I’ve heard some crazy stories over the years but this might top them all. CNN reports that police have arrested a South Korean couple whose toddler starved to death while they were raising a virtual child online.
The couple fed their 3-month-old daughter once a day between marathon stretches in a local Internet cafe, where they were raising a virtual child in the fantasy role-playing game, Prius Online, police told local reporters Friday.
After a 12-hour stint online at a cyber cafe they found their baby dead. The autopsy blamed malnutrition and dehydration. A police officer said the parents “Seemed to have lost their will to live a normal life because they didn’t have jobs and gave birth to a premature baby.” Consequently, “They indulged themselves in the online game of raising a virtual character so as to escape from reality, which led to the death of their real baby.”
I have a feeling this couple must have some serious mental issues but William Saletan of Slate Magazine warns…
Maybe this is just a weird story about a sick couple on the other side of the planet. But look in the mirror. Every time you answer your cell phone in traffic, squander your work day on YouTube, text a colleague during dinner, or turn on the TV to escape your kids, you’re leaving this world. You’re neglecting the people around you, sometimes at the risk of killing them.
The problem isn’t that you’re a bad or weak person. It’s worse than that. The problem is that all of us are susceptible to being drawn into other worlds, and other worlds are becoming ever more compelling. In the old days, imaginary friends had to be imagined. Now you can see and interact with them. In cyberspace, they exist. They’re more alluring and less flawed than your friends in the physical world. And thanks to artificial intelligence and three-dimensional graphics, they’re becoming quite lifelike.
So what do you think? Just a story about a couple with serious mental challenges or is there a legitimate warning for people who increasingly communicate and create community online?
I would have to say both – it is definitely a case with a couple with some mental challenges but it also does serve as warning for people to not get lost in the online community, communicating via all kinds of technology, and virtual reality.
I deal with people (kids and adults) who are losing the ability to communicate face to face. It is as simple as kids who stand awkwardly in front of each other not know what to say but they can text all kinds of thoughts and other stuff. It is adults who kill others and/or themselves texting or calling while driving. All of this stuff is just tip of the iceberg as to some of the problems that come with the over communication but lack of real connection society that we are building.
I see all this as a real issue and problem today and something that we will be dealing with for a long time.
.-= Jim F.´s last blog ..Frivolous Friday =-.
I think a couple of things:
1. I think that it shows an even bigger need for us to reach the lost. People are looking for an escape from life, and do not realize what they need is found in Him.
2. It’s heartbreaking as a parent who was told to terminate the pregnancy of our son because we could lose him and my wife. God took care of them both and both are healthy. That article nearly brought me to tears.
Sorry such a long reply.
.-= Michael´s last blog ..Sleeping In The Truck =-.
Yeah, I think both. It is easy to say that this would never happen to me. BUT there are times when I am tweeting, blogging, and talking on my iphone when I have real life people next to me possibly feeling neglected.
Extreme case? Yes, but we should still heed the warning.
.-= Lindsey Nobles´s last blog ..It Tastes Like Chicken BUT IT’S NOT CHICKEN =-.
I watched a friend of mine the other day completely ignoring 3-4 of us who were standing with him in a circle talking. He couldn’t stop checking it and my first thought was “how rude”. My second thought was how often do I do the same thing alienating those around me.
.-= pete wilson´s last blog ..Forsaking Reality For Virtual =-.
you could be talking about me…sorry if I was ignoring you
.-= Justin Davis´s last blog ..Under Construction =-.
I wasn’t, but you do like that phone a lot.
.-= pete wilson´s last blog ..Forsaking Reality For Virtual =-.
I agree completely with Lindsey.
.-= Jason´s last blog ..My beef with BookSneeze & other blogger review services =-.
There was a time when a computer was this HUGE box that sat in a room that only the privileged smart could access. You were tied to your kitchen wall if you wanted to talk on the phone. Your radio and tv had to be plugged in and you were forced to listen to whatever was playing. We had to take classes to learn how to use the computer. Now almost everyone has one. (And its portable and carries your music and tv inside it). Colleges are now offering courses on how to properly use blogs, twitter, and blackberries… I believe that we are coming to a time when our children will have to take classes to learn how to personally interact with another person… its a never ending vicious cycle… This story only proves that we are all losing something of ourselves inside this little 17, 16, 15 inch oops hand-held device that at one time barely fit into one 10×10 room.
Unreal. We have to learn to unplug. I’ve started putting my phone down as soon as I walk in the door, and not pick it up again until I’ve put my kid to sleep. Honestly (sadly), it is extremely tough to do that (I have a minor addiction to my iPhone). The more I consistency I have with doing that, the easier it becomes. The benefits are indescribable.
OUCH! This hurts. I would love to think that I am a wonderful mother, and I think I am pretty good – overall. But, how many times do I go home and play on the computer and check Facebook, my blogs, etc., rather then going outside with my husband (who I sometimes have to tell to get off his phone, Twitter, etc., so he can actually interact with people) and playing/watching him interact with our 2 1/2 year old. This hit me in the gut, Pete. Thanks for the message!
.-= diane´s last blog ..Snow Day Again! =-.
That’s incredibly sad. Heartbreaking on several levels. I do think that it is a warning to us. I doubt any of us would go to that extreme, but I do know that I’ve been in similar situations to what you and Lindsey are describing (and have even been that person). Whenever my friends do it I tell them to “quit being an “ihole”. That tends to get the point across.
.-= adam herod´s last blog ..appropriate response =-.
I think I need to Tweet this!
.-= kc´s last blog ..Books =-.
I think you should. And then spend the rest of the day sitting there to see if anyone Retweets you tweeting this.
.-= pete wilson´s last blog ..Forsaking Reality For Virtual =-.
Wow. This story may be a physical extreme, but it’s a spiritual reality for many of us. I’ve found myself recently a kind of slave to my virtual world, letting it dictate my time and rob me from more worthwhile projects. Meanwhile, I began measuring my worth against the achievements of so many others I only know by virtual networks. I KNOW I’m valuable in my own little corner of the world, but I was feeling deflated because I wasn’t performing to certain “branded” standards. Exhausting and disheartening stuff. I tried to pull back then, but I’m really going to do it now. I can’t let this tool own me.
.-= Felicity´s last blog ..A Silent Blog Means . . . =-.
I think you hit it on the nose Pete. This is such a sad story and I also think both. Maybe they did want to escape. But a premie baby, they should have gotten help for the baby rather than neglect her. It’s so sad and that baby could of had a great life. Now to the other part. I think we all try to escape. You know-having all of the house stuff to take care of, plus a full time job, plus a toddler running around getting into everything. I have certainly wanted to escape. And yes I am guilty of tweeting/blogging/facebooking/phone calls when my child is in need of my attention. Who isn’t? Yes, I feel the guilt afterwards. Our world is so much more rush rush than it used to be. It’s a shame. We don’t have the time for quality family time like we used to. But this post also makes me realize that we should try to make it as good as we can, while we can.
.-= Eva´s last blog ..Great News =-.
Yeah, this was an extreme case for sure, but a warning to all of us “social networkers” for sure. I have to make it a point to put away my Mac & iPhone at home until we’ve put our little boy to bed. I’ve seen myself capable of neglecting the tangible relationships for the “virtual” ones I have via Twitter especially. While these are all great tools and even great resources for our ministries, it’s definitely time for a wake-up call.
*definitely* a danger to look out for. it’s way too easy to get caught up in all sorts of things from txting to farmville.. but then again, it’s easy to get caught up in the world itself and forsake the reality of the kingdom of god altogether. this tragic story should be a stark reminder for all of us – that we should be continually on the alert with a reality check.
just as “inattention to driving” is against the law – “inattention to reality” should be against the law of our nature.
.-= Scott´s last blog ..scott_hunter_: if you can’t be silent every once in a while, you can’t hear the voice of nature. ..or the voice of God. =-.
If we take our need for life to anything (or Anyone) besides God, we are doing the same as this couple. And yes, we Christians are just as likely to take that ‘life need’ to anything but God, maybe more so.
.-= Rocco´s last blog ..Get out of the Boat! =-.
I think its both and the sad part is I know I have forsaken real life at times for the internet ie blogging/facebook/twitter.
Great warning everyone should read!
.-= Becky´s last blog ..Picture of the week =-.
I would have to say that it is a little bit of both. There was a story in the US in 2008 where a 5 mo. old starved to death after being left strapped in its car seat in its crib for 8 days while the parents were playing video games (later said to be World of Warcraft) – I found the link to the story:
http://bit.ly/bxX0km
There are several other similar stories ironically from South Korea…just do a Google search. Some from 2005, 2007, 2008. Sad!
.-= Nick´s last blog ..How Did Jesus Lead? =-.
What a terrible sad story. The others here are right, of course its both of the positions you posted, but I believe there is a third situation that we need to be aware of as well. Obviously this is an extreme case of choosing the virtual over reality. However, I think we have to be careful to not make the virtual synonymous with evil. This blog and others are great examples of the community that can be formed through online channels. I believe in our culture, being completely devoted to either side of this equation is very limiting. If we excommunicate ourselves from either community, we lose much of our influence with that community. To be a productive, far reaching leader, we have to embrace both the virtual and the reality. Technology tends to play the evil character in many stories, but its the individual who decides their actions. We like to villanize the thing that pulls us from tradition. At some point in history, I’m sure people were scolded for texting, talking on the phone, even writing letters or telegraphs too much instead of interacting with people in the reality. Theoretically, every online interaction is a trade off for a tangible one, and vice verse. All the more reason for balance. I struggle with the balance in my own life, both in ministry, and at home. But obviously we’re all a part of the virtual community already, so we have to fight to be more present with the people that God has given us influence with right now. Thanks for the great post Pete. I hope this article doesn’t influence you to stop your blog!
.-= John Lovell´s last blog ..stuCo Podcast… Take 1 =-.
Great comment John. I couldn’t agree more. The key is: BALANCE.
.-= pete wilson´s last blog ..Forsaking Reality For Virtual =-.
John, WELL SAID! I couldn’t agree with you more.
That is very disturbing! I am so glad that my husband and I have stuck our decision about not having the internet at home. I really think that the devil is really trying hard to get whoever he can!
oops : “stuck to” Anyway, nuff said
I definitely feel like this is a warning. I do answer my phone in traffic and I realize it’s not good all around because (hey!) I get cranky during traffic and my tone to the person I am talking to is so forced and I’m shorter with them. But if I don’t answer, there are a handful of people in my life that can’t fathom that there is such a thing as not being able to answer. It’s gotten to where the only excuse to not respond to a phone call or text within five minutes is if you were taking a shower. At least, that’s how my world is going.
I actually MISS beepers. Where you would return the call when you got home or something. OOOOH I miss beepers.
This is definitely one of your blogs where I feel like I have walked away with something that makes me think and walk a little straighter.
When I was single, I realized quick that texting was the wrong avenue to getting to know someone. If a new person was texting me more than calling me or going on a date (which happened a lot) I realized that a relationship with that person wouldn’t happen- it’s like most of those people wanted someone to keep them occupied rather than to actually get to know them and experience life with them. Like this couple in your blog, it’s like they wanted these virtual girls to tell them they were funny or cute or whatever, but didn’t seek the real thing.
I have also ran into a lot of weird drama with facebook and myspace and buidling unrealistic friendships with people who were once actual real friends- and instead of having dinner or bowling with them, a myspace/facebook message would suffice. When I deleted my personal myspace and facebook pages, I quickly found my “top” friends didn’t notice, and my real friends were calling me up for dinner or a movie, etc.
It sounds nitpicky and too soon, but this is big stuff and relationships are becoming bastardized rapidly because of technology. Also, I miss real, handwritten letters that you get in your mailbox. I am 28 and I sound like the 70 year old that says “back in my day” but gosh, they are so right.
wow – incredible and I totally agree with Saletan. I’m absolutely guilty of this. We try to teach our 3 kids to be responsible with technology and not let it replace real interaction, we limit tv/videogame/computer time … but I’m setting a poor example, checking my email everytime I hear the “ding,” or tweeting while at a soccer game I should just be watching. No one but me can limit my tech time. Guess I should take my own advice. I think it’s time to initiate tech-free times/days. Being present with our kids, reading, playing, coloring, talking, laughing – that’s where our focus should be.
Thanks for the reminder.
.-= Mela Kamin´s last blog ..Olympics – who are you cheering for? =-.
I find it interesting how you wrote on a topic that I’ve been noticing alot around me lately. In fact, I’ve been observing this trend for several years. I remember when you would go out to dinner with friends and just chat. Now we meet put phones on the table and try to carry on a conversation while checking Twitter, emails, texts, etc. I recently wrote on this topic myself. I worryabout the kids being brought up in this UberTechno society where the constant access to virtual people leaves us feeling more alone than ever.
.-= Chad Ray ´s last blog .."So much cooler online" =-.
I am feeling convicted. And it’s good. I’m glad I have the opportunity to see this when I still have time to do something about it.
.-= Megan´s last blog ..Progress =-.
There has been neglectful parents around long before the online-virtual worlds. I completely disagree with William Saletan’s comment that likens talking or texting on a cell phone (presumable with a real person) with “leaving this world.” The virtual world of daytime soaps have been providing this “escape” for several decades.
.-= Ric´s last blog ..Getting Back Up =-.
True. But just because “leaving this world” isn’t a new problem doesn’t mean it isn’t a problem.
.-= pete wilson´s last blog ..Forsaking Reality For Virtual =-.
Right Pete, but talking or texting with a real person on a cell phone is not forsaking reality for virtual. It’s a real conversation between real people and very different from the sad story in South Korea.
Sad, depressed and stressed out people seek (and find) escape (with or without the net). Lumping telecommunications into this same bucket is, well… wrong.
.-= Ric´s last blog ..Getting Back Up =-.
obviously they’ve gone to the extreme… but all the “little” way i could possibly ignore add up to an extreme if i’m not careful!
.-= brandiandboys´s last blog ..High Demands… =-.
Good point Brandi. We should add up all of the text ,tweets, and email that distracted us from the flesh relationships. I think we would be surprised at the results.
Fantastic post!
Our family experienced this within the last few months where my husband spent a great deal of time in a MMORPG and I spent a lot of mine in Facebook. Our relationship with each other and our children began to seriously deteriorate.
We both made a commitment to remove those distractions from our lives and my husband recently said to me, “I didn’t realize how much of my life I was wasting away. I almost resent that video game company for what I lost.”
Since doing so we’ve both been able to focus on the things that matter and while we still have a great deal of distraction in our life, we’re certainly on a better road than we were before.
.-= Melissa´s last blog ..Poor kids…. =-.
It’s mostlikely a little of both, but a warning above all else.
.-= Sarah´s last blog ..Half A Year =-.
Thanks for posting this. I would have missed it otherwise and I needed to read it.
Sometimes it takes extreme examples like this to alert us of our own “smaller” tendencies before they become bigger issues.
.-= Chuck Allen´s last blog ..Conversation Tips for Husbands =-.
That is scary….really scary.
I think it goes back to it is easier to have a life online then in person. You can be whoever you want online, in person their is no where to hide.
Very sad story.. but you and William Saletan have a great point. I love my virtual relationships and all things techy.. but I love my family and cherish my IRL relationships that I am BLESSED to have. Balance.. and working on not HAVING to be connected is a very good thing. Showing respect and compassion is key to healthy relationships.
.-= Dedra´s last blog ..for the fifty leventh time.. Lord help me. =-.
Incredible to say the least, but it does speak to the road we are headed down in regard to how we view a life. We have accepted killing the unborn and now we are headed down the road of killing the newborn (we hear of case everyday; soon it will be time to kill the boomers as they are getting older and of not much use either. How does that song go “It’s a slow fade”
Believe this is an extreme case of delusional living but can be applied to me. I love FB; at first I loved Twitter; now someone has introduced me to lexy. (You have to try it). But I was neglecting my time with God so I can see how it would be easy to neglect your time with people. Since Jesus is a person!! All the elecronics should be tools to reach people for Christ and to have fun but when they become more than that they are tools of Satan.Oh, would love to attend KY Conference!!!
I’ve never heard of “lexy”. Might have to check it out although I probably don’t need one more distraction.
.-= pete wilson´s last blog ..Forsaking Reality For Virtual =-.
I read that story sometime ago. They lost their jobs and were fixated with raising that “child.” I think it does speak to that fact that our laptops and electronics can take us to different worlds.
When my wife and I got new phones all of our time was spent on the phones! We’d be driving and she or I (whoever wasn’t driving) would be on the phone. We’d be in the bedroom…not talking but on the phones!
So electronics do have the ability to consume us…she calls my laptop me “mistress”–because I spend most of my time with her;(
But I will say that couple was an extreme case
.-= MichaelHolmes´s last blog ..What I learned from three weeks of guest posting =-.
I read this and sit back and think I was that person. No, I didn’t ignore a child, but I became so engrossed in facebook, twitter, blogs that I made some really stupid mistakes. Mistakes I took further than just a casual social network. A marriage was almost lost, friendships were shattered, and my life became something that spiraled out of control–and because of things that I chose to do. I learned the hard way and now I blog, I twitter occasionally and facebook is history. I found that I had to concentrate on getting myself healed instead of worrying about what someone else was doing. I have learned and continue to learn that while I may not be perfect, I am forgiven and will continually work to be in a better place emotionally and physically.
This is definitely a cancer in today’s society and I for one need treatment for this affliction. This is something we must all pray for hard and with perseverance. It is one of those evils disguised as an angel of light. We come up with all excuses under the sun why we spend the time we spend with technology and virtual reality, but the truth is deep down we all know it is eating away into valuable time with our loved ones and those who need us.
Thank you for bringing this issue up. It is not something I pray about often, but reading this has given me a wake up call and a timely reminder to take this very seriously.
In the end, it becomes yet another idol, doesn’t it?
.-= anewcreation´s last blog ..ARE YOUR FEET SUNK IN THE MUD? =-.
Definitely both. So sad, yet there have been a few times where I’ve gone to that other world only to be shaken to reality by something almost going severely wrong.
Crazy – Sad – True….
It’s both. Unless I’m expecting an email that is time sensitive, when I’m around people, my phone is put away. Still, it’s always close by, so maybe I should work on that.
.-= katdish´s last blog ..Car Wash Confessional =-.
I obviously have said on many occasions how the social networking community has positively impacted my life… giving me a chance to expand my homebound world beyond my four walls. But from the same unique perspective, being isolated and rarely seeing humans in person, I cannot tell you how much I value real, live, human contact.
When I am able to have friends in my home, I rarely even answer the phone, let alone worry about email or twitter. I think, because so many are around people physically, they don’t realize they aren’t really connecting emotionally when they are focused on technology. They take the physical presence for granted and assume it’s enough. Because I’m not around people, I’m given the opportunity to realize that connecting with them physically and emotionally, with my full focus, is such a gift.
.-= gitz´s last blog ..Flashback Friday: Who Do You Think You Are? =-.
While reading the other comments something else occurred to me. Not only are we leaving behind real communication such as actual phone calls, meeting in person, snail mail, but we have even gone a step further. We shorten words and phrases. I know someone who even speaks now in an abbreviated form. We went from “Hey how are you?” 2 Hey how r u? wanna meet l8tr? 2 bz? ttyl ly bb.
We aren’t talking to same anymore either. Man this is just depressing. No wonder we are lonely, bored and suffering from ADHD. C-ya lol
* should have read in the last statement
We just aren’t talking the same way anymore.
I felt guilty reading this post while my wife was sitting right next to me. Thank God she was eating her lunch.
Seriously this is sad. These parents (no-more) need help. I am not a parent but already have compassion for children and especially the ones in need so this just baffles me.
Finally I spend way too much time online. Are we satisfied with the people around us or do we need those superficial Tweets and blog commenters?
.-= David Knapp´s last blog ..Do You Follow Jesus Christ Or Glenn Beck =-.
I think there is definitely a legitimate warning here for us. Social media can be a blessing or a curse depending on how we use it. I have to be always evaluating myself to see which it is for me.
.-= Kevin M.´s last blog ..3 ways social media has impacted me =-.
wow…sure makes me think! And I would say both…an extreme case yes, but there can be some very valuable reminders of being fully present wherever you are.
.-= Katy´s last blog ..Playing in the Puddles =-.
It’s hard to read about these stories day in and day out. I’m a preschool teacher and unfortunately I see parents who neglect their children for many things. While I think this is an extreme case I don’t think it started out like that. I think it was something that gradually grew. I don’t think one day they started this virtual world and it was automatically a marathon event day in and day out. I think it grew and I think it should be a warning to us in whatever we let “steal” our time away. Something that might not be a big deal now could change. I don’t think it has to be a virtual situation like this story to cause some problems in our life. We need to watch what we spend time doing and whether it’s taking our time away form our relationship with God or others in our life.
good reminder Chelsea.
I actually heard about this story the other day, and was immediately disgusted by it… How could people do such a thing? I mean a defenseless infant?
Then get by that and what does this say about us? How many times have I ignored people for some Google Reader time?… I get fixated on having an empty reader and lose track of other things. If I hear my Tweet Deck alert? Forget about it, real people? What are those?
There is value in this internet community but it should never come before those relations with live people that God has brought into the life away from the computer.
.-= Sean Sims´s last blog ..So, what next… =-.
This is very sad.
I’m an internet type. I find it easier to be online than in real life and I think there are 3 different reasons.
1. It’s convenient…. so convenient that my real life friends think so too. It fosters a sense of friendship without commitments, even for real life relationships. My birthday is next week and I know that I’ll get a bunch of Facebook online “Happy Birthdays” yet not a single phone call, card or invitation to lunch by my real life friends. The bar has been lowered and now all that is required is just a quick, 20 second attempt at connection. I expect this from online friends…. is it wrong to expect more from my real life friends?
2. Online is a great equalizer. It doesn’t matter what a person looks like, dresses, or how much they make or how successful they are. In this regard, online wins.
3. Online is not as messy. There are no expectations, commitments, or “true” confrontations. Of course, this is the very thing that keeps it shallow and unfulfilling.
Yet… if a persons real life relationships are just as shallow and lacks fulfillment, what is so much better and compelling about real life?
Pete –
Just a follow-up to this post. I forwarded it to my husband, and we both took it to heart. Last Friday night, we went to a local pizza place and let our 2 year old eat pizza and play games. Then, we went to get ice cream for dessert. Honestly, it’s the most fun I have had in a long time. Saturday, instead of playing on the computer all morning long, I made sure to give my son plenty of tickle fests, we watched a movie, and just hung out and played. Technology will be there after he goes to bed… but my son will not be 2 forever and want to call his Mama on the phone just to tell me bye like he did this morning. (He woke up after I left for work.) Thanks for posting this and allowing my heart to open to what God needed me to do – be a mother!
.-= diane´s last blog ..Snow Day Again! =-.
Online virtual world are just a newer, more high-tech version of an old problem. People have been escaping their realities for centuries. Some escape by drinking their lives away. Others escape real life and bury themselves in their work. Some escape the real world and constantly disappear into novels and books where life is more interesting. The key here is to consider who we are neglecting when we choose to ignore those around us for an alternate reality.
Great challenge Pete. My wife and I have tried to model this for our teen daughter because we’ve been guilty of this in the past… I wish I could say we’ve arrived, but we’re still holding each other accountable. Thanks for the reminder.
.-= Angus Nelson´s last blog ..Self Abuse is Confusing Love With Enablement =-.
In the case of the two people in South Korea…that is crazy. I can’t make much sense of that. All the texting and tweeting is getting out of control, but it is a reflection of the fact that people want to connect even if it is 140 characters or less. I am moving along with this cultural trend, because I think it can be done appropriately. For example, I do not read a text or send a text when I am talking to someone else, that is just plain rude. And, I never let my virtual friends on Facebook or Twitter become more important than my actual friends that I meet with face to face.