God taught me a lot of things during my summer study break most of which I’m keeping to myself right now. I really wanted to spend some time with God this summer which was really “our time” and not an opportunity for me to find new gems to write or speak about.
However, during my God time this summer I learned a lot about my authentic self. Truth be known, I probably learned more about the layers I’ve added over my authentic self to create a false self.
Thomas Merton wrote:
I…love to clothe this false self…and I wind experiences around myself with pleasures and glory like bandages in order to make myself visible to myself and to the world, as I were an invisible body that could only become visible when something visible covered its surface. But there is no substance under the things with which I am clothed. I am hollow…And when they are gone there will be nothing left of me but my own nakedness and emptiness and hollowness (New Seeds of Contemplation).
And it’s that nakedness which drives us to keep trying to dress up our false self with possessions, performance, popularity and all the many things this world tries to tell us we need. I’ve been working hard to take apart in small pieces my false self and allow my true self in Christ to emerge. It’s been easier said than done! My desire to please people and the expectations people love to have of me have created a pretty thick web of bandages.
Two of the most important things I’ve done this summer to help find who God has called me to be in Christ are….
*Silence and Solitude- I’m still trying to find ways to escape the distractions and noise that continues to bombard my life and simply add to the confusion of who I truly am.
*Trusted Relationships- These are not fans who tell us what we want to hear or critics who are speaking out of their own personal pain but true, trusted friends. People who can give me honest feedback about what they see God is doing in my life. People who can tell me when they see inconsistencies between how I’m acting and who God has called me to be.
While these two things (solitude and relationships) may seem to contradict each other they really don’t. It was Deitrich Bonhoeffer who said “Let the person who cannot be alone beware of community. Let the person who is not in community beware of being alone.” We all have to find this balance.
Do you guys struggle with this stuff? What are you doing about it?
Authenticity is a big buzz word right now in the modern Christian community, but I think it’s for good reason. Many of us are sick of our pseudo-selves and want more than anything to be who we truly are. I know it’s a struggle for me, especially living in the South, where “Bless your heart” really means, “Wow, you’re dumb!” It’s hard to know how to be real in a culture that adores facades!
.-= Amanda Sims´s last blog ..It All Comes Together =-.
The only person I can think of who was totally immune to the desire for more stuff was Jesus. He was truly without any ego issues. I wish I could say the same about myself!
I guess the way I deal with it is to have an arsenal of role models ready to think about when I need a spiritual boost. That, and a lot of great quotes to ponder when my spiritual cup is growing empty. One of my favorite role models is actually a group of characters from a book. Have you ever read Jan Karon’s Mitford series? It’s about a small town episcopal minister and his community. I think you would like Father Tim, who is quite human, but has lots of great strategies for remaining close to God. Check him out if you get a moment to read. It’s a great series to listen to on audio, if you want to sneak in a little “reading” while en route someplace in the car.
.-= Jan C.´s last blog ..Flying =-.
I think solitude is something I have to make a truly conscious effort to find…even alone in my own house there seems to be a million little things clamoring for my attention…this is something I’ve been seeking recently…I struggle to quiet my brain and just ‘be still’. I’ve started walking every morning (by myself) and am loving this time where I really listen to God…I feel like I’m always telling Him stuff and I’m not so great at the listening part. It’s pretty tough in today’s world to cut out all the noise…I’m finding it requires a lot of thought and a lot of self discipline. I’ve just moved and that always feels like a fresh start…I have been praying for authenticity and that I would let new friends know my real self…just writing this out makes me think, wow! I have alot of work to do!
.-= joyce´s last blog ..Thar’s Bears in them thar hills! =-.
I agree that the solitude is very important .Hard to do when the internet keeps the noise flowing- and the information-and the wit-and the opinions- too many voices all day long is not good for anyone.
Usually being in the thick of everything, especially the trendy and popular ,clouds the true picture.
Jesus was never trendy or “popular”. But His name somehow continually remains on everyone’s lips.
.-= sherri´s last blog ..Signs and Wonders =-.
I think our world is so full of filth that pollutes our lives. Internet, magazines, electronics, cell phones, etc….consume our minds. How many of us check our phones/messages while sitting at church or simply when we are having our quiet time? How many of us are thinking about the next thing to say or do when someone is talking to us? I’m guilty of it. I think solitude is very important and I struggle with it sometimes b/c I am the on-the-go type of person who always has to be doing something. I wear myself out by trying to please everyone. I hope I make sense….
.-= Falguni´s last blog ..Unconditional Friendships =-.
Yes, I struggle with both. I don’t think I realized how much I needed to invest in both solitude and trusted relationships until I read this post.
I have a lot of friends, but not a lot of friends who will call me out and challenge me to grow. I need to think through how to build these relationships. I guess the first step is being a friend who doesn’t just want to be approved of but rather a friend that sometimes says the tough things.
.-= Lindsey Nobles´s last blog ..Mutual Respect & Admiration =-.
I have a hard time sorting through my intentions…I often need to ask myself:
“am I doing this for *me* or truly for God?”
“will I continue to do His works even when I get no appreciation, recognition, self reward….even criticism and rejection?”
I will be totally honest and find that I am sometimes doing “good deeds” for all the wrong reasons. And the enemy loves to bring disappointment to discourage, and even mock, us.
You are keeping it real, Pete…I love this:
“My desire to please people and the expectations people love to have of me have created a pretty thick web of bandages.”
good stuff.
.-= *~Michelle~*´s last blog ..We’re Home!!!!!!! =-.
Interesting that the word ‘solitude’ would appear in your post. I read it yesterday in another person’s post. I think God is calling us, again and again, to be quiet with Him. At least, for me, I know I need to be…shhhh…quiet with Him.
I totally struggle with both of those things. Every single day. I am reading some Mother Teresa right now and she is talking a lot about the quiet moments of prayer…so I am trying to listen and focus rather then make noise all the time. As far as the friendship thing, we have battled that since we got here (S. Africa). I don’t know if there is a solution to be found unless God just drops some like minded, Him-followers on our door step. Teams come and go and we soak up as much love as possible when they are here. We also still have friends and family on the “other side” who know and love us but it’s not the same as having friends who are in our daily lives who can look into our everyday and will have the boldness to speak truth and accountability. We are starving for that. I think for us what seems to happen is that people come over and they see us in leadership or they experience this amazing place on their 2 week trip and they don’t know what to say (into our lives). I don’t really know what I expect from them because you can’t really develop a solid relationship in that time…but we pray and we wait. We are still trying to find a local fellowship but for the time being until that develops we listen to sermons online and try to work out the relationships outside of conventional. I’ll continue to pray for you…will you pray for us? Kthanks!
.-= kristiapplesauce´s last blog ..vitamins. =-.
I have yet to find a place in Nashville for my solitude. When I lived in NC, it was a piece of land my church had purchased but hadn’t really started to build on yet. I could drive out there, leave my phone in the car and just walk around in silence. I had some of the loudest,deepest conversations with God there.
Having Christian friends that would keep me straight was a big goal of mine when I moved here almost a year ago. I was lucky to find such people through Crosspoint and I am grateful every day. It takes a lot to trust someone enough to call you out when you need to be called out without offending you. My friends know I am blatantly honest and will tell them the truth no matter what. I’ve seen so many relationships and stuff messed up by lies there really is no point in my book.
Along similar lines please pray for the church I attended growing up. The pastor, who had been there for 22 years, resigned this past Sunday. He is really close to my family, as I grew up with his kids, and the person he had inappropriate relations with is my mom’s close friends. It shocked us all and the community and there’s just a lot of chaos going on in that situation right now. Pastors should not be above or scared to ask for help when needed and I’m grateful you know when to ask for a sabbatical when you need a month of peace!
.-= Jessica´s last blog ..Gluten-free diary will be postponed for a bit. . . =-.
Ha ha just kidding. I just re-read that and it sounded like we are being snobs, not wanting to be friends with anybody other then Christians and that totally isn’t the case. I only meant that there isn’t anybody here (that we have found) who will share life with us and speak truth and accountability into our lives. We have several people who I invite for coffee or a bbq and we have a few friends who we have met who are in ministry as well and they few all live hours away. Anywho…bla bla bla. Sorry for the double comment(s).
.-= kristiapplesauce´s last blog ..vitamins. =-.
Silence and solitude: So funny, that is one of the things you have done this summer…I just had a conversation with @anya36 about something similar. Teens and music…
As I was this way when I was 15, 16, 17…etc. Living and breathing music…
Although, we didn’t have ipod’s that could remain in speaker systems when you didn’t have ear phones plugged in your head, that enabled you to listen 24/7…we still had our ways of listening 24/7.
I had an experience when I was about 22…I had to let go of my music! What?? My music directed my feelings, feelings of love, sadness, fear, anger, you name it…and I had to stop listening, at least for a while. It didn’t make sense at the time, but after about 3 days…what happened was overwhelming and huge…I began to feel on my own. In the silence I was able to hear, which can be very scary… I listened to the music in my head and heart. More important, I was finally able to hear the still small voice of God, whispering in my ear the things He wanted me to learn, and know. He was probably screaming, but I was drowing it all out with music on top of all the other voices in my head!! It was an amazing life lesson and has changed me forever.
Kids today think they will DIE without music. They won’t…
Every day is a constant battle to make the time for silence and solitude, but really, we all need to take the earphones out, get away from the many voices and distractions of life, and listen in silence, so that we can hear God.
@anya36 did an amazing thing, she listened to me, and on her journey to find balance and to be able to hear God’s voice, and her own voice, she is taking a week break from her music, her choice not mine…Day 1 was not easy for her to say the least! I am excited to hear about her journey and hear what God is saying to her!
It has been a reminder that I too need to take the time for silence and solitude with out the excuses of children and “life”…It is a discipline that for some reason, is difficult to follow, but vital to our spiritual and emotional health.
Pete, No pressure or anything (hehe), but I love to log onto your website in the AM to find a thought-provoking entry that gets me thinking!
Funny thing is, I’m not one to normally comment on blogs, but lately, a lot of what you have written coincides with things I have been thinking about in my own life.
Lately, I crave that silence, but I haven’t taken a lot of time to be still with God. I have a feeling He is frustrated with me!! Also, I can get myself into a mode where I literally shelter myself from others, esp. after an argument with a friend (where I think I’m right of course!), or getting back-stabbed by someone else…I sometimes lose that desire for community.
Anyhow, each day brings a new set of goals to work at…things to improve about ourselves. I have a feeling, while we are alive on this earth, this will be a forever thing. We are all works of progress.
On a sidenote, I’m still searching for a great church for my family. I’d love to find one that feels like “home away from home.” Cross point seems wonderful, but unfortunately, we are many miles away. Is Crosspoint a non-denominational church?
Take care-
Stacy
.-= Stacy´s last blog ..A book for fun =-.
Henri Nouwen has a short but awesome article “Moving from Solitude to Community to Ministry” that goes right along with this. Without solitude and a trusted community our ministry will suffer. Jesus and Paul both exemplify the movement from solitude, community, to ministry. Not an easy habit to learn though. Glad God is pushing you!
.-= Jody´s last blog ..Picture Post =-.
I find this delicate balance played out when the Bible said “Confess your faults one to another that you may be healed”. This verse seems to speak to the balance.
There are aspects of our healing/ “God process” that are going to be one-on-one with God as He unravels our facades (I know, I’m there right now); this would typically be done with more of a secluded place without distractions. However, there are some aspects of our healing/process that are only going to come through community. As we confess our faults and enjoy the community concept outlined in Acts, we will find an element of healing and growth in our God process.
The combination of 1) Silence & Solitude and 2) Trusted relationships/Community will make you an unstoppable force for the Kingdom.
Hope this makes sense. Enjoy and God bless!
.-= Matthew Legere´s last blog ..Blogging break =-.
I think we are a TON alike when it comes to the popularity shadow mission. I think I’m about a 2 on that scale you gave us. HA I am a 100% people pleaser. Couple that with the fact that I HATE to be alone and I’m a mess.
It is VERY hard for me to have alone time and if find myself in that situation I will call someone or find someone to hang out with to avoid it. I REALLY need to be reminded that solitude is important as well as honest community. Thanks Pete! I’m going to try to work on this one.
.-= Megan´s last blog ..Pray for Sergio =-.
Hey, this is your infrequent commenter here…I have been living in this Thomas Merton realm of which you speak. Just wanted to recommend Sue Monk Kidd’s spiritual writings as she is heavy on the true self discovery and a real contemplative like Merton and the others. When The Heart Waits is particularly good. Just sayin’!
.-= Beth Taylor´s last blog ..In The Stillness =-.
@Beth, I just finished “When the Heart Waits” and LOVED it. Great recommendation!
I don’t know. I don’t think I could turn off my computer. I’m quite strange; I don’t call people and feel that FB/email is my way of connecting with others and encouraging them and learning from them. In some ways the internet has just made it simpler for me to connect with friends and let them know I’m thinking about them. Of course, not sure it’s as meaningful as sending a card in the mail; internet makes it too convenient and thus with little thought or effort. It’s cheap.
As for information, when has information become bad? Yes, we now have instant access to too much information and now it’s harder to sort through it but information to me is a wonderful thing. I love the idea of silence and solitude (what SAHM wouldn’t!) but even then I prefer distraction. My choice of distraction can be either the internet or a book. What’s the difference? (and I don’t read trashy books; I read fun one like Francis Schaeffer, etc….. books that can appear to facilitate spiritual growth, not mindless junk that detracts)
I wonder if the internet is considered “bad” because of all the demands and work it places on the person, and a person feels they can’t keep up; they’re always “doing” something and yet as soon as there’s resolution or accomplishment, there’s another demand in the inbox. I don’t have the problem but I guess housework and kids are my equivalent.
As for false self, this resonates with me as I deal with figuring out who I am and why there’s a disparity between how I am viewed externally and how I feel inwardly. Which is my true self? Is it what’s on the inside and my desires to serve and love God, or is it what shows forth through my behaviour?
I’m not viewed well by those that don’t know me well and to know me well one has to be around a long time or read my writings. My writing gives a glimpse of who I am on the inside but again, they don’t match with the external. I’m just struggling to figure out which is more “real”…. more authentically me and why I can’t adequately express it or live it.
I suppose this is where trusted friendships can help but the question still remains: Why the disparity? What is real? Perception or what I deem is the truth about me? If I were to go by other’s perception of me, I’m not sure I’d really like myself either.
.-= Torybee´s last blog ..Restoration =-.
Pete,
I have to admit I do struggle with trying find my “true” self. I think one of the greatest and elusive questions we ask ourselves is “Who am I?” It easy to define but what we have, what we do, and who we know…but are those really the right answers?
I must admit…I don’t have the full answer…but the close I get to God the more clearer it becomes.
Be blessed!
.-= Michael Holmes ´s last blog ..GOD IS A BUSINESSMAN =-.
I suppose I struggle with accepting that God loves me, when I’m so undeserving of that love. So maybe I seek it out elsewhere? I dunno. For the most part, I really don’t give a crap what most people think of me, so I suppose that’s a start. I care very much what some think of me, but only those with whom I have relationships with.
.-= katdish´s last blog ..Keyword Searches: Whaa huh? =-.
I have a hard time with both solitude and community.
Where community is concerned, I’ve got trust issues. Been rejected and shredded one time too many, starting really, really young. There are a lot of things I can do, and do well, but that’s not who I am. Being seen for who I am, not what good I can do, is a difficulty.
Where solitude is concerned, it’s a real challenge. Not being alone, I’ve got lots of practice with that, but becoming quiet so I can hear. It’s a battle to find the place of silence and rest.
.-= Michelle´s last blog ..Dead Weight =-.
I struggle because 1) I tend to reveal too much (it is my personality) and basically say, “What you see is what you get” and 2) as a pastor I know I have to choose wisely. Having been betrayed it is tough to trust again. Good post pete. I hope you find the balance (then let me know how you did)
.-= bill (cycleguy)´s last blog ..MRI Prayer Request =-.
One of the hardest battles, and maybe the greatest with my battle with ALS is the loss of independence. The ability to get up and go. My husband is home every evening. My college aged daughter moved back in to help us. There is rarely a day that goes by that people don’t stop to visit. But I find myself, an off the chart extrovert, afraid of time alone.
Re: the true self. God is using the book “crazy love” to convict me. so much it hurts. but that’s the kind that I want. I want to be transformed. That’s why I wrote about robbing God. with my pride.
.-= Jill´s last blog ..Robbing God =-.
Pete, I regularly struggle with this very issue, but I can only *begin* to imagine the amount of pressure put on a pastor like you, due to all the expectations people have of you. I’m glad you were able to get away and focus this summer.
In my experience, when I try to gradually pick away at the edges of the bandages, it doesn’t do me much good. When I have an opportunity to rip them all off at once, it’s much more effective, even if it’s very unpleasant.
For me, that big moment came in 2003, when I went through a divorce. The facade of my perfect Christian life was instantly gone, which gave me a lot of courage to fully be myself. At that point, what did I have to lose? Since getting to that place with friends, family, myself and God, maintenance has been much easier.
One more thing: I love the solitude/relationship balance you presented. I completely agree.
.-= Kristin T. (@kt_writes)´s last blog ..Action: CPR for dying faith =-.
Hi Pete,
How interesting that you should write about this very topic. I have come to very similar conclusions recently and a few days ago I decided to stop writing on my blog, as it has become an idol which takes the place of my time alone with God and His word.
It has been a very sad decision for me, because I have witnessed the Holy Spirit do wonderful things through it but I know in my Spirit that lately it has become more about me and my search for approval and acceptance by others than about the love of God and so as hard as it is, I know it is time to give it up and see what God has in store for me next.
Whilst I appreciate what you are saying in “*Trusted Relationships- These are not fans who tell us what we want to hear or critics who are speaking out of their own personal pain but true, trusted friends. People who can give me honest feedback about what they see God is doing in my life. People who can tell me when they see inconsistencies between how I’m acting and who God has called me to be.”,
I would like to add that the Holy Spirit can also work through complete strangers. Please do not dismiss what may come from them, for you may be entertaining angels. To give you an example, I have been worrying about various physical conditions recently and a couple of days ago I listened to a service that took place in Charleston weeks ago where words of knowledge were given by the Senior Pastor and healing took place. All the conditions and health issues which have been haunting me and causing me great anxiety over these last few month were mentioned during that service in such a way and detail that I instantly knew the Lord meant for me to hear those words from someone thousands of miles away who does not even know I exist. God works in amazing ways. Never dismiss what someone who does not know you says to you or others regarding your or their spiritual journey. If the Holy Spirit is truly working through them, you may be discarding truly valuable information about your self which may save you serious heartache in the future.
Be blessed
.-= ransom33´s last blog ..IT IS TIME! =-.
FYI I just purchased “When the Heart Waits” on Amazon NEW for $4.60!!
.-= Megan´s last blog ..Pray for Sergio =-.
Great post Pete. I have been really working on these areas of my life the past few years. I used to tell myself that I really should get away for a personal retreat one of these days… but I never seemed to make it happen. Then about a year ago I just did it and it has been an amazing experience that has really deepened my connection with God. Now I know that we are all wired differently, but I think everyone should try to find some extended times to just be silent and alone with God. I now go away once a quarter to a little retreat center in Santa Barbara, CA for two days at a time. God always shows up and I come away refreshed and centered. I just get out the calendar and schedule it.
I have also always tended to an introvert and loner type but through the prodding of a trusted friend I have begun to develop a few close relationships such as you described. I have some men in my life and my wife and I have started a “life group” of 4 couples who intend to spend time together doing life, being real, and holding each other accountable. We have been meeting a year now and have not opened the Bible yet. We are moving in a slow and organic way to really get to know each other and to build trust, with the goal of moving towards more intense discussions and authenticity. So far, it has been really cool and with each meeting (once a month now) we get closer and closer.
Just my story.
.-= Steve Dunham´s last blog ..I Am STILL Alive! =-.
I struggle with it. I struggle with it every day. There are many days (like today) where it seems like the struggle is winning.
We work so many times to put a false self ahead of our true self because the world demands it. Eventually we can reach the point that we don’t even know our true selves and we almost despise what we have become. It can lead to depression and isolation and uncertainty. You seek things like material possessions or addictions to try and fill the void within you as you long to find that place where you are destined to be. I know I did. I know that’s what fueled a lot of my porn addiction and why it can still be so tempting today to run back to it when I feel lonely and directionless and waiting for God to light the way I should go.
Your post today just cut right into me. I didn’t cry but my eyes were getting rather moist because your question asking if anyone else struggles just shook my core. Even though I’m not the only one who struggles…it’s still encouraging to see someone else willing to admit it.
I’ve chased the things of the world through false intimacy with porn and through material possessions. I’ve went out and bought expensive things only to feel the guilt and shame minutes after getting home with the items knowing I couldn’t afford it and that it would never truly satisfy me.
I know who I am in Christ. That’s about all I really know about myself right now. I’m in a town where I really know virtually no one, I’m new in attending a church where relationships haven’t been formed yet and helping with a church plant that I feel God called us to serve but feel almost like we’re the outsiders looking in. As if God hasn’t shown us what our role is in everything.
I have desires with me to speak, teach, write and tell others about God without the opportunity to do it and the oversight of Godly men to guide me. My heart cries out for something more in a time where God is saying “wait” (at least, I think that’s what He’s saying) and the pull of the world and things it provides just gets stronger and stronger to fill the void that can only be filled by God.
I know that’s probably more than you wanted to know and more than I probably should share to a bunch of strangers. I just started typing and this is what came out so I’m going to leave it as is. As for what I’m doing about it…I’m praying, I’m seeking, I’m writing, I’m reading…and I trust when the time comes God will let me know what’s going on.
Sorry if this post is out of line. Feel free to delete it and it won’t bother me.
.-= Jason Wert´s last blog ..Very rarely in my life have I been stunned silent. It happened today. =-.
Reading over what you said makes me think about the terror of solitude. In some ways all I really want is to be alone with God, but then in the same breath I can’t think of anything in the world that scares me more. The way it seems reality crashes in when you get in the face of the father. It’s daunting. Suddenly the actual value I assign to things comes into light and contrasts with the value God assigns to them and I realize just how far off my heart and my mind are from his and it’s the most awful feeling in the world. To feel like you were playing on a different team from his and didn’t even realize it. I have a hard time with the relational end of it because the sort of intimacy and vulnerability that requires aren’t my forte. In the end the biggest lesson I’m learning about my real self is that the stimulus I’ve been trained to desire is not things God would want for me. God’s plan is to see his kids fullfilling their purpose and walking in his will. God’s desire is a pretty simple thing to identify, he’s crazy about people so my knee jerk reaction from living in the wreckage of eden is to become insular. Like everything else in faith I guess its an process, it’s just hard to feel like you make any progress
Bravo, Pete.
.-= Jonathan Riggs´s last blog ..#NWLC09 and me =-.
I am working on these very things also. Essential, and difficult.
.-= Melissa Irwin´s last blog ..Something’s Cookin’ =-.
Sounds like your journey is resonating with a lot of people, Pete. Finding the real me — now, you’re just plain intruding.
I’m quite content to sit in my home, doing the work that I do and yet, thankfully, God has placed someone in my life who will call me on things. She didn’t at the beginning, because she was just too merciful. Now, we’ve grown close enough, been through enough to say to one another, “I think you’ve just stepped over a line here.” and not get angry for it being said. I really need her and I’m thankful God’s given me that friendship.
Mind you, we don’t spend a lot of time together — just enough and we communicate. There are also friends here online that I’ve never met face to face, or that I don’t see often who hold me accountable. To me, that kind of thing is all about communication.
Really, the only one who can show me the real me is the one who knows the real me. And that is God. He’s the only one who can see beyond the masks and charades, the crafty words and ideas. IF I will remain in a relationship with Him where I’m doing more listening than talking, I will know more of the real me, too. Unfortunately, I tend to talk more. There’s a problem.
What it all boils down to, I think is: God calls ALL of us to be still and know He is God. We can’t do that in our “normal” runaround, busy lives. Somehow, we have to get to the place we want to do that, then do it. Choose to unplug. (Can I REALLY go someplace without my laptop or phone?) Choose to turn off. (I can’t even drive if I’m not listening to radio!)
So many great suggestions in these comments. So much heartache, too. Such examples to understand we need our time in His presence, just basking. Just waiting. Just soaking Him in. Just being still. I want that.
.-= Faye´s last blog ..Idols in my house =-.
Yes, I struggle with the solitude part and I’m still in the stage where I figure out who my trusted friends are… That’ been hard for me cause we’ve moved quite a bit in the last seventeen years.
.-= Jenn´s last blog ..My Kids Have An Amazing Dad =-.
I love the quote “It is in the solitude with Christ that man are made leaders in Public.” If we aren’t willing or able to fight for our own solitude with Christ no one will fight for us. I have to constantly remind myself of that in every area including with my wife and kids. The challenge like you said is not going to far one way.
.-= Jamie Hollister´s last blog ..Eternity =-.
@Jenn, don’t give up. Keep developing those “trusted” friends. It will be worth it!
@Jamie, I love that quote as well.
I love this quote: “Solitude–The creation of an open, empty space in our lives by purposefully abstaining from interaction with other human beings, so that, freed from competing loyalties, we can be found by God.” -Life With God Bible
After experiencing extreme “burnout” and walking away from church community…solitude and silence have given me a better understanding of God. Without realizing it I had placed community before God. Seeking approval, guidance and understanding from human flesh sometimes without seeking God’s will first. In the midst of community I was so busy that solitude was not even on my radar (even though I longed for it). God chose to remove the competition…so my only option has been to go to Him.
The past 10 months have been a struggle of allowing God to remove the “old bandages”…the lies, the agreements and essentially strip away my false self.
Am I interested in finding true community…you bet! But I want to make sure that Christ is my center first.
.-= Jessica´s last blog ..A Little Boy’s Birthday =-.
I just bought a bike yesterday for one of these very reasons! Good stuff.
Wow, what a timely post. As a widower of two and a half years now after a 30-year marriage in which my wife was my only close friend, I have lots of opportunity to work out the solitude part. It has its benefits during this time of healing and writing a book, but it can be dangerous. Too much solitude and yes, I lose that “community”. Although I’m with many people at work and church, well, you know, you can be “alone” in a crowd. I know God is “all I need” yet I also know I’m here for relationship. I trust He will help be build close friendships that are honoring to Him.
God is faithful!
Jim
.-= Jim Marr´s last blog ..Hello world! =-.
After years of teaching in the church, I am stepping away from it. For how long, I don’t know… my guess is that God will let me know.
I haven’t lost the joy of teaching.. I love to talk to people about the truths that are found in God’s word. But what I have realized is that I placed my expectations before what God wanted to do. It left me somewhat bitter and disappointed.
I have been healing from that this summer but the healing process requires that I step out of my expectations. Its humbling. Its hard.
And in a sense, its liberating. I can start to take off some of the bandages.
Pete, I pray for God’s truth and spirit in your life. Please pray for the same in mine.
.-= Tony York´s last blog ..The Creature Perspective =-.
@Tony York, I’m praying for you man. Praying for healing. You’ve got an incredible gift of teaching and I appreciate you sharing that gift here on the blog!
I absolutely struggle with it. Just tonight I dove into the word to remember who He says I am.
Blessings,
Carolynn
.-= Carolynn @ Willow Tree´s last blog ..Be Near =-.
Hmmm…quotes from BOTH Merton and Bonhoeffer…you have gone deeper and the bandages image speaks to a lot of us this morning. Pete, your summer and time away were well worth it as I suspect some of what you learned will leak out on Sundays, and like today in your blog. Keep going deeper and pushing us to do the same. THAT is true pastoring and a joy to our souls.
Being in “trusted relationships” hit home with me this summer, our pastor confessed that he had been having an affair and stepped down from our church body and he was in an accountability group… but it made me think, am I really open to what people say and am I will to change. My world was so rocked this summer, I loved and love my pastor and his wife deeply, I’ve travlled the world with them and spent many hours on their floor in community. It made me think…. we can’t do it alone and we are vulnerable to failure. I am not good at being quiet, although God taught me thru some tough experiences this yr that its okay to be quiet and way. Not by my choice but I submitted. Going thru these deep scary waters really shows me new parts of the Father I would never have understood. It’s caused to me trust more, to love deeper and to invest in those around me.
.-= Kristi Ottmar´s last blog ..do you like our new signs =-.
My pastor, Johnny Hunt just came back from his month long break that he has taken the past few years….I always miss him….I am glad he gets a break…..I wouldn’t miss that first week when he comes back because he is ALWAYS so fired up about the things that the Lord has been teaching him. Man this week was amazing! Kind of funny because it seems that you two were challenged on some of the same things…were you together??
I wrote about some of the things I was challenged about on my blog….I thought a lot about Kristyapplesauce!
.-= Michele Helms´s last blog ..Africa =-.
I hope you don’t mind but I linked to this on a post of mine. As I mentioned in the Twitter message, it really messed with me. Thank you so much for writing it!
.-= Emerging Mummy´s last blog ..In which she went to Sunday School to pass out crayons =-.
Awesome post. Its been a while since I posted or replied. I hope that you are well.
.-= amy´s last blog ..Update =-.
Happened upon your website by “accident.” However, after reading it, I know that it was designed by God. I really needed this word today. And I am all the way out in Juneau, AK. Thanks
.-= Michaela Moore´s last blog ..Back of the Pick-Up =-.
Good thoughts. Wondering why so many young Christians are quoting Thomas Merton. Is the new contemplative guru?
Where is scripture?