I spent quite a bit of time this afternoon writing for the 4th week of our Baggage series. This week we’re talking about envy and this afternoon I’ve been focusing on “comparisons” and how they feed envy inside of me.
I play this game all the time.
I wish I could lead like Jeff Henderson.
I wish I was creative like Scott Hodge.
I wish I could preach like Perry Noble.
I wish I could cast vision like Greg Surratt.
But comparison is a deadly game. The danger of comparison is no matter who you do it with, eventually there is always someone whose prettier, smarter, faster, more connected or higher-up then you. They’re more _______________________.
There is always somebody more.
The danger of comparison is that we find ourselves looking to other people for our value and determining our value by how we compare with other people.
You put two similar things side-by-side and compare them. We all do it when we comparison shop. It’s okay for cars, golf clubs, and shoes… but not for people. For people, comparison is deadly.
We have a tendency to keep looking over our shoulder to see who gets the car we wanted, the job we needed, the spouse we desired. Who has the most gifted children, the bigger blog, and whose got the latest iBook, iMac, iPhone or anything else that starts with an i.
I’m tired of playing this game. How about you?
Pete, I hear ya LOUD and clear. This is one of my biggest flaws. Is always looking at what other people have. Comparing myself to others standards. It’s and endless game that I have played. But this year I have been trying to be more concered with what God has for me..and not what others have that I want. I look forward to hearing your message next week about this.
I struggled with this in one particular situation about a year or two ago and just now am coming to peace with it all. We had a slew of people walk out the door of our church – some of them VERY good friends. Most of them went to the same new church down the road. That made it very hard in a new way. Now I didn’t just feel grief and loneliness, I felt envy. I remembered when WE were the new church down the road. I wanted to still BE the new church down the road! And then the knife turned: my dearest friend who had left said “I wish you could come sit with me in worship and just see how our worship leader leads worship. I just feel the presence of God so much more than I did at The Brook.” (I am a worship leader) Well, I about quit over that one. I didn’t know what to do with that and for a good year and a half I just felt very envious and even resentful. Someone would mention the name of that church and I would cry. Brokenness does alot of work in your heart if you’ll let it and it has helped me deal with my feelings of envy as well and to be content with who I am in Christ. As you say, I got tired of playing. I got tired of the drama in my heart.
Is there still some grief. yes there is. that will take time. Am I consumed with wanting to be like this guy – whom I’ve never even met? Not any more. I’m okay being me now.
I’m tired too. In fact, I’m flat exhausted.
Great post!!
I don’t know that I consciously compare… but I try to be happy with how God has me at this moment… and KNOW that because I am still alive, HE is not quite finished with me yet… I know I’ll never be “someone of great importance” to this world…but I’m HIS and I’m pretty happy with that….but I can’t wait to hear your message, maybe I’ll find “me” in it…
Absolutely! I can only be me and I need God’s help to do that right! Thank, Pete!
BTW, I think you’re EVERY BIT as good as each of the guys you named!! (if not BETTER)… give yourself a little credit PSquared!
exactly my feelings lately! It is so refreshing just not caring anymore…too bad it’s not always easy!
wow! This was like a slap in the face for me this morning! I really needed to be reminded of this because it’s something I struggle with a lot!
Great post…thanks for slapping me in the face!
Oh my gosh. Yes. It is so detrimental to our hearts. I’ll be pulling up that sermon after Sunday.
Gift-envy as I heard it called. When I experience it I lose sight of myself. That is, I lose my ability to see the gift God made me to be and will be to others. It’s so overwhelming for me at times I withdraw due to a sense of worthlessness. It’s an energy drain.
I look forward to listening to more of your thoughts on it. Thanks
I’m sure I still do this at times. What I try to do is stop and replace the “I wish I” with ” How can I”.. Next time, try to turn envy into inspiration. It’s hard but rewarding. I wish my soul patch looked as good as Pete Wilson’s. Seriously, this thing is harder to maintain than I thought. How does he do it?
Comparing myself to others definatly is a game to me, it’s just another one of those things that people do. Question is why and why is it that people never feel up to par.
When and if I have kids I know I would tell them that every one is different and just because people have skills that come under the same name doesn’t mean that they are the same. Every one is different, so why try and catogorize the one thing God made to be unique… and yet everyone does it, I do it, it’s just somthing people do so they have an example of where they can grow too. But you can’t be them even though you want to be, I guess you can be like them though… saftey in numbers?
/end brain fart
Definitely! I play that game way too often!
I agree that comparison is a deadly trap. We at our church often remind each other that we have our own DNA and that is what we need to focus on. Thanks for the reminder!
God called you, Pete…and that’s the point.
Cross Point wouldn’t exsist if you were Jeff, Scott, Perry or Greg. And how sad would that be?
I heard it described once as God has a very specific picture that He wants YOU to paint. Only YOU are able to point that picture. If you don’t, it will NEVER be painted.
So, you need to choose if you are going to create the picture that God intends to see, or are you going to paint-by-numbers?
Honestly, I struggle more with why God calls ME to do the things I do.
Thankfully, I know no one wants to be like me. LOL!
I wish I could say that I never compare, but who’s kidding who? Sometimes it’s hard being yourself with all the quirks and thoughts like “Wow, why didn’t I think of that.” Thankfully, most of time I can say with confidence that God has made me for a purpose and has called me to do what I do, not what someone else is doing (no matter how successful they may seem)!
I couldn’t agree more. It does come down to jealousy. For so long I kept comparing myself to others. Finally I realized I don’t have to and that I wasn’t hurting anyone, but myself. I was missing out on the gifts and talents God has given me. It took me a long time to realize that my worth is not based on how well I do things or how good I am at things, but based on the fact that God made me.
oh yea… I have definiteley struggled with this. Particularly with certain job opportunities. I would think, “Man I could do his job so much better than him and fix many problems yet I’m down here watching and not being used”. I now have realized that God has a plan for me much bigger than I could ever imagine and no matter how long I have to wait, it will be worth it.
@Amy N., That is exactly what I’m trying to do these days. Focus on the gifts that God has given me. And then express them through the unique personality He’s given me as well.
Oh, I am so guilty (but, you know that and have been known to bust me on it from time to time…) Thanks for leading so honestly!
yes, i too am guilty of this. And its hard when you see those people with the quualities you want getting what you want. Junt part of life’s unfairness. My kids, my son especially does the same thing. He admires other peoples big houses and his friends who have more money and go on more vacations and get more opportunities. My son is in no mean lacking for a good life, but he constantly see how other people have it better than he does. This also make me feel prissured and guilty that I can’t give him more. It’s hard to deny this part of human nature. All you can do is try to control it to a certain extent.
I think it was chuck Swindoll who wrote “Comparisons are odious.” Not totally sure what odious means but I know they stink. I blogged about this today at http://billgrandi.ovcf.org/wordpress/?p=821. I could have added some of the same people as you but am not familiar with them (personally) as you. I just read/hear them from afar. Good post to remind me again of how dangerous this can be. Thanks pete.
Yeah… I am tired too !! So take down your blog already…
I wish I could drive a golf ball like Tiger Woods but then so do most of the pros – so my way of looking at it, I have a lot in common with those pros
Remember when we were kids and we would stand in amazement when the bigger kids would hit the ball our of the park. And then we would say – “Do it again!” There may have been a touch of ‘I wish I could do that’ but there was this pleasure in watching them do what they could do so well that we couldn’t. It was a celebratory attitude.
Wouldn’t it be fun as adults if we could find our ways to being like the kids we once were and be excited about the areas where others are better than us?
There is no weariness in that – there is invigoration.
Ugh! I fight with this every time I talk to my best friend. She and her hubby are pretty well-off financially, and can afford the trips, cars, babysitters, etc. that we can only dream of. I try to be positive and happy for them . . . but sometimes it’s hard! I’m working on it, though, because “green” is a color that doesn’t look good on anyone!
…good post Pete. I sure deal with this stuff myself.
Reminded me of Galatians 6:4-5:
4-5 Make a careful exploration of who you are and the work you have been given, and then sink yourself into that. Don’t be impressed with yourself. Don’t compare yourself with others. Each of you must take responsibility for doing the creative best you can with your own life.
oh how deep this hits home.
I was just looking through some old notes I had from church and some from a counselor I had a while back. I had listed everything I compared myself too and how it had contributed to my perfectionism.
Very dangerous stuff there.
Oh Lord, what a timely post! Just last week I was in tears for about the 10th time, telling my husband I felt “less than” everyone else and didn’t know what to do about it. Some days I just feel like I have gifts that must be right under my nose and I don’t see them and don’t fully use them. Some days it feels like God gave all the amazing gifts to everyone around me and left me out! I don’t know what puts me in that particular mood, but I too am exhausted and wiah I knew how to make it stop!
I bet other pastors wish they could be honest like Pete Wilson.
Yes. I am tired of looking at everyone else’s cluster maps and gritting my teeth. And I was all excited about the prospect of singing again until I heard a certain worship team and crawled back into my hiding place. But I’m singing at a wedding this weekend, and I’m going to forget the game and sing for my sweet little friend and her husband. Thanks for the help.
One of the greatest and most freeing days in my life was when I decided that I was going to be me. That meant not comparing myself to others (which I still catch myself doing at times), but also it meant not allowing others to try and make me who they wanted me to be (I think sometimes that helps spur an attitude of comparison. When you are not being yourself it is so easy to look to become like someone else when that is what your mentors and teachers are leading you to do).
It is truly exhausting to constantly compare yourself with others.
I want to be a famous blogger like Pete…ooops!!!
It is hard not to play this game. Especially being a mother of young children. I think comparing what our children are doing is “the norm” unfortunately. It makes me sad.
As always Pete, thanks for the reminder
This is huge. Most folks don’t think they struggle with it when they are on top of their game. Life is kinda funny…failure in my life both accentuated this struggle then ultimately helped me with it. I’d like to say I’m over it but alas I am envious of your hair. I appreciate your honesty.
definitely hitting home here!!! comparison as a parent and in ministry are the two biggest areas for me…i need to focus more on who God has created me to be…and it’s not to be anyone else!!!
I wish I could blog like you!
I like to think I’m comparing myself to what needs to be done in my case, but even then, I fall far short.
I find I can’t look over my shoulder and compare my life to others if I focus my eyes and attention towards the things God has given me. My life is my life, not my neighbors and their life is their life. Being content is a difficult place for a lot of people to arrive at, but finding it is a great truth. God isn’t comparing me to others – so why should I.
It is defiantly a dangerous thing to do! And it goes both ways; you will either leave yourself with feelings of inadequacy or you will become proud thinking you are better than those around you. Both are damning to your spiritual progress.
I believe there is one “people comparison” that is healthy and that is comparing our self to Jesus Christ, with the question in mind, “How can I become more like Jesus?”
Wow! That makes a lot of sense! I never thought about that.
And I have to agree we need to be saying I wish I was more like Jesus!
I couldn’t agree more bro. Comparing myself to others usually only leaves me tired and frustrated.
That makes alot of sense. I’m glad that you were able to write that out in such an easy-to-understand way.
yep! It’ll wear us all completely out quite franky….yeah, I’d say I’m tired.
I agree with you! We all are guilty of playing the comparison game. I still do it when it comes to my height. Wishing I was as tall as this person or that person. God is working on me to accept how he made me.
I wish I could get as many comments as Pete Wilson.
I’m tired of playing that game with myself as well. It is exhausing. I try to remind myself when I do that, I’m not appreciating God for making me the way I am.
Oh, and by the way, I think you are the best pastor in the land : )
yeap!! love this one pastor pete!! You always bring up such awesome points. this same topic has been on my heart a lot too! I just blogged a lot about this the past 2 days haha
when we use comparison ultimaely we are focusing on self. we take the focus off of God and actually for a moment believe that we ourselves should get credit for any good blessings in our lives…. as if we have any right to take ownership in the good flowing from us anyway or blessings we receive.
when the focus is off God, we begin to value ourselves & others by the world’s standards — how many we lead, our roles, how popular we are, who knows us, our productivity….. all of which are the world’s standards of significance, not God’s. I don’t know why I/we can’t get over this need to look for significance in anything but Him.
We are to focus on Him, He is the one who does the judging of success & defining our value. When we compare, since we are taking our eyes off God — that leaves room for the devil to come in and either fill us with pride….. or discouragement… 2 of the devil’s best ways to keep us focused on self and not God therefore never finding out how to truly live. Never being able to truly put Him first and others second because we are listening to the flesh.
and that’s ultimately why the poor stay poor, sick stay sick, elderly stay neglected, and rejected stay lonely…. we never learn to truly love people for their real value — we continue to show the world in our actions, in our comparison and our priorities that we value people on the world’s standards – not God’s.
I love that you posted something about this. I am SICK and tired, actually
Seriously, it’s exhausting. I think that some of us don’t find our “niche” because we don’t let God show us… because we’re too worried about why we aren’t this person or that one. Thanks for calling us out! Love it!
I wish I was a parent like Brandi and Pete Wilson.
So there.
But then again, I’m the only Kristen I know how to be, and I just need to find out what that means and how to grow to be who God has planned for me to be.
yep, i’m tired of it.
GUILTY.
My biggest comparison? Wishing the “me” now could be more like the “me” then. It’s really hard for me not to want to look the way I did before I was sick and it’s hard for me not to feel like I am less-than now that I can’t do what I used to. I am constantly reminding myself that if there are gifts I can no longer use it’s because God doesn’t need them from me any longer. I have to choose to trust that what I do or do not have is because it does or does not serve His purpose. It’s not always easy, but it’s the only way I know how to look at it.
sara
http://gitzengirl.blogspot.com
@Kristen, if you only knew!
Most days I wish I was half the dad I really want to be.
thanks for the reminder! wow, you and brandy are laying it on thick today.
Those types of comparisons are toxic, because like you said….there is always going to be someone (or many) that we’ll never measure up to. Our responsibility it to be who we are, in Christ…no one else.
Right on!
It’s so easy to take possession and attach people to those things and then comparisons take control. It’s sure hard in ministry to not compare. Insecurity reaps comparison. I have to find my total confidence in who I am, in Him.
And…my mom can beat up your mom
that “bigger blog” statement really hurt pete.
it really hurt.
I know this game. I find myself wishing I had hair like Pete Wilson
! Seriously Bro, great post.
Very true Pete. I have worked hard not to compare myself but find myself doing it at the gym, at work and on the playing field. When you are competitive in nature, how do you avoid this?
I wish I could fly fish like Pete Wilson
Pete, thanks. We know and are tired. How to get out of this though? Please offer some suggestion, prescription or words of wisdom! Cheerio.
I do that alot, compare my body, my car, my whatever, yeah and even my blog because it isn’t on the front of wordpress..of course I need to do more I think to get it there…duhhbut…
I have to tell ya Pete…you made my absolute day when you said you …in capital letters…LOVED my blog. thank you…thank you thank you…I needed that! in the process I feel as if I’ve found a very comfortable blog place to hang out….and you’re Christians……too. double good.
I think the acts of kindness from others, help to untie the knot we get ourselves wrapped up in.
Pete, nice to make your aquantance.
Truth is, we can only be the best person WE can be and that is all the Powers That Be expect from us.
Thank you for being a ‘warrior of light’.
I have two of me thats in conflict… The Rational, grounded, no-nonsense one goes – “This is all you are, work with what you got”. The other unruly, dreaming, sort of lost in the head, wild child who is always whining for more has this one character that it envies the most and its not even REAL… A Genie from the Arabian Nights- it could grant wishes and actually make it happen.:)
I agree with you completely on the comparisons…I dont play the game as often as I used to… guess aging has its perks.
I’ve struggled off/on with comparison for a while. I aspire to be real with myself, others, and God. I ultimately want God’s well done!
Thanks for laying it out there.
Yes.
I hate this game so much also.
Being brought my parents always compared my grades, SAT scores etc with their friends son or daughter.
So even now as I live on my own I often compare myself to others to get my worth, rather than knowing and living in the worth that God gives me.
Great post! P.Pete
My husband just returned from the service (where you gave this message) and said he got so much out of it. Thanks for doing what you do the way you do it.
You might have not intended to do so, but I think you have managed to express the state of mind that lots of people are in. The sense of wanting to help, but not knowing how or wherever, is something lots of us are going through.
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