I Have A Disease
Few things rob me of my…
-joy
-time with family
-peace
-dreams
-God given calling
like my terrible “people pleasing” disease.
While I have no formula for success what I do know is this… trying to please everyone is guaranteed failure.
Anyone else struggle with this disease?
Pete, have you listened to John Piper’s sermon, “The Love of Human Praise as the Root of Unbelief”? I think it might interest you.
http://www.desiringgod.org/ResourceLibrary/Sermons/ByDate/2009/4223_The_Love_of_Human_Praise_as_the_Root_of_Unbelief/
That said, I struggle with the same thing, and apparently so does Dr Piper. I catch myself often times phrasing things specifically to get reactions from those that read or hear me, so I’ll get that beloved, “wow, you’re pretty good with words,” compliment. I swear vanity will be my undoing if I can’t keep it under control. I’m going back to school, prepping to go to Seminary and while I understand and crave the will of God in my life, my mind wanders to vainglorious pursuits, like reading and memorizing more of Calvin’s Institutes or Bonhoeffer or Spurgeon so I can impress my teachers and elders.
Like you, I don’t have a formula. There are a couple of songs that help keep me focused, but I can’t listen to them ALL the time. If you like more “sacred” music, try “Be Thou My Vision” by Glad, from their Acapella Project I album. Otherwise, “Take Everything” from the album with the same title by Seventh Day Slumber is pretty good. I have the usual Bible verses bookmarked in my study software, but they only remind me when I happen to click on them.
As for pleasing everyone… I would say that setting out on God’s mission with the intent to please anyone BUT Him who sent you is a formula for disaster. I know, easier said than done, but there it is.
Always praying for you,
-Evan
.-= Evan´s last blog ..Surrounded by the Faithful, but Still Alone? =-.
I do. I do.
I care about what everyone thinks of me. Even people I don’t like. I am really sick.
.-= Lindsey Nobles´s last blog ..On Grief =-.
@Lindsey, you are sick!
I’m a people pleaser too!
.-= Annabelle´s last blog ..Good Morning! =-.
You’re not alone, Pete. I read “What You Think of Me is None of My Business” by Terry Cole-Whittaker, and it helped for a little while, but it’s still a struggle.
.-= Jennifer´s last blog ..Madison =-.
You know I do! Coupled with my perfectionism disease, it’s quite crippling.
It literally devastates me when I do, say or sometimes even think something that I know someone won’t approve of. And look out when I find out or they tell me! I lose so much energy worrying and thinking and even crying about it.
I’m really trying to learn that first, I need to step back and see if it’s valid. Sometimes we do need to be held accountable for our actions. But if I have peace about what I’ve done, the only approval I need is God’s.
But easier said than done right?
.-= Amy´s last blog ..I Wanna Run to You =-.
yes…I guess it is contagious. And chronic.
.-= joyce´s last blog ..Everything you wanted to know but were too busy to ask =-.
@Joyce, it’s the chronic part that exhausts me.
Absolutely! As someone mentioned above, I even want people I don’t like to like me. And I go to such great lengths and put so much time and effort into people pleasing I end up resenting the same people I am trying to please!
.-= Andrea´s last blog ..Full =-.
very much so Pete. Especially with my job. Jesus, may you live through us as may we release our control to you today!
.-= Linnae Hoppe´s last blog ..Ooooooooooooooooooooooklahoma =-.
Yeah. I’ve got a little cocktail of disease that I’ve recently noticed God putting His finger on: people pleasing, perfectionism, and abject fear of confrontation when needing to advocate for myself. Throw in a olive of dread of letting down/disappointing leaders in my life and I may need a meeting or two.
And seeing it all here in black and white? Well, I’m feeling a little messed up. I have a lot to learn about grace, mercy, and self-sufficiency. I think that’s what I love the most about this time of year – the focus on the joy of the season and the perfect gift of Jesus helps me remember that we ALL need a Savior. Not just screwed up me.
.-= The Gang’s Momma´s last blog ..Christmas Fun On Friday =-.
Judging by how your Fantasy Team performed this year, I can see how this topic is relevant. But, just so you know, since Justin actually drafted that junk of a team, I am giving you pass and will not think any less of you as a person.
Pete, I wouldn’t call this a disease, I’d call this an epidemic. I can so so relate to this, and I’ve come down with a case of this majorly a time or two!!!
.-= Lauren Kelly´s last blog ..Office Christmas Luncheon 2009 =-.
Thankfully no, sometimes I am a little to harsh probably.
By the way, Pete can you give me $100?
.-= Kyle Reed´s last blog ..Tigers Drive that Got Away =-.
I don’t really struggle with it, but this is a great quote I live by. A lot of times, I believe that when we try to please others, we
Yep, yep and more yep.
And then on the flip side….when I start focusing on myself and my needs, I start getting selfish and self-serving which then brings the same backlash.
*sigh*
I really pray to have a healthy balance between the two.
.-= *~Michelle~*´s last blog .."I’ve been bamboozled" =-.
I don’t really struggle with it much. But, below is a quote that I try to live by:
“Do not wish to be anything but what you are, and try to be that perfectly”-St. Francis de Sales quotes
Sometimes, when we try to people please, we try to become what they want us to be in order to please them or to fit in or to be liked by them. But, I have to tell myself that I am here to please/serve God and his people the best I can by whom he made me out to be. I hope I make sense…
.-= Falguni Patel´s last blog ..Polaroid Photo Shoot =-.
YES! Just last night I was asking God to help me not let fear of someone being upset with me drive my decisions. In church planting we have seen a lot of disappointment because you really feel it when someone leaves because they don’t like a decision that was made. I find myself getting so anxious and wanting to make everyone happy. Then I start reading into everything!
.-= Marleen-ladylighthou´s last blog .. =-.
My name is Mark and I’m a people-pleaser.
.-= Mark´s last blog ..Self-Challenge #2 =-.
Don’t forget even though we have that disease. We are the one’s that beat up ourselves the most. “If you can’t say something nice about yourself, don’t say anything at all!”
-Much Love, Blake
.-= blake porter´s last blog ..Sad!!! =-.
I’ve been in denial for a while…but…I too am a people pleaser. (sob!)
.-= Michael Holmes´s last blog ..What is God’s Purpose in This Unemployment (part 1) =-.
Right there with ya bro. So much to point of risking house and home to do it. Can’t imagine being in ministry….I’d be a shell. If you find any support groups please let me know so I can get plane tickets from Montana.
Prayin for you from out West.
Doug
It’s a tragic disease. I too have an addiction. I’m addicted to people’s opinions. It’s some form of guilty-pleasure. Is there some ‘Eleven Steps’ to break from this addiction?
I do to some extent…I think it depends on how much I like the person who is asking. haha
I think most of the people struggle with this. We want to be accepted and loved by everyone. I think my luck was having a mother like I had. She told me when I was young :
Do whatever you want people will talk anyway.
And you know what? She found out I took her advice because even what they would tell me I’d do what I want anyway. And I found out that it is true that whatever you do/say there is always somebody to complain/judge/criticize what you did/said. It doesn’t mean that I don’t want to please a couple of people. Still in progress.
.-= Lily´s last blog ..LilyAny: You have a calling that is higher than laws. You have a God-given purpose! – Jack Graham : http://bit.ly/5w3oEy =-.
I have to add that it wasn’t easy for my parents to have a daughter like that. Worrying if she would end up well. I can tell you I did. And I have neigbours and friends who love me. And respect my bounderies as I do theirs.
.-= Lily´s last blog ..LilyAny: You have a calling that is higher than laws. You have a God-given purpose! – Jack Graham : http://bit.ly/5w3oEy =-.
I have been a people pleaser all of my life. Partly because of some things in my past. Most I blamed on not knowing my earthly father. Thank God I know my heavenly father. Honestly though my people pleasing days ended (or at least slacked off) a few years ago. Around the time I turned 40. I have heard many people (especially) women say they came into their own in there 40′s. I now believe in large part my “change” came about when I decided I needed to please God more then people. I don’t always succeed (truth be known, I fail and have to get back up each day), but I try. I’ve lost a few friends (at times it has caused me to be at odds with family, friends, my children, even Marc) along the way, but honestly you couldn’t pay me to go back. I wouldn’t say I’m cured of the disease, but I am on a treatment for it and its being administered by the best Doctor around.
.-= DisneyCyndi´s last blog ..Sunday Mind Dump (through the eyes of the wife). =-.
Rick Warren was talking about having the very same thing so you’re in good company Pete:) And I think Michael Hyatt and ….. ….. ….. There must be a 12-step out there somewhere.
“Anyone else struggle with this disease?”
Only when I’m breathing, Pete. Then I swing to the other extreme and don’t care if I please anyone.
.-= Faye´s last blog ..Get ‘em, God! =-.
Pete,
I think my parents helped cure me of my people pleasing disease. I received a clean bill of health in 2005 (I was 27) when my dad made the comment: “I’ll give you respect when I feel you’ve done something worthwhile with your life.” You arrogant…
It was a bitter last dosage, but thank God I swallowed it. I almost began to ere on the side of rebellion, yet God has helped me manage well. I’ve never been big on other people’s opinions of me because they don’t take care of me. That’s been my mantra for years. And since 27 my parents have been crossed off the list as well. Now God is my all and all as He should have been and wants to be. If what people want from me or think of me don’t line up to “thus saith the LORD” to me, then they can kick rocks.
Yes, it stings when I’m misunderstood, or called names (how elementary), or sabotaged, but hey, no one loves me like Him. He holds the keys to the kingdom and to my heart; if I’m pleasing Him what more can I say?
.-= Reid Klos´s last blog ..Tear #22 =-.
I know there’s only One worth pleasing. It’s hard when there are so many of you others out there =).
Pete, I’m at the threshold of a season of wider exposure and influence. And I’m already fighting the desire for self-glory, because it is deeply rooted within me. And I would gladly hack out this root if I knew how and if it didn’t cost me so much.
You say you have no formula for success, and I believe you, but I think you probably have more to say than you let on. As you’ve walked through public ministry, how have you kept your spirit rooted in humility and your heart pointing towards Jesus?
.-= Chris Tomlinson´s last blog ..Tiger…And The Prowling Lion =-.
Me,me! I’m guilty of being a people pleaser. Doesn’t seem to matter how much I tell myself not to be, or what others think doesn’t matter. I still end up trying to please them…
.-= Shelley´s last blog ..No Pain No Gain =-.
You have no idea. This is probably my biggest stumbling block. I constantly am reminding myself of Galatians 1:10 “Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ.”
And then, I try to focus on Colossians 2:6-7 about being rooted and built up in Christ. I think the key is being so Christ-focused that the approval of man is not on our radar.
I just wonder if my flesh will ever allow me to reach that place…approval, pride, ego, insecurities are around every corner, waiting to pounce one me with every compliment and every criticism.
This is by far my biggest struggle. But I keep praying.
Thanks for the post, Pete.
.-= Chrystie´s last blog ..A Grand Experience: The Invisible Hand =-.
Being a people pleaser can be good if focused for the right motivation – love. Specifically love of others.
The real root of evil found in people pleasing is that we don’t really care that we are pleasing them if we aren’t getting the kudos for doing so. In reality, we are just swelling our own prides and pleasing self.
I want to be a people pleaser for the right reasons…
Who’s with me?
.-= Tony York´s last blog ..Movie Scenes That Stick With You =-.
Petra released a song called ‘God Pleaser’ back in 1983…
So many voices telling me which way to go
So many choices come from those who think they know
There’s a way that seems right to a man
But it only brings him death
I wanna go the way that leads to life
Till I draw my dying breath
(Chorus)
Don’t wanna be a manpleaser – I wanna be a Godpleaser
I just want to have the wisdom to discern the two apart
Don’t wanna be a manpleaser – I wanna be a Godpleaser
I just want to do the things that please the Father’s heart
I have struggled all my life with being a ‘people pleaser’. It is a sickness I fight literally every day, even though I KNOW I only have to be a “God Pleaser”. Pete, I live in NC and found you on the ‘net and have followed you for the last several months. I thank God for your ministry and what it has come to mean to my wife and me. The Religion Lies series was a paradigm-busting experience for me as one who grew up (and I guess is still growing up) in church. The insight you have really seems to match up spiritually where I’m at. Keep being a willing vessel!
@Chris, good question. My short answer would be this. Whatever ministry and influence I have was not really “earned”. It was given to me to steward by God. Knowing I didn’t create it or earn it keeps me from feeling like I have to control it or manipulate it to keep it.
I own the t-shirt, the mug, the pin and the hat of this disease ….
.-= Kevin M.´s last blog ..Are you prudent or simple? =-.
Pete, I was that way for many, many, many years and even now have to hold it captive when I notice it starting to creep back in. The solution, like most things, is very simple in theory, but like anything else requires meditation of God’s word. The root of this “disease” is Fear, which is the root of most all of satin’s schemes. So the first thing I did when I would see myself acting in a “people pleasing” manner was to discount it against God’s word that says He did not give us a spirit of fear, but of power, love and self discipline. From there you just have to remain who you are in Christ through constant meditation on God’s word.
It’s not easy I know, but it is necessary to overcome; especially the more you become a voice to masses. The problem with not overcoming is that it will often hinder us from speaking the truth, which isn’t always a pleasant message.
Just remember that the only person you need to aim to please is God. That’s it! In doing so you will please many people along the way, and for the right reasons. And since His love for you is unfathomable, His grace abounds and His mercy’s are new every day, that’s not a hard call as long you give him your best.
I apologize if this was a bit lengthy but I know exactly where you are so I wanted to share what works for me. I pray it helps you and that God’s spirit of courage, power and confidence will rise up in you.
Blessings.
I do… We call it approval addiction. It’s something that I definitely deal with… But Celebrate Recovery has helped a lot!! 12 steps?yes.
Pete,
I’m a PK need I say anymore, we had to please everyone,it continues 25 years later. I am learning if you please GOD he’ll take care of the rest and give you favor.
I hope this comment is ok with you Pete, and everyone else. There I go again LOL.
I used to be the poster boy for this condition. You would see my face on all the telethons. Then one day I am not sure if God intervened or if I was overtaken by practicality.
It dawned on me the incredible effort and energy that it took to maintain this cronic condition. This condition that didn’t give one thing back for all the effort I put in it. I realized I just didn’t have it to give any more. There were other things more important, more urgent that really required my time and limited talents. I walked away from it and have never returned.
Now if you don’t like what I say or what I did or what I look like or, or, or. TUFF! I tried my best!
My favorite quote!!
I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.
Bill Cosby
Yes!
.-= Nick´s last blog ..What Can You Say? =-.
@tarsnoe, Hadn’t even thought about how I’m probably projecting this stuff on my kids. Oh my!
It’s quite amazing (terrifying, really) what happens to your theology when God starts healing you of perfectionism and people-pleasing. Sometimes everything that seemed perfectly and forever black and white starts looking shades of gray. Sometimes you realize that what you believe isn’t really what you believe but what you SAID you believe to be accepted or to appear spiritual enough.
Sometimes when you start studying your true beliefs and creeds, they morph into designs you never thought you’d see under the contemplative microscope. And, if you have a community of people who expect both authenticity AND unity of thought/theology, you might be in trouble. Don’t talk, and people wonder what’s going on. Talk, and people wonder what’s going on. The people-pleasing virus can’t help but flare up!
Sometimes the more you focus on God and the freedom He gives, the more you threaten those around you. But He is the Great Physician…
I keep reminding myself of that.
Yes and no. I don’t have good follow through on pleasing people but I have that internal feeling that I am unsettled if I let somebody down.
.-= David Knapp´s last blog ..Top 5 Christmas Movies =-.
I just returned from a 28 day treatment program for codependency and love addiction. People pleasing is at the heart of codependency and for me, what drives my compulsion to people please is fear. Fear that I will suffer a negative consequence or won’t be able to handle another person’s reaction if I come from a place of authenticity instead of people pleasing. However, the truth is that if I am not authentic in my actions with another human being then I hurt myself and violate my own integrity and my connection to my Creator who wants me to be lovingly authentic.
In my recovery from codependency, I am learning how to stand in my own discomfort and get healthy support when other people react negatively to my authenticity. And I am finding more and more that most people appreciate my honesty and it gives them permission to be authentic themselves and not have to people please! So it is beneficial to everyone involved. Trusting God is at the core of being honest and authentic and resisting the urge to people please. Recovery from people pleasing is a process that takes time and patience and compassion with ourselves. I believe that I can’t do it without an intimate connection to God and the fellowship and support of others who are themselves trying to heal.
I am a new Christian and am looking forward to coming to your church this weekend for the first time … Anne
I am not a people pleaser personality type. I’m an eldest female child and take my role of Bossy Sister to the extreme. If you’re bossing others around, there’s not much room to worry about pleasing them. It’s my prayer to “guide gently” and have best interests at heart so I look to God for guidance on that constantly.
But for you People Pleasers out there, the person you should consult is Perry Noble (http://www.perrynoble.com/). I think he must have a vaccine for this disease. You really should check with him. He is GREAT in this department. Love him!!!
.-= Cindy Graves´s last blog ..In Pursuit of Authentic Community =-.
I am a people pleaser which is a symptom of my desperate to be liked illness and care what people think disease. Working on it, struggling with it and hoping to cure it soon.
@Anne M. WOW! Thanks for being so honest with us. I’ll be praying for your freedom.
If your visit is to the Nashville campus this weekend I would love to meet you. I’ll be in the lobby after each service so please make sure you find me and introduce yourself.
Oops, sent before I was done. We have been going through this amazing process called “God Eyes” as a staff at Sandals. It helps us to see our role in the body of Christ. Amazing. My cure is coming from recognizing how God made me and for what purpose in his body.
.-= Lori Zimbardi´s last blog ..A San Diego Charger Cheerleader Made Me Do It =-.
Once again, Pete, you have hit the nail on the head. It is such an honor AND a rush to help people, but there is a fine line between helping and pleasing people. Thanks for making me take another look, say another prayer and check my motives again. Preach on …
.-= @michaelharrison´s last blog ..God, give us vision =-.
I am not a people pleaser at all. I don’t care what anybody thinks about me.
So what do you think about my post?
Be gentle. Heh, heh :0)
Struggle with it every day, and boy does it wear me out.
.-= Kelli´s last blog ..Leftovers…. =-.
Yes. Very difficult to break. However, a book that is helped me TREMENDOUSLY is “Boundaries” by Henry Cloud. Definitely puts a mental image on boundaries and what our responsibilities are/are not so that you can see more clearly when you are acting to please someone instead of meeting responsibilites.
.-= Megan´s last blog ..Thanksgiving in Oahu =-.
*responsibilities
.-= Megan´s last blog ..Thanksgiving in Oahu =-.
Yesterday you twittered a link to a post on Swerve that addressed “the right people”. I think this can corelate well with that. If I surround myself with people who are realistic and mature, they don’t expect me to please them, thus I don’t feel the need to try to. If I’m working with people who are overly authoritative and demanding, then my struggle with this kicks in.
So, surround yourself with people who are realistic in their expectations of what you can/will do. For the others who cause you to feel the need to please, establish solid boundaries.
There’s my 4 half pennies for ya!
.-= Aaron B. Reddin´s last blog ..Watch Out! One of My Dreams is Coming True!! =-.
So I’m reading these comments and nearly in tears. I am posting this now to say that I will be in prayer for you guys and hope that as I share you will be in prayer for me too!
I began my journey of freedom nearly a year ago. My family changed churches and I made new friends. It was a much needed change and these new friends challenged everything I believed about people. I didn’t have many friends, and the ones I did have never stayed around for long. As I got closer to these people I challenged them over and over pushing my limits almost daring them to leave me so I could be proven right, so that justification would be mine! They stayed right by me. The cried with me, they prayed with me, they loved me. I began to realize that I was tired of my life as a people-pleasing perfectionst, whose fear of people leaving her crippled her ability to have healthy relationships, especially a healthy one with her heavenly Father. I wanted out.
In the summer I went on a missions trip. My first one ever. There a prophetess who was praying over my team called me out and decalred that my fear and insecurity were gone. Since that time it has still be a huge struggle! Anytime I say something to my friends that doesn’t get the positive reaction I want, I begin to worry about it. I cry many nights because I am scared that I might have said something wrong.
I’m closer to healing, for a few weeks I had few worries about what people thought of me, I didn’t worry about making sure what I said was exactly perfect but prayed that even if I totally messed it up God would use it for good. Then those horrible lies Satan likes to tell slipped back in when I wasn’t prepared, and suddenly I was a mess again last night. Reading this has reminded me of what God was doing, and what He has in store for me. It has taken me back to the realization that God is the God of healing and restoration and that I just need to refocus, give Him control again and do as his word commands: “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition bring your request to God.” Philippians 4:6
Thanks for letting me be transparent!
.-= growingup´s last blog ..I’ll Only Mess It Up =-.
Yep, got the t-shirt somewhere to prove it…too small now, had it for too many years!!!
@growingup, Praying for you. My personal opinion is that this will be something I’ll struggle with on and off the rest of my life. In a weird kind of way I think God uses this in my life to keep me dependent on Him.
Yep – I struggle with it too.
I would think it would be even more difficult to not fall into that trap being a pastor.
My sometimes impossible to please teens have helped me grow a lot in this area, to learn to only need to please God (in the interest of preserving what sanity I have left!)
.-= Tracy´s last blog ..Lessons from my Kids =-.
Yes yes yes. ME TOOOO! Thanks. It’s rare Pastors are willing to admit this disease. How do we fight against this disease when our primary audience should be God?
.-= John Alexander´s last blog ..Tiger, Tiger, Tiger =-.
Always have been, probably always will be.
.-= diane´s last blog ..Thanksgiving Weekend =-.
Add to that list confidence and self esteem. Nothing rocks you like being a slave to others’ opinion when you’ve made a hard decision or taken action people don’t like.
But it doesn’t make it wrong and them right any more than their good opinion makes you better, smarter, or wiser. Ugh… such a hard road to walk.
Wow Pete, if we could “pie chart” or visually graph the volume responses to your questions, we could see right away which are the hottest topics that most everyone struggles with. I’d say this one is pretty much off the charts!
And I’m not just saying that to impress you. Okay, yes I was. Seriously, most of us were raised to respect people, be polite, and say thing that will win others’ approval. But the whole thing backfires when we can’t be honest with others because we are paralyzed with fear over how they will respond.
For almost his whole life, I could never confront my brother on things for fear I would loose his love. Fortunately I was healed-up just enough during the last year to be blunt and fully frank with him about our issues and matters of faith. And I’m so thankful for that because he passed away suddenly this July.
As you said, this is something we will likely always struggle with – but that’s what each new day of grace is for.
Pete, Just one more thing…
From a message on this topic called, “You Can’t Please Everyone” here:
http://www.communitychristian.org/video/video/1-adults/6-by-series/480-you-cant-please-everyone
The following encouragement for those of us afflicted with this disease to please…
“If Jesus is your most significant relationship, then sure, other people are always going to matter, but nobody has to matter like Jesus. And when nobody matters like Jesus, you can go through life with an attitude that says:
- I care about you but I don’t value you more than Jesus.
- I like you and I want you to like me but what you think of me will never be the last word on me.
- What you think of me doesn’t define me.
- What you think of me cannot confine me.
- What you think of me cannot dominate me.
- You matter to me, but Jesus matters more to me.
- You can’t say what I am. You can’t say what I’m not. You didn’t make me. You didn’t bring me into existence so what you think of me can’t take me out.
- I trust only in Jesus. And scripture says whoever trusts in Jesus will be exalted.
- No matter how much you love me or don’t love me, you’re not my God. And your approval will not be my god.
Amen!
Holy heckfire! Try being a mom at Christmastime if you are also a people pleaser. Ugh.
.-= Jan C.´s last blog ..Recipe: Dark, Moist Gingerbread =-.
As a recovering people-pleaser what helps me is remembering that I want to authentically love people. If I am going to authentically love people than I want the absolute best for them. The absolute best is often not me or what someone else things I should do for them. It frees me to say no a lot easier.
I also really realize today that my identity and self worth come from whom Jesus Christ says I am in His word and from no one else.
Jesus was not very popular with men, but His father loved him dearly…. and so did the people closest to him.
@Paul, I totally agree. It’s the difference between focusing on “being loving” or “being loved”.
.-= Pete Wilson´s last blog ..I Have A Disease =-.
Pete… if I comment on your blog will you like me?
How do you please people? I have never gotten the knack of this. And how do you choose which ones to please? Because it’s just not humanly possible to please them all.
.-= Pearl´s last blog ..What is God Preparing? =-.
Pete,
I think the fact that you want to face it means everything. I struggle with never feeling accepted, which is just another form of wanting to please people.
Oh man, I have this disease. It’s not as bad as it used to be, but I even sometimes want to please people that I don’t even like. It’s weird, and sad.
.-= Jeremy´s last blog ..Welcome =-.
People Pleaser? Oh please, it just rocks my world, but I am working through it. I think the one thing God has shown me this year – I CANNOT change someone’s perception of me. I want people to like me and I want to please them, but I can’t.
I’m learning that as long as I’m good with God and walking in His will, I have to let everything else go. I have to trust that God has it handled.
Doesn’t mean I don’t drive myself just this side of crazy worrying about people being upset with me. Such is life
.-= Mary´s last blog ..The Christmas Cat or am I the Crazy Cat Lady =-.
I wasn’t even aware I was a people pleaser until sophomore year in college. I was discussing some summer options with my parents and said, “Just tell me what you want me to do and I’ll do it.” My mom said something to the affect of my people pleasing tendencies scared her. Since then (I’m now 29) I’ve tried to at least be cognizant of the issue.
I find the disease rears its ugly head in my mind more often than in my actions. I’m single. What if I _______, then will a Chrisian man pursue me? That blank could be filled with anything. Lose weight. Stop talking so much. Don’t lead as much or as well. Try not to be outspoken. Had a different style. Am not so independent. The list is endless.
The disease definitely shows up in other ways too, but the Christmas season is a hard time to be single. It is when I (and other singles) feel the most lonely so it’s what came to mind today.
I read these posts and realize so many of us have the people pleaser disease to some extent. In this age of blame games, do you feel it is fair for people to turn their blame on their parents for facets of their personality they may have been born with?
Parents are not perfect and one day our children will let us know that. You are doing a great job.
I’m a hopeless people pleaser; really bad.
I don’t know about your church, but mine has these incentives for my kids in their sunday school class…. if they practice their bible verse, read the bible story, and “live the point” of being kind or grateful or whatever the subject is they get prizes.
I grew up doing everything for the prizes as well as the praise. I memorized so many Bible verses and chapters, did all the “right” things to earn prizes, recognition and approval. And I look at my life now and totally struggle with this desire for approval and acceptance. IDK I’m sure that I’d be a people pleaser no matter what but I have a hard time with this expectation of prizes thing at church.
.-= Torybee´s last blog ..The Theology of Santa =-.
I do. By the way bro, do you still like me?
.-= Charles Hill´s last blog ..Most Top Level Leaders Have This 1 Thing in Common. =-.
<—–HAND RAISE! Confession of a people pleaser. And now that I have admitted that, I would love some practical application techniques that you have used that help at some points.
.-= Ryan Grammatico´s last blog ..Gramm-Africa 2010 =-.
YES. I have the same issue.