This past Sunday we launched a new series entitled “People of the Second Chance.” We showed a video on Sunday about the power of secrets, which is a subject I’ve written about before. I was so proud of Elisa and her willingness to step up and share her story. I don’t know too many people who are brave enough to share this…
I was shocked the other day to read at the current rate, one in three American women will have at least one abortion by the time they reach age 45. Interestingly, 78% of these women report having a religious affiliation.
Anyway you spin the stats here’s the reality, our churches are full of women who are carrying a tremendous amount of guilt regarding an abortion they’ve had. For the most part, the church is silent on the issue primarily because it’s become such a political hot button. However, our silence on the issue (usually because we’re wisely trying to be sensitive), has left thousands upon thousands of women wondering if they could ever be forgiven, which is simply compounding the emotional hell they’re going through.
I don’t know about you but, I’m so happy I worship a God of second chances.
I appreciate Elisa’s transparency, and I’m with you: I’m so happy we worship a God of second chances! Who among us doesn’t need that second chance?
.-= Melissa´s last blog ..What Have You Done For Me Lately? =-.
That was a powerful video and I too appreciate her willingness to share so honestly. As I was watching I kept thinking about how we never really know what sort of pain people are carrying around on the inside. So thankful God is a God of second chances.
.-= joyce´s last blog ..Martha would not be so proud =-.
Everyone needs healing.
Thanks for this post, the video, and the series.
.-= Ric´s last blog ..The Network-Outage Blues =-.
If we could all be as open, honest, and brave as Elisa…
.-= Sarah´s last blog ..Make A Difference Monday =-.
Our championing of the truth concerning the sanctity of life for all ages and all levels of ability/development (including the handicapped and aged) is crucial. It must always be bathed in the grace and love that communicates the healing power of Jesus. He truly is the God of second (and third, and fourth, etc.) chances. I praise Him for that reality!
.-= Randy Kinnick´s last blog ..Re-Creation =-.
While many churches silent, or at least very quiet, about their position on abortion, many church-goers are not. It’s especially conflicting when the pulpit is teaching redemption and grace, but the body is showing judgment and condemnation.
When a woman is carrying around a secret such as this, or when a believer is carrying around ANY secret, it is especially easy for a comment made in passing over dinner or in a small group to undo a year’s worth of preaching about grace and redemption.
How many times do people struggle with confessing the same sin over and over, because they don’t feel forgiven? Is it God who has not forgiven, or could it be that the body has made them feel like God could not forgive?
I don’t pretend to know what every church body is like, but I know that in my experience, it’s been especially difficult for me to believe that I could really be forgiven, when small group leaders and friends speak about other women who have had abortions in such a negative and judgmental way.
I think it’s important for the body to remember that God is about second chances for ALL who love Him, not just the ones who fit nicely into the church-goer mold.
So true. I personally have two very close and dear friends that have had abortions. I have always been pro-life and they know that, but I have always held that I can only decided what I do – not what others do. I never say what I think others should do or be, just what standards I hold for myself.
It is definitely tricky though. Because I know their hearts and know they have guilt over it – they have a tendency to paint me as judgmental, even though I have never judged them for what they did.
So I think the problem goes both ways really. The guilty paint everyone around them as judgmental because of their own guilt. And sadly, too many people have a tendency to judge when we shouldn’t.
.-= Kim´s last blog ..My Prayer =-.
This is a huge issue Melish. It speaks to the larger issue of how we’re going to approach truth and grace in the Body of Christ.
I read the following this morning:
Psalm 103:8-11 (New International Version)
8 The LORD is compassionate and gracious,
slow to anger, abounding in love.
9 He will not always accuse,
nor will he harbor his anger forever;
10 he does not treat us as our sins deserve
or repay us according to our
iniquities.
11 For as high as the heavens are above the
earth,so great is his love for those
who fear him;
In His great love we can find forgiveness, no matter how we have offended Him. He truly is a God of second chances.
.-= Dusty Rayburn´s last blog ..BE! =-.
I will have to watch the video later when I am on a network that allows streaming video
I think that this topic (along with homosexuality and divorce) are very touchy subjects in the community of faith.
We struggle with Grace and Truth. We need both in order not to create a wall that people are afraid to go around AND to avoid creating the sense of license or liberty to sin in those areas.
I wonder out of the stats that you quoted above, how many of those women (and supporting men) knew that God did not favor that decision but chose to abort the baby anyway?
Pete – how do you address that part of the community…. the ones that want God as a backup plan?
By the way – I am not casting stones, I am asking from a sincere heart as to how we address any ‘accepted’ sin when speaking to people in both truth and grace.
.-= Tony York´s last blog ..The God we want? =-.
Great question Tony. The research is indicating that most of them felt it was probably the wrong thing to do in advance.
In fact it’s other religious pressures that often drive the decision.
One of the reasons it seems so many Christians are choosing abortion is the fear of judgment. Their afraid of judgment from pregnancies out of wedlock, etc.
I think the church on all the issues listed above has got to do a better job of ministering to the entire person in a open, safe environment or so many of these “secret sins” will continue to flourish.
It seems like a vicious cycle of hiding.
Hey Tony, What form of sin is not “acepted” by the media/world? The kids show on Teen Nick are promoting homosexuality and talking about abortion as an option. I think the sad reality is that so many chruches are NOT worshiping a God of second chances. Truth is all they talk about and Amazing Grace is something you only recieve once. Am I wrong?
I was alluding to the sins that are becoming more prevalent within the church body. There are a myriad of reasons why this is the case… Pete mentioned one of them in his response about ‘secret’ sins.
As far as which bent a certain church is on is probably a matter of perception. There are many who weigh too heavily on doctrine only and become legalistic and judgmental while others may be on the other end of the scale of freedom through Grace and theirs is a message of license and tolerance.
Both of these extremes can-be/are unhealthy. The bible says that Christ came in truth and grace. Grace means nothing to the person who has never faced the truth of their situation.
I think that is why Paul spent so much time explaining past, present, and future salvation to the Romans. There was a past moment when the Christian turned their life over to Christ (Regeneration/Justification) but there is also a present salvation that all of must be aware of. It is the work of this present salvation (sanctification) by which we grow and mature to be more like Christ. We continue to learn what separates us from His character and we repent of those things in order to maintain a healthy Christian walk. We will be in this state until we die. That future salvation (Glorification) we occur when we are perfected by the author of our salvation outside of this worldly body of clay.
None of us have arrived that are still living. Which should be a reminder that we need to be ready to share truth IN grace.
.-= Tony York´s last blog ..The God we want? =-.
Your question “how do you address that part of the community…. the ones that want God as a backup plan?” has been rolling around in my head all day today and I have been trying to figure out how to respond. I know you said you weren’t casting stones but I can’t help but feel like you were. I believe that you sincerely want to help but please be careful with how you approach it. That very attitude of “that part of the community” is what keeps women (and men) in silence. As one who shares this story and who know God would not approve I can promise you it was not done with an attitude of using grace as a license to sin. I have walked with many women who share this story and none of them felt that way, either. Bottom line is that we are all broken – every last one of us and we all need His Grace. As a counselor who has sat with many people with completely different stories than mine the biggest thing I can do is just offer my understanding of broken and the story of redemption- so that is what you can do. You may not share their story but you can share that you know “broken” and usually that in itself can lead to healing.
.-= Kori´s last blog ..Butterflies and poop =-.
Kori,
I appreciate the feedback and please understand that my intent was not to cast stones. My question was not meant for any one slice of the church body or for those who were seeking grace from a past mistake.
I had hoped to introduce a question concerning those who claim Christ and who choose to sin because they are ‘counting on Christ’s forgiveness’. That question is directed at myself as much as the next person sitting in the pew.
I know this is a hard question and I think that Pete brought to light one important point linked to past abortions that can also be said of many other areas of sin – that being secret sins can lead to bigger issues.
.-= Tony York´s last blog ..The God we want? =-.
Although there are differences in our stories – I share Elisa’s story. For years I hid my secret and suffered alone in unbearable shame. One of the biggest changing moments for me when i knew with certainty God was pursuing my heart was at church when one of our pastors spoke – he was talking about grace and started listing all kinds of things the cross was meant for and in my mind I said “That is great but there is NO way he will say abortion” and as soon as I had the thought he included abortion. That began an incredible journey of me truly discovering who God was and how amazing His love and grace are – even for me. So when I sat at Cross Point this Sunday I was so excited to hear Elisa’s story and am hopeful for the hearts of the women that were stirred. I am so thankful for a church that isn’t afraid to tell that story for fear of bringing up a political hot button. It is so easy to stand for the unborn (which I think we should) but not so easy to stand with the broken women (and men) who suffer alone.
.-= Kori´s last blog ..Butterflies and poop =-.
Very well said Kori!
This is so sweetly spoken Kori.
To me the enemy’s greatest victory in the tsunami of abortion has not been as much the loss of innocent babies (God has them in His mighty arms instantly) as the silence of the heartbroken church.
My heart dances when I see a church embrace this dark secret.
My love and blessings!!
Pat
Me too…
.-= Lindsey Nobles´s last blog ..Women in the Workforce? =-.
Awesome message Pete! Elisa’s story is so touching in its realness. I am moved that you broached a subject that I know is so painful for so many.
I have been blessed in my life so that I never even had to think about making such a decision (and with my past that is truly by God’s grace). My heart goes out to the hurting.
.-= Kim´s last blog ..My Prayer =-.
Pete you are so right! How can I, imperfect, flawed, and sinful judge anyone! I think that if we, as a whole, focused more on fixing our own relationships with Christ and less on “fixing” others we would be more compelled to LOVE. And isn’t that the root of it all?
.-= Britt´s last blog ..So much =-.
I think one reason people don’t come to the church and stay in fear and never claim the second chance is they have seen others get burnt by the church time and time again. I remember in college a good friend of mine at a christain college was dealing with a problem with drinking and went forward to the church for prayer and help. What he got was closed arms and kicked out the college the same day.
About few years ago I was dealing with a problem myself and was burnt badly by the church also. Not step foot in church for a couple years now till two weeks ago at cross point. Still really don’t trust the church in secound chance yet because I seen and felt words said but not acted out by the church that leaves people in the ashes of fire.
Wow! Very powerful! Praise God for second chances!
.-= Kevin M.´s last blog ..Why can’t we? =-.
I guess you didn’t even need to preach after that.
.-= Darla Baerg´s last blog ..Belle of the Ball =-.
I’m from Serbia (south eastern Europe), and when I watched this story – I cried.
Very touching. Praise the Lord!
This may get lengthy, so I apologize in advance. I am so blessed by Elisa and her story. While I am sorry she had to endure such pain, her willingness to share it is going to bring freedom to many women.
Abortion seems to have been the topic of my week. I have decided recently that I am pro choice. That is so not acceptable in my circle of “friends,” but I have realized the more I start accepting the love of the Lord, the more liberal I become. I am anti abortion, pro life, and pro choice. If the greatest decision I will ever make in my life is whether or not to choose the offer of salvation, how can I try to mandate someone else’s decisions like that? Love. If we were really loving, that’s where the difference would be made. If these young women knew they had somewhere to go that was going to support them and not bring judgement before an abortion, maybe they wouldn’t make that choice. If we loved them afterward, the darkness wouldn’t grow inside of them. Love is where it all is. Crosspoint proved that again through the flood.
Julie,
I am not sure that I understand your position, I hope that you won’t mind if I ask a question that would help me with clarity.
If someone were to come to you who was trying to decide whether or not to have an abortion, how would you counsel them?
.-= Tony York´s last blog ..The God we want? =-.
I would counsel them not to have one, Tony. The thing that I am learning though is that rules aren’t going to change it. We can ban abortion, but people are going to find ways to accomplish it. If the law worked, Jesus wouldn’t have had to die. I guess what I am trying to say, and not doing it very well is, if we are loving people and they don’t have an expectation of harsh judgment, then they are less likely to hide it and walk into the darkness. When my son was 16, he thought his girlfriend was pregnant. I have made so many parenting mistakes I shudder to think about it, but that night, I clearly knew that my response was critical. If I responded in my typical fashion (just being completely real here), it would have come from a place of anger, criticism, and judgment. I think the Lord protected both of us from that. Before I could speak, I saw a vivid picture of my son, as a wounded child, afraid and so needing my love and guidance. That is what he got. I was truthful with him about the fact that it wouldn’t be an easy road, we spoke of adoption, raising the baby, etc… It was a very long and intimate conversation and we connected on a level that we had been missing for a long time.
Right now that same son is dealing drugs, living in a horrible situation, and making choices that are ripping my heart out. I have had several people giving me advice on how to respond and I have followed their advice. I followed their advice to the detriment of my son because it sounded like sound wisdom. The Lord and I have been battling things out lately in a way that I have begun to feel like Jacob wrestling Him in the night, but He keeps bringing me back to love. Love covers a multitude of wrongs. We can picket abortion clinics, we can offer counseling in our churches, we can preach beautiful sermons, but if we aren’t loving people, we are clanging symbols and not worth much. If we could ever reach the wounded with the true message of the love of Christ, the enemy would lose his power in their lives because he torments us with our hidden 2%. If people felt like they didn’t have to hide because they could run to loving redemption, then the church would be unstoppable. Sorry, I don’t know if this is making any sense. It’s just such a burning inside of me right now. Love conquers shame. Judgment breeds it.
Thank you, Julie. I think you answered elegantly.
I, like you, understand that people will choose to sin regardless of what rules we try to put in their way. Sometimes they will choose to do so because of the rules.
We need to be willing to love them regardless of the decisions they have made in their lives. And that should be truer for Christians because we should be the ones that understand grace enough to practice it.
When it comes to instruction, I feel we mess it up because we fail to provide why the instruction is a help to them. Just as if someone were to come to you for counsel on abortion, I can tell from your heart that you would take great pains in explaining why you feel there are other options open to them and the emotional cost that abortion may cause them later on. You would love them enough to explain truth in the most graceful way that you could.
I am deeply touched by the circumstances with your son and I am praying for you both in that situation.
I hope that I have not caused pain by my question because that was not intended. If I have, you have my sincerest apologies.
It sounds like you are pro-person
and that is something that we all need to be. We need to love people in spite of the decisions they make and offer them the truth of God’s grace which is the only way that they can ever be free. Loving people does not mean we endorse their lifestyle choices as you have testified concerning your son. It means we are concerned enough to walk with them through their circumstances. We have to allow the Holy Spirit do what He does best.
I wish I could be like Christ in those moments that He spent with the woman at the well. He met her where she was at. He did the most loving thing He could do for her and that was to offer truth that lead to forgiveness and salvation.
I think that I am now officially rambling.
.-= Tony York´s last blog ..The God we want? =-.
I totally didn’t think you were rambling and I wasn’t hurt by your question at all, but thank you for your sensitivity in checking. I also will so very gladly accept your prayers for my son and myself.
I must say I love the term pro person. I have to confess, I have known about Jesus and considered myself a Christian for years, but I am just getting to know Jesus and it has completely changed my perspective on grace and how to deal with people. I feel like I was just truly “saved” 6 months ago. I love the story of the woman at the well because it is one of the places I can look to and see the heart of the Lord. Thanks for having this mini conversation, Tony. It is funny to me because now that I am falling in love with Jesus, I understand the passion of people wanting to share it with everyone and I could talk about His love forever.
I pray your son finds his bottom soon. It’s the only way he will turn to God & healing. It has to be his decision. You have to find a place in your heart to know you have done your part. You can’t go back & worry with the “what ifs”. I hope you get into a Nar-anon group or something similar. The other parents there will offer so much insight with their own experience with a child such as your son. Recovery is an awesome thing to experience for addicts & non-addicts alike. Especially when God is at the center of the foundation!
I am so excited for Tam to keep moving forward in her ministry on this subject, because I imagine there are so many women… Old and young… Who sit in their secret of abortion just waiting for someone to say that it’s ok to speak and be healed.
.-= gitz´s last blog ..Build It Anyway =-.
I agree. I think it’s going to be powerful. Love Tam’s heart. Please don’t tell her I said something nice about her though.
oooo….caught you.
.-= tam´s last blog ..the coast/vow renewal trip visuals =-.
Wow. What a tremendous story of redemption and hope.
Wow. What an amazing God.
Man. I am pretty much speechless. Thanks for posting this, Pete. What a great reminder of the amazing-ness of His grace.
.-= John W.´s last blog ..The Practical Atheist (pt 3) =-.
Wow. That is gut wrenching.
.-= Michael´s last blog ..Spiritual Kidney Stones =-.
Wow Pete…must have been amazing when you played this in church. God is so so good to us. I keep being reminded of this every day.
I felt I could sense people finding freedom all around me. It was an amazing moment.
pete, it just recently occurred to me that i need to create a care group for post abortion women at TRF. i dont know why i havent before. each weekend that i stand on that stage to sing, i look out and wonder…which of these women are like i used to be… hiding in the dark corners of their horrifying secret. how many feel so much fear that it has paralyzed them, causing them not to share their experience with anyone…not even their own spouse. it breaks my heart…and i can certainly relate.
im so glad you approached this subject. its bigger than most realize.
.-= tam´s last blog ..the coast/vow renewal trip visuals =-.
I think that would be awesome Tam. Do it!! We’re looking at starting one here at CP real soon.
If CP needs help with that I would love to be involved.
.-= Kori´s last blog ..Butterflies and poop =-.
Tam,
YES!!! Thank you for being willing to keep this healing path open! The more who share, the more will come.
Blessings upon your ministry and please contact me if I can serve you in any way,
Pat Layton
thank you, pat!
.-= tam´s last blog ..the coast/vow renewal trip visuals =-.
WOW, Kudos Pastor Pete, Elisa and all of you who have engaged in this great discussion.
I heard about this video and sermon while I was In Grand Rapids, Mi teaching 40 church leaders how to start a Post Abortion Bible Study in their churches.
This is truly a Mission Field of Millions!!
Over 50 MILLION men and women have chosen abortion as an act of desperation and are now living with the heartbreak and shame.
It is TIME for the church to embrace this holocaust and to share the redeeming love of Jesus Christ with every man and woman who will listen.
Every single time I hear that God is using “Surrendering the Secret” and my own sin of abortion to lead someone to healing, I am brought to my knees once again in overwhelming love and gratitude!
What a church you all make, What a BRIDE you are preparing!!
My love and humble sisterhood.
Pat, I’m excited about how God might use your ministry here at CP to help so many women struggling with secret shame. Love your heart!!
Amen, friend. AMEN!