them tell me? I want to be that open, but it takes a lot of humility and grace and trust.
my core community is very honest, mostly because I am honest with them on everything. It works out nicely, because they know they can approach me with the truth even if hurts and they always know that they are getting the real deal from me!
I actually would love people to be 100% truthful. When I write a song and play it for someone… I’d rather hear, “It’s not bad, but what if we try this…” instead of “It’s great, just great”. I have trouble believing them when they say that.
Rate a whole community? I will have to say 4. Which saddens me a great deal. I have been very active in trying to build community intentionally. I would say on average. This has been very successful but there are barriers which people today really seem to be “under developed” or just down right repulsed by the idea of having a community where honesty would be a factor. So many people are content with not being known or creating a “image” that is not true to themselves. You often have to dig and put up with a lot of junk before the “real person” is allowed to emerge and most people just don’t have the stamina to or will to try that hard.
hi – is it just me !! can any one explain why when i type in the bing browser “withoutwax.tv” i get a different site yet whe i type it in google its ok? could this be a bug in my system or is any one else having same probs ?
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