I hate bermuda grass. I hate it with a passion. I’ve tried everything to get the stuff out of my yard, but to no avail, it continues to spread.
Bermuda grass roots run far and wide and deep. I read the other day they can go as deep as six feet! Leave this stuff unchecked and it will ruin everything important to your lawn. It will consume your flowers, choke out the good grass, and literally take over.
Hebrews 12:15 “Look after each other so that none of you fails to receive the grace of God. Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many.”
It’s so easy for bitterness to take root isn’t it?
- It might have happened in your first marriage
- Maybe you feel like your parents had a favorite
- A business deal might have gone wrong.
- A friend purposefully tried to hurt you
The list could go on and on.
Yesterday in the Baggage series we talked about the important work of forgiveness. We said forgiveness is never easy or cheap. It will always cost you something. And while forgiveness does not mean condoning or excusing, it does mean you let go of your right to hurt them back.
You need to know that bitterness contaminates everything. It spreads far and wide and deep. Bitterness doesn’t isolate to the source of bitterness, but rather spreads to all of your relationships. Left unchecked it will ruin everything important to you. It will consume your thoughts, choke out your love and literally take over your life.
How have you dealt with the roots of bitterness in your heart?
Like everyone, there is a list of characters in my past that have inflicted such things as: physical abuse, mental abuse, neglect, betrayal, theft, broken promises, and even fraud. I was poisoned with bitterness until about 8-9 years ago. The primary reason I believe in Christ is because when I prayed and prayed and prayed for forgiveness, to receive and to give, He answered me. I lose no sleep over that long list of characters. Amends have been made with most….and in the few cases where reconcilliation is not possible, at least I can think about them without hurting or feeling angry. If that isn’t a miracle from Jesus, I don’t know what is.
Pete,
, God used your message to really convict me of something yesterday and I got it right. Thanks for your friendship!
You hit it out of the park yesterday! Not only an engaging message, but very practical application. I’m really proud of you – God’s using you big-time. And by the way, even though I’m a “professional pastor”
Lots and lots of reading the scripture, asking questions and having great mentors.
I love this analogy. Such a great visual for me to take away anytime I try to “hurt back.” Thanks for this incredible message; I’m looking forward to this entire series.
Just let it go out of my head and life…..no point in dwelling on those people. I sever poisonous relationships. I do wonder if the damage inflicted at the time stays on and lies dormant for some other day? Can you ever really get rid of it even though you see it for what it was. Could it have some lasting effect on one’s soul?
@Gina, I absolutely think that bitterness can stay dormant. It’s often years later before I discover just how bitter I was about something. I think the process of getting rid of it happens over and over in your life. I often feel like I have to give up my right to see someone “hurt” several times before I feel like I’ve actually given it up.
Have I ever? LOL! That’s funny. Not really. But it is.
It took me darn near 6 years to forgive my ex-husband. It took me over 2 years to forgive my sister-in-law’s mother-in-law. I think forgiveness costs nothing more than pride and repays in ways we never imagined. I think forgiveness releases us — sets us free. That’s the best gift. It’s not for the forgiven so much as it is for the forgiver (minus the salvation we receive through Christ which is def for US).
Heidi Reed
can i download audios of this series somewhere?
I had to begin to see myself honestly in order to forgive others. I had to see that I too have faults. That humbling experience made me more gracious and ready to forgive. I still struggle with some things from the past two years – there was much hurt. I’ve tried to “move on” and release in prayer those that hurt me, and I’ve tried to act on it. A phone call, a letter, a prayer.
I wonder if one key is coming to acknowledge it exists in the first place……..
Bitterness can really bury a person. It is such a burden to carry around. It blocks our way to achieving our goals. It affects our lives so much.
I realized this with dealing with a jealous sister-in-law. i became bitter towards her for hurting myself, my children, and our mother-in-law. To protect my family we put up boundaries as it had to be done. It worked for the most part. I realized once we got away from all the neagativity that I needed to pray for her rather than carry this ugliness inside of me around like a boulder. But you dont forget. Every time a situation arises with her I have to remember to “not carry it”. Pray and leave it lie.
This post is right on target for me. I have realized this month that I am bitter with God right now because of where He’s asked me to serve. This is a daily – and sometimes hourly – process of turning my heart over to God through prayer and studying His Word. I also have a few close friends that are holding me accountable and praying with me.
I agree about the “choking out” analogy. I have some bitterness towards a family member and it has definitely bled into other family relationships. My children and husband have suffered because of this bitterness. I tend to not be very positive about anything this family member does or is involved in. My family has to witness my doubt and ill will towards this person. I need to work through this desperately. Not everything this person does is bad but I tend to try to always find the bad in everything they do. Simply because they hurt me and I just don’t want to see this person prosper. I need to forgive them… In order for proper forgiveness do I need to address this person or just ask for forgiveness from God. I am so ready to drop this load I have been carrying!!!!
I have given up my fight with Bermuda Grass after an almost 10-year fight. It has taken over most of my yard now. I’m going to over-seed with Rye this winter and see what happens. I guess I have to learn how to love Bermuda Grass or I’ll have to live with some bitterness and resentment toward it for the rest of my life.
Pete, embrace it. Don’t fight it.
Well said Pete – bitterness ruins everything given time.
I have a long story about bitterness, but will not type it out all here. Nicki and I were young when we got married and were not ready for such a huge commitment, so we faced some struggles and difficulties as all young couples do.
Her dad decided to interfere. I will not go into it all here, but it was pretty severe what he tried to do, so I immediately shut him out of our life. We had an agreement, he came on our property, he got shot. Gavin was a newborn around this time, and I masked my bitterness towards her dad with the front of “I’m protecting my family.” I would pray and forgive him, but it was only to be seen as right in God’s eyes, I still had hate in my heart for the man.
Nicki and I were in a small group and our curriculum that we used was on Love. In that, the teacher on the video taught the true meaning of Romans 12:19-21 and the practice of heaping coals on someone’s head back where the practice was used. I always used to verse as a means to bring pain back to her dad’s life, but the Love & the Forgiveness that I was to show towards him as a Christian would actually bring him to repentance for his wrongs, rather than bring pain to his life.
I totally forgave him after over a year of seperation caused by bitterness and anger. We are as close as father and son now and it is as if the offense never happened. Love truly served as the Roundup for the root of bitterness that controlled my life.
I heard a speaker say once, that Satan has no control over our lives (as believers), but when you open the door for bitterness, you are giving him control of that area of your life (& heart), and as long as bitterness exists, you do not control that part of your life or your heart. That’s how it was with me, and that is why I could never totally forgive Nicki’s dad, until I allowed Christ’s love to re-take control of that portion of my heart.
Pete, Bitterness is one of those things that can easily ruin our witness – to family, friends and spouse. We’ve seen it split families and impact things like “who gets invited to a wedding and who doesn’t.” To me, there’s no clearer biblical description of the problem than at Mark 6:19… “So Herodias nursed a grudge against John and wanted to kill him.” If I have a bad experience with someone – or I’m wounded by someone – and choose not to forgive them, the next logical step in the progression is to begin nursing, feeding, fertilizing those feelings. And so the downward spiral begins – making those nasty roots very difficult to pull out and remove. It’s tragic to think that because of bitterness so many earthly relationships won’t be healed until heaven.
Well put! I have recently come to realize that resentment (which I guess is bitterness left unchecked) is pretty much at the root of all problems in my life right now. That has been a breakthrough for me, and I’m working on letting go.
Wish I lived closer so that I could see your series in person. I’m enjoying just hearing about the topics and reading your blogs about them. Keep up the good work!
What if the person you are having problems with is yourself? How do you go about forgiving yourself and truly let things go?
Hmm.. I dont think I have explored this part of me. Does being Cynical mean I am bitter? ‘Cause I am very cynical of certain things in life.
@mysoul, Yes, I believe that cynicism can certainly be a part of bitterness. I think there is often a connection.
@alece: past sermons are found here: http://www.crosspoint.tv/series/index.html
Hope you don’t mind me promoting the site for you, Pete.
sara
http://gitzengirl.blogspot.com
So true what that root will do if left in our lives. Yet SO many people carry bitterness around and refuse to let go of it for whatever reason. And some, refuse to even recognize that it’s there.
We have all have had those roots planted in us at times in our lives, and it’s up to us to decided whether or not they stay. If they do, it will show up in our lives by whether or not we bear fruit, or weeds. (just my own little analogy there
Great teaching here.
@ ncarnes THAT is truely an amazing story of what can happen when we choose to love and forgive, rather than hold up someones offense. I’m so glad for you guys.
Pete,
Awesome series. I’m enjoying the posts and videos.
JOHN
I was really bitter after my divorce from my 1st wife years ago. I blamed her for everything that went wrong in our relationship,and in my life in general. I was angry ALL the time. It wasn’t until I accepted some responsibility for the end of our relationship, and some of the stupid choices I made in my own life, that I was finally ready to let go. I was willing to look at the situation in a realistic way. I learned to let go of some the bitterness.
You can’t make somebody love you, be faithful to you, or even be honest with you. You can learn from those relationships, and look for those things in future partners and in life in general. Once I accepted the fact that I wasn’t perfect, and started to accept myself for who I really was, I learned to let go of the bitterness and the hurt. Forgiveness of others sometimes starts with forgiveness of yourself, and sometimes that is the hardest forgiveness to give.
So, it’s taken me awhile to comment on this because even reading the word bitterness just instantly makes me tired. Like the very thought of having to carry it around puts a 50 pound weight on my shoulders.
There are things that I used to carry around like that, but honestly… life started knocking me around pretty hard about 10 years ago and left me with a lot of life changes. The kind of changes I didn’t have a choice about wanting or not… I just had to pick them up and carry them or lay down and let life get the best of me.
When I had to pick up what life was handing me I realized I couldn’t do it without setting the other weights down first. I know there should have been a big process for me to tell you about, but it was really that simple. And now, when someone hurts me or there is drama around me, I look at it and know that carrying bitterness and baggage just takes more energy than I have… and I walk by it.
I know this is hard for some people to understand, but there are moments when I think this illness was my biggest gift. I’ve had pretty much everything stripped away from me, but I’ve also found a lot more peace than I would have taken the time to find otherwise. I let go of bitterness because I didn’t have any other choice… I just didn’t have the energy to carry it anymore. And I can’t look at that as anything but a blessing.
sara
http://gitzengirl.blogspot.com
Strangely enough, you have once again hit the nail on the head! I was thinking over the weekend about bitterness. It completely consumes you at times and it is difficult to get rid of. But that is one of the things on my list of improvements I need to make.
Thanks again for your words!
oh my….where do I begin. Lately I have felt like this is a full time job for me… We are on staff at a church that has just gone through major division…mean, hurtful things, untruths and gossip, need I say more!!! The main thing I do is pray for them, as painful as that is. Sometimes I feel like it is physically painful to pray for someone that purposefully tried to destroy our ministry…. it’s biblical and I am continally talking to HIM about it. I do NOT want to be eaten up by bitterness, it is the most ravaging, sick spiritual disease…God is so creative in helping us get where we need to be…I have noticed when I am TRULY seeking HIM, wanting to be free from this bitterness..I realize days go by without thinking about it. HE IS GOOD, LOVING and OH SO KIND to broken, messed up souls like mine!!
WOW! That was theraputic ; ) THANKS!
Forgiving and letting go has been a long slow process for me, but I am working on it. Thanks for the guidance and the inspiration to do better.
I have been reading your blog for a few months now, I have never left a comment though because I tend to be a little wordy and maybe long winded. However, reading this today really made me stop and think and inspired me to share…
Bitterness is something I find I’m dealing with more lately than I ever have. It is a struggle for me to let go of things and occasionally I tend to live in “denial” and pretend I don’t have a problem with people and my past history with them instead of dealing with it. That works for a while and then all of a sudden I find myself feeling happy when bad things happen to those individuals, not really healthy or normal feelings for me, and I realize something needs to change. I don’t really have a way I deal with it though. When I find I’m thriving on the negatives in other peoples lives I get on my face and ask God to forgive me and bless them. Its one of the hardest prayers I pray but it helps put things into perspective for me.
Reading this today made me look at another relationship that I have never had issues with and notice that there are aspects to that friendship which could potentially cause problems and ultimately bitterness if something doesn’t change. So thanks much for being real and sharing this.
You have been a blessing to my life and make me think and dig deep and I appreciate that.
Greetings
I do my very best to deal with things right away and not to hold onto them…I know the adversary would love nothing more than take me out….by holding on the bitterness.
I also know bitterness comes from unforgivness…and anger is also mixed up in all of that.
I also know that one of the main reasons people do not get deliverance is due to unforgivness in there life.
I have been battling this recently myself…Not so much with not being able to let go, but the battle in my mind…the whispers of the adversary in my ear. ( someone has been hitting up on my man… Grrr ) she comes and goes in the church like the wind, causing division…All I know to do is go to God in prayer..God sure is good.
I am now doing a 40 day fast …of binding and loosing. This is my 3rd day…I have already seen God do great things in just 3 days…
I have enjoyed your blog…thank you greatly.
Still striving
Kymberlyrenee
“Forgiveness is Vested Self Interest”
i remember the day it hit me as i was tucking all this bitterness inside of me, toward another. angry, hurt, resentful…living my life under the cloud of those feelings and emotions…all the while, the person i was begrudging, had no idea and they were living their lives and going on just fine. the only one hurt, still, in the process was me, by my own doing. day in and day out bathing in the misery on memories. i am not responsible for how someone else chooses to live or act…only myself. that was the last grudge i ever held.
I’m dealing with some bitterness creeping up in my life right now. I’m frustrated and defeated and can talk to virtually no one about it because of the people involved and the nature of the issue.
It just seems like when I’m finally making some headway, someone comes along, steps on my neck, pops my balloon and takes my lollipop away.
I need to pray.
Pete, I hate bermuda grass too! For real. I’m sure that’s why tears came to my eyes at the beginning of your msg. Thankfully you explained the bermuda grass thing and it all made sense. My manhood was threatened for a minute. What man doesn’t get emotional when we think of how deep those roots are??? Thanks for helping me understand, I thought I had learned to live with bermuda, but it’s not OK to let it go like that…
Dude, great sermon. I swung by for the evening service with my friend who regularly attends. I enjoyed it. It’s so necessary for those of us who want to do serious kingdom work to learn how to deal with our junk. I train missionaries full-time, and our first lesson isn’t how to be “culturally relevant” in Latin America; it’s this: “You’ve got issues! It’s time to deal with them before you bring them to the nations.” Also, enjoyed what you said about the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation. Very astute.
cool page and new post
i’ve found the old, “love your enemies and pray for them,” is a good antidote. But you better be ready to let of that bitterness! Last time i prayed this way, great things started happening to “enemy.” When I stated getting pissed that this person was progressing so nicely God had to remind me that I had prayed for them to prosper and that I should get over it.
Funny thing about bitterness, it comes in all shapes and sizes. In Texas, new builders plant burmuda because it is draught tolerant. It tends to be ugly, but survives without being fed. Everyone can see it. Much like bitterness in life.
Wow – I needed that right now, I think I will have to listen to your sermon online. Is it up yet?
@Kristie, It should be up by now. If not, certainly by lunch.
i can’t seem to find where i might be able to find the audio online… can you direct us with a link?
well my whole lawn is bermuda grass. i do miss my st. augustine lawn that i had in Houston, but we deal with what we are dealt.
i’m really fighting bitterness taking hold right now. at first in my situation, i thought i was ok, i was processing, but then i realized Sunday that i had not grieved over the loss of my job, so there is sadness, anger, and loss that i haven’t dealt with and it is starting to manifest itself as bitterness. not what i want. so pray for me that God would dig up the root and allow me to walk in forgiveness.
I had an incident happen to me when I was younger that I was bitter about for a long time. As I was getting closer to getting married I knew I needed to forgive and get rid of the baggage for many reasons. I worked hard with my priest to understand God’s forgiveness and was able to forgive this person. It was so freeing.
It doesn’t mean that I have forgotten what he did to me. I never will but I have forgiven him and was able to move past it.
Did I mention that it was freeing?!?
Why can’t you just appreciate bermuda grass for it’s resilience and accept that it does have a place in this world even though you are blind to the true beauty it possesses?
I’m glad to have seen this post — it’s a good analogy! The best definition I have ever heard of bitterness is “a poison that you intend for someone else to take that you end up swallowing yourself.” When I think of bitterness in terms of that definition I am able to put it in better perspective. Bitterness hurts only me, not the person I”m bitter with. Remembering that has helped me to move through many situations in which I have struggled with bitterness/unforgiveness. Great topic – thanks for helping us think…
Forgiveness is the best anecdote to the feelings of bitterness.
Always let it go.. God Loves those who swallow their anger, forgive and are kind to others.
One a personal level they say don’t be so sweet people eat you up, nor be so bitter people spit you out.
I don’t think I’ve ever been able to “truly” forgive. I do forgive and I try to forget, but sometimes what I’ve tried to forget comes back to haunt me, and therefore I have to wonder at the quality of my forgiveness. Does that make sense?
@ Allison it makes sense. But remember forgiving and forgetting are two different things. eg i we commit a sin we ask God to forgive us and try to forget it – God loves to forgive. We should not recall that sin purposely as it then creates a barrier between us and God. But if the recollection comes by itself we just ask for forgiveness again. An example of this is a friend says something bad to us and we are hurt, he then apologises and we forgive. However if we then always recall what he said to us in the past purposefully then in our hearts it will cause a barrier between them and us. So we try not to recall but if the recollection comes by itself we just divert our minds away from it, make an excuse in our heads for them and forgive. This is for our own peace of mind and heart.
Try do both basically and yes you do have the quality of forgiveness if you don’t alwys hold it against them.