I’m sorry. I was wrong.
Why are those five words so stinkin’ hard to say?
Yesterday morning I had a moment of intense fellowship with my wife. I would tell you what it was over, but you would laugh. It seems so insignificant looking back.
I was mad, so I left the house in a hurry. Driving to my breakfast meeting I was listing in my head all the different reason I was right. I had thoroughly convinced myself I was right and she was wrong. Right?
OK, maybe not. But even after reality set in and I realized I was the one wrong it took me three (yes, three) separate phone calls to her before I finally got the courage to say it…
I’m sorry. I was wrong.
Do you have any phrases you have a hard time saying?
“Im sorry” is hard and I think “Thank You” can be hard sometimes too. I’m sure Brandi appreciated tha you apologized…even if it did take three phone calls.
I have a hard time with “I’m sorry”… but I think it’s harder to day “I need help”
I can say “I’m sorry” a bit easier then I can say “I need help” They both seem to require a bit of surrender.
Several of the readers have already hit on the key, the hard part is surrender, yet it is at the forefront, not just in our realationship with others, but especially in our relationship with The Lord.
I’ve worked in customer service for almost forty years. I’ve found that “I’m sorry” and “Thank You” are magic words. They smooth out most situations, they put you on a personal level with others and make you human.
I’m sorry is hard for me only if I’ve been EXTREMELY arrogant about being right. I’m more embarrassed than anything. When I’m on the other side of that argument and I’m RIGHT…..it’s difficult for me to say “It’s okay. I forgive you.” It’s like I want to be boastful and full of pride of being RIGHT. It’s so stupid. I really need to get over myself.
WHen given a compliment, hard for me just to say, “Thank you” instead of trying to convince the compliment giver that they must be mistaken.
I’m working on that though.
It’s easy to say, ‘I’m sorry’. It is almost impossible to say, “I was wwwww rrrrr ooooo nnnnn gggggg.” Nothing but stutter comes out. The problem with saying it suggest that I was wrong. What’s up with that?
Gads, I’ve been married for 25 years, and it still is hard to admit to being wrong. Especially if I’ve been particularly vociferous in defending my point of view DURING the argument!
I read a short article recently on Oprah’s site by a woman who says she tries to say frequently, “show me where I am wrong.” I thought that was genius. By using those words, she opens up any discussion to the possibility that there’s something she can learn and avoids making the discussion an offense/defense situation. It allows her to be open to learning something! I’m keeping that phrase at the ready for the next time I feel an argument with my husband or older kids coming on!
These words are getting easier to say…I’ve had a lot of practice.
@Sherri, I struggle with that one as well. Very difficult for me.
Pete…I appreciate your candor in your blog. It is why I come back here to read when I may not return to others. You will never regret being genuine and transparent with the people with whom you are connected because people can follow a leader who is real and aware that they are flawed. It has made all the difference in my own circle of influence. And may you have a lovely night of making up when you get home.
I’ve tried not to have a hard time saying I’m sorry and mostly because of my kids, it is humbling..there are other things that are more difficult for me. Admitting someone is right when they are and you don’t want them to be.
I’ve been told I say “I’m sorry” too much. I agree that “I need help” is difficult as well as “I trust you to do it.” Specifically, at work I tend to want to do things myself rather than trust that my coworkers can do it just as well. It’s all about giving up control.
Oh I can say it…no problem.
But it’s hard for me to MEAN it.
“I am sorry”
“I need help”
“No”
Those are all the hard ones because they end and begin with my personal pride.
Ouch.
@Tony York, “No” is a hard one isn’t it? Are you a people pleaser as well?
I just heard a sermon that taught it doesn ‘t matter if I’m right and you’re wrong (not in Truth, but in “intense fellowshipping”) but that we respond in love. It just doesn’t matter.
Isn’t that a thought?
i’m learning how prideful i am. it is a daily struggle.
Several things come to mind but probably, “Your right” and ” I need help”
It’s nearly impossible unless I’m saying it sarcastically and just to get the person to stop talking.
It typically takes losing the person and about 5 months of solitude for it to hit me- and that’s usually because I recognize what I was wrong about has become a pattern.
Oh, you meant in general?
“Thank you” is a hard one when given a compliment. I feel like I should go against the compliment and say something negative about myself because it would be “prideful” to accept the compliment and say thanks. Pretty messed up thinking.
I’m sorry I was wwwrrrooo choke… yeah.. that’s a tough one for me. I have the idea that I’ll be rejected when I’m wrong. So I attempt to avoid it, or avoid admitting to it. Also, it’s not easy to admit fault to someone who is angry with you and already telling you how wrong you are. But I should get lots of practice saying it, I’m certainly wrong a lot.
I also find it virtually impossible to ask for help.
Talk about pride!
@Pete Wilson
Yes… but I am getting better.. maybe because I am getting older and more cantankerous
I don’t think I have as much of a hard time with the “Sorry” part as I do with the “I’m wrong” part. I can be sorry and still be right. I can be sorry that I yelled or sorry that I snapped back too quickly. Or sorry that your feelings got hurt. And in the midst of all of that, I can justify how I was still right in my thinking.
Man, Pete! Your posts lately have a way of revealing my pride that I’ve been covering up…
Thanks for posing the difficult questions.
I don’t think I’ve ever had a hard time saying “no.” But admitting I’m wrong sucks…especially when you have friends that are similar to you and will rub it in your face. I think it helps to have a good sense of humor and to just shrug it off you know?
“Thank you…”
The other day buses were all running late. I missed one. They called for a hold on another. When I got there, that bus was gone.
She came back, but I didn’t get to her stop before she was almost out of Music City Central. She did stop and when I got on, I thanked her but she yelled “My stop was over there!”
I explained about the late buses and all… that I knew her bay was #18 but I just couldn’t get there before she pulled off.
I found an open seat and spent the next 30 minutes planning the email I was going to send to MTA over her rude behavior. I almost pulled out my iPhone and started typing.
But, as we got closer to home, I thought “she came back when she didn’t have to. So, just say thank you… mean it and move on.” The instant I made this decision, my whole mood changed. I felt 20 lbs. lighter. My shoulders and neck didn’t hurt and I probably even sat up straight.
When I got off the bus, I told her thank you again, that I appreciated her coming back and letting me get on at the wrong place. She didn’t say anything, but she didn’t have to.
Her acknowledgment of what I said doesn’t have any bearing on me doing what is right.
No would be the hard one for me as well. I feel your pain Tony and Pete.
Does anyone remember when Fonzie had to say it? I think that’s me inside, though it’s getting easier the more I do it (and that’s really more than I’m comfortable with… pride? Who? Me?)
The saying “No” thing, I think, is what leads me too many times into having to say “I’m sorry, I was wrong” I don’t say “no” often enough to the things people ask. People-pleaser? Who? Me? Only to feel loved and wanted….
More parts of me to work on.
@Sherri, that is difficult for me as well.
For me, one would be “that’s probably not the best use of my time” a/k/a “no” a/k/a me learning to delegate. As much as I hate to say it, I seem to struggle with a bit of a ‘hero’ syndrome and feel like i should be able to do it all, all the time… for which my therapist just sold me a season pass. kidding.
Hey Pete! I have a hard time as well with that. Kind of like “FONZIE” on happy days. He never could say that! hahaha – and to think he is the “icon of cool”.
Have you ever read the 5 Languages of Apology? Different people feel that a true apologies call for different types of words or actions. Its interesting.
I have trouble saying “No” especially with people I love and care about and asking for help…both get me into trouble but I cant seem to learn this lesson. Not being able to say no has me overwhelmed with things to do and invariably I am late getting them done. When I am late, it feels disrespectful and another guilt trip begins. Not asking for Help makes me feel like I am the most inefficient person there is, somehow imperfect.
I’m sorry is easy for me most times, except when I am very sure that I am right. Thank you is easy too, I really appreciate the angels who come into my life…and one of them is You
. You make me pay attention to the things I think about but rarely voice.
Other than “the Gators lost THAT game?”, I’ve found modifying your phrase with “You know, I could be wrong,” is one I practice nearly daily, and I’ve only been married 40 years. I’ve taken enough guilt trips refusing to say “I’m sorry” that I could qualify for frequent flyer miles.
saying sorry is hard to tell… but we must do it when we realized that we are wrong…
I agree with most of what’s listed here.
But in all honesty, it’s hard for me to say “you’re wrong.” I hate confrontation and I also hate deflating someone’s spirit. When there is definite right/wrong situation being discussed, I don’t like being the one to poo poo on someone else’s party.
ha, what perfect timing for me to read this, I got annoyed by my “dear husband” this morning and was having an intense conversation with Heavenly Father why am I the one that needs to say “your right, I’m sorry” ooo and I also have a hard time saying “no” to friends and family when they ask me for help even though it puts more on my “plate” I just don’t want to let anyone down when they really need my help!!!**sigh**
“Intense fellowship.” Boy, I’ve used that one before, and will probably use it again!
It’s pretty easy for me to say I’m sorry to my wife, it’s to friends and coworkers, and those I’m leading that it’s really hard to do…
I struggle with admitting failure or just admitting I am unable to do something. I’ve had to go to my boss a few times and just say “I can’t pull that off” – usually because we lack the resources but still I feel like it’s my failure. I’m learning not to kill myself before just admitting that I may not be the person for that particular task.
@jdellis, Great point man. I don’t like to poo poo on peoples party either.
Meaningful apologies are sometimes hard not only because of the admission of being wrong but because of the embarassment of putting the other person through such turmoil. Ultimately, saying you are sorry is an act of love – not only for that person but for yourself.
Great post, Pete. It made me think and also humbled me.
I overuse “sorry” in every day conversation… a friend recently chided me on the phone becuase every time I winced and pain and had to stop talking I’d say “I’m sorry” before I started talking again. It drove her crazy but I think it’s a habit of apologizing for the parts of me that make life abnormal.
Anyway, I think the hardest thing for me to say is that I need something… be it help, prayers, guidance. I think it’s the same as the paragraph above… putting my problems on someone else makes me feel like I’m putting unnecessary burdens on people.
Oh, and “thank you.” Super bad at that. I actually asked someone to stop complimenting my singing on twitter the other day cuz I thought I was going to break out in hives. I get so embarrassed.
i am probably one of the worst offenders of this. at least for the “i was wrong” part. i’m usually ok with “i’m sorry,” but have great difficutly saying that i was wrong. what makes it even worse is that i especially struggle with this when it comes to my wife…for some darn reason i always have to be right!!! i’ve got serious issues…poor Wendy…she’s a great wife!!! i’m working on this though!
I say I’m sorry to everyone. I live in fear of making someone else upset. Even in Walmart I am constantly apologizing because I feel like I am in the way. Where I get tripped up and nearly choke spitting it out is, “Will you forgive me.” I’ve realized saying I’m sorry doesn’t take anything out of me, but opening myself up to ask for forgiveness puts me in a place of humility that is way beyond my comfort zone.
The words I have a hard time saying are “I Love You” to my parents. In the Indian culture, there is no affectionate words said to each other. It’s easy to say that to my friends and their families, but so so hard to say it to my family. I do love them so very much, but don’t know how to verbally say it!
“I need help” is mine, too. “Boundaries” by Cloud and Townsend is an excellent read for those who have trouble saying no; I found a lot of useful help in it.
I only have trouble saying I am wrong with certain people. With most people, it is easy. When it is difficult, though, WHEW! It is like pulling teeth.
BTW: If anybody knows of a good book for people who have trouble asking for help, please drop me a note about it. That would be a life-changing thing for me!
@Falguni, Wow! I learned something new about your culture today!
For me, “I was wrong.” I’m better though. Humility is a good thing.
I heard “I need help” today come out of someones mouth and it was beautiful and heartbreaking at the same time.
I am sorry.
You were right.
Thank You.
I need help.
I love you.
These are all difficult for me because it trusts the other person to graciously accept it. To be able to put yourself out there is allowing you to be vulnerable to another. So, I think the ultimate problem behind all of it is TRUST.
i’ll tell you what it was over…. okay, i can’t reveal all the secrets on without wax!
thanks for being open to apologizing!
Thanks Pete. You inspired me to say those words today. I know it won’t fix everything, but it needed to be said.
I can’t do it without you.
I’m hurting inside! and i just can’t tell you why!
It’s hardest for me to say “I’m sorry” to my husband. Everyone else, I have no problem.
“I was wrong” and “I’m sorry” are definitely hard to say, but “I need help” is the most difficult for me.
This is a phrase my daughter has trouble saying and I’m trying to teach her by example. I’m pretty good with phrases, but as far as actions go, I have a hard time depending on others or ‘needing’ them. I think it’s a fear of being too dependent on another.
I found you through Lance.
“Help me” Takes the cake for me! hands down!
@Callie, Isn’t it strange that the closer the person is to us the more difficult it is to say. You would think it would be the opposite of that.
that would be it for me. In my own mind, I’m usually right….of course. But when I get alone and take time to thing about it, sometimes, many times, it’s not the case. But it’s oh so hard to say those words. I guess it comes down to lack of humility.
oh and, I need help would also be a huge one for me. I’m a do it all myself, or it won’t get done right kind of person. I’m having to learn to delegate.
Like someone else said.. my issue is being the one who says… You’re Wrong. I usually run from confrontation…and i used to people pleaser big time… but I am working on that one.
I would say I’m sorry takes the cake for me. It is seriously the hardest for me to say. It’s like I have to force those words out of my mouth. That is so frustrating to be that way. I think it is all because of my pride. I had a “moment of intense fellowship” with my wife last night, and… well, I’m thankful to say I remembered your blog post earlier that day, and I apologized quickly! Thanks Pete! You’re an encouragement to me!
I think those pretty much sum it up
“A moment of intense fellowship with my wife” – I love it!
I do NOT like admitting I am wrong. But I do think I am less likely to confront someone else about their being wrong.
As I posted the other day, you inspired me to say those words. It hasn’t healed that relationship, but it did start a good conversation. Thanks again.
I need you to help me.
I was wrong.
Can we talk about something on my heart.
The most difficult for me: “It was my fault”
Almost as difficult: “I’m sorry”
Pretty dang difficult as well is for me to say “thank you” when complimented. I usually don’t know what to say and get really embarassed when complimented, so usually I don’t say anything (which can make me seem conceited).
the hardest phrase for me is “I need help. Please help me.” I’m not big on asking for help. I wasn’t raised to ask for help. So i learned real quick to do things on my own to the best of my ability. Yes, some things would have ended up being better had I just asked for help.