I’m constantly trying to learn how to be a better parent. Whenever I meet a young person that seems to be well rounded and following Christ I grab a notepad and pepper them with questions about what their parents did “right.” Especially if they grew up in a pastor’s home! So if you have a kids, read this. If you’re in ministry and you have kids, study this.

With that in mind I recently asked Heather Stevens, a 17 year old junior in high school who’s a regular reader of this blog, about her experience with her parents. Heather’s father is Tim Stevens, a great blogger and author who’s on staff at Granger Community Church. I think you’ll find her thoughts incredible insightful and encouraging. Enjoy.

Although I haven’t actually experienced this yet, I have to imagine that being a parent is the toughest job there is. As a parent, you have the responsibility to raise your children in the way that you believe is right; you have to instill in them proper values and morals, and in most cases, how you lead results in your child’s beliefs, and what they view as wrong and right. In all honesty, I’m scared to raise children, because ultimately, what I do or don’t do will shape my child’s life.
I know kids from all sorts of families; kids from good two parent homes, kids from good one parent homes, kids who are beaten both physically or mentally by one or both of their parents, kids who live with their grandparents and have had to pretty much raise themselves on their own, and the list goes on and on. Fortunately, I’ve been raised in a very good family, by two God fearing people who have raised me to love Jesus and continue growing in my relationship with Him every day. I think there are many factors in how my mom and dad parented their kids, here are some of the ways that I think worked very well:

1) My parents were/are strict but not over the top. They’ve always been a bit on the strict side compared to all my other friends (more about that here ), but they’ve given me more privileges and responsibilities as I’ve gotten older. One thing that sticks out in my mind is movies; before I turned 16, I always had to call my parents before I watched a movie at a friends house, if it was one I hadn’t seen before. Now that I’m older, they trust me to choose movies that aren’t going to harm me. The tough part about this however, is knowing how strict is too strict. I have friends who’s parents have reigned them in way too tight their entire life, and they’ve already started rebelling. If my parents had been over the top strict with me, especially with my personality, there is no way I would be staying with their rules and standards when I graduate high school. I think this is a lot of what shaped me to be how I am today.

2) I didn’t have a choice whether or not I went to church. When I was little, my parents made me and my brothers and sister go to church every single weekend, the only way we could miss was if we were sick or on vacation. It was the same way with youth group, I had to go. Going to church is still not a choice in my family, but the difference now, is that it’s not a chore anymore. I love going to church every weekend, and going to youth group is the highlight of my week. This was also really important in shaping who I am today, because I believe that going to church is a crucial part in growing in my relationship with Christ.

3) They took me to events not of my own church. My parents fully believe in supporting our church, so if I am invited to a friends youth group on a Sunday night, I’m not allowed to go, because I have my own youth group. The thing is, not every church is going to have everything, and if our church didn’t have something my parents wanted for us, they would take us to that event at a different church. For example: Awana. Our church doesn’t do awana, but my parents heard about it from another family who’s kids really enjoyed it. They took me and my sister to a little church in Edwardsburg, Michigan, to try it out when I was in 2nd or 3rd grade, and she was in K or 1st grade. I absolutely loved Awana, it gave me a chance to memorize bible verses in a way that had never been presented to me before. They also took us to a camp called Five Pines in Michigan, which we heard about from our friends. I don’t know if it was their intentions, but taking me to events from different churches helped me to be more accepting of other churches. If I had gone to the same church my entire life and never been to any other church, it would be really hard to accept the differences, and I might not be able to put that aside and focus on God. But going to Awana at that little church in Edwardsburg showed me that it really doesn’t matter where you go to church, as long as the church is teaching the truth about Jesus from the bible.

When I think about how hard it must have been to raise me….oh man, it makes me appreciate my parents even more….and it also makes me all the more scared to raise my own children some day. All you parents out there, I applaud you. Raising us is probably the hardest thing you’ve ever done! Keep it up, you’re doing great

“Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.” -Proverbs 22:6

-Heather Stevens