This weekend’s huge wedding between Chelsea Clinton and Marc Mezinsky has brought quite the spotlight on interfaith relationships. It’s reported that Clinton a Methodist, and Mezvinsky, who is Jewish, began their new lives together with the blessing of clergy from both faiths.
Now I don’t want to make this post about this particular couple because quite frankly we don’t have a clue what they believe or don’t believe. All we know is the religious traditions they chose to incorporate into their ceremony.
I’m wondering how important you think it is for a couple to be on the same page spiritually before they tie the knot.
Can a Christian marry an atheist?
Can a Jew marry a Christian?
Can a Calvinist marry an Arminian?
Go ahead, the can has been opened.
“Can” versus “should” is a big deal.
Sure, they can. Sure, “love” trumps all that.
But I maintain that whatever faith we hold to trumps all, and eventually something will “give”.
Believe me, even inside the definition of “Christian”, there is MUCH battle between otherwise loving couples over variations of belief.
It also depends a great deal on how “orthodox” each person is in their interpretation and application of what they believe.
Great point.
CAN v SHOULD is exactly waht I was going to say
Who’s yoke is unequal to the others?
I can’t speak for anyone else but I couldn’t. My faith affects everything from the very definition of marriage to why/how I resolve conflict to where we spend Sunday mornings.
I imagine many couples could survive with enough work, if that is what is meant by the question but I don’t imagine the quality would be the same if the faiths were the same.
I have a hard time saying what another couple can or should do… I start to get judge-y and I end up leaving that up to God.
BUT, growing up, my dad always talked about finding someone to marry with whom we were “equally yolked” (I’m sure this came from a book he’d read). Meaning that if we’re not part of the same team, pulling our relationship (and family, later on) through life, one of us would end up feeling slighted. A difference in religions must seem like a tiny thing to some, but it’s something that can turn into a Big Deal. And ultimately, one or both parties are compromising, and is compromising where you’ll potentially spend all eternity really a good idea?
The book your dad read this in was the Bible.
2 Cor 6:14 says “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?” – this is in the good ol’ KJV.
I wouldn’t. Apparently it does work, but I don’t really see how. I hope people will comment and maybe share their own experience marrying someone of a different faith.
I believe that couples need to be on the same page spiritually. This is such a critical aspect of a strong relationship.
I had a semi-serious relationship with an atheist and it just didn’t work. My faith is too important to me to have been with anyone that didn’t share it. Thankfully I’ve been blessed with an amazing Christian to share the rest of my life with.
I don’t think its necessarily just faith beliefs though…a vegan going out with a meat lover/strongly opposed political views etc.
Whatever the beliefs are, if they are strong enough and that important to your life, I believe you need to find someone who compliments and accepts them and lives to build you up in them because they are so important to you….
I believe that couples need to be on the same page spiritually. This is such a critical aspect of a strong relationship.
I think it “can” be done but it is going to cause difficulties in the long run.
That’s my 2 cents.
2 Corinthians 6:14 seems to answer some of the questions surrounding should a Christian marry a (fill in the blank).
I am a Calvinist. My wife is more of an Armenian. I was raised Southern Baptist. She was raised Free Methodist. Our common faith bond: Christ died for our sins and lives to return one day to rule forever.
b/c I am a Christian, a Believer, a follower of the Way my first thoughts were to go to His Word. I mean all Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work (2 Timothy 3).
I agree that 2 Corinthians 6 “seems to answer some of the questions surrounding should a Christian marry a (fill in the blank).”
I just can’t imagine being married to someone who doesn’t believe that Jesus is the son of God. I think their will be many uphill battles in the future of a interfaith marriage.
I’m sure you mean Arminian. Arminians are theological “free willers” (in the tradition of Jacobus Arminius).
Armenians are people from Armenia.
Unless you’re asking if Calvinists are racist against Armenians.
Why am I not surprised that you’re the one that caught that.
Thanks bro.
I had the same thought! I met an Armenian who visited our church (an Arminian congregation) a few weeks ago. I couldn’t help but chuckle in my dorky theological sort of way.
I agree with the first commenter that “can” versus “should” is the real question here.
Two people who are committed enough to one another can probably make a marriage work under any circumstances.
But is it good for them? For their children?
I just don’t think I could be happy with someone who didn’t share my beliefs. Even if he wasn’t a “practicing” Christian, I’d have to be with someone who at the very least believes that Jesus is the Messiah and not just a really nice guy who lived two thousand years ago.
Well truth of the matter is, no. A Christian should not marry outside of the faith. 2 Corinthians clearly teaches this.
Can i work? I suppose, but it truly matters about what we mean by “work”. The early church was built on the concept of “secondary conversions” which was a Christian marrying a pagan and the pagan converting. It can work out, but Biblically, it is always a no.
As far as Calvinists and Armenians, I think that is fine. If the common bond is Jesus then they will allow what makes them the same be a jumping off point for everything else.
My wife and I were on opposite sides of the calvinist/arminian thing when we got married. some folks thought it would be a huge deal for us. i knew it wouldnt be.
the importance of our guesses on how God operates is trivial compared to the importance of our commitment and love for each other.
curious…are you still on opposite sides? if not, who “converted”?
You’re so nosy Lindsey.
As the father of daughters, once they became followers of Christ, my prayers for them turned from centering on salvation, to being devoted to their ‘thirsting’ after Christ.
My girls and I have relationships with all kinds of people, Christ follower or not, but my prayer for them is now that while they are ‘thirsting’ after Christ, they will also be attracted to young men who are similarly seeking God’s will in his life.
I’m not saying that the marriage of Christ followers is the only kind of marriage that works, we all know how far off that is. But I am saying, at least for my daughters extended families, it sure seems to be the glue that keeps these folks together.
All marriages take work. Marriages unequal in the realm of Christ, start off uphill. Why do that?
I could not do this and I would say that I do not feel it is a wise way to start a marriage. Our faith is the foundation of our entire life so having different faiths seems like you are starting a marriage on two DIFFERENT foundations…… which seems like adding difficulty to something that does not need it. I would advise against it!
I agree with this. I think that being Calvinist or Arminian is completely different than being Jewish and Christian. The foundational belief of C and A is still that Jesus Christ is the Messiah that came to earth to give us access to relationship with God the Father. The foundational beliefs btw. Judaism and Christianity differ on that one FOUNDATIONAL element. The Jewish community is still waiting for their Messiah. It’s the one thing about inter-faith marriages that I’ve always wondered about. If you truly believe that Jesus is the Messiah and is the ANSWER to the world’s need, can you really be on the same page as someone who is still waiting for Him? Or someone who believes He was just a great teacher or prophet? I know where I settle on it, but I still wonder about the choices others make…
When you love, you dont love parts, you love the Whole Package. I dont think God(no matter what your name is) is petty. We make it a big deal, by taking the trivia of “How it was asked to be” compared to “How it is Now”. Our relationship with God is strictly personal.
As for marriages, no matter who you marry, it takes work on both sides, walking half way for both to make it work well. Sure it does seem like less work if you agree on issues like religion, politics, finances and rearing children, but is that really true? or is it just something we like to believe? Couldnt we have as much trouble a marriage with addictions, infidelity, mental attitude?
I think the whole unequally yoked thing is huge. I think people in “love” think that it doesn’t matter, but it does. I have seen some awesome couples become bitter, hateful, and divorced because of the difference in their faith when it comes to raising their children. I am friends with some people who had parents who had bittter battles over religion when they were growing up and it caused the children to feel guilty about embracing either faith because they felt like they were betraying the other parent.
i just hope christians don’t start trying to legislate that marriages be only between heterosexual christians of the same denomination, etc. they’ll say it weakens the institution of marriage…?
There’s an element of humor to this, but….
no humor intended, bernard. not that i condone or support homosexuality; i don’t. but it bothers me when we tell others what they can and can’t do.
[especially when we ourselves weaken the institution regularly with unfaithfulness and divorce. marriage is meant to be a play that we perform, demonstrating Christ's love for his church.]
I married a Catholic 15years ago. The problem at the time was neither of us cared about God or what he was doing in our lives. The priest actually tried to talk us out of getting married because we were so different.
The good news is we did get married The great news is we both rededicated our lives to Christ at the same time and now our faith in Christ is the most important thing to both of us.
I think most people are like my wife and I were and may say they believe something, but they do not practice it in the least. Thanks for opening the can.
For those to whom their “faith” is a set of religious ceremonies to which they turn in the event of planning a wedding or a funeral, it probably doesn’t matter much.
Scripture addresses the issue for those who are in Christ.
People most definitely need to be on the same page before they get married.
I’m not even a fan a missionary dating, & to marry someone who doesn’t hold to the same values you do seems to be unwise.
I love the term “missionary dating”!!!
thanks…don’t remember where i heard it
A-men! I always tell my kids: marriage is not for ministry – you don’t get married to “save” someone. That’s Jesus’ job!
I think I’ll “borrow” your term though becuase it fits better, because, we do “minister” to one another in marriage, but you get what I am trying to teach my children: you gotta start off as healthy as possible going in so that means you gott also have a partner as healthy as possible too – no I thought I could him/her sort of ideals. Good word!
glad i could help
I am sure It can be done but I think since God is the center of my marriage, I can’t imagine not being able to sit on my front porch with my husband discussing the teachings of Jesus and the wonders God has created. That is the peace and harmony that binds our relationship to withstand the world.
I think Benard makes the valid distinction between can and should, to me Ephesians 5:20-33 seems to answer the question that we as Christians should only marry Christians.
I cannot speak for anyone else but myself. I couldn’t do it. I was raised Christian and taught to think in terms of eternity. I just know that I don’t want to have to wonder if the man I choose to marry will spend eternity with me.
Can people? Yes.
Can I? No.
One of my cousins who is Methodist and a religious one at that married a Jewish boy. Before they got married they had to work through a lot of things. How would their future kids be raised, where would they attend, what holidays would be celebrated. This hard work has paid off for them. They seem quite happily married. And their kids are well-adjusted.
I think I would have a hard time with it. I have always hoped to find a guy that would help lead me spiritually (Poor thing. Probably will be a terrible job.
so he’d definitely need to share my faith.
Let us look at this pragmatically:
Should a couple get married where one wants children and the other not?
Should a couple get married where one wants to own the big house on the hill and the other wants to be a gypsy and move from town-to-town and live day-to-day?
Should a couple get married if one is a cat person and the other a dog person? ( ok so some may argue that this is a small point
)
I believe the question falls beyond just the faith definition that each subscribes to. It goes to the ‘yoking’ that each will have to deal with in each others lives.
It is very, very hard to serve to masters in any of the categories that I have listed above. For a person who subscribes to the Christianity faith, it would be hard to support reasons to marry someone who is not like-minded as it will just create barriers and tension within the relationship.
Can it happen – yes. Should it happen? Each person will have to define that based on their understanding of the situation.
It’s hard to take a hard and fast definition here when God commanded Hosea to marry a prostitute. In general, I would say that it will make life much easier if couples are like-minded on many major issues.
By the way.. I started my wife at the age of 17. I was the son of a Pentecostal Pastor and she was the daughter of a Jehovah Witness.
We have had an interesting ride to where we are today.
That should read “I started DATING my wife”
That is hilarious.
My husband is Mormon. I was 19 when I married him. Now that we have two little ones, there are days I feel nothing but despair. That says a lot considering 1) I love him and 2) the kids come with me to church and are taught from the Bible. I know that in truth, God provides us with endless hope, but not having my best friend to help teach our children, converse with over Biblical truths, etc. is crushing.
Oh Laura. I’m so sorry. Saying a prayer for you right now. Thank you so much for sharing from such a personal place.
I wouldn’t marry someone who did not believe in Jesus as Messiah and Savior. In my heart, that would always be something left undone, and it would be hard to ever escape the desire to see conversion. There would be a constant element of spouse-as-project, or a waiting on God to change him that would under lurk underneath all of the relationship. I wouldn’t want that for my kids, either.
Just as a side note, though: There’s a huge challenge in thinking that you get bonus points for CLAIMING Christ in a marriage (or anywhere else). The true challenge is to put feet to your faith. I was married to a Southern Baptist youth pastor; we both were active in serving the church, passionate about our faith and about Jesus. Our marriage imploded due to several factors; in hindsight, one issue was a lot of assumptions that we had a “Christian marriage” and so things would naturally go a certain way; i.e. we had a ‘hedge of protection’ just because we were both Christian. Doesn’t work like that. We’re now divorced.
Marriage is hard work, regardless. And these days, so much of Christian practice seems irrelevant to our daily lives that it’s easy to see how folks don’t get worked up over dissimilar views of faith…
I married a non Christian 12 years ago. I would say that it is definitely not helpful in growing your own faith or teaching your young ones to grow in faith. It is a humbling, sometimes humiliating (admitting to other Christians your mistakes AND living with a non Christian you’re longing to see love Jesus) life. It is easy to over dramatize how great it would be if my husband would believe in Jesus…”just think how great our life would be”. I know it’s still hard to have a great marriage no matter what faith you share. I think that we both put in some extra effort and extra grace because we have such huge gaps.
I feel lucky because one of the non negotiables i brought to our marriage was that if we had children I would be raising them in the church and hoping they would believe in Jesus too. This has been a constant that has been honored on both sides.
I still pray for his salvation every second of every day.
Another tension I have in pariticular is if it is honoring to my husband, whom I love so much, to admit to others that our marriage was not so wise.
So, there you have it. MY life of Christian/agnostic matrimony
Thanks for being so open Jill.
A Christian can marry an atheist.I was an atheist,my wife wasn’t.Long story made short,12 years later,after lots of prayer and patience on her part,I became a Christian.Since then,our marriage has been much stronger.
So,I think a Jew could marry a Christian.But,eventually one partner will want the relationship to go towards their faith.If the Jew believes in Jesus,it could work.If not,I don’t think it would.
Bottom line,if the love is there,the rest should fall into place.
While I wouldn’t necessarily recommend a couple who was dating enter into an interfaith marriage, I will say that we don’t know what will happen. I married a man who was a strong Christian (Bible college student) and in the past year, he has become an atheist. And while being in an interfaith marriage is new to us (and yes, we have four children who have been raised as Christians), we have found the transition to be easier than I would have guessed.
As Mysoul said, marriage, no matter what, takes work. Again, I don’t want to say that this has been easy, but it has also not been a deal breaker.
I think if you are dogmatic about your faith, you should marry someone who is likewise.
I see the greater potential for conflict occurring after the birth of children. Kids ask the toughest questions, and on some issues parents will want to speak with one voice.
“Can” and “should” are two different things. God wasn’t calling it sin, he was giving the gift of wisdom when he said do not be unevenly yoked. Think about what a yoke is: a device by which to evenly matched oxen are connected in order to pull a cart, a plow or engage in other such manual labor. If God is using this metaphor, then the point is you will be overly burdened should YOU CHOOSE to yoke yourself with someone who does not share your faith or your manifestation of faith. It’s hard enough for couples who DO go to the same church/believe just about all the same things to: manage and agree upon their finances, their roles and duties in marriage, sex, as parents, food to eat, vacations to take, the temperature of the house and if the seat should be up or down and who should be the one to keep it that way.
God is a lot smarter than we are when it comes to relationships; he’s trying to help you when he says: do not be unevenly yoked.
For me, it would be very difficult to marry outside my own denomination. Don’t get me wrong, I love all of my brothers and sisters in Christ no matter their denomination. That said, being a Seventh-day Adventist is so different. #1 – we have a completely different worship day! And keeping the Sabbath holy is very different than Sunday observance. It is truly a 24 hour period devoted to God where we put aside the things we normally do in favor of spending time with the Lord – no shopping, no mowing the lawn, you just give up on the things you would do for yourself and you truly allow yourself to rest in Him – opting for Bible study, nature walks with the family, talking about and thinking about Christ and what He means to us, and reaching out to our community. I know so many Adventists who have married non-Adventists and 100% of the time their spouse does not attend church with them, does not spend the Sabbath with them, and shows no interest. These Adventists spend every Sabbath without their spouse and they feel so empty and alone. #2 – most Adventists are vegetarian – so that can be a huge hurdle to overcome. A meat-and-potatoes man could not possibly be happy when his wife serves him up lentil-loaf. LOL! There are a lot of other little things that are different too, but those are the two major ones.
As far as a Christian marrying a non-Christian, the bible is very clear. “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?” 2 Cor. 6:14.
I will share my thought from personal experience. I was a Christian and I previously married an Agnostic. I married him because he was more important than Jesus to me at the time. I put him first and I put our differences aside because he mattered to me most. And then, we couldn’t agree on anything. So, my point is…..I believe that if you marry outside of your faith, then your faith is not first. If your faith is not first, I believe then that you don’t have your faith on your side. On the other hand, when you put faith first, (in my case, Jesus), then I believe you won’t marry someone with a different faith.
I do still and will always believe that a Christian spouse can help their non-Christian spouse find salvation…..and so I still believe that God wills this to happen in certain cases….because ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE.
This comment is dead on. Thank you so much for sharing.
I agree with many of those here about can vs should. Who am I to say they can’t or shouldn’t but for me it was not an option. My husband and I are both Christians but came from different denominations, that tiny difference alone has caused some serious debates on how we raise our children. If we can have these debates when we both agree that Jesus Christ is our Lord and Savior, I can only imagine the stress caused if one of the two denies this truth. We all make decisions based on what we think is best at the time but if you plan on having children, things that seemed “no big deal” when it was just the two of you suddenly become very important. Great topic!!
I do believe that being of the same faith has my husband has been good for both my marriage, and for me personally.
Ephesians 5:22? Impossible (in my mind, anyway…) if one’s husband is not of the same faith. But I know my husband to be a good Christian man who cares about my needs and listens to my concerns. That makes submission possible (though not necessarily a piece of cake…)
I think if you are able to disconnect from the emotional aspect of actual human beings behind words like “Christian” and “Atheist” and “Jew” it is pretty easy to say that yes, believers should marry believers. As a Christian who invested 7 years in a dating relationship with a Jewish man before ultimately walking away, primarily for reasons of faith (how do we raise children when mommy and daddy don’t agree about Jesus??), I have to admit that those things aren’t so clear anymore. He remains the man I consider to be the most Godly and loving man I’ve known…far more than any Christian man I’ve dated in the years since. I struggle with whether my priorities then were right, whether I took the easy way out by walking away, and whether or not I made a huge error based on that difference in religion when all other things were in line.
So I guess my answer is…I have no clue. I just know it’s a really easy question to answer in principle, but it’s not that easy when there are real people and emotions in play.
Thanks Pete for opening that can of worms! AMEN to Jeremy and James.
I’m struggling with this in my dating life so this question is VERY timely.
It would feel so much better to be dating/ married to a man who is actively pursuing his own relationship with Christ, who encourages and supports my relationship with Christ, and who would provide leadership and guidance to my family’s spiritual life. (My mind already wants to reject that ideal as impossible but God has a plan for me. Yes, God has a plan. LOL!)
Do I believe that Christ would use us to plant the seed with someone whose soul needs to be saved? Yes. But I also believe that Satan would use the non-believer to pull me away from my relationship with God. Just dating someone who is a Christian but not actively pursuing a relationship with Christ is a distraction from my own relationship with Christ. That feels weak when I say it out loud but it’s something I’m presently dealing with. (This post strikes pretty close to home for me.)
Regardless of what I think, I need to pray to God about my relationship. Then listen for and actually obey the answer. That feels a lot less overwhelming than trying to figure it all out ahead of time.
Shannon- Don’t ever lower your bar.
I think this is one of these things were we need to ask not what can I do, but what is the BEST thing for me to do. Maybe non-Christians and Christians sometimes make it work, but being married to someone who encourages you to grow in faith and will be more likely to support the tough decisions that being a disciple sometimes entails rather than just tolerating your faith will very likely be a better choice
I married a non-christian. Praise GOd, he is now saved and actively persuing Christ and His Way. But, sadly, this is NOT the norm. We cannot know if our unbelieveing spuse will be saved. I know of a woman who prayed every day of her marriage for her husband to be saved. He died not.
I agree with CFloyd… God is SO much smarter than us, and He KNOWS what works. Life with a non-christian husband was miserable, even thought I loved him. Having a saved one makes working out the differences and tensions SO much easier, as we see them through the eyes of a gracious Christ
*ahem* Please excuse all the spelling mistakes. Tying one handed while feeding a baby her bottle :S
I dunno, I mean, when you look at denominations, etc, we’re talking about being a divided people. That wasn’t God’s plan. You also have to look at what SHOULD be at the foundation of the relationship with a husband and wife, which is Christ. How are you suppose to raise a family if you are divided from the get-go?
You can…but I don’t think you should. 2 Corinithians 6:14 is pretty clear, I would say. But the whole denomination thing. Now that adds a little something something to the mix! When I did marry, I married someone who had been raised in “The Local Church”, and I was a Baptist with Mennonite overtones. There are very important points of agreement. And there are a couple of things where we just look at each other & agree to disagree. None of it will affect our salvation. Certainly has been good as to conflict resolution & which hill to die on.
I honestly think that you need to marry someone who is on the same spiritual page as you. What does light and dark have in common? I dated a Christian guy of a different denominaiton before and he was trying to change me and I stuck to my guns and told him I will NOT change the way I worship Jesus and my spiritual beliefs. The two have to be like-minded. Sure they will have differences on some controversial topics, etc… But for the most part, their spiritual beliefs need to be aligned to the Word of God.
Before we married, my husband was Baptist. I have been born/raised Methodist since day one. My grandparents were charter members of my church, and now my son is a fourth generation member. However, I did not actively pursue my husband becoming Methodist – he chose it on his own. My one request was that he attended church with me, even if he went to another one at a differing time.
I think my belief comes from watching my parents’ marriage. They have been married 29 years, the entire time my mom being Methodist and my dad being Catholic. My dad attended church with us each Sunday – he would go to his church early Sunday morning, come home, eat breakfast, and go to Sunday school/church with us. One of my former pastors said he would pick my dad over some of the supposed members of the church who never did anything. Did they have to discuss some key issues? Probably. However, they made it work… and I admire them greatly for that!
I just married into a Jewish family this past weekend, although my wife has followed Jesus for the past 3 years. Check out how we did the interfaith Ceremony here: http://jesuslovesdesign.tumblr.com/post/898819723/photos-from-my-wedding
The photos of the Chuppah and the breaking of the glass are at Shyla’s blog, linked in mine.
I am 100% fine with people choosing to marry someone of a different faith. In fact, my best friend from high school is Hindu and she is marrying a Catholic this September. Also, a girlfriend from college, who is protestant, is marrying a Jewish guy next summer.
Who am I to judge? Let me them love and work it out!
I have seen too many spiritual single parents to think they should. I’m also unsure how two people are able to grow closer together unless they are both growing closer to the Living God together. Random thoughts….
As a single person dating, my biggest standard is a christian actively pursuing Christ and His Kingdom. I can’t imagine ever marrying someone who isn’t 100% in love with Christ. It’s just not even an option for me. I have lots of single friends who don’t even consider the issue of faith until they have already given their heart away, then they end up staying in the relationship and putting thier faith on the backburner. I’m not saying that is always the case, but as singles we should have standards (certain things we will not waiver on), and the very FIRST one should be someone who is a believer. Not going to the same church on Sundays, not praying together, not discussing God’s calling in my life, is simply not even an option for this christian.
Glad you raised this, Pete, and even at the bottom of all these responses, I’ll offer that a couple does well to agree on grace, forgiveness, hope and how they see themselves guided to make decisions. Yes, Christians have wide variance (re Calvin/Armenius), and the biggest challenge I hear these days from a few rabbis is the rising number of Jews marrying outside their faith. Couples seldom know what they share in common…not a good way to launch a marriage.
hey pete-
would you have participated/officiated in a wedding like this? as a pastor, what do you see as your role?
(i’m not asking from a divisive/setting you up kind of place, but a ‘i’m a pastor and wonder what to do when these situations arise’ kind of place)
One of my most favorite Pastor-Leaders, Tim Keller, was once asked a revealing question: “Does the Bible prohibit interracial marriages?”
Tim paused only for a second and said, “Yes. The Bible does prohibit interracial marriages.”
Silence… a calm hush of shock fell upon the crowd. Tim continued to solicit questions. And then Tim quickly circled back (Eg, Tim’s sense of humor, truth and timing, knowing he had somewhat casually dropped a way politically incorrect bomb on the crowd.
And then he said, “Oh, and let me remind you that the Bible defines “race” as a) those who believe in Jesus Christ, and b) those who do not believe in Jesus Christ.”
God desires that the special and holy covenant of marriage be under The Covenant–the Old (in Abrahamic, etc) and New Testament (Jesus Christ) promise of God to shed His own blood for the sins of the world… For those who believe in His Son, Jesus Christ.
Any other form of “marriage vow” or “covenant promise” will be based upon works and not grace–”Amazing Grace”!