Tags» insecurity, Leadership
Our Insecurity
While I won’t argue that lack of character has brought down more good leaders than just about anything, I would say insecurity runs a very close second.
Insecurity can torment the most gifted of leaders. It will make you…
doubt instead of trust
criticize instead of praise
assume the worst instead of the best
talk instead of listen
micromanage instead of empower
control instead of release
In the end it will erode your effectiveness and leave you useless and powerless. Your worst nightmare will become a reality as you look around to discover that no longer is anyone following you.
What does your insecurity look like when it raises its ugly head?
64 Comments:
A lifelong struggle of mine. As it pertains to my leadership, I would say you nailed it with “assume the worst instead of the best” and “talk instead of listen.” Great thoughts. For me, often it boils down to where I’m finding my identity. When I do so in anything other than Christ, insecurity is waiting for me.
LauraLee@Selah´s last blog ..She Pauses to Ponder Praises from "She Speaks"
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LauraLee@Selah
6:04 am
Insecurity causes me to act out of a spirit of fear, which in turn results in me ‘coming out swinging’ in every conversation and negotiation. Militancy is not conducive to peace and harmoney
Cate´s last blog ..Becoming a Skillful Sailor
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Cate
6:05 am
It looks like a pair of stilettos on aching feet!
sherri´s last blog ..Hey, Whatever you do, DON’T look at that Chicken!
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sherri
6:08 am
Unfortunately mine looks like all of the above you mentioned. I think insecurity is one of the biggest issues we face as girls, and society hasn’t made it any easier on us to not be insecure. I even have those around me who love/care for me say something to me/about me and I always seem to not believe their words or shrug them off because of my insecurities. It’s definitely something I work on daily, give to God daily and try to learn it’s just lies from the enemy making me this way. Good post Pete!
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Katy M
6:12 am
Pete…thanks for the post… you are the first church leader I have seen to address this issue… it is one that I bring up while speaking each month @ the Every Man’s Battle workshop… and it is an issue that nearly cost me everything … the tentacles of insecurity extend deep … thanks for going there… David
David Wever´s last blog ..Wanted: Pastor of Sexuality and Intimacy
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David Wever
6:13 am
My insecurity makes me doubt, which leads to lack of faith and trust in God. It’s evil! I have to remind myself this: Greate is He who is in me is greater than he who is in the world (I John 4:4).
Falguni´s last blog ..How I Became A Christian
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Falguni
6:14 am
Sorry, I am not awake yet…ha.. I meant “Greater is He who is in me than he who is in the world!” I John 4:4
Falguni´s last blog ..How I Became A Christian
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Falguni
6:17 am
Well said. An example professionally… I’ve seen insecurity rob many high profile people of their joy and sometimes aspects of their mission. Seen directly many who get thousands of positive praise from followers but fixate on the one or two negative remarks. The negative remarks seem to amplify the insecurities in a massive way, like a splinter that gets under the skin and becomes infected. In that form insecurity seems to mask itself by “people pleasing,” by being ripped apart with the inability to have everyone “like” you (which always exists). I hate that.
For me personally, insecurities are always there. I don’t take near the number of risks that I should do to insecurities (fears) that I often rationalize to myself. But, I have hope in knowing that each day I get a little better… learn a little more… reflect and recognize when I sabotaged myself and try to avoid doing it again tomorrow.
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Daniel Decker
6:21 am
My insecurities mostly came about due to controlling people who taught me that I couldnt do things right… that I always mess up and am never quite good enough. Those types of words cause doubt and fear and cause me to not be as effective as I could be.
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Jennfier
6:26 am
Insecurity makes me overanalyze EVERYTHING. Even the smallest comment by someone can send it out of control. I’m much better than I used to be but still, when he shows up it is not pretty.
RickEstes´s last blog ..Your Kids Are Never Too Old
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RickEstes
6:47 am
When I catch myself comparing myself to other people, instead of trying to be the person God made me to be, I know it’s time for a gut check.
katdish´s last blog ..Be Brave
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katdish
6:49 am
I think insecurity stems from the sin of unbelief ~ that of not believing God can handle the issue and give strength, words, protection or whatever it is that I stand in need of. If God is for us, who can be against us?
Heather´s last blog ..Sunday afternoon…
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Heather
6:54 am
Insecurity in my life shows up in exactly the ways you listed, and the specific area this happens is in my parenting skills. I am dreadful about micromanaging and being overly critical, yet I wonder aloud why our kids don’t seem motivated to help out more around the house. I want the best for my kids and from them, yet I assume I will get the worst. I’m apt to be unbending about the rules, because I’m insecure about whether I can get back in control if I let one or two things slide under special circumstances.
I work on it daily and am always improving, but so far there’s been no magic happenstance or “light bulb moment” that has allowed me to just magically feel secure about my kids’ love and my parenting skills. What saves me more than anything is my partnership with my husband, who sets an amazing example of how to do it right and trust God that it will all come out okay despite our interference!
Jan C.´s last blog ..My Life is Incredibly Exciting.
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Jan C.
6:56 am
This one: criticize instead of praise
Ouch.
Insecurity causes me to internalize and overanalyze everything. I tend to shut down.
Someone could speak a single word, I’ll take it wrong and be on a downward spiral for days, weeks… sometimes months. In those times, I have to remind myself that my security is found in Christ and the thoughts swimming in my head are lies.
Karen´s last blog ..Forgive and Forget?
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Karen
7:10 am
It discourages. It makes me want to stop what I’m doing.
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Seth Jones
7:16 am
@Heather, Spot on!
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Pete Wilson
7:17 am
a litte like dwight yoakum. seems innocent and secretive at first lurking in the shadows, but packs a mean punch when viewed on the big screen.
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Tanya Wright
7:18 am
An insecurity of mine that seems to affect many areas in my life is the ability to trust. God is teaching me that I can always trust in Him no matter what and I have learned over the past few years to trust Him completely. But, when others let me down or break their trust I struggle trying to get to that point of trusting them again. I know it will be a process when trust is broken but I hate the way it affects me. It is a huge insecurity that I pray I will overcome completely.
Rhonda Smith´s last blog ..WHOA!!!
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Rhonda Smith
7:28 am
absolutely – self doubt and lack of trust. especially today – while my business is down, it’s tough to not feel like a failure when my business should be doing well…
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Paula
7:40 am
@Paula, give me an example of someone’s business that is doing well right now.
@tanya, Dwight Yokum? That is hilarious.
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Pete Wilson
7:51 am
Tanya, “a little like dwight yoakum”?, that’s an interesting spin on things.
If I am “spoken down” to, it just drives me crazy. I think that comes from insecurity of some form. I also cannot stand to see others belittled. It is a form of injustice that I cannot tolerate. Insecurity is satan’s quiet weapon against us all. It hids underneath the surface and eats at us.
Insecurity can also be deadly. This is what Gearge Sodini, the man who went on a shooting rampage outside of Pittsburgh this week, said in his blog.
“”Women just don’t like me. There are 30 million desirable women in the US (my estimate) and I cannot find one. Not one of them finds me attractive,” the 48-year-old computer programmer lamented.”
While I am certain there were other issues involved, could all of this have started as insecurity. It makes my heart break for the victims and their families and honestly, Mr. Sodini. I wonder if at some point in his life if a kind word or encouragement could have diverted this tragedy.
Harold´s last blog ..Isaias Gabriel – Making The Difference in the DR
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Harold
7:54 am
Insecure? Who’s insecure? I — no, you’re not — not me. I’m fine. Really. Must be that OTHER person… she’s always doing….
(yeah, right.)
Faye´s last blog ..Heroes?
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Faye
7:54 am
It looks like silence.
Growing and learning solution totally rests in being secure in God alone.
It used to look like rapid fire talking, growing turned it into silence (or tongue biting) waiting for God to let me speak.
Lindy Abbott´s last blog ..Are You a Writer or do you write?
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Lindy Abbott
7:57 am
Paralyzing. No ACTION to describe. Zombified. Inefficient. Ineffective. Unsocial. Unproductive. More frequent than I really care to admit.
Mel´s last blog ..Smartpoints Bonus Month
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Mel
8:31 am
I fight the demon of insecurity all the time. In fact, I’m starting my school clinicals in about 11 days, and the fear of the unknown is unbelievably overwhelming. And, even though I totally believe God can and will help me, I still have a real battle that’s going on in my head!
Stacy´s last blog ..A book for fun
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Stacy
8:35 am
Insecurity is crippling.
It causes me to be that ugly shade of green with envy, and criticize others to build myself up. It’s ugly.
*~Michelle~*´s last blog ..True Love
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*~Michelle~*
8:37 am
@Mel and @Michelle, I love the words you guys used. Paralyzing and crippling both sum it up so well.
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Pete Wilson
8:52 am
All of the above, plus I listen really fast–only long enough to form a response. I start losing my teachability.
Anita´s last blog ..Weigh In Wednesday: Literary Immersion II
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Anita
8:55 am
Great post Pete! I continue to wrestle with the reality that “perfect love casts out fear”. I’m tired of fear tying me to insecurity in key areas of life, and I can confidently say that I will keep pressing on b/c I know whom I serve – and that source of perfect love is the truest antidote for any insecurity. I’ve seen a lot of growth in this area, especially at the “intersection” of prayer, good teaching, deep and fulfilling personal relationships, the accumulation of life experience and maturity. All are great tools in God’s hands to patiently work in us to perfect us in love….
Jim´s last blog ..So This is What We Are?
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Jim
9:12 am
Insecurity is, quite possibly, the single greatest thing in my life keeping me from being completely who I’m meant to be. Sometimes I am friendly and outgoing (and, might I add, quite endearing?!). Too often, however, I worry about looking dumb or not being interesting enough and I am just silent. I know I should say hello to the visitor, but I’m terrified. What do I talk about? How do I say hello? How do I end the conversation when it’s time to end it?
I panic because I’m insecure. And there are a LOT of missed opportunities.
But sometimes, I’m firing on all cylinders. It’s weird.
Vanity of Vanities´s last blog ..Three Dollars Worth of God
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Vanity of Vanities
9:27 am
Insecurity looks a lot like . . .
filthy rags!!??
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Lorelei King
9:48 am
Mine doesn’t look good….
Maureen´s last blog ..Another wonderful surprise…
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Maureen
10:10 am
I think if there’s insecurity in one area, I might tend to want to compensate in another by projecting confidence and authority. It’s a great method of shifting the focus away from the problem; or just outright denial.
But insecurity is not always a bad place; our strength is made perfect in weakness.
Paul from Canada´s last blog ..The Problem With Atheists: They Don’t Go To Our Church
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Paul from Canada
10:35 am
It’s been interesting to read the comments…while insecurity manifests itself in a multitude of ways, we all struggle with it…I need to remember that when I’m in the midst of it…sometimes a person who is causing me to have feelings of insecurity is behaving the way they are because that is the way their own insecurity is played out….
I tend to get quiet and overanalytical
joyce´s last blog ..‘so they loaded up the truck and they moved to Beverly…Hills that is…’
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joyce
11:10 am
Can manifest into thoughts of inadequacy, to a complete shutdown. It all depends on your thoughts, on attitude. 2 Corinthians 10:5 – “We [should] demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”
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Vicki
11:33 am
It looks like me missing out on all the fun and adventures of life. I’m standing all alone as far away from others as I can get. I look good in my own eyes. Unfortunately, I look really bad to everybody else. The very thing I was trying to avoid. How’s that working for me?
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Colleen Foshee
11:36 am
Insecurity triggers the fight or flight, the fear response. Insecurity never allows me to be proactive, but only reactive because it depends on outside sources for it’s power. Think about where/when your insecurities developed and who was involved. Outside influences malevolently attack our God-defined character and erode the confidence and trust we have in God. My only hope is in the victory of Christ.
Joe Baumgarten´s last blog ..Fixing the Floor Part 2
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Joe Baumgarten
11:39 am
It makes me think I cannot lead unless I am the best at something. So if I feel like someone else is better than me then I should be disqualified. So hard to shake.
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Miranda
12:33 pm
Pete, I saw this almost as soon as you posted it. I have come back several times since to read the comments. @Heather’s comment is the deal. That is where I go when I begin to feel insecure. My thoughts today have been focused on how to deal with this from another person. It is difficult to defend against. I find all I can do is pray for that person. Thank you for giving this topic some air. God Bless.
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Kip McDonald
12:41 pm
My insecurities cause me to believe that I am not needed or will not be missed if I do not follow through. I see myself as smaller and less important than I am, therefore I am not fulfilling God’s call on my life.
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Holly Myers
1:00 pm
Yeesh! Insecurity – Yeah, well, fortunately, I don’t suffer from it quite as badly as I once did. But it does still rear its ugly head on occasion. Insecurity tends to make me and most people I think, withdraw and isolate ourselves to a degree. As humans, we all yearn to be accepted by others. We want to know people love us without condition, but we find it almost impossible to believe anyone can do that. When someone has the opportunity to PROVE they love us unconditionally, the insecurity in us often sabatoges their efforts to do so. As those we get close to begin to peel away the facade we put up and really get to know us, they begin to see us as we are, not as we want to be seen. This makes us tend to pull away because we are sure that, if they see or know about the real me, they will reject me and push me away. Consequently, our insecurity makes us pull back first, before the other person can. In doing this, we are actually pushing away a possible and probable souce of reassurance. It is even worse when we KNOW the other person has learned something about us we really wish they didn’t know. We are so sure they will think less of us, we may totally push them out of our lives before they get the chance to push us out or theirs. These fears are almost always unfounded. But, they nonetheless will cause isolation, withdrawal and quite possibly hinder any possibility of establishing long-term relationships. It makes us refrain from letting others in emotionally. It can also severely limit any real chance at success at whatever we may try to do, especially if it is any type leadership role, because we just know if anyone knew the real me, or things about me, they surely would not want to follow me. To overcome insecurity, I have tried to become vulnerable and let others see and know the real me. You know, of all the people in my life I have dared open up to, be transparent with and really let my guard down, NONE of them have ever abandoned me because of what they found out about me. I have sabatoged (and lost) some relationships because of my insecurity, due to the fact I pulled away thinking surely they could not like me, care for me or love me anymore now that they know this or that about me. Thankfully, I have gone back and restored some of those relationships to find that indeed, the one I pushed away did in fact love me unconditionally. Often, I had left them wondering “What the heck happened?”. Obviously, the standard is Jesus, who never pushes us away and ALWAYS welcomes us back with open arms, regardless what we have done.
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Andy
1:10 pm
@Miranda, you’re an important part of our team here at CP. Can’t imagine you not being here! You are the best….so no worries.
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Pete Wilson
1:19 pm
I believe insecurity is Satan’s strongest suit when he’s trying to trump my dreams, plans, and goals with self-doubt.
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Bill Renfrew
1:19 pm
Insecurity looks a lot like life right now. I don’t know why that was my first thought but I figured I’d post it anyway.
Jason´s last blog ..Check out The Prayer Channel tonight online 8pm central
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Jason
2:34 pm
Insecurity doesn’t affect me too badly…just makes me question every decision I’ve ever made.
Melissa Irwin´s last blog ..Something’s Cookin’
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Melissa Irwin
3:04 pm
I am squirming like a worm at this question. I don’t have an answer because I need to chew on this and spend some time letting the light of the Holy Spirit search out just what my insecurity REALLY looks like and how much of my life is infected with it.
I’m not relishing the procedure but I know that the fruit will be worth the effort. Thanks for turning on the light.
Pearl´s last blog ..What is God Preparing?
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Pearl
4:14 pm
I pick people apart. Mostly because I assume people around me are doing the same thing to me.
Sarah´s last blog ..Theology Thursday
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Sarah
7:36 pm
I am convicted. But its a happy conviction. Insecurity is something that I feel really stunts my growth and progress. But I’m grateful because I have a God who uses me in spite of my insecurities.
Great post Pete!
Michael Holmes´s last blog ..USING SOCIAL MEDIA TO SPREAD A GLOBAL GOSPEL
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Michael Holmes
7:52 pm
Brilliant!
“talk instead of listen”
OUCH! Yup, that’s me…
brent(inWorship)´s last blog ..And The Winner Is…
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brent(inWorship)
9:08 pm
Insecurity is not caused by our parents, our siblings, our friends, however, each of those can play a part in it. Life has not been promised by God to be easy or perfect. We are humans. If we were raised in the most perfect home we would still have insecurities. Great presidents of the US have been insecure but did not blame their families and therefore ended in greatness! Insecurity is one of those little demons we must fight in life. Our trust is in Almighty God. Reading the Psalms and Proverbs often helps defeat insecurity as well as us taking a good look at ourselves.
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Scarlett Johann
10:31 pm
You said that 100% of the attendees at the question sermon voted they drink. Perhaps one should read the scriptures pertaining to drunkards. If people think they are not affected by a bottle of wine or 2 beers check the legal drunk limits. The news today says DUI among women are on the rise. Why do you think the Nation fights drinking? Deaths, mutilations, if your church family lost someone to a drunk driver the 100% vote count would go down. Please do not propigate drinking nor tell people there is nothing in the bible against it.
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Scarlett Johann
10:36 pm
Um…Scarlett? The apostles drank wine. So did Jesus. There is nothing in the Bible against drinking alcohol itself…just abuse of it.
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Jason
6:49 am
Um…Scarlett? The apostles drank wine. So did Jesus. There is nothing in the Bible against drinking alcohol itself…just abuse of it.
Jason´s last blog ..Trust isn’t just a great song by Sixpence None The Richer
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Jason
6:51 am
@Scarlett, I can tell you are very passionate about this topic and understandably so. Alcoholism and drunk driving have ruined millions of lives.
I do want to point a few things out. First of all the survey question was “do you believe the Bible teaches that drinking is wrong?”. An overwhelming majority responded no.
I followed that up by saying, I agree that the Bible does not teach against alcohol but it certainly warns in several places against “being drunk”.
We have to always be careful not to manipulate Scripture to support our personal agendas no matter how important our personal agenda may or may not be.
Personal passions, personal crisis and personal agendas never give us the right to twist scripture to say what we want it to say.
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Pete Wilson
7:08 am
My insecurities are disguised in frustration. My frustration reveals itself as arrogance.
When I don’t have the affirmation of people understanding and supporting what I’m leading, I often allow myself to think I can just do it on my own.
This never works.
neely´s last blog ..goodpretty: I may be a little late in the game, but Sweet Disposition by the Temper Trap, makes me feel alive. http://tinyurl.com/ar7ghb
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neely
9:52 am
Insecurity looks to me like suspicion. Even people who have *never* done me wrong get scrutinized under my microscope. I am not paranoid by any means. I guess when I don’t feel safe it raises it ugly head. I wonder what my friends say about me. There is a situation right now that my daughter is going through that hits right in the area of my competance as her mom. Hard to explain.
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Kels
3:11 am
You hit the nail right on the head. Insecurity affects me everyday, and I’m doing my best to look up to Him. I wrote several blurbs lately on my blog sharing my feelings of being insecure. Trying to overcome. Love your blog!! We attend Grace Community up in Clarksville – I know you know Ron and Chad and some of our gang. Thanks for all you do!! BTW – thanks for your blog and pics of your recent camping experience and the trip to Burgess Falls…Never had heard of it, and now we are headed there over Labor Day weekend.
Lori Graham´s last blog ..Staying Busy
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Lori Graham
4:02 pm
Great!! You are very passionate on this issue…but remember that insecurity..is a sign of loved and being loved.Just stumbled and submitted your site to http://Viralogy.com. Hope you get some great traffic from it. Your blog is here http://www.viralogy.com/blogs/my/8653
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Josh Patel
5:05 am
It looks like me not being able to stop talking because I’m trying to stumble on any foothold to make me feel secure.
Nic´s last blog ..God is Love
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Nic
8:40 pm
I am insecure and hide behind my computer, because I am afraid if people knew my weight and actually saw “me”, they would not like me. Not at all. I mean I have a husband who loves me unconditionally and on most levels I get that, but I am so afraid of putting myself out there and having my friends reject me.
Rebecca´s last blog ..Nine years ago…
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Rebecca
8:42 am
Mine results in inertia. I wouldnt do the things I know I have to do, cause I fear the outcome, cause my inner critic will have shot down the idea, cause somewhere I dont trust myself to do the job well.
Mysoul´s last blog ..Passing Realizations
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Mysoul
8:36 am
Hey Pete, new to your blog and like what I see. Having been in ministry as well, leadership insecurity has been a big issue in my experience. It kills community, culture, and the company. Tell me what you think… I’d be interested in your thoughts. http://bit.ly/EyOUQ
Eric´s last blog ..Kindle’s For Kids
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Eric
7:13 am
dude…that was amazing and right on. fresh stuff that i needed to hear.
Charles Hill´s last blog ..freaking do it you wuss…
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Charles Hill
3:27 pm
“Talk instead of listen”…that’s me. When I’m insecure, I will blabber like crazy. I always know when I come home and realize that I didn’t ask my companion any questions at all, that I was trying to cover up my feelings of inadequacy. It’s something I struggle with all the time.
Elisha´s last blog ..On Teenage Driving, and Prayer
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Elisha
9:31 pm