What Life?
Author Lois Cheney tells a story about a man who clung to the railing of his life. It goes like this:
“The man saw people love each other, and he saw that all love made strenuous demands on the lovers. He saw love requires sacrifice and self-denial. He saw love produce arguments and anguish, and he decided that it cost too much. He decided not to diminish life with love.
He saw people strive for distant goals. He saw men and women pursue high, high ideals, and he saw that striving was frequently mixed with disappointment…And he decided that it cost too much. He decided not to soil his life with striving.
He saw people serving others. He saw men give money to the poor and helpless, and he saw the more they served, the faster the need grew. He saw some ungrateful receivers turn on their serving friends. And he decided not to soil his life with serving.
And when he died, he walked up to God and presented him with his life. Undiminished, unmarred, and unsoiled, his life was clean from the filth of the world, and he presented it proudly, saying, “This is my life.” And the great God said, “What life?”
I’ve had a string of difficult days. Late nights where I’ve been haunted by decisions. Long days trying to figure out solutions. Difficult conversations I wanted to run from. Personal reflections that were, at times, very painful.
I don’t mention this for sympathy’s sake. The reality is this is life. I choose this. Why? I want to love, strive, sacrifice, and serve. Because I want to live life. I want to live life to the FULL.
Are you sometimes afraid of “really living”? Are you ever afraid you might hear those words, “What life”?
Pete…as a younger minister, I was often “afraid” of what God might do…or where He might lead. I think as I’ve gotten older (and hopefully, more mature), I’ve learned that I have no reason to be afraid of where God will lead–He’ll always be with me, He’ll direct me, and He will not forsake me. The journey is still just as difficult at times–but then again, I haven’t been strung up on a cross and murdered.
strange enough after a while of “real living” I get sick of all the emotion and striving and thinking and loving and crawl back into that safety hole that I so dilegently dug for myself. You know I’d love to be perfect at this life thing and never burn out when trying. I guess thats why gods love is so irisistable.
If you never risk the pain, you never know the joy. It is all in Gods hands anyway. I have been through some painfull times but putting my trust in God has always brought me through to find more joy than I thought possible on the other side.
WOW!!! Awesome post, Pete. Really gives us something to wrestle with, doesn’t it?? Praying for you during this challenging season of your life…knowing God is going to do AWESOME things!!
I sometimes feel a bit beaten up by the loving and giving and need to “get away to a lonely place” like Jesus did to rest and recup a bit. Pete, now might be a good time for a couple of days of rest. We want to lead out of the presence of God in our life but when ministry gets crazy we tend to not have time to truly seek God and stay in His presence and we also get tired – physically, emotionally, spiritually. I understand what you’re saying. Sometimes it hurts but you wouldn’t trade it. Yes, i get that.
Hi Pete,
I’m a daily lurker & have been challenged, encouraged & (I’ll admit it) entertained by your transparency. Although I don’t know what weighs on your mind, I will pray that the God of all Peace will inhabit your heart and will give you the courage to face the conversations & situations that make you want to retreat!
I think about that a lot. Sometimes that thought “What Life” motivates me to do the hard things. Love a little more…put myself out there a little more… (even when I know it might hurt.)
We will be praying for you…and thank you.
Hey Pete,
You know that all this works itself out. Keep paddling through and keep an eye on the sky.
Take a deep breath, pour a coffee, and close your eyes and think of all that is right and good ( I always think of my kids and husband).
My cousin died a horrible death on 9/11 and I have not been “right” since. I am scared of most things now( I had my first of 4 children 5 weeks prior to this date). I have to work hard every day to be brave and leave my kids at school…double check the locks before getting in bed at night…praying hard for safety before a road trip, etc….I feel like at times I can be too overprotective and maybe keeping them from enjoying things I enjoyed as a kid….its a different world now but I think I am struggling with “really living” too. Is there a pill for this?
I am trying to be nearer to God so that I may be more alive and less afraid.
Make sense?
I may need hours of therapy too. couldn’t hurt:)
Thanks for hearing my confession.
yeap, obedience always feels ‘risky’ to me. Then when I feel that discomfort that goes along with the ‘risk’, I almost try to run away sometimes and try to talk myself into believing God wouldn’t want me to be uncomfortable….. And then after some time (hopefully) God will allow me to realize (through His word, through my friends that sharpen me) that He’s way more concerned with my purpose than my comfort. I always feel a little vulnerability sticking myself out there to be hurt…. because I know I’m going to be hurt…. but I also know that God loves me and will bandage me up like new. and ultimately — He is enough, no matter how the world makes me feel.
Another great post. praying for you.
Pete: I “fear” boredom. I “fear” coming to the end of my life and having a ton of regrets of things I didn’t do. As a father of two daughters, I had to be careful of doing some things that would jeopardize my livelihood and my girls of a father and my bride of a husband. (I am irreplaceable you know?)
I realize that to live life to the fullest will require all kinds of days. I just want to be ready for whatever comes. I also blogged about this awhile back. Hope you don’t mind me putting the post here.
http://billgrandi.ovcf.org/wordpress/?p=395. Great post Pete! Here’s to your full life. Remember William Wallace’s quote: “all men die. Few men ever really live.:
I’m challenged by these words today, my husband has pretty much given up on the God thing due to life circumstances,
but he forgot something..
His 3 kids are still watching.
For that I keep charging on…………
Praying for you Pete.
I failed to mention: I wear what is called RoadID when I ride my bike (just in case) and like Wallace’s quote so much I have it engraved on the ID.
@Bill (cycleguy), I love that quote. Make me want to go climb a mountain or something!
Pete,
I completely understand. I have a post saved in draft status simply titled “I want to live”. I have been trying to figure how to put into words the many late nights of pondering, wondering, and meditation that I have done in the past several months concerning what a Christian walk is supposed to look like and how a family can be developed that has a singular purpose of lifting Christ up. Its a difficult thing in this culture and it comes with a cost. Am I willing to pay that cost, is my family?
We are going to find out some of the answer because God has opened a door for our family to walk through concerning leading a bible fellowship class. This may not sound like much on the surface but I have been asking what it would take to make a class actually be the ‘small church’ in the big church. How do you ignite a community with a handful of people? How do you help each of those individual who make up the class strive to live Christ to the fullest – to know the deep and abiding JOY that exists being in His will?
And it all has to start with my family first – because there is a cost, it is a heavy but exciting challenge.
I continue to ramble on but I wanted to share this statement by a pastor that hangs in my cube at work. It is there to inspire me every day:
I AM A PART OF THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE
UNASHAMED. THE DIE HAS BEEN CAST. I HAVE
STEPPED OVER THE LINE. THE DECISION HAS BEEN
MADE. I’M A DISCIPLE OF HIS AND I WON’T LOOK
BACK, LET UP, SLOW DOWN, BACK AWAY, OR BE STILL.
MY PAST IS REDEEMED. MY PRESENT MAKES SENSE. MY
FUTURE IS SECURE. I’M DONE AND FINISHED WITH LOW
LIVING, SIGHT WALKING, SMALL PLANNING, SMOOTH
KNEES, COLORLESS DREAMS, TAMED VISIONS,
MUNDANE TALKING, CHEAP LIVING, AND DWARFED
GOALS. I NO LONGER NEED PREEMINENCE,
PROSPERITY, POSITION, PROMOTIONS, PLAUDITS, O R
POPULARITY. I DON’T HAVE TO BE RIGHT, OR FIRST, OR
TOPS, OR RECOGNIZED, OR PRAISED, OR REWARDED.
I LIVE BY FAITH, LEAN ON HIS PRESENCE, WALK BY
PATIENCE, LIFT BY PRAYER, AND LABOR BY HOLY SPIRIT
POWER. MY FACE IS SET. MY GAIT IS FAST. MY GOAL
IS HEAVEN. MY ROAD MAY BE NARROW, MY WAY
ROUGH, MY COMPANIONS FEW, BUT MY GUIDE IS
RELIABLE AND MY MISSION IS CLEAR. I WILL NOT BE
BOUGHT, COMPROMISED, DETOURED, LURED AWAY,
TURNED BACK, DELUDED OR DELAYED. I WILL NOT
FLINCH IN THE FACE OF SACRIFICE OR HESITATE IN THE
PRESENCE OF THE ADVERSARY. I WILL NOT NEGOTIATE
AT THE TABLE OF THE ENEMY, PONDER AT THE POOL OF
POPULARITY, OR MEANDER IN THE MAZE OF
MEDIOCRITY. I WON’T GIVE UP, SHUT UP, OR LET UP
UNTIL I HAVE STAYED UP, STORED UP, PRAYED UP, PAID
UP, AND PREACHED UP FOR THE CAUSE OF CHRIST. I
AM A DISCIPLE OF JESUS. I MUST GIVE UNTIL I DROP,
PREACH UNTIL ALL KNOW, AND WORK UNTIL HE
COMES. AND WHEN HE DOES COME FOR HIS OWN,
HE’LL HAVE NO PROBLEMS RECOGNIZING ME – MY
BANNER WILL BE CLEAR!
God Bless You.
Hey Pete!
I don’t pretend to know what it’s like to be in your position. I can’t imagine the pressure and the struggles you face daily, but I do know this: You have a family in Nashville that loves you and has “got your back!” I know it’s hard facing big decisions and logistics and giving answers that you don’t have 100% peace about… I am kinda going through that now (not the same things, of course) but my dad politely reminded me that those things aren’t for us to figure out. God already has a plan, and it’s frustrating because we can’t see the big picture. My devotional this morning focused on Isaiah 40:31… I love it because it tells us that God will renew our strength, we just have to keep our eyes on him. (I’m talking to myself here, too…) I also love that times like these are only going to strengthen faith, if we allow it… it’s like a little light at the end of the tunnel, so to speak!
You’re being covered in prayer. I have no doubt about it!
Just wanted to say that I’ve been praying for you, Pete. “Really living” is usually messy and messed-up and hard. It sounds so trite to say God is in control, but He is. Always.
Yes, i get scared of failing more than anything else so i skip out on trying a lot of things in fear that people will see me fall. i dream about what i want my life to look like and be like. i don’t want those to just be dreams. i want to live. There is always something to be learned. the fear and faithful part is where i need to focus. i’m learning a lot from being around people on the staff at crosspoint pete – that’s the truth.. for that i’m thankful – the passion for the church is exciting!
Yeah…I don’t really know how to answer this one. I am not really ‘not’ living. But I am now afraid of my missteps and missed opportunities because I know of the consequences. Haunted by decisions…yup. I think I would love to find the answers to that one. Please fill me in if you figure it out. Please.
Pete:
I don’t know what it is….you have a knack for writing on subjects that are weighing heavily on my heart also.
Thank you for this post.
Bill
Just like a pastor, putting something out there to wrestle with…lol. I have to say that this is one of my favorite blogs. You challenge us, Pete. I have been reading a book by John Eldredge called “Desire.” It speaks of those who have it, and to those that have bottled it up in disappointment. Here are some nuggets from the book….” To lose heart is to lose everything”…..”God intended us to live life….live it!”…”We must take the journey of desire, the path of learning to listen to desire, and sort through, and find in it the treasure God has for us.”….”I still haven’t found what I am looking for~U2″….”Nothing is of greater importance than the life of our deep heart. And if we bring our hearts along in our life’s journey, we simply must not, we cannot, abondon desire.”…..”Our losses seem to say that the life we prize will never be ours, never come to stay. But the secret is coming to us EVEN in our greatest losses.”
Have a good day my friend.
I could go on and on about how this book has turned my face towards the mirror once more, but so do the words of good blogs
Great post.
I definitely would not want to hear those words, “What Life?”
But on the other end, there are times that I am afraid of really living or I simply choose not to. Its just a daily decision to live life doing all those things it calls us to do.
Wow! “What life?” Oh, Lord, don’t let that be me. SOmething the Lord is saying over and over to me is…”Lets walk fully in Christ. FULLY. Don’t settle for less. Come on…walk Fully with me, Fran.”
I’m praying for you, for me, for all of us doing this thing called life that is just simply hard at times. May He cover you with His presence and His the path He has for you, be revealed beautifully and clearly.
Blessings…
Pete,
You and God have really been working on me a lot the last few months. I told Tommy a couple of weeks ago that it felt like I was the only one sitting there on Sunday mornings and you were talking directly to me. I have been struggling so hard with giving it up to God and letting him send me in the right direction of my life right now. I know that is what I am supposed to do, but giving him total control has been so very hard. I am losing my job of 22 years and have nothing to go to when I leave next week. I know that God has something really special in mind for me, but I have had such a hard time fully accepting that through this. I am so used to being the strong one for everyone else and now I am not, I’m the weak one and feel like I’m letting my family and friends down. I know my strength is in the Lord but that strength seems to be so elusive at this time. I keep asking myself if I will know when the job God has in mind for me comes or will I make the wrong decision? When a door opens for me, will it be the one He has opened or am I being tested to know the right answer?
Tommy gave me a book the other day by John & Stasi Eldredge called “Captivating, Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman’s Soul”. I haven’t gotten very far in it, but it is really speaking to my heart. There is one passage in there that says “Sometimes the idea of living as a hermit appeals to all of us. No demands, no needs, no pain, no disappointments. But that is because we have been hurt, are worn out. In our heart of hearts, that place where we are most ourselves, we don’t want to run away for very long. Our lives were meant to be lived with others. As echoes of the Trinity, we remember something. Made in the image of a perfect relationship, we are relational to the core of our beings and filled with a desire for transcendent purpose. We long to be an irreplaceable part of a shared adventure.” Lately, I have felt so many times that I could very easily be a hermit right now, away from the pain and disappointments, being so tired of having to be strong for others, needing the time to come to terms with myself and my relationship with God. I know I have to be patient and He will take care of me and my needs, maybe not what I think they are but what he has in store for me.
I can’t even imagine what it’s like for you to have the responsibilities you do and want you to know what an inspiration you are to me. I thank you so much for being so open with us and letting us know your struggles. I thank God each day for you and Crosspoint, it’s staff and membership, and our new friends in our Community Group who have put up with me and my tears so many times this Summer. God brought us to Crosspoint for a reason and I am seeing those reasons everyday. We love you and pray for you and thank you for being there for all of us.
@Bill, I’m reading your mail…and thoughts.
When I feel like this (and it’s often), I go back to the words that Mother Theresa had on her wall. She gave everything to become the woman God asked her to be, and I hope I get just a little bit more like her and like Jesus every day. Here’s the quote:People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.
“If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway.
What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, will often be forgotten. Do good anyway.
Give the best you have, and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway.
In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.”
So, while you walk through your questions, may He who made you to be so much more than you could ever be on your own speak loudly and clearly about His infinite Love for you. May He show you where He is at work so that you can join Him. May He breathe meaning into your most mundane moments, and may He show you a glimpse of His glory and reinvigorate you with the passion that fueled your choices thus far.
I am glad you want to live life in FULL. Full is usually a sum of the parts and usually the parts are a duality… our perception of beauty is so because we do percieve ugly.
Yes there are times when I think “what life?” but then “that too shall pass”. There will always be times when things will be difficult. As long as we make a choice either way, take responsibility for the results and dont run from what we can and are able to do at that time, all is as it should be. If everything in Nature moves in accordance with the Will of God then that time when I dont do or dont live is also the will of God, imho.
for whatever reason it seems like everywhere i turn people are having similar “struggles” right now…but the cool part is that God is working through these times and people are able to share what He is doing and what He is showing them…thanks for sharing this short story!!!
No, I am not afraid. If I can write this without sounding to judgmental: I see the rest of the world. The “Mine!” mentality is growing strong. It reminds me of the Bill Cosby skit where his kids say: “MINE!” over and over None of this is ours. It is of the world. I know it is not healthy to compare yourself to others, but the older I get, the more I understand what the Bible means when it says “…of the world.” Trust me Pete, from my nose bleed section seat of your life, your are beyond this world, bro.
Terrified Pete.
When I just read Bridge’s comment on Mother Teresa it reminded me of another quote of her’s that I love: “God never gives us more than we can handle. I just wish he didn’t trust me so much.”
You struggle with these things, many things, because God trusts you SO MUCH, Pete. He trusts you as a person, as a man, as a follower of God, as a leader of many, and as a friend to anyone. And we all believe in you because you struggle. It means you care and want to get it right.
I feel weird that every comment I make comes back to this, but it’s always the truth. I’ve learned so much by being sick and having most of the physical decisions in life taken away from me. What I’ve learned most is that I am glad I LIVED while I had the chance. Don’t get me wrong, I still find ways of being alive and affecting, but fear simply stops us from being who we aren’t meant to be.
I used to tell myself to not let fear have the power, and remain faithful to the struggle.
I think you’re just being faithful to the struggle. Keep it up.
sara
http://www.gitzengirl.blogspot.com
(That was supposed to say: Fear simply stops us from being who we ARE meant to be. Talk about a wrong word choice!!!!!)
sara
I can totally relate to what you are feeling. As a pastor I want to say with Paul, ‘I count all things as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord.’ This includes my successes and failures, even my life. Knowing that even though I was an enemy of God, he provided a way through Jesus for me to be adopted into His family as a child of God.
Be encouraged, and continue to be faithful to the calling upon your life. Be satisfied with who Jesus is, and God will be glorified with your life.
Praying for you, Pete as always.
Yes I feel like that…more often than I would like! I don’t envy the position you are in, Pete, but I do admire the way you handle all you are juggling (get it! juggling!) You are an amazing man of God! I’m praying that you don’t get to the point of burnout! Please post the name of the book that quote was from. You are in our prayers often.
Blessings,
Lisa
You’re in my prayers. Emily
nah I’d rather live. Along those same lines, I’ve often quoted the saying, “To love is to put your self at risk of hurt.” Because I’ve had people tell me that it’s not worth it to love. But I say, It’s never worth it to not love. Nor is it worth it to not live. Great thought, great post!
@ Cindy S…. Captivating is one of my top 5 books. Incredible! Full of Truth and really was life changing for me because it made me want to spend so much more time with God and then He reinforced the msesage in the book right into my heart and it was just awesome. Enjoy!
Pete, I begin by saying we are praying for you, your ministry and your life … especially for “balance” that it takes to keep it all in check. I’m with you as there have been some interesting “valley moments between the mountaintops” for me in recent weeks. There have definitely been some long days. And little sleep on occasion, more often than I’m admitting. BUT oh my, how God has shown up in ways that have just about physically knocked me over. I am going to be praying for the exact same clarity in mind and soul that I’ve been praying for myself. We are so NOT alone in this thing called “life”. I just have to be reminded of that on those days I try tackling it on my own. Thanks for being real.
yes. i do find myself, more now than ever, not wanting to look back on my life and regret not having taken more risks, lived more in and by faith.
Life is meant to be lived,,. each moment with no regrets.
I remember a sermon at my church recently that took me a little while to digest but is fitting here. When it was first given it really bothered me. It was about how our society is trained to think we should be happy all the time. That we should never suffer and never struggle etc. But that in reality to live up to His full potential we have to struggle and suffer at times just like Jesus did.
When the sermon was being given I was mad and didn’t want to hear it but in reality it’s true. His plan for us all does involve human suffering and sacriface. But just remember that He does have a plan for us all. We don’t know what it is but it’s there and He is always there for us. Funny that I’m telling you that!! Feels kinda wierd!!
I struggle with this too though especially lately. It’s easy to become so involved with our lives that we become spiritually fatigued. A break is a good thing sometimes. You are in my prayers Pete