Do You Understand Me?
As many of you know I’m currently writing a relationship series we’re doing this fall at Cross Point. While it’s not a marriage series, it’s led me to think a lot about my relationship with Brandi.
One of the most difficult aspects of our marriage has always been communication. It’s an area where we both have to dig in and work. A lot. Her more than I…. I mean, equally we share responsibility.
I saw this hilarious video the other day on JKing’s blog.
This is so US at times…
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-KFlE9sEmf8&hl=en&fs=1]
Sometime we just feel like we are on two completely different pages!
Do you ever struggle with communication in your home? With your spouse? With your kids?
36 Comments:
Yeah man, we face the same challenge. Probably not as much as you guys though.
[Reply]
bradruggles
8:16 am
That was awesome! Yes, probably our biggest problem too! A Counselor once suggested we email each other when having issues. It takes some of the emotion out. However, I do feel like it’s left a gaping hole in our life. No matter how I try, I can’t find a way to communicate. I think over the years it’s made me detach a lot. That’s kind of sad to see in writing, but it’s the truth. Yuck!
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Emily Rowe
8:16 am
that video was hilarious and it sounds familiar! but we-as do many, have issues with communication. i think that always being honest has been important to us. not always do we like what we hear, but when said with kindness & not in anger tht makes a difference. i think that many time steve thinks i’m nuts, but he is to:)
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carrie-anne
8:28 am
@carrie-anne, I totaly agree that honesty is important. It takes a lot of work to be honest. Sometimes it just seems easier to move on and ignore. That is often the beginning of communication issues for us.
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Pete Wilson
8:39 am
Effective communication involves CLOSING YOUR MOUTH and LISTENING.
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Angie
8:55 am
Uh yeah. That’s totally us. We’ve learned that I don’t know how to speak his love language & vice versa. =(
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mandy
9:01 am
Angie, that’s kind of my problem. My Husband doesn’t talk either
! He’s a wonderful, honest, good man, but communication comes hard for him. It stems from his childhood issues, and he’s aware of that. I love him and I’ve altered my behavior dramatically. I use to be a “let’s talk it out right now and it must be resolved” type of person and I’ve learned over the years to let it go until we are in a place where we can talk about it. It’s hard however because sometimes we don’t get back to that place. I have to say it’s our biggest issue, but thankfully, that’s our biggest issue. Know what I mean?
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Emily Rowe
9:02 am
Communication issues…between a husband and wife? That’s just crazy talk Pete. My wife and I never (everyday) have issues with communication. In all seriousness it has taken a year of marriage just to get past not going to bed mad at each other.
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jalack
9:07 am
That is one of the funniest videos I have ever seen. I couldn’t stop laughing!
Yes. I struggle with communication with my wife and with my kids at times. I heard someone say once, when a country goes to war with an enemy the first thing they try to do is knock out the enemies methods of communication. If they can do this, the enemies chances of victory are seriously hindered. I think that is what Satan tries to do in the home (& in the church) is to take out our communication, because that can seriously weaken us as spouses, as parents, and as Christians in general. That may be why it takes so much hard work to stay on the same page.
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ncarnes
9:25 am
HILARIOUS clip!! That just may have made my day…
Communication is craziness in the realm of marriage…just sheer craziness. We work on it daily. No joke.
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Lisa Erdman
9:30 am
Love it man. I think that was me yesterday in all conversations I held. Ever have days like that??
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Tom Lister
9:38 am
What did you say?!
It struck a cord when you said about not being on the same page. I’ve talked w/ my hubby about not feeling like we’re on the page many times.
I would have to say that communication is one of the biggest struggles in our home. Between my wonderful hubby & I, between the kids & I, hubby & kids, family unit. I always thought I was a good listener~now, I realize, that I’m lacking. Working on it…
Good thing that we are a work in process! And, praise God that His grace covers us & we can always begin anew!
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Brenda
9:42 am
I have learned this lesson the hard way. But slowly we are getting close to the same page. At least we are in the same chapter and verse right now!
. My husband and I both kinda had a shut up, ignore it and it will go away. We have learned, especially lately that doesn’t work, so we have both made conscious efforts to change this. Thanks.
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wideawake1
9:52 am
That video clip is histerical!
A funny joke between me and my husband is telling the other to “focus.” We say, “are you focused?” It came from an episode on “According to Jim” a couple of years ago that the entire episode was on communication. Cheryl gets mad a Jim because he totally never listend to her. And Jim proceeds to say “Cheryl, you didn’t tell me to focus!”
We laughed and now its the joke between us because so many times we are like that or the video or at least one of us feels like what in the world????
I have to say after 10 years of marriage we have gotten soo much better in our communication department.
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Kara Prater
10:24 am
This totally resonates in my soul. I need to be more aware of those times with my wife where she just wants me to listen and not fix. I tend to always be focused on my response, than I am on listening to her struggles and remain aware of her feelings and emotions. She needs me to be the one she can lean on and count on to listen. It is very unfortunate that I fail to do this so often. Great post.
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Scott
10:53 am
I agree with what Angie said, “Effective communication involves CLOSING YOUR MOUTH and LISTENING” I struggle with this. I think MEN and WOMEN think differently too. Just to add more frustration to the mix. Jen from Cali
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Jen
10:57 am
I think my husband and I would communicate very differently had we not done long distance dating throughout the four years of college. During that time we learned how important verbal communication is. If something is on your mind, you say it. Feeling frustrated? Angry? Say it. We learned that something arguing (in a respectful way) is communicating at its finest, and that being able to love each other through the arguments is marriage at its finest.
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coffeegopher
11:16 am
Listening is so much work!! Do we have to?
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Pete Wilson
11:29 am
YES YES YES!! In our marriage. Apparently we both assume the other can read our mind. It usually ends up in pent up frustration exploding out on each other. I tell him I want him to know what things I need help with without me having to ask. Because If I have to ask, then I’d rather him not do it at all. I know that is warped logic, but in the heat of the moment it makes tons of sense….to me anyway.
He says he can’t see what things need to be done without me telling him……(I STILL think is a load of crock) but whatever. 
Yes, we obviously could definitely stand to polish up on our communication skills. It is probably the single most fight causer in our home.
Wow, thanks for helping me get that out. I think that was a little theraputic. I had a lightbulb moment!
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Rachel Rowell
11:29 am
that video was ridiculous! hah! I’m really excited about this series! I’m single and not in a relationship but always love hearing how I can better prepare for things like this!
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Linnae Hoppe
11:33 am
My husband has always said I could out argue, out reason, and pretty much out speak anyone at anytime. This, he claims is because my BA is in Communications. Very early in our marriage when on occasion he would apologize for something I would reply, “Are you sorry for what you said, how you said it, or for how it made me feel?” He would completely loose it…still does as a matter of fact. He has started clarifying on occasion, but still it gets him every time.
He on the other hand could care less for what reason I apologize, really he is not a good accepter of them at all.
Somehow, almost 13 years later, we still totally miss the mark but are madly in love and that has to count for something.
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April
11:36 am
haha. that video was great. I am a junior in high school and trust me, it’s not just a marriage and family thing… communication kills in every aspect of life regarding people! I guess i’m just being prepared for real life.
)
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jaymz
12:03 pm
“What we got here is…..failure to communicate.” Every self respecting man will know the movie that quotation is from.
Yes, we struggle at home from communication problems. I try to blame it on alot of things, but I afraid it’s simply a case of not listening and not sharing. I’m looking forward to this series. After all, you’re never too old to learn.
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Tommy Sircy
12:05 pm
Major issue in our house too…. Isn’t it normal though Man and woman together with neither of us thinking alike and then there are issues….. Left Brain Logic/ Right Brain Caring…..
I have really enjoyed yours and Brandi’s Blogs. Thanks for sharing on this.
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amy
12:09 pm
I don’t know what you are talking about. Marla and I never struggle with this issue. I am shocked Brandi is not a better communicator. Hang in there bro. Call me if I can help.
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B.J.
12:26 pm
Oh boy BIG subject in ours too! I think the key is listening… really listening. I am not the best at it.
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Amanda
12:42 pm
@linnae hoppy, no worries. The series is geared toward all relationships so I think it will be right up your alley.
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Pete Wilson
12:58 pm
We’ve been together for almost eighteen years and this is still the number one issue. A good therapist helped us learn some skills a few years ago; they keep us sane. And together. It is still a struggle (to communicate, not to stay together). It’s funny because when we humans meet somebody, spouse included, we communicate like crazy. We do it well for a while at least. Then one day, I don’t know. Do we decide we already know everything our s.o. might have to say? Do we stop caring how our words sound? Are we just selfish in how we communicate?
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outofthecleft
1:23 pm
Single here… but my dog usually gets his point across without a problem. Does that count?
sara
http://www.gitzengirl.blogspot.com
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sara
1:34 pm
My husband and I have both taken some really good and effective communications courses for our jobs (some of the same ones even, but not at the same time!) and when we’re really struggling to communicate on something it helps A LOT if we stop and consciously apply some of the communication skills we’ve picked up in our professional lives to our relationship. It might sound a bit cold at first, but in the end it has brought us closer together and helped us understand each other better.
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Wendy
2:35 pm
When I watched this, I chuckled. And then…I laughed. LOUDLY.
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Kristin Zuvich
3:16 pm
While I’m listening, I’m really thinking of what I’m going to say next when his mouth stops moving.
Is that listening?
Communication – schamunication
Blah!! Who has the time?!
LOL!
Heidi Reed
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candidchatter
4:25 pm
We often find that we are saying the same thing but in different ways. Part of this comes from the fact that she comes from Chicago while I am from Tennessee. Another think that plays a role in how we interperet things is how we were treated in our former marriages. We have learned that when we have a misunderstanding that sometimes it is best to just wait for a while to discuss things instead of just trying to push our way through. The same is true in dealing with our teenage children. Although as aparent we want to get in the last word and make our point sometimes it is best to just take a break and try a little latter.
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kindredspirits1960
4:25 pm
no. if they would stop to listen long enough they would know that i communicate quite well. its the listening stuff
hehe (tongue in cheek here) sorta
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tam
6:10 pm
The very best book I’ve ever read on marriage is “Men are Like Waffles, Women are Like Spaghetti” by the Farrels. Anyone in relationship will be well served by reading this book together…
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Jack Hager
8:13 pm
Wow this is a tough question to respond to. I agree it’s very diffcult to talk to a spouse or a partner in a relationship. I think it’s because we are so focused on what not to say so an agruement does not form that the main focus never gets targeted in the conversation. It’s so much easier bottling everything up then facing it.
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Courtney
5:39 pm
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