I spent yesterday writing a message for this Sunday on sexual sins for the series “Pursuit” we’re doing on the book of Proverbs. One of the verses I camped out on yesterday was Provers 28:13 which says,
People who conceal their sins will not prosper, but if they confess and turn from them, they will receive mercy.
So true isn’t it? I thought about all the different temptations and sins that I’ve tried to keep secret over the years. Each one of them only grew and gained momentum in the dark. Even if I eventually overcame the sin I never seemed to find real healing until I brought it out into the light.
So these days I try to avoid the power of these secrets by dragging recognized sin into the light as quickly as I can.
For example, a couple weeks ago we had an amazing baptism service at our Cross Point Nashville campus. Blake Bergstrom did the majority of the baptisms as the campus pastor and did an amazing job. Up until just a year ago I had done the overwhelming majority of baptisms that took place at Cross Point and had enjoyed it so much. There are few moments in ministry that compare to the beauty and celebration of baptisms. However, looking back, part of the reason I enjoyed them so much was for some of the attention I received when doing them.
While watching Blake get to share those moments with each one of those people there was a voice inside of me that said, “Pete, that should be you up there. You should be doing the baptisms. You should be enjoying that moment with them.” I was embarrassed by the jealousy and envy that seemed to come out of nowhere.
That next week, in our campus pastors meeting I had to confess the way I was feeling. I could have told myself that it was nothing or that it would pass or that I was justified. But I knew what would happen. I knew there would be consequences to that concealment. I knew there would be power in that secret.
I remember hearing Andy Stanley say something like this years ago…
The reason you fear the consequences of confession is because you’ve yet to realize the consequences of concealment.
What do you think?
You hit the nail on the head with this one. It is fear of the consequnces that keep us from confession and in many cases the consequences are worse if we do not confess and they come out another way.
Thanks for the transparency and the post!
.-= Jim F.´s last blog ..Being afraid =-.
Whew! That was a good quote. I think that people fail to realize the longer they hold something in the worse than it will get. It has a way of grabbing hold and not letting go, but when we confess we have a level of releasement and accountability. Awesome!
.-= Michael´s last blog ..Car Salesman and God =-.
Weird the way it works, isn’t it?
It is
But in a totally awesome way.
.-= Michael´s last blog ..Car Salesman and God =-.
Thanks for modeling transparency and humility, Pete. I appreciate it and it challenges me to be the same. I appreciate your heart and the heart of Cross Point Church. I’m glad my daughter is a part of the Cross Point community.
.-= Randy Kinnick´s last blog ..Come as You Are, But You Won’t Stay That Way =-.
me too Randy!
Still stewing on this one…
“The reason you fear the consequences of confession is because you’ve yet to realize the consequences of concealment.”
.-= Lindsey Nobles´s last blog ..6 Women to Watch (Blissdom Style) =-.
I know that part of the reason I kept my addiction to porn and sex hidden for so long was partially because of the way I saw Christians treated when they admitted a problem. They were basically made modern-day lepers who were barely allowed to continue to be a part of God’s church. When my addiction came out and I admitted I needed help the first thing that happened was the ministry I worked with handed me a check and showed me the door. As long as massive condemnation is the greeting for someone who confesses a problem in the sexual area we’re going to have a lot of people who choose the darkness.
.-= Jason´s last blog ..Patience is not romantic =-.
Very true Jason. We’ve got a lot of work to do in this area.
Amen, Pete! Amen!
It seems that we make sexual sins a “special case”, when Jesus did not (woman at the well, woman caught in adultery, etc.). All Jesus said was “sin no more.”
I think that, as common as sexual sin is (when you use Jesus’ definition of the heart vs. the actual actions of a person), that we castigate and repel those who repent from sin because they are reminders of what we do not want to see, or fear we will see, in ourselves: A sinner.
What I have yet to understand is why those who sin in other ways & repent are given a “pass”, and are fully accepted by the church. We’ll invite a paroled murder to speak about his/her faith in Christ, found in prison, but we will never, ever let a sexual sinner do the same.
Our last pastor, PTL, brought a lot of transparency and even had couples who’d dealt with infidelity share their testimonies IN CHURCH! It was awesome.
For this to change, it must come from the pulpit.
JMHO.
.-= Buddy Knight´s last blog ..SEX: What Was God THINKING???!!!Part V – Sex & The Gospels: Marriage =-.
I’ve seen/experienced how concealing sin can also lead to paranoia, which is a miserable life.
.-= Nick´s last blog ..What Matters Most =-.
I feel like I am the person in my family who is devoted to this practice, and sometimes I feel like such a weirdo for telling the truth all the time. Thank you for doing it so openly and publicly in a way that sheds heart-defenses! It’s such a great example.
What do I think?
I think I wish I didn’t read this dang blog so much. Just when I think i might be approaching a better me you punk me and I am back where I started.
Thanks for yanking the rug out from under me. I love/hate you for doing it.
.-= Harold´s last blog ..Tent Drive For Haiti =-.
Wow, what a powerful statement from Andy Stanly. Thanks for this, now I need to ask God to reveal what I’ve been closing my eyes to.
.-= Tina Dee´s last blog ..Part 2 ~ CCM Music Artist ~ Mitch McVicker ~ FREE CD Giveaway! =-.
As a youth pastor I should admit that I have been there too. I’ve watched a fellow pastor take part in an amazing thing (like baptisms) or watched another ministers project take off and thought…”that should be me/mine.”
I think alot of pastors hold onto those secrets.
Thanks for exposing it and “breaking the ice”.
.-= Aaron Shaver´s last blog ..A Worship Wall =-.
My pastor in NY once said, “Christians shouldn’t have secrets.” That statement alone has encouraged me to live in the light. Great post!
Concealing sin is like trying to hide behind satan, hoping God won’t find us… satan really gets a kick out of that, and whatever he gets a kick out of isn’t good for us, period.
I’ve discovered in the last year that living in complete honesty is the single most freeing thing a follower of Jesus can do. That’s what was so radical about Jesus – he told the truth about himself, his listeners, and his culture. That’s also why we killed him.
Jesus wasn’t killed.. He laid down His life for us, on his own accord. What strength, what Kingship! (John 10:10)
it is good to maintain a degree of transparency before one’s partner or group, but one must exercise wisdom – knowing when to disclose it to and to who. Follow the Spirit’s leading, lest the act of confession becomes at best, an empty exercise or at worst, a form of idolatry.
One must be unafriad of being real too, not just with our moral failings, but also with our struggles. Often, I find ourselves thinking that I am alone in facing a certain situation.. until someone shares about his or her struggles in the same area, and I am blessed! Such honesty begets honesty, and engenders greater relationships within the group. In this way, we draw strength from the body. Jesus showed His disciples His wounds too.
Jason raised an important point- our response to a person’s confession. “As long as massive condemnation is the greeting for someone who confesses a problem…” how did Jesus meet with the woman at the well? (sorry, I keep going back to the Book
and what did He say to the woman caught in the very act of adultery? InJohn 8:11, Jesus Himself told the lady that He did not condemn her! Man, did you get that? The power to ‘go and sin no more’ was found in the gift of no condemnation! May our response exhibit His kindness more 
Pray that we find people with whom we can be honest about our failings with, who’ll accept us, and love us back into wholeness with an unconditonal and undying passion. I found it in Jesus.
Sometimes the pain of concealment is more bearable than the pain of confession because of what looks like the tendency of “Christians” to shoot their wounded. We have to know, and I mean really KNOW, we’re loved and safe before we can confess our sins to one another and receive healing.
.-= Michelle Brown´s last blog ..Chained Glory =-.
When we shoot our wounded, what are we telling the poor, struggling soul in the pew?
How does that man/woman striving with sexual sin come to the point of seeking help, love, and forgiveness when he/she sees others “shot” for those or related sins?
.-= Buddy Knight´s last blog ..SEX: What Was God THINKING???!!!Part V – Sex & The Gospels: Marriage =-.
I agree Buddy. This is a huge problem. The church that learns to extend grace to the wounded will be a church that will never have enough room in it!
And it will be one that CORRECTLY models Christ!
This “shooting our wounded” syndrome was not a short-term creation. I don’t think the solution will be, either (but that’s up to the Holy Spirit).
I wonder if we could intentionally attack this inter-generationally through how we train parents to model Christ. Then, as kids grow up, they learn, from the heart, to extend grace naturally. Then, as they become adults, it will take stronger root in the Church.
‘Doesn’t mean we can’t attack it here and now, but it seems like a good long-term approach. (My $0.02US)
Peace and Victory, Pete!
.-= Buddy Knight´s last blog ..SEX: What Was God THINKING???!!!Part V – Sex & The Gospels: Marriage =-.
Oh, and, IMHO, we are ALL wounded…
.-= Buddy Knight´s last blog ..SEX: What Was God THINKING???!!!Part V – Sex & The Gospels: Marriage =-.
Bro…you know how this ended up for me! Total and complete disaster. I love what Nick said about living paranoid…that is exhausting. The thing I love most about my life now is I am not scared of being found out. There is tremendous freedom in that! Great post.
.-= Justin Davis´s last blog ..Running on Empty =-.
You’ve been a true inspiration to me in this area Justin!! I mean that.
keeping secrets becomes a cancer and eats you from the inside out…however the longer we keep it in the harder it is to identify and the easier it gets to live “with” it…Transparency comes with risk..but someone once told me “anything that is worth anything involves risk…and it is always worth it” thanks for your words and heart pete
over the past 4 years i have been uncovering secret after secret in my family. it has been rocking the foundations of who i believed to be family, who i believed i could trust … and … at the same time … has strengthened my understanding of God’s firm hand in the direction of my life… His provision, His care, and His vision of what remains TRUE in my life, heart, and “dna”. So, in some ways, God’s constant love and passion for me has made these wretched secrets powerless, irrelevant. Something the world would never say could be possible.
There is something about voicing a “secret” that makes the enemy flee and such power and strength in having godly brothers and sisters praying, loving and holding you accountable! So hard though to open mouth and confess! It’s like cutting off my right arm sometimes….ha!
Wow!
I can see you saying that your wife in the privacy of your bedroom but in a pastor’s meeting!! That’s transparency! Thanks for sharing that Pete…I am now challenged to bring that same level of transparency to my leadership
.-= MichaelHolmes´s last blog ..Conventional Marketing vs Integrated Marketing: How Important is Marketing to Your Company? =-.
We’ve had some serious drama in my extended family in recent years and it all revolved around concealment. Still feeling the effects some 5 years later. It has been excruciatingly painful. And we all ask, why did this person keep so much hidden. It could have been dealt with and yes it would have been hard but nothing like the fallout has been from keeping things hidden. And to your point regarding the baptism -I can see where it would be easy to keep those thoughts to yourself but most big things start out small and I think we do need to be in the habit of facing things early on, before they morph in to big things. I’m reminded of that song Slow Fade by Casting Crowns…’people never crumble in a day…’ so true.
.-= joyce´s last blog ..Mamas don’t let your babies grow up to be ski jumpers =-.
i couldn’t agree more. especially having seen the way my husband’s secret sin impacted our ministry (and marriage)…
.-= alece´s last blog ..other than good intentions =-.
I’ve never heard that Stanley quote. Wow! The power of confession always trumps the power of secret. There is a freedom in truth. Thanks for the reminder.
.-= adam herod´s last blog ..Free Graphics =-.
I can’t be sure he said it but I’m pretty sure I heard it from him. If he didn’t then it’s my own brilliance.
Thanks for your sincere, honest heart.
This verse has long been one of my favorites.
I think the Andy Stanley quote points to one of the reasons we tend to hide our sins. I also think that when I confesses my sin I makes myself accountable in a way and there’s the natural expectation of change and sometimes, on some level, I may want to continue in sin – so it’s easy to rationalize away the need to confess. To avoid community (one of the ways God uses to bring change and growth into my life).
.-= Tracy´s last blog ..Kind mercy wins over harsh judgment every time =-.
Can I just say amen?
I heard or read this quote about addictions somewhere: “We are only as sick as our secrets” and this post brought that into focus for me. No matter what the earthly consequences are, it is important to confess for our spiritual health. It is easy for me to confess things when I’m fairly sure I will get the response “Oh, I understand, I’ve felt/done/said things like that before” but much harder when I feel like I will be judged or pitied. I have to overcome that pride and live honestly even when I am scared or the secrets will always have power. Great post, thank you!
“The reason you fear the consequences of confession is because you’ve yet to realize the consequences of concealment.”
Well played, well, well said.
Oh my goodness! You hit the nail on the head! I remember telling a very close friend that I was “tempted” and felt SO GUILTY! She assured me that everyone was tempted and that was NOT a sin! However, if I went THROUGH with it, THAT was the sin! I was so relieved!!!!!! Since that time I bet I’ve read the same thing (about it not being a sin to be tempted) 1,000 times! Keeping my secret made me “sick”!!! Thanks for posting!
Answered a blog on Craig Groeschel’s lifechurch.tv at the beginning of the year on a question he asked. I now have Covenant Eyes. The concealment was getting too much. It is freeing to come to the office and not have to fight that battle.
.-= Bill (cycleguy)´s last blog ..Decision Made =-.
So proud of you Bill. I have the same thing on my computers!
Forgot to mention that it was your blog post and openness about CE that started the ball rolling. Thanks pete.
.-= Bill (cycleguy)´s last blog ..Decision Made =-.
I love this Pete! I think so many people stay in the middle of their sins because they are afraid of what may come out of it and it being exposed so they tend to go only deeper. I know for myself and being addicted to food. This addiction has caused me to gain weight and yet I was telling people I was “dieting” and secretly binging. I had to be so sick of my sin before I finally got to the point of dealing with it. Its only now that its out there and exposed that I am beginning to heal and also deal with it~ I remember a quote a pastor said when I was a kid..”sin takes you further than you want to go and keeps you longer than you want to stay”…. Thanks!
“The reason you fear the consequences of confession is because you’ve yet to realize the consequences of concealment.”
Totally agree. I’ve been there and seen the devastation and destruction that come with concealment. But I would add to it that we often have yet to realize the freedom, new life, and grace that come with confession. And I understand that sometimes these aren’t always given from other people, but that’s when you focus on receiving them from God and trusting in Him and living out the changes He has made.
The concealment of sin has been about admitting it’s actually sin in the first place. You can’t claim it if you don’t name it, right?
And pardon me for quoting Dr. Phil twice in the same comment, but I’ve had to ask myself, “How’s that working for you?”
Answer: Not so good…
.-= katdish´s last blog ..Community and a Contest =-.
Thanks for the great post, Pete!
I confirmed I was pregnant with our second child on Christmas morning this year (I know, exciting, huh?!). Well, I wanted to wait until I had my first ultrasound to confirm everything was okay before telling my boss, co-workers, and friends. I had a hard time getting excited about this pregnancy because it was killing me to keep the secret from everyone. As the weeks went on I started to feel like everyone could tell my pants were getting tighter and was completely self-conscious about it. I was nervous about what my bosses reaction would be (even though I knew he would be thrilled for us). Well, I finally had the ultrasound and told my boss and all my friends yesterday! It was so freeing and I am now, even more so, overly filled with joy and excitement I can hardly handle it. It’s strange what secrets (sinful or not) can do to you and how wonderful it feels to finally confess and let the cat out of the bag!
I know that story was a little in left field, but hope it was okay to share.
Yea Tatum!!!!! I’m so excited for you guys. We’ll be praying the rest of your pregnancy is a healthy one!
WOW! That’s all I got!
.-= bluegoose´s last blog ..A blog of randomness! =-.
Wow, that’s good. I’m continually amazed at your transparency in sharing on your blog. You just have no idea how encouraging and what an example it is. I struggle with keeping things private. I imagine it’s pride or fear of the consequence of sharing, or hurting others-and myself.
I needed to read this, and am going to study about it. Thank you.
I have been following your blog for quite some time now, and the word you give in this post is in my opinion the most powerful so far.
It is my prayer that many will come to realize the consequences of concealment and that this revelation will have such an impact on their conscience, on their spirit that they will get to a point where the only way is to confess their sins and repent.
Satan holds many captive through these secrets and “coming clean” is one of the most powerful ways of doing spiritual warfare successfully. It is liberating, it is purifying and it simply puts God back on the driving seat of our life, where He belongs.
Praise God for there is power in His word and freedom and salvation for those who not only hear it but act on it.
Like I said, my favourite post from you so far.
God bless you and keep you
.-= anewcreation´s last blog ..Take courage and begin to claim back what is rightfully yours =-.
Wow. Thanks for helping me to take a graduate level look at transparency. I though I understood it, but realize now I have so much to learn and put into practice!
Thanks Pete, studying myself on the spiritual practice of confession to preach Sunday. Finishing up prep this morning – came across this post. Great thought from Andy! may add that in…
I posted a quote I found helpful from Richard Foster: “Golgotha came as a result of God’s great desire to forgive, not his reluctance.” (celebration of discipline). It’s the concept of God’s un-reluctant heart that struck me…blessings! Bring the Word Sunday – praying for ya, even thought we’ve never met. – Jack
Love that quote Jack!
Pete, great insight. It was sincerely an enjoyable message. We all are guilty with hiding our screw ups. And I think I saw a sword after Andy Stanley’s quote, ouch.
-Mike D. McIntosh
twitter: @mikedmcintosh
.-= Mike D. McIntosh´s last blog ..You Are Movement; You Are Difference; You Are Change (Reflections/Spirituality) =-.
I’m often reminded that one of God’s grace in bringing about consequences for sins, is that our sin is revealed. How much longer would we continue in sin if our secrets always remained hidden?