What Community Doesn’t Do
I’m a huge fan of community. I write and preach about how important and essential I believe it is quite often. But today I want to remind you of what community doesn’t do.
In Clowning in Rome
We constantly feel tempted to want more from those around us than they can give. We relate to our neighbors with the hope and the supposition that they are able to fulfill most of our deepest needs, and then we find ourselves disillusioned, angry, and frustrated when they do not.
We know when we expect someone else to…
complete us
take our pain away
understand us completely
heal us
that we are expecting something which cannot be given by another human being. But while we know this is illogical our loneliness and brokenness still pushes us to expect it anyway leaving us disillusioned and angry.
There are some things community just can’t do.
It’s those false expectations that often cause the biggest breakdowns (read: fights) in Community. When expectations are not met we feel betrayed and lash out or withdraw via rejection of the community as if it is their fault.
This is so good. I never had thought about it that way. Guess it goes back to, “Your greatest temptation is not to chase after what is ridiculously evil but what is deceptively good.”
Totally agree!
My counselor taught me this during a time I was disillusioned and angry because my family and friends don’t understand something that was going on in my life.
She said that some things only God understands … seek him. That was the best thing she could have told me.
Great quote from one of the few Nouwen books I haven’t read.
Great post today…I’m preaching on the 8th commandment & about how it’s all about community on Sunday.
It’s a great book Dan. You should read it.
I’ll have to.
In the Name of Jesus is one of my all-time favorite books though.
Ugh!…
I needed to hear this today. My wife and I are working on our community together and I think maybe I have been having unrealistic expectations.
Henri Nouwen is one of my favorites. Great wisdom here.
I fall into that trap often David!!
“Expectations are the root of dissappointments” Cant remember where I read that quote. Yes, its true. Its not just expections we have about others but also about ourselves. It does good to reflect and introspect to see what is realistic under the circumstances.
Isn’t it great that community doesn’t meet all those needs.
….
cause otherwise we wouldn’t need God.
Pete, I have found myself longing for these things in the past with friends and recently with my boyfriend. I realize that GOD is the only one that has ALREADY given me way more than enough and I am moving forward with that promise to do mission work and serve Him with everything. I am sooo excited to see what adventures He has in store…
These are also good things to NOT expect your spouse to be able to do either. Only God can do these things.
Yep!!
“There are some things community just can’t do.”
Yes, but let us not forget that there is nothing that God cannot do. He is The One who can provide for our every need, heal our every hurt and knows us better than we know ourselves.
The description of what community cannot do is EXACTLY what God can and even wants to do.
Great words…I think you are on the front lines of this thought today…everything screams COMMUNITY and it (in some ways) is a false hope.
I totally had this conversation Sunday night. As I am learning more about the Lord, I am faced with the fact that I have to learn to love myself. Deep breath. I am learning that it is not selfish, prideful, etc… and I have to be ok with me before I can have the authentic relationships I desire. I can not find my security from my spouse, my children, nada. I have to find my security in Christ alone. Thanks for the good reminder.
great thought.
it’s nice to think that we also cannot do these things either.
let’s ditto all those things for marriage. my guess is that those same unrealistic expectations have ended (or doomed from the very outset) many a marriage.
I think sometimes we seek community because we don’t want to be alone and have to face our brokenness or work on our past hurts to find healing with Christ. Yes, community supports us and can bring a lot of enrichment to our lives but we can also use it as a buffer when we want to avoid ourselves and the hard work God is calling us to do in ourselves.
Luke 4:18-19 though A community of Christ followers isn’t the source, it is often a catalyst towards one’s healing, fulfillment of purpose, completion, etc. What you share here is truth, but I’ve seen it used time & time again as an excuse for unrighteous behavior & neglect of the flock. Great reminder where our hope lies Pete. Thanks.
Those needs are valid, but we cannot look to humanity to fulfill them. Only God can!
This point hits home. It is what I just wrote about on my last post as well.
Beautifully said!
It is a vicious cycle. There is a God-shaped void in all of us. We either look to others to validate us, or we look to the one who created us. While validation is often a missing link in our society, only He can sustain us in the areas you mentioned.
I am a strong advocate of community or common-unity! We must first recognize our responsibility to know Him, then in turn point others in the same direction. Before you know it we have a healthy, whole, viable community! This is much better than the alternative of having angry, bitter, distrusting, people that duplicate their behavior.
Some tend to enable others who appear to be co-dependent. They themselves, in fact, are the co-dependent ones continuously creating the need to be depended upon.
Thank you so much for this enlightenment!
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Pete, you are absolutely on target here. Thank you! I hope we can take it one step further, not just telling people what community doesn’t do, but helping them learn how to take those things that feel like needs into a vital relationship with Christ. Expectations is a major area of disillusionment and frustration, and until we learn to handle them correctly we can feel like our faith fails or the Gospel is not enough. People end up thinking and feeling that they need “Christ and community and….”
Wow… how timely this is, Pete. Thanks for this. =)
All true Pete BUT…
Unfortunately in a higher & higher stressed digital age, community has to meet more connecting needs than it is meeting or depression will continue to deepen n be even more widespread.
I’m an optimist and God is my sufficiency, n I hv n make friends easily. I’m happy. But many others aren’t:/
this is awesome!
such a true reminder…thank you
True, and there are some things that community is not responsible for.
So true and such a good reminder.
Cheep heyecan. Size en yakın şube Yakında.
Wow. Thanks for posting this. Especially today. I really needed it. I put too much into my community.
I’ve struggled with that probably my whole life, but especially over the last few weeks. Thanks for the reminder and the encouragement to look to the One that does all of those things! Thankful that I have a God that is bigger than all of my struggles!
Thanks Pete!
Only the community of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.
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