The Best Of You
Having a blast and learning so much down here in Atlanta at Catalyst. It’s so great just to get around other leaders and sharpen one another. I heard so many incredible things yesterday and it will take me a while to process it all.
However, one question from Rob Bell just absolutely floored me.
He asked, “Does your spouse and kids get the best of you or do they get the scraps leftover after you’re done building what you’re going to build?”
I felt my heart sink low into my chest because I know the answer. I thought to myself, I’m getting ready to go into what is probably the busiest season of my ministry to date and not cheating my family is going to take a tremendous amount of discipline. And I felt as if God impressed on me, “Yes Pete, it will, but it will be worth every hard decision. Don’t win at church and fail at home.”
Isn’t it amazing how one question can cause you to need to make some major changes?
How about you? Is your spouse getting your best? Are your kids getting your best?
34 Comments:
I am always hit in the face with your questions. For some reason everything surrounding this particular one has been “smacking” me a few times this week {perhaps God is trying to make a point:)}.
I am sad to admit that my husband and children do not always get the best of me. Learning the rhythm of balancing family and marriage whether you work or stay at home is difficult to master. Praying for clarity and patience as I endeavor to recognize my inconsistencies.
Thank you for the reminder.
jessica´s last blog ..An Anniversary of Tears
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jessica
4:44 am
I think I can say yes to this one….but, I’m at a point in my life where there isn’t a lot of competition for ‘me’. We’ve recently moved so not a lot of social commitments, haven’t settled on a church which is where I tend to get involved so not a lot drawing me away there, not working at the moment…I’m really enjoying this period of devoting lots of time and thought to supporting my husband in his new job and helping my daughters navigate the college years. I am spending a lot of time in prayer which I confess doesn’t always happen when life gets very busy….I will be praying for you as you strike a balance between ministry and family this fall.
joyce´s last blog ..Inquiring minds want to know
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joyce
4:54 am
What a convicting question. To be brutally honest, more often than not they get my leftovers and God too. Hopefully, I will be keep this question in the forefront of my mind so they get more of the best of me.
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Gina Tynes
4:56 am
YOWCH! Rubbing my feet/toes on that one.
I was just talking about about how snappy I’ve been with my children and how humbling and cleansing it is to apologize to them. Showing them that I was putting other “stuff” and the baggage it brought ahead of them.
God always teaches through my children to me…..and when they accept my apology and give me a clean slate as their mom….it reminds me of how we have our slates clean every.single.time by the grace of Our Father.
So yeah, getting back to your original question….it does take alot of discipline, but totally worth it when you give the people who matter most, your best.
You may not get all the outward worldly recognition/reward…. but the reward of keeping family first (well God even “more first” of course) is priceless.
*~Michelle~*´s last blog ..Listening to the Littlest
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*~Michelle~*
5:28 am
Looking back over the last two weeks, I feel like my family and Jesus have gotten the leftovers. Lately, it’s felt like I’ve been living the tyranny of the urgent–urgent not necessarily meaning important.
What really matters TODAY? That’s what I asked myself this morning–our family night tonight, and my devotional time with my Savior, and a few quiet moments with my husband, and right now…snuggle time with my kiddo-going to snuggle now!
Good question/discussion.
Tina Dee´s last blog ..Pete Wilson Friday – Come Follow Along!
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Tina Dee
6:12 am
A great friend once told me this, “no amount of ministry will ever make up for your failure at home.” Yikes! That has always been in the back of my mind. It is sometimes hard to find a balance because on one hand God has called you into the ministry and you feel that you need to devote 100% of yourself to that all the while he has also entrusted you with a spouse and children that you feel need 100% of you. One of the greatest lessons the Lord has taught me is that first and foremost the children that he has given me are my priority! It is not the churchs job to raise them nor is it the schools, girl scouts, boy scouts, sport coaches etc… I hope and pray that my children will look back when they are older and see that they were indeed the priority and that I did not make them second to the ministry. God placed me in the ministry to work FOR HIM…not to do HIS work! I believe that if we in minstry remember that, He will create the balance in our lives and use us in even greater ways for His glory!
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Sara
6:43 am
Simple answer: no.
We’re so far in debt that I’m working two jobs just to try and keep up. After 12-14 hours every day I’m just so exhausted I don’t have much left to give. Add to it a project that my wife insists I finish that takes time away from them and some days I don’t take five minutes to just be with them.
God gets leftovers too right now.
Thanks for the spiritual kick in the teeth today, Pete.
Jason´s last blog ..Make the same mistake again
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Jason
6:56 am
Sandpaper on the eyeballs.
Does that adequately describe the feeling I just got reading the question?
Heidi Rafferty´s last blog ..Recovering from Surgery
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Heidi Rafferty
6:58 am
I have been battling this for the past 6 months. My husband and I had been fighting in circles and had a total communication breakdown about 6 months ago. We went to a counselor, and the first problem he identified is that we both had way too many separate commitments within the church. His words: “Sometimes GOOD things can come between what God intended as the BEST thing (our marriage and family).” My husband and I had so many commitments at church that we were rarely ever to sit down and worship with my children. And even though they were “good” commitments, they were interering with God’s design for marriage and family.
So we have spent the past 6 months paring down our commitments. I finally just stepped down from a pretty major ministry role (don’t worry, I’m still serving in other areas), and the peace God has given me is immeasurable. I have definitely received some negative comments from other people, but I know I am doing what God has called me to do. He wants me to teach my children how to worship and how to grow spiritually. Stepping down from a pretty visible role is not easy to do, but I know I want my family to have “firsts” of me, not “leftovers.”
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melody
7:03 am
That’s what I’m working hard right now to fix. Thanks for the reminder!
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5thstreet
7:13 am
well put, Pete. Reminds me of Andy Stanley’s Choosing to Cheat session from Summit a couple of years ago.
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John Ireland
7:22 am
Pray everyday to not miss out,to focus on the kids when I am with them ,focus on my business when the kids are not home ,and focus on the time with my spouse which we have to make. It is a daily struggle. Thanks for all that you guys do at Crosspoint !
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lisa
7:42 am
No.
crumbsonmyfloor´s last blog ..I’m ready to check out….
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crumbsonmyfloor
7:48 am
Ouch. Makes me cry.
“…it will be worth every hard decision. Don’t win at “work” and fail at home…”
Makes my heart hurt.
Laretha´s last blog ..Unconditional Trust
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Laretha
7:53 am
Yes, absolutely. My partner comes first. Always.
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Amy
8:16 am
Mmm…another hard question. I have a couple of things my heart longs to pour into, things I am passionate about. One is sharing God with others through writing. The other is sharing God with the youth girls at my church. And as much as I want to pour myself into these things, I know my husband is my first earthly priority. And sometimes that means saying no to things I dont want to say no to. It means not writing as often as I would like. It means walking away from my agenda, my plans, and participating in the moments God has given me to pour into my family instead. Great post. Thanks for sharing what you are learning at Catalyst!
Chrystie´s last blog ..Get out of the boat
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Chrystie
12:16 pm
I love quotes and there seems to be a theme in these comments so I just wanted to add this thought:
“Sometimes, in order to say yes to what matters most, I must say no to good things.” – Sue Monk Kidd
jessica´s last blog ..An Anniversary of Tears
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jessica
12:23 pm
@Sarah, I love that quote!
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pete wilson
2:21 pm
Amen, Pete, amen! I stay at home and it’s STILL hard for me not to be other-minded – my mind on other things than my family! I have tried to work hard on my marriage and mission as a wife, even though in the midst we’ve had six-soon-to-be-seven kids. I still feel like I suck at being a mom, but I at least know I’ve got the priorities going: God, husband, kids – though sometimes self sneaks it’s way in front of those various slots…
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Cheryl Floyd
3:36 pm
love you and so proud of you for realizing the importance of family. we’ll truck right through the busy season together.
brandiandboys´s last blog ..Time Flies When You’re Having Fun
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brandiandboys
4:41 pm
@Cheryl Floyd, Almost 7 kids. That is stinking amazing. I love it.
Pete Wilson´s last blog ..The Best Of You
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Pete Wilson
6:05 pm
One of my favorite Foo Fighters songs. I will never hear it the same.
Jody´s last blog ..Too tired
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Jody
7:11 pm
WARNING!!!!!!!!! heed this question by Pete!! By not taking care of home, i about lost it all while pastoring a Church. Now, if… IF…. I get the chance again to pastor again, I will get it right. Thanks Pete
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Randy Wood
7:55 pm
A word fitly spoken, Pete. Though it has been an ongoing effort to “balance” home and ministry, the later years have shown that most of my decisions have been right. “Balance” really is priority. It has to be (at least for me) personal relationship with my God first, then my wife and daughter, then the ministry. Even though there are times when momentary sacrifices have to be made, those times are really few when one weighs the true urgency of a call to put ministry before family.
Thanks for highlighting this question!
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Randy Kinnick
9:07 pm
Soak it all in Pete and enjoy every minute of it
Lauren Kelly´s last blog ..A little warmness for the heart!
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Lauren Kelly
9:24 pm
I dont have a family but it is a good question, I think it is all about balance. I am speaking from a single’s man point of view but whatever I do in my life, I know I need balance just like everyone
mike mikovich´s last blog ..Why do people try to bring you down
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mike mikovich
10:22 pm
Wow. As a newlywed (2 months) and being young in full-time ministry (2 years), this one hits right where I am.
Teaching yourself how to be a man is tough. Teaching yourself how to be a husband is tough.
Teaching yourself how to do ministry is tough.
Teaching yourself how to balance all 3 of those is much, much tougher.
All you seasoned pastors out there, don’t ever forget that we young’uns are watching you guys to try and figure this stuff out. We need you to get this right, and then teach us how to do the same.
No pressure
Aaron B. Reddin´s last blog ..Is it a sin if I round-house kick this guy in the head???
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Aaron B. Reddin
6:36 pm
Kids and spouse weren’t getting my best 10 years ago, so I quit my job and moved to a different state so I could stay at home and not be on the road every night. One of the smartest things I’ve ever done.
[Reply]
Des
9:25 pm
Pete…You have precious treasures in your three boys and you cannot recapture these formative years. My dad was a pastor married to his pulpit. The consequences of that reality have been far reaching to all five of the kids in my family. There is will always be more ministry, more needs, and more vision than we have the capacity of fill. A wise mentor once told me “you are only indispensable until you say no.” I remind myself of that often when I think I must or should take on a commitment. My boys are 15 and 13 and I have fought hard for them to know they are my most important ministry. My oldest texted me on the way home from a cross country meet tonight to share something God spoke to him on the bus and then said he was so grateful we had led him to understand and hear the voice of the Lord. No amount of building a vital ministry or impacting the lives of others could ever substitute for experiences like that. Cherish every second you have with your boys – it passes in the blink of an eye. Thanks for the important reminder.
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Shari
10:34 pm
@Shari, I’m so sorry to hear your story. I’ve heard it from so many people whose parents were in ministry.
Your story compels me to work hard not to allow it to happen to children. Thanks for sharing.
Pete Wilson´s last blog ..The Best Of You
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Pete Wilson
9:18 am
I have been with my honey since high school. (yes high school sweethearts) We have been married for 13 of the 17 years. I find myself at times not giving my best to both him and also our girls (12yrs/7yrs). I have learned over the years that its a process of saying OK I can’t but with YOU I can. I am learning that its ok to have a sink full of dishes or an email that can wait in order to be what I need to be for my family:) thanks for great post and for the conviction AGAIN! ha!
Holly Myers´s last blog ..I want Hulk strength:)
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Holly Myers
9:59 am
My instinctive first answer is “yes.” Then my second is to ask “is it?” And that’s a question that I do need to ask – daily.
I do have one “success story” to share. Years ago, I took a job at an Air Force base on California’s Central Coast, near Santa Maria. The job demanded consistent 60-hour weeks, always in the form of five 12-hour days. In no time at all I found there were two problems. The schedule was quickly wearing me down physically. And most mornings I left before my family was up, and got home after they were in bed.
My wife and I both realized – and agreed – we had to do something. So we decided to set aside a few hours each weekend to just go for walks in the country around town. It wasn’t a big thing, but it was one of the best decisions we ever made. We got family time. I felt better. We visited the library to learn what we were seeing. It all enriched our time. It relaxed us. It bonded us. And it led to family activities that we still enjoy, together, now – many years after we started. Not big – not hard – not costly – but the benefits were permanent. And very good.
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Pete A.
6:40 pm
@Pete A., very cool! Sounds like a great idea.
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Pete Wilson
6:44 pm
this question got me too… caused our staff team to have some good conversation afterwards too.
I think this goes hand in hand with the Sabbath day Rob Bell talked about as well — not looking at email and turning off the cell phone. How many times have I done that on my day off when I’m spending the day with my wife and kids.
[Reply]
matt bortmess
9:43 pm
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