Comments on: My Heart is Heavy

By: Nancy

Nancy — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 19:57:28 +0000

I have known Phil for over 25 years and want everyone to know that he was a good man. Phil was very kind, talented and funny. I knew Phil better than most yet did not see the depth of his despair. As we all pull through this together it is nice to read such wonderful comments and encouragement on your site. I ask all of you to remember the one who has been affected the most by the loss of Phil, our 12 year old son. Thank you for all your prayers.

By: Tonya

Tonya — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 03:52:31 +0000

I am definitely not an authority on this subject, but I have unfortunately had some experience. My brother committed suicide while struggling with what I believe in hindsight to be mental illness and I struggled with the question of whether he was in heaven or not. Then, my mother, who definitely struggled with mental illness for most of her life (at least most of mine), committed suicide also. She believed in God and was scared of suicide but nevertheless attempted it many times in her life. She never got over the loss of my brother. The pastor that met with me after her death told me that he believed God was with a person at there lowest/weakness point and that is where she was when she made this decision. So I know that she is with God, and finally has peace from the demons that haunted her during her life on earth. I don’t have words to express the feelings I have had with losing them both, wondering what more I could have done…… I have never come up with a good answer to that question, but it is still haunting.

By: Jason

Jason — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 16:21:53 +0000

I am not a member of your church, so I apologize if this is out of line and feel free to delete it.

I was encouraged to see your response to this situation was to go to the Lord and have Him keep your mindset about the importance of every single Sunday. Too many times I’ve been in a church where hurting people in the congregations are roundly ignored and left to fall through the cracks because things become about the “service” more than the people.

I don’t know you so I’m not condemning you at all and I’m not saying that happened here (wanted to make that clear.) I just know that I’m struggling with my church right now because my wife and I had a miscarriage where we lost twins and no one from the church leadership on any level even called to see if we were OK. The pastor only talked with me after my wife called the church and demanded he do it.

You never know who’s hurting around you at church but if you pay attention you might notice the person whose head stayed bowed a little after the prayer is over or who lingers in their chair a few minutes longer than other people after the service ends. That person may be crying out for someone to be God’s hands and feet in their life but they’re hurting too much to walk up to someone new and say they need someone.

By: Steph

Steph — Sat, 13 Sep 2008 16:19:43 +0000

This is so terribly sad and such a reminder to try to really see the people I encounter as I rush through my busy life and to be in the moment with those I meet. I think people who are so lost really do not want to be seen and this is why we often don’t notice them, but we cannot underestimate the power of kindess and the impact this could have in someone’s life.

By: Jan Owen

Jan Owen — Sat, 13 Sep 2008 13:58:39 +0000

@jamestayerjr and @sara
I had a dear friend take her own life 2 1/2 years ago. It seems like yesterday. She was severely tormented by mental illness – a severe bi-polar illness plus having borderline personality disorder as well. She was also a wonderful, passionate, committed believer. I have do doubt she is in heaven, safe in the arms and care of God. Just like others have been made physically whole through passing from this life to the next, she was made mentally whole in the presence of God. I cannot imagine that God would send her to an eternity without Him because of a mental illness. Many who commit suicide are indeed suffering from some mental illness or depression. That deserves our compassion – and don’t you think that is what God feels as well????

I’ve heard the argument that she could not be in heaven but I don’t believe it because I know how fervently she believed in Christ.

We may give up on God, but I don’t believe He gives up on us.

By: jamesftaylorjr

jamesftaylorjr — Sat, 13 Sep 2008 07:28:12 +0000

@sara- ty for the insight.

By: sara

sara — Sat, 13 Sep 2008 06:42:08 +0000

@james: I am no authority or scholar, but I will say I worried about that when the guy I went to school with (ironically named Phil) shot himself. I had always been taught that people who commit suicide don’t go to heaven because they gave up on God. I spoke to my priest about it and he asked me if I thought Phil was in his right mind when he did it. I said no, that I thought anyone who could take that step had to be sick or unwell. The priest then asked me if I beleived that Jesus would ever look at a sick person and reject them or if he would look at a sick person and heal them.

I have been at peace with it since then because I know that Phil is at peace as I believe he has been healed by Jesus, not judged by him. It’s me who carries him with me and remembers what I didn’t do then, and who I need to be for others now.

Like I said, I’m no authority on gospel and rules and church law, but that’s how I look at it.

By: jamesftaylorjr

jamesftaylorjr — Sat, 13 Sep 2008 06:00:52 +0000

I pray for Phil, his family and beloved son.

Does god still give mercy to those who choose suicide? Why wouldnt he?

By: rg

rg — Sat, 13 Sep 2008 05:28:44 +0000

Pete,

I read this post early this morning and it is still heavy on my heart as I toss and turn unable to sleep. I felt sad and guilty when I read of Phil, and a series of “what if’s” have flooded my soul ever since. What if Phil was the guy sitting alone next to me a couple weeks ago? What if I were a more active audience member who actually talked to those sitting around me instead of rushing to pick up the kids? Like the rest of us here, I want to help. I have listed a couple of my sleepless ideas below. Sometimes it can be really intimidating to make the first move when you’re lost and vulnerable, choking on the lump in your throat and hoping to keep in the tears as you wait in line to speak to the pastor.

1.What if we take a minute or two each service and have a “turn to your neighbor greeting/reveal?” Instead of having us turn to our neighbor and say “hi,” maybe we could turn to our neighbor and confess/reveal something that is heavy on our heart. This may be risky and uncomfortable for some but it may open the hearts of others and allow us to get real with one another.

2.What if one of the pastors led a prayer group at the end of each service? Before dismissing everyone, one of the pastors could invite those with a heavy heart to stay and pray.

Praying for Phil’s family and all of us at church and in this community.

Roxana Guy

By: Michael Robison

Michael Robison — Sat, 13 Sep 2008 03:56:43 +0000

The fact is that, as pastors, we never really know who we are impacting. We also never know how we impact lives as a whole. So, we have to always be ready to love people and see them as Christ sees us! Huge responsibility. But, you can rest in knowing that God is big enough to equip us to do what He has called us to do. I’ll be praying for you. This sort of thing is always tough….been there. Have a great weekend at Cross Point…
Peace Bro….
Michael<