I’m discovering more and more that it’s embarrassingly difficult for me to be with just God.
I love the idea.
I know the importance.
But I often find myself carving time out to be in His presence only to be drawn away by this gnawing urge to return as quickly as possible to “productivity.”
Why is this so difficult for me?
The idea of slowing down and halting productivity long enough to look at my life and heart completely exposed before God is terrifying to me. My fear drives me to avoid my need to quiet the noise in my life, pull away from people, or to cease the constant striving to perform.
As Dallas Willard puts it in “The Spirit of the Disciplines”…
“Silence is frightening because it strips us as nothing else does, throwing us upon the stark realities of our life. It reminds us of death, which will cut us off from this world and leave only us and God. And in the quiet, what if there turns out to be very little between us and God?”
Pete, I get what you’re saying, and I don’t know why it’s so difficult.
I was talking to my husband last night about how difficult it is for me to really and truly pray. I “talk” to God all day long, thanking him for blessings, asking for forgiveness, just quick little prayers here and there. But to really sit down (or get on my knees) and fervently pray? Why is it so hard?
Pete….I am really fighting with this right now especially because there are so many outside factors pulling and pulling at me. It seems like every part of my day is taken and that by the time I get to free time I am exhausted and just want to go to bed.
How does one put aside quiet time? How does one make that break when we all have insane amounts of responsibility?
Tough to do.
Very tough.
However, I’m convinced that if we’re going to be serious about becoming more like Christ we’ve got to carve out this essential time.
Let me know if you discover a secret a long the way.
For me it HAS to be first thing in the morning, preferably before others in the house start stirring. It’s early enough that the phone won’t be ringing, offices aren’t open, and I’m “fresh” mentally…there hasn’t been time for me to start thinking about issues I have. I journal my prayers. This helps me to stay on track from my mind wondering. Each day I start off with the “thank You’s”. That helps to put any fussing and complaining I might have wanted to do as trivial. I like journaling my prayers alongside reading a devotion from “My Utmost for His Highest” or “The Daily Walk Bible”. But the MAIN thing is to set aside that time early in the morning before the day’s activities hit you. Let your first prayer/conversation/journal be about this struggle! Ü
I find myself turning on the television for background noise even if there is nothing on.
We’re sick aren’t we?
Silence with God can definitely bring about all of those insecure and scary feelings that you (and Dallas) are talking about. BUT, it is also a place where we can connect with the amazing love that God has for us, and where we can experience his unmerited grace. When your heart is open before God, put out of your mind the idea of him judging you or being angry with you. Instead, allow yourself to feel him pouring his grace over you and washing away the fear and shame.
Totally agree Kim but I also believe that part of receiving that grace is coming to complete terms with why we need that grace. Seeing my sin and just how far I fall short of a Holy God is not only scary but necessary.
It really is amazing how hard it is to just BE. Between noise everywhere, trying to get so much done & everything else in the world it really is very hard.
A little over a year ago I fasted from music…anyone who knows me knows this was very hard. In the car, at home, working, working out, whatever I did I did it without music. It was hard but it did help me dial in with God a little more.
I believe it was Henri Nouwen that said, “Silence is the furnace for our own transformation” (or something REALLY similar) . I think we avoid it for this reason.
I have had seasons of my life that I HATED being quiet with God because I knew what would bubble to the surface during those moments and I was sick of crying and thinking about difficult things. So I avoided.
I think the thing that has worked best for me is to schedule it regularly. Go to the mountain or the lake. Turn everything electronic off and sit with the Lord for AWHILE. It’s so hard, that’s why I believe we have to schedule. And I’ll admit I’ve not done well since I quit my staff position because I’m dealing with so many emotions. Being still and quiet (as stated above) can bring all the “junk” to the surface…….. so I’ve avoided.
And btw Pete, performance appraisals are generally all about productivity, even in the church world. This is why I think staff policies should have elements in them that give their (busy!!!) staff permission to take spiritual breaks. They are hired to be spiritual leaders, so this is a necessity!
Funny this is your post today, Pete…I wrote about the same thing. I’ve had such trouble in the past just resting and spending time with God. I’ve learned over this month the importance of it in so many ways.
Honest.
It’s a learned thing that gets easier everytime it’s tried. Just do it Pete!
I totally agree.
fairly sure for me it’s not the quiet and the still that gets to me. it’s a strong desire to connect to the internet, check emails, look at my blog stats, read other blogs, [and i would insert 'facebook here,' but managed to delete that time suck].
i’ve found that if i’ll just go somewhere away from a computer, it’s easy for me to be still and rest in God. lucky for me that’s super easy to do in rural africa.
i also enjoy the quiet of running goat trails in the middle of nowhere, tanzania.
so much easier to turn the sound UP and shout prayers than turn it down and listen for His voice. there’s so much vulnerability in silence. i want to like the awkward silence with God. or just be better at being there and making time for that risk.
I work at a church where we as the ministry staff are required to take at least one day a month in silence and solitude. And we’re held accountable for that day! It has made a huge difference in my life and my ministry. Having the permission to stop producing and continento grow has been very freeing. I think it should be staff policy at every church!
Love it!
I read something Joyce Meyer tweeted on July 20th about “One of the best gifts we can give ourselves is time alone with God.” It SO just hit me, but it’s something that He wants, not just for us, but for Him! Not that He needs anything, but He wants time with us. Such a time of recharging….but I find that I sit there & pray (no problem talking!! Haha!) but don’t LISTEN as often as I should. Great post today, thank you for your words!
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Pete,
Tremendous blog to “this” pastor. In fact, just yesterday I found myself alone in my study/office and felt a tap on my shoulder nudging me to take a knee and to pray. I quickly responded. Within ten seconds my phone “beeped” with a text message – so, I broke from prayer to “quickly” respond. FIFTEEN MINUTES later I finished my text, went to the M&M machine, and scarfed down a handful of tasty chocolate (that’s how I deal with failure). If truth be known, I think the verse I struggle with the most is, “Peace be still.”
Thanks for your transparency, Pete. I’m heading to the M&M machine right now!
I’ve been there so many times Brad!!
Unparalleled accuracy, uneqvioucal clarity, and undeniable importance!
experienced this last nite and reading this today makes me feel even less weird than I was…..thanks
Perhaps this is the gift that liturgical and monastic traditions give us – structured times and prayers to develop the habit
For me, i’ve avoided the listening portion of time with God because i get frustrated that i don’t often hear Him the way that others seem to. And i haven’t the faintest clue what i’m doing wrong. I sit & wait, but hear nothing.
Sometimes i think there is an exclusive Christian Club & i just don’t know the secret handshake yet.
The part that gets me is this question: “And in the quiet, what if there turns out to be very little between us and God?”
I know it’s going to turn out that there’s very little between me and God – every. time. At least, it’s going to feel like it. I want to achieve, I want to be significant, or at least *feel* significant about me. But sitting silently quietly before God makes me feel insignificant about me.
Eventually, if I sit quietly long enough,God’s majesty overwhelms my pity party. Basking in God’s majesty is pretty cool. I don’t enjoy the waiting; I don’t enjoy the feeling of insignificance that I have to endure before I can really experience God’s majesty. So I avoid it.
I wonder if Moses ever muttered under his breath, “I don’t wanna go sit in front of that stupid tent.” Maybe? Even just once?
I bet he did.
Silence is very difficult for me too. Willard definitely hits the nail on the head with what he says.
Unfortuately I think we sometimes think the things we “need to do” is too important ….we’re too important when He is the one who should lead our days. How can we be heading the right direction if we never slow down enough to ask for direction. It could be we’re too afraid what direction He’ll send us too.
I went to college in Milwaukee and each year over fall & spring breaks Sister Stella would organize a week long solitude retreat to Door County, WI. It was a wonderful retreat center and everyone had a little room with just a bed, nightstand and lamp. We brought journals and Sister Stella brought art supplies. We could wander all the fields, create with the art, journal or do whatever we wanted in TOTAL SILENCE. We all ate meals together in silence as well, it was really beautiful. For one hour each night after dinner, we got together to sing and pray. The first night was pretty brutal but by the time we were driving back to campus none of us wanted the radio on and we didn’t talk much. It was so nice to just BE STILL. Reality quickly intruded and we adjusted back to noisy campus life, but for one week twice a year I was blessed to be able to escape it all. I really need to make time to do that again each year.
Pete, you’ve hit on a very important topic to me. Years ago, I experienced some amazing spiritual retreats with long periods of silence and time alone with God. I was terrified the first time, and found myself craving them after the first one.
However, though years ago I thought I had found a feeling of being comfortable in being alone with God, it was only on my own terms, in my own timing, when I could fit it into my life.
The past 8 years have been a journey of having all my “doing” stripped by a chronic illness. I read everyone’s posts, yours included about all the things tugging at them, and I realize I have taken a new and deeper step into learning to be with God.
The first couple of years of my illness, as I had to back out of ministry after ministry, I was left feeling that there was nothing I could do for God.
I spent hours soaking my aching body in the Hot Tub, literally crying out to God. He reminded me of my primary goal – to Love Him with all my heart. And my answer to him was “How can I show you I love you if I can’t DO anything for you?”
In His still quiet way, He kept telling me to love him, and I have spent years, learning to love and spend time with God, while feeling quite inadequate as a “productive” Christian.
It’s been an amazing journey!!! It still is.
Many people say to me “I wish I could take naps… I wish I had more time in my day to relax like you”. But in reality, they love their busy lives, and I know why. It’s HARD and SCARY to be left alone with God… approaching Him with empty hands. But I’m finding out that he welcomes me into His presence empty handed.
It’s a hard experience to explain, but I hope that made sense. Couldn’t resist leaving this comment
Thanks! And thanks for your blog!
Thank you so much for sharing Melanie. That was supremely helpful.
Thanks for sharing. I soooo struggle with this. I am forever feeling guilty even when I am on my knees thinking I need to be productive. Guilty that my quiet times run into “work” time. I have to guard my heart from even filling my quiet time with trying to produce the affirmations He is showing me. It takes conscious effort for me to be quiet and I need to work to develop that skill. The eternal importance is what I need to focus on vs. the “tyranny of the urgent” or even filling it with bible study. Just need one on one conversing with the Holy Spirit…gotta do it. Thanks Pete!
I’m getting my Master’s in Spiritual Formation. Part of the requirement is a quarterly 48 hour silent retreat culminating in a three week intensive silent retreat aided only by a one hour/day meeting with a Spiritual Director. I have found those times of silence to be some of the most profound of my life – and yet, here’s the kicker…I came back down off the mountain into daily living and the silence makes me squirm, look for the exit, or try to run from God. I don’t get it. I know the value, have tasted and seen the Lord is good, and yet I STILL struggle to heed the call to simply BE with Him. I applaud you for addressing it. So many pastors lack the courage to be honest about the reality of their own struggles. Your transparency always encourages, challenges, and convicts. Thanks for the important reminder.
I wonder if we become uncomfortable in God’s presence (in the silent, quiet moments where we are not “striving” or being “productive”) because there is some fear that we will be rejected? Perhaps we don’t truly trust the extended grace God provides because we ourselves don’t know quite how to give it? In a world of busyness, perhaps the most unnerving experience is to perceived ourselves through the Father’s heart…wholly forgiven.
It is difficult, but it becomes easy with practise. Allow yourself to be.
It is a struggle(I struggle with it most times) but you get a glimpse of light and warmth every now and then and it is worth the practise.
Powerful stuff bro…so true…
This shouldn’t be hard.
It should be looked forward to.
A time of peace.
Disconnect (that means cell phone too) find yourself a cool place a place of solitude. Maybe a solo walk.
Like it says through out the WORD: “in a closet” “on a roof top” “on a mountain” or “a stones cast away” to name a few.
Remember GODS grace his unmeasurable love.
Give him that time he cant wait to love on you.
Cut me to the heart. You know how there’s those people that you don’t have to say “hello” to because no greeting is needed? You just start talking. I hate it when I feel like I have to say “hello” to God.
Don’t say hello just talk to Him. He listens and cares.
This reminds me of two things:
1. In silence there is wisdom. Are you afraid to grow?
2. A wise pastor named Rick White had this to say when I asked him when’s the best time to read the Bible and be with God: You want to give God your BEST. What time of day is YOUR best? I’m not saying it’s easy for me to follow this advise. Too many things in our world pulling for our attention. We just have to make a conscious effort to slow down, create boundaries and decide what’s really important.
When we as Christians say we put God first how come we fall short of making time for Him? Is it fear or a matter of prioritizing our time?
Pete, I am replying a day late – so you may never see this, but I too struggle with silence. I, in fact, run from God when I know He has exactly what I need.
Hybels writes in Courageous Leadership that church leaders the world over share with him, privately, “in hushed tones that they have never been able to establish and sustain a close, consistent vital walk with Jesus Christ.” Then, he writes that some years back he began to notice that “various leaders whom I respected went about their walks in vastly different ways.”
Hybels then relates how he came across a book by Gary Thomas called Spiritual Pathways – which he highly recommends – saying that as we have different gifts and personalities, we also have different pathways to communing with the Lord that fit us better than others. Examples were relational, intellectual, serving, contemplative, activist, creation and worship.
The monk in me wants to say this is an easy way out. Getting and staying close to God should somehow be a tough, hard job that pains us to do – purifying, I guess. But then the Holy Spirit reminds me…
“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.” Matt 11:28-30 (MSG)
So Pete, what do you think?
I sincerely believe we all struggle with this from time to time. I often find that just ‘doing nothing’ in God’s presence is waisted time, yet over the years I experienced amazing benefits to just being still and waiting quietly on God. When we give God the opportunity to talk (we have the tendency to always talk in His presence) and we listen He’ll start to talk.
Thanks Pete for sharing – I am like many others who struggle to make God time a priority but your right – it is extremely important in our walk with Him. To quote my husband – “If you don’t want to spend time with God now, why would you want to spend an eternity with Him in heaven?”
Brother Pete: If you don’t stop sharing the same struggles that I have…!!! I am not sure if this is simply our Protestant Work Ethic or what, but I too measure “quality” by “productivity”…even in my relationship with God. Truly, I think this is one of the things that only God can solve in my life.