Comments on: Emotional Pornography

By: Romance, Emotional Pornography and the church's view of Jesus | Matt Edmundson

Sun, 05 Sep 2010 07:08:39 +0000

[...] across a fascinating discussion over at the withoutwax blog by Pete Wilson discussing Emotional Pornography. To be fair – Pete was discussing the original article [...]

By: Romance, Emotional Pornography and the church's view of Jesus | Matt Edmundson

Sun, 05 Sep 2010 07:08:39 +0000

[...] across a fascinating discussion over at the withoutwax blog by Pete Wilson discussing Emotional Pornography. To be fair – Pete was discussing the original article [...]

By: Christie

Christie — Sun, 06 Jun 2010 02:47:56 +0000

Right after we were married, my husband went on a men’s retreat. He came home with John Piper’s “Sex and the Supremacy of Christ.” One chapter discussed how romance novels are to women as porn is to men. After much conversation, I came to agree with John (and my husband). While I used to bring home from the library stacks of cheesy romances–only the ones labeled “Inspirational”–I no longer do so. I still enjoy reading, and realize that most fiction has some element of romance in it. However, in an act of submission to my husband and to my God, I choose to skip those books that are purely “emotional porn.” I’ve found a joy in marriage that I wouldn’t know if I hadn’t stopped filling my mind with unrealistic ideas.

By: amber

amber — Thu, 27 May 2010 03:05:28 +0000

i have been thinking about this since it was posted. i do agree that girls are made to believe in the fairy tale ending, the friend will fall in love with you, you will meet and know instantly etc. one reason i really liked 500 days of summer. hopefully as you grow up and spend time with yourself and God you realize in the waiting time what you are looking for and that life is not a fairy tale, it is full of hard times and pain, that relationships require work and effort. recently i saw The Village and a scene really stuck with me. He comes out of nowhere and grabs her hand, she has been waiting for him. So i am waiting for a hand to hold, not one to pull me onto a carriage or stroll off into the sunset with. i am waiting for a hand to hold when we pray, after we drop our child off for his first day of school, for comfort during times of grief, and whatever else life may throw our way. knowing that in the waiting I am becoming a stronger person.

By: Randy Kinnick

Randy Kinnick — Tue, 18 May 2010 21:24:57 +0000

The romanticized view of love and relationships is natural (little girls have been dreaming about Prince Charming and their wedding day for centuries). However, it is all about expectations. Whereas, visual pornography carries a greater personal impact upon the individual’s mind and soul (as well as skewing the expectations of physical intimacy), “emotional pornography” sets the person up with an unrealistic expectation of love and romance. I have a friend who has struggled for years with relationships, partly because of his media-induced expectations of what love and relationships are all about.

You make a great point in highlighting this phenomenon.
.-= Randy Kinnick´s last blog ..Intensity =-.

By: Danielle

Danielle — Tue, 18 May 2010 20:24:45 +0000

If I understand the writer of Emotional Pornography, he believes that romantic situations in literature and movies deceive, rather than bring forth truth. Perhaps he thinks that the premise of the hero/prince is a lie in our culture today, and sets up unrealistic expectations in young ladies and married women, making them discontent with the manner of men around them. I hope that he is wrong. I believe Christians should be the most romantic people on the earth. To me the essence of romance is selflessness combined with service to another. My LORD romanced me into His kingdom and I gratefully kneel before my Adonai. Is it not my duty to imitate His actions and rejoice when I see it duplicated? When I read or see a romantic situation that is set in purity, my faith is built, my hope renewed. I believe again that love is the victor. No one admires Mr. Darcy when he is filled with pride and prejudice, it is only when he acts in selflessness, giving service to the heroine that he becomes the hero.
Shakespeare said comparisons are odious, and I agree, so I don’t fret that my husband may not be Mr. Darcy, or any classic literary hero, of which I can recognize the bulk. I rather keep in mind that yesterday, my husband said a kind word to me, on Mother’s Day, he brought me flowers. I believe it’s my duty to see him as the prince/hero of my home, and I desire to do this. Having said that, I believe it’s my duty to be his princess. I am a not quite 40, over weight, mother of 4. Hardly the picture of what you might call a princess, but today I will fold my prince’s laundry, sweep his floor, and cook his dinner, and remember that for over 20 years he has provided for and protected me. He didn’t have to do it, but just like my Jesus, He did. And for me – that is romance, not emotional pornography.

By: Rick Alvey

Rick Alvey — Tue, 18 May 2010 13:50:21 +0000

I absolutely agree with the premise of this article. I not only see the turmoil and heartache in society as a whole but am living through it as a nightmare with my 17 year old son who is dating an 18 year old girl from two broken families. She has learned to play the victim to gain attention and unfortunately my son missed my warnings early on that it would not be healthy for him to be her knight in shining armor. The heartbreak in all of this is that he has all but abandoned us – his family – in pursuit of what he perceives to be real life and real love. I thought I was being intentional with preparing my kids but must have missed the mark somewhere with my son and all of this is breaking my wife’s heart. He is the 2nd of 6 kids and you can bet I’ll be even more intentional with the younger four.

When Mike Breaux was on staff at Willow Creek he did a four-part message series entitled “Identity Theft” and the first one addresses this issue of the false expectation that another person can “complete” you. Excellent resource!

Thanks Pete!

Blessings,
Rick

By: Emotional Pornography

Emotional Pornography — Tue, 18 May 2010 10:46:32 +0000

[...] Pete Wilson Posted in [...]

By: britt

britt — Sun, 16 May 2010 19:38:10 +0000

years ago, you did a sermon and mentioned something about “soul mates”… sort of breaking it down, talking about unrealistic expectations of someone who’s at best, only human.

If a woman doesn’t let her knight get off the white horse, she’ll never know who he really is.

By: Matt Edmundson

Matt Edmundson — Sun, 16 May 2010 10:19:12 +0000

What a great thought provoking article…so much so, I have had to blog about it…my question was: as the church – have we made this worse by promoting a (probably unhealthy) romantic view of Jesus? Controversial – but I thought it worth asking at least: http://www.mattedmundson.com/2010/05/emotional-pornography/
.-= Matt Edmundson´s last blog ..Talking with Chris Gibaud about Mentoring and the Business Forum =-.