Costly Assumptions
To some degree assumptions are simply a part of life. You subconsciously and rapidly make hundreds of them a day. But as natural as assumptions may be, they can also be destructive.
I’ve made assumptions about my wife’s feelings before that cost me dearly.
I’ve made assumptions about my co-workers’ actions that have damaged our relationship.
I’ve made assumptions about my kids’ actions that led me to prematurely assign blame.
But by far the most damaging assumption I’ve ever made is to assume I understand God and his ways.
Sometimes I actually convince myself that I know what God should be doing. And when God doesn’t act in the way I thought He was going to act it often leads to frustration, anger and even the abandonment of my values.
My assumptions of God almost always leads to me trying to control and manipulate things I shouldn’t be controlling and manipulating
I’ve come to the conclusion that control is birthed in our lives when we assume God must think and feel as we do.
Where in your life are you tempted to think you know how God should think or act?
38 Comments:
“Sometimes I actually convince myself that I know what God should be doing.”
I totally relate to this. For me it has been ministry. Thinking that God has something particular planned for me and my family and it ends up different. I think we all should just let Him be God and us be us.
Michael´s last blog ..I Can Relate To A Duck-Billed Platypus
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Michael
7:28 am
If I’m being honest, I have to say that I’m not just tempted but think God should do things the way I want in every aspect of my life. I think a large part of the disappointment I feel in life is that assigning of expectation on God for results in the manner I want to see them.
Jason´s last blog ..Taking the prosecution’s witness to church
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Jason
7:34 am
“Sometimes I actually convince myself that I know what God should be doing.”
Yup. I’m right there, especially when I’m looking for a quid pro quo – like when I’m involved in doing his work – I kind of have it in my head that he should just naturally be blessing it. But that is not always the case – for which I’m sure there are a variety of cosmic reasons I’m not ready or equipped to understand.
One of Oswald Chambers’ quotes usually sets me back on course:
“True earnestness is found in obeying God – not in the inclination to serve him that is born of undisciplined human nature.”
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Pete Wilson Reply:
April 12th, 2010 at 7:50 am
Love that Mike!
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Aaron Shaver Reply:
April 12th, 2010 at 10:07 am
Mike,
I like that you mention the “quid pro quo” factor. I think that is so true and certainly always at the back of my mind when working in ministry in any capacity. I think in my mind, “I’ll be happy and taken care of because God is pleased with all MY hard work…right?”
Aaron Shaver´s last blog ..QUESTION: IF YOU COULD CHANGE…
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Mike in Milwaukee
7:41 am
You know what they say about Assumptions?
I myself find temptation hidden in thoughts about the future. I tend to hijack things to work out for myself and in all reality am really more concerned with what I am doing then what God has in store for me.
I think the reason we make assumptions is because we want to be in control of our world. And so if we make assumptions and then state them as truths we are in control. Instead of actually paying attention, we just assume things and then make decisions about those assumptions. Deadly
Kyle Reed´s last blog ..Question(s) for You
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Kyle Reed
7:50 am
My marriage.
My children.
My relationships.
My walk with God.
All destructive and counter-productive. Until I can get to the point in my life where I can trust God completely: trust His promises, trust He is who He says, trust that I am who He says…then I am going to be spinning my wheels in assumptions and doubts.
“My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord. “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine.” Isaiah 55:8
Jezamama´s last blog ..This Community
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Jezamama
7:57 am
There are so many they are hard to count. But one that is raising its ugly head upon occasion is the fact that we miss our seeing our grandson on a more consistent basis but my wife needing to work and the distance away has us unable to do that. But we/I sometimes assume that God knows what we want and will move us closer. He has not chosen to do that nor make it clear that we should even consider it.
Bill (cycleguy)´s last blog ..Thought I’d Seen It All
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Bill (cycleguy)
8:06 am
Let’s see, when things don’t go my way. Which happens quite often.
It’s a funny thing how we were created in God’s image yet daily, without even thinking about it, we try to create God in our image and fit him in our nice and tidy box.
I’m glad we have a God that cannot be boxed in, neither in the grave nor in our minds!
Rob´s last blog ..A God in a Graveyard
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Pete Wilson Reply:
April 12th, 2010 at 9:23 am
So true.
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Rob
8:23 am
Every area of life, to be honest.
Every day I live without diligently pursuing God I assume something: that I can be godly without God.
Sounds pretty dumb doesn’t it?
Time for me to ditch the dunce cap!
Dave
Dave Wilson´s last blog ..What’s so weird about my beard? Cast your vote!
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Dave Wilson
8:32 am
I’ve been going through this myself recently. Time to stop trying to control and/or assume how God should be working in my life!
Shelley´s last blog ..The Start of A New Week
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Shelley
8:35 am
Pete- you rock!
Your honesty is just so awesome. You don’t pretend to be something you are not and you let people learn from your mistakes. Thank you for not being afraid to appear weak.
Marleen
Marleen-ladylighthou´s last blog ..Hit by a blog
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Marleen-ladylighthou
8:35 am
Many times, I assume because a display an affinity for certain things (computers, speaking, etc) that that is what God is wanting me to do. Then I read the scripture.
Moses called to speak – Had a speech impedement.
Saul called to follow Jesus. – Was a Christian killer.
Correcting my assumption requires allowing God to put me where HIS power is displayed which often means putting me where I have no or little power.
Dusty Rayburn´s last blog ..Reckless Abandon
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Dusty Rayburn Reply:
April 12th, 2010 at 8:37 am
errr…should read “because I display”
Dusty Rayburn´s last blog ..Reckless Abandon
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Dusty Rayburn
8:36 am
Things in my life right now are crazy.. at times I think I see where God is taking me and then something else happens and throws me for a loop. I have thrown my hands up in complete frustration and decided to wait on doing what God wanted me to do because I was afraid or didn’t understand. God has shown me that partial disobedience still disobedience and I have to trust him with all out abandon… Thanks Pete:)
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Pete Wilson Reply:
April 12th, 2010 at 9:25 am
Praying for you Holly!
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Holly Myers
8:37 am
Who among us is willing to be deemed a fool for His sake?
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Billy Purcell
8:40 am
“I’ve made assumptions about my wife’s feelings before that cost me dearly.” // Sadly, I understand…
The valley is God’s catalyst for change in this area and He uses it quite effectively I must say from personal experience.
Steve Manatt´s last blog ..The Subtle Self
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Steve Manatt
8:42 am
Every day, every area. I feel like I am on top of the world sometimes, and then i read thoughts like this and I remember that I dont really know anything. I think i see it most in my work. I need constant reminders that Jesus works through me and I dont work knowing what he wants me to do. I also think that i need to focus this more for my marriage. i need to focus on what Jesus teaches us about marriage and apply that much much more. Not that my marriage is bad but i feel like it is good to start on the right foot and not the wrong.
Thanks Pete
Brendon Foulke´s last blog ..Start Over……
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Brendon Foulke
8:44 am
I love how honest you are! I am dealing with emotional pain right now and I foolishly assumed that I had to be strong to allow God to fix it. What amazed me that it was through the tears that healing will come. What’s more is that in admitting my own weakness and lack of knowledge of his plan that I was able to relate to those around me. I constantly assume that God wants me to change, but sometimes it’s “me” that he wants me to be. He, after all, created me. I will probably fail at this again, but at least I don’t have to assume that I am alone anymore.
Nichole Proctor´s last blog ..Springtime
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Nichole Proctor
8:46 am
Right now would be about that time. I had a difficult talk with a friend last night. I know that if I attempt to control how things should play out I could destroy our relationship forever. So pray that I would remain surrendered and would continue to ask God to do what He wants to do through this even if it hurts me.
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Carolina
9:00 am
I think that we assign “human” characteristics, feelings, and motives to God because we are so befuddled by God. We honestly have no way to think of God without using our own reference points. Many of my assumptions about God were spoon fed to me by churches or people who spent their entire lives making God and his plans all neat and orderly and logical when, in fact, God is also a mysterious paradox beyond comprehension.
Here’s where I’m at with almost everything(and everyone) in my life right now: As soon as I think I’ve got things/them figured out, I will be proven wrong. As soon as I think that my answers will work for someone else, they won’t. As soon I try to force (or persuade) people into my idea of “right”, things will blow up in my face.
I’m still learning not to assume. I’m still learning that God’s amazing power to move and transform and resurrect has absolutely no correlation AT ALL with my abilities to define, explain, persuade, and predict. (And right now I’m assuming God just shot me a thumbs up!)
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ttm
9:05 am
I sometimes assume that God is calling all Christians to be Paul’s, David’s, and John the Baptists.
But then I read in chapter 16 of Acts that some of us are going to be Lydia’s, slave girls of no value to man, and working-joe jailors.
Maybe I am not going to be a Paul but I sure wish to reflect the love and desire that he demonstrates in the opening passage of Philippians – a letter that he is writing to the Lydia’s, the enslaved, and Joe-Jailors of the world.
Maybe a bigger assumption is which of the three people in Acts chapter 16 I am more like… maybe it is some of all three.
Tony York´s last blog ..I Like
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Tony York Reply:
April 12th, 2010 at 9:21 am
http://www.worldinvisible.com/library/tozer/5f00.0888/5f00.0888.08.htm
this link may be helpful to others. A.W. Tozer is one of my favorite writers.
Tony York´s last blog ..I Like
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Pete Wilson Reply:
April 12th, 2010 at 9:27 am
I love this Tony. So true.
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Tony York
9:15 am
This is happening for me right now, today. My 19 year old daughter has fought for two years with everything she has to try to make it into the elementary education program at her college; she has wanted to be a teacher for even longer than that. Every step of the way has been a battle for her- never quite making the grade, literally, on tests and entrance exams and today being 2/10ths of a point shy of the GPA needed to get “in”. Her hopes and dreams were dashed- again- this morning when the head prof said, “You’ll have to wait til final grades are in but I don’t think you’re going to make it.” Our hearts are breaking, but I’m seeing that maybe I really don’t know what God wants, even though I was so sure I did…..no more controlling, no more manipulating to make it happen. God must take over from here cuz we’re out of options….
[Reply]
Pete Wilson Reply:
April 12th, 2010 at 9:29 am
Such a difficult place to be Beth. I think there is only one thing more painful than watching a personal dream slip away and that is watching your kids personal dream slip away.
I pray you guys will continue to seek Him through this process. I feel confident He has a plan.
[Reply]
Beth Coulton Reply:
April 12th, 2010 at 11:55 am
Thanks- I appreciate your kind words. I’m sure there’s in something of all of this about stretching our faith and spiritual growth for my daughter and her mom and dad….
It will be exciting to watch God work. I’m gonna sit back and take it all in for a change.
Beth Coulton´s last blog ..What a novel idea. Literally.
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Beth Coulton
9:17 am
One other thought. Sometimes our assumptions border on or completely pass over into presumption. Is there any greater arrogance than that?
Tony York´s last blog ..I Like
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Tony York
9:18 am
i ran across this scripture once a long time ago when God was dealing with me on my broken God concept… i still love it
“you thought I was altogether like you.” Ps 50:21
Jenny´s last blog ..Will They Laugh if I Call You Daddy? Growing Up With a Gay Father: Day 1
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Jenny
9:24 am
“My assumptions of God almost always leads to me trying to control and manipulate things I shouldn’t be controlling and manipulating.”
Yep! I can totally relate …
Kevin M.´s last blog ..Who is our hero?
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Kevin M.
9:30 am
This especially hits when I’m challenged (like right now) with a new thought or belief about God that I’ve not entertained. Nicole Nordeman wrote & sang a song that pretty much says it for me: “Who You Are”
“Every teacher, every preacher with the very best intent
Found new ways to hide the mystery replaced by common sense
And to know You was to keep You in my pocket, so easy to hold
It is easy to insist on what is packaged and precise
And dismiss the clear suspicion that You’re bigger than we’d like
It is tempting to regard You as familiar in so many ways
I’ve tried to draw these lines around You
A definition or an absolute
But I could not be satisfied with black or white
There is so much more
There is so much You
I know I can’t explain You, I would not even try to
And yet it’s clear that You are here beside me
I marvel and I wonder so near and somehow still so far
What makes You who You are?”
Faye´s last blog ..Springtime!
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ttm Reply:
April 12th, 2010 at 10:21 am
Thanks for sharing these lyrics, Faye. They are another representation of what has been percolating in my heart lately.
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Faye
9:31 am
Good stuff! Thanks for your honesty Pete.
Jimmy Larche´s last blog ..Live Fearless: “I Hope You Dance”
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Jimmy Larche
9:43 am
In almost every situation in life we tend to think we already know what God wants.
Only with consistent prayer and humility can we rise above our thinking and His thoughts will over ride ours.
Marvin´s last blog ..Leading Through the Seasons of Life
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Marvin
10:59 am
Pete, what do you think about prayer requests? I say that because I used to get so bogged down by just asking God for stuff–read, trying to control what he does–that I didn’t really praise him and meditate on how big a God he is. Our small group has slowly moved away from the traditional prayer request time, and we just talk to God and praise Him for things like being in control, providing us with so much, etc, etc. It’s not that we think prayer requests are wrong, but it’s just a nice change of pace that refocuses us on genuinely giving God the glory.
I guess this controlling God issues makes me think about times in my life when all of my prayers revolved around me getting what I wanted. Ugh.
Robert´s last blog ..Thank You Fleet Feet Nashville
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Pete Wilson Reply:
April 12th, 2010 at 1:17 pm
Were invited to pray the desires of our heart but there is no doubt that this often leads to viewing God as a vending machine.
It all boils down to getting to that point where we pray, “not our will, but your will be done”.
Easier said than prayed.
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Robert
11:48 am
In my love life, I think the guy is great, perfect, amazing but somehow God has yet to agree.
ashleynashville3´s last blog ..Trendy
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Pete Wilson Reply:
April 12th, 2010 at 1:15 pm
Dang. That’s a tough one. Don’t compromise there Ashley!
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ashleynashville3
12:52 pm
Ouch. Pretty much every day.
katdish´s last blog ..Sleepwalking (by Billy Coffey)
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katdish
1:54 pm
I tried way too long to try to get God to see things my way. When I relented and started looking at things his way, Life Got way better not easier but better.
Jim F.´s last blog ..Some thoughts from Sunday
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Jim F.
1:54 pm
In every single aspect of my life at one time or another. It’s really rediculous. I build up these “‘God driven’ fairy tales” in my mind sometimes, O.K, more than that and then I wonder what went wrong……gee I wonder…..
Sarah´s last blog ..Make A Difference Monday
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Sarah
2:51 pm
Assumptions and expectations are always getting me in trouble. Learning to go with the flow is what I think we are supposed to do, but it is easier if we think we are somehow controlling the flow.
Steve´s last blog ..John Chapter 18
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Steve
3:02 pm
I usually find myself assuming that I know what is going to happen in my life, when it is going to happen, and in what order it is going to happen, instead of just trusting God and letting HIM show me what He has in store for my life.
susan´s last blog ..Wake Up!!! I cannot wake you up…but Jesus can wake you up
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susan
5:53 pm
That is exactly how I am with God. I assume I know what He wants for me. I tend to make the decisions for Him. Like I know better! I need learn to let God control it all, in my career, my finances and my family. After all He has the final say. And He definitely knows better!
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Carlos Sandoval
9:49 pm
I am pretty good about realizing that I have no idea what God is doing in my life, and going with the flow.
Where I get tripped up is in what I think He should be doing in other people’s lives. I totally get that mine is hard, but I get frustrated with Him when I know He could make the lives of the people I love so much easier. simpler. less painful.
That’s when I get frustrated.
gitz´s last blog ..Brought to You by the Letter Y
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gitz
10:29 pm
“Sometimes I actually convince myself that I know what God should be doing.”
I must confess that I have gone so far as to TELL HIM what He should be doing, because HIS way is not working out too well!! This is usually preceded by frustration, selfish desires, and (I am sad to say) a big tear in my faith!
Often I find this manifested in the areas of ministry, parenting teens, and other such “easy” things.
Fortunately, God is a loving Father who handles my tantrums, and arrogance, and who patiently waits for me to “come to my senses.”
I’m thankful for that!
Great question, Pete!
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Buddy Knight
5:26 pm
Pete, this is a very good post. You are so right. Our desire to control even attempts to place God right where we want him. Not good. Thanks. This made me think.
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Jim Martin
7:08 pm
I’ve done that before as well, making assumptions about God. It is so frustrating to catch yourself in the act. I’ve caught myself talking with friends or family saying “God is ___” or “God would/wouldn’t like ___”. When in actuality I don’t know that to be true. A lot of what I say when I’m witnessing doesn’t come from the Bible, it comes from my own experiences and thoughts….assumptions. Not fair to God or the person I’m witnessing to. So I’m working on that and sticking to what the Bible says.
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Karen
7:28 am