I am a worship leader, and formerly lead singer of a rock band. We were technically a Christian band and we did ministry at every show but there was an element of “self” that had to go into the music and performance. I guess that’s what rock and roll is.

Now that I am solely a worship leader, it’s my full time job, I have a hard time sometimes separating what I used to do with what I do now. I get in my head and start thinking about what I look like, or what I should do that looks cool instead of just focusing on and worshiping God. I get better at it every time.

The crux of the matter is that, for all intents and purposes, rock’n'roll and worship music are vehemently opposed to each other at their core. Now, with the introduction of “rock worship”, it’s harder than ever to extract “self” from the worship equation. My brain is confused because I’ve trained it for years and years as to what rock’n'roll is and what it represents. All the while my soul cries out for something more…something deeper.

Self is a constant struggle for me… Living as I live (quite secluded when it comes to fellowship), I can find self rising up in so many ways and making the day-to-day a constant struggle. I am not able to worship freely so I worship in the spare moments throughout every day, where ever I can, whether it be over a cup of coffee in the morning before anyone else gets up, or as I look into my baby boy’s eyes when he is first waking up, or it is in the car on my way to work, or while talking with a stranger about the happiness that shines through me.

I need to worship always, some days it is the only way for me to make it through.

Sorry for the long post, you touched my heart. God bless.

I can’t tell you how often when I worship, I think I’m doing God a favor. Aren’t I holy, I’m thinking as I lift my spirit to God. Wow, is that arrogant or what?! In reality, when I worship God – he’s moving in my life and granting me the favor! Thanks, Pete, for the much needed reminder of the true definition of AUTHENTIC worship!