[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OJFCsjDVhVs&hl=en]
I guess it would be an understatement to say men tend to think about sex more than women. But, I also think it’s an overstatement to say it’s all men think about.
My friend, Anne Jackson wrote a post on her blog last week entitled “My Thoughts On Boobies” which got quite a bit of discussion going around the blogosphere. I must admit that I have been thinking about it a lot since last week (the post, not boobies).
Anne’s challenge was an important one. She was simply saying women should be mindful of what they wear knowing that men are so visually stimulated. My question is this: What responsibility do the men own in all of this? Surely guys we can’t play the “We just can’t help it.” card or the “That’s the way God designed us.” card. Or my favorite lame excuse, “You can look at the menu, you just can’t order.”
So here are my thoughts to get us started. I believe it is true…
1) A man will always notice an attractive woman.
2) After noticing, a man has a choice. He can either choose to continue to “notice” the attractive woman which will lead to fantasy or he can choose to avert his mind and his eyes to something else (often referred to as bouncing).
So what do you guys think? Is this something that men and women both need to own?
chime in,
Pete
Hey, I just dropped by to add you to my feed. You’re very inspiring.
Great post. And thanks. Sometimes it gets overwhelming how many fingers are pointed at the women by Christians. (And there’s a huge difference b/n a Christian’s reaction and a non-Christian. And many times, the non-Christian’s is better, sadly enough.) But your right. Women don’t have to invite it; men can exercise self-control.
Blessings,
Emily Grace
I absolutely think men should be responsible for how they interpret their surroundings. And I am pretty sure the Bible says something about everyone being held accountable for their actions…
Unless a man lives alone in a cave for the rest of his life, there is no way he can be “sheltered” (nor should he be) from the real world.
Both men & women need to be aware and mindful of what they are taking in. The thoughts that are lingered on. Women aren’t blind and I can surely confess I may have stared too long or dwelt (is that a word?) too long on a thought before.
I hope this makes sense. I am 30 minutes into my Ambien and I need to get to bed!!
You’re so right, Pete. There is a huge difference between looking and LOOOOOOOKING. Its not easy to reign in your eyes, but it’s the right thing to do… The bible has plenty to say about self-control, Job made a covenant with his eyes… maybe I should too!
Right on man. You’re so right about how guys will notice beauty. I think its what we’re designed to do, we’ve just distorted it. But I think the fact that we ABSOLUTELY have a choice is crucial. Too many times you’ll hear guys say “I can’t help it dude”. The fact is, we don’t want to own up to it, so we claim ignorance and that we can’t control ourselves. We can control ourselves, its just easier not to. This choice is imperative to our purity, integrity, and how we represent God.
And I think that sometimes, we don’t need to just “avert our attention”. We need to take physical action and freekin “flee” the situation, even though it may be an awkward or strange thing to do. We have to actively fight for purity and our future/current marriages and this is definitely a paramount starting place.
The first look many times can’t be helped…it’s the second look that you are now accountable for. Anne’s so good at fun discussions and topics!
I agree that both men and women need to own this. Women need to be aware of the power we hold in how we choose to present ourselves (and obviously, then choose to use our powers for good), and men need to be aware that as Jen said, “it’s the second look that you are now accountable for.”
While my kids are still little enough that I haven’t had to address this issue with them, I do hope that when the time comes, both Greg and I will step up and take an active role in helping them understand the effect they can have on the opposite sex, whether intentional or not. I vaguely remember my mom saying something about “Men like to look…” when I was a teenager, but I really didn’t get it. Now at age 34 and being married for 10 yrs, I do!!
As a man I don’t think you can stop me from noticing a beautiful woman. But I do my level best to look away every time and focus on something else. As much as we like to claim we can’t help it, the fact is we can.
my thoughts:
a woman can easily get the “eye contact”, but can either hold the eye contact for a no-harm 5 second flirt or break the contact for a lesser harm glance at her wedding ring
a man can either “point and click” or “apple + opt + esc”
choices, people…In my very limited opinion…it’s more about having a battle plan ready – b/c the attack is just around the corner.
I believe both parties are responsible for “the looking” or “attracting the looking”. How a woman is dressed or how she responds to the man looking at her may lead a man to continue “looking”. We are all responsible for our own actions.
Now, having said that…..(speaking for myself and many other women) “Men! My face and eyes are up HERE.”
Yep! that’s what we’re thinking when you do that. Very annoying……
I’m curious. How do you men feel when another man looks at your wife or your daughter “too long”?
I would love to hear some of the practical things you guys are doing in your life to help. This morning I worked out at the gym by myself. However, 95% of the time I work out with my accountability partner, Brian. Knowing the gym is a place that could be problematic it helps to be working out with someone that is going to make sure that my eyes and mind are in the right place.
Honestly, it’s not a issue for me. I’m just there for Brian.
Guys need to own up to their part for sure. Like anything else, there is a balance to the blame. I think God will hold girls responsible for the part they play in putting someone in temptation’s way but God will also hold the guy responsible for entertaining the thoughts.
I love the story of Joseph. He’s the classic case of resisting temptation. If anyone could have used the excuse, “What could I do? It was right there in front of me!” he certainly could have. Instead he did what God encourages all guys to do – FLEE temptation. Run, don’t walk at the first sign of temptation.
Lisa and I watch movies all the time and one of the commitments we have made is that if anything immodest or seductive comes on the screen I simply lower my eyes and look away. I may look dumb in a theater doing this but that helps me keep my commitment to my wife and keep a covenant with my eyes.
Brad Ruggles
http://www.bradruggles.com
Brian will get you for that one, Pete.
Really Pete, just me??? Remember the girl you were drooling over on the treadmill??? You wouldn’t shut up abouut her ____!!! Oh wait… that was when you saw Brandi working out.
It IS harder to be in that place when you are by yourself.
Fortunately most of the guys at my gym are senior citizens. So that is not a problem there! Except for the fact maybe I work out like an 80 year old.
Hilarious video clip! And absolutely, both men and women need to own this one! I think we all need to consider how we are dressing…and what we are accentuating with our clothing. Women need to be covered….but men do too. Showing women your sculpted arms is not any different than women wearing low cut shirts. So first…we should be accountable for how we are dressing, and what message we are sending. Then we need to hold our eyes accountable, and train them to look away. As Pete talked about in “my secret life” series….. our minds can lead us into sin without the flesh ever getting involved. Also…we should try not to judge other Christians for the way they dress (even at church!). A scantily dressed woman on the front pew, or a perfectly chisled beau with a tight shirt on need our prayers…not our judgement. They have issues most likely with self-esteem, pride, etc….and we’ve all been there. I’d rather someone be underdressed at church than to not be in church.
Yes
practical…hmm…well I don’t ever leave my house without a blindfold.
Something practical.. well, coming from a girl’s perspective, a big concern I have is for our young girls in the church. We are getting less and less accountable and confrontational about this topic. Starting with how we dress all the way to purity in relationships. We’ve got to teach them at a young age how to dress; how to be beautiful and have great taste at the same time; how to hold on for dear life to their purity.
Maybe my dream for yesterday’s post should’ve been coming up with some kind of ministry for young girls that is specifically for purity in every sense of the word; that’s not dorky but somehow connects older women in the church with younger women in the church for real accountability. It’s so lacking isn’t it? I could go on forever but I will just stop there. =)
There nothing I can really add to this except to say thank you for being a pastor who isn’t afraid to address issues that many will not tackle. And, for what it’s worth, both men and women are responsible in situations like what you describe.
i’m so glad for melissa’s comment. i agree with all the talk about “it’s both men’s and women’s responsibility to strive for holiness,” but i also know that there have been moments when i’ve used “being noticed” as a way to boost my own self-worth … instead of receiving all of my security from the Lord. and i certainly hope that in my moment of weakness, a brother in Christ would be willing to “bear my burden, and in this way fulfill the law of Christ.” we all need help in this …. sure, the girls can watch out for the guys, but guys, please watch your eyes and attitudes … because it can affect us more profoundly than you might think.
I definitely think both sexes hold some responsibility here. Men, it’s true that they will always notice an attractive woman (at least I hope a woman…lol)but they should be on guard about how far they let their eyes (and thoughts) wander. Unless you become a monk there will be times that you will be tempted to “go too far” in your mind, I don’t care who you are. But it’s up to you to put a stop to those kinds of thoughts.
Women certainly also need to be aware that men are visually stimulated and should do our best not to wear things that expose parts of us that no man but our husbands should ever see. And it’s not all about just not showing skin, that also includes things that are too tight ladies! That’s just as bad if not worse.
Thanks to my husband for helping me understand more about men and how they think and work by his honesty and openness to me!
That’s my tidbit on the topic!
Both totally have their own sides of the coin to work on, but for a lot of (some will say ALL) guys, the issue of flesh and lust can be huge. I’ll admit that when I really really really struggled with porn, looking at a woman would be totally different than when lust isn’t such a strong pull. This is a really serious issue, and seemingly one that a lot will not look at and address.
There’s a ministry that is trying to address this porn epidemic, and our church held an event and had them come out here to do the shindig, and we barely got any people to attend. It was called Porn & Pancakes (read my notes about it here).
Porn and Pancakes? I would love to see that bulletin announcement. I bet we could get some guys to show up for that!
practical idea…avoid running into certain women that you know are going to dress in a way that may cause you to stumble…i do this at work…if there are women that dress to attract, i don’t go to their offices unless i have to…i call or e-mail them instead…
There is definitely shared ownership in this. The thing I’ve wrestled with as a female is do I have to be showing skin to be a distraction? There are many times where I am dressed modestly (if you are judging that on amount of skin showing) however I know that I look attractive. Do I have to wear a moomoo to be completely in the clear? This is tough as a female because we are wired to want to be pretty, to be desired. I find that I am constantly having to check my heart and motivations.
@jenni – great point on “having to check my heart and motivations”…the rest of us have to keep ourselves in check not judging other hearts and motivations…
definitely a shared ownership regardless of how you look at the situation…
Pete – here’s the XXX church’s page for: http://www.xxxchurch.com/pornandpancakes/…
Jenni, you’re right on the wiring. Men and women are wired differently. It was God’s design. Men are wired bent more toward conquest, while women are bent more toward relationships. I think there are many reasons why we are made that way. I’m not going to dive into that here, since I usually make someone mad. lol
Now, does that excuse us from trying to understand and nurture each other? Certainly not. We do have shared responsibility.
I’d like to say I don’t have a problem with looking too much, but I’ve been trying to stop lying so much.
First I have to say that I loved this line, “…“My Thoughts On Boobies” which got quite a bit of discussion going around the blogosphere. I must admit that I have been thinking about it a lot since last week (the post, not boobies).” It made me laugh…
Yes…I believe this is something both men and women need to own. It is hard enough for a man to do the right thing when that ‘attractive’ woman comes along, we don’t need anymore help on top of it. Men have as much responsibility however, to bounce in the right direction versus rubber necking in the wrong one.
I think Jenni is right, this is not a finger pointing as far a fault. Both men and women have a choice in this.
So you brought up a different question, are women not allowed to look attractive???
You bet there is shared ownership. It’s such an interesting thing though. I was chatting a young friend of mine who was about to get married around Christmas time. He was telling me about how he had a hard time not looking at his finance in “that way”.
And while they weren’t married yet and wouldn’t have been good if he acted on things… it was very good that he was feeling that way. For him and her… she COULD have been wearing a wool sweater and he would have still been staring at “them”. But when it comes to others (whom you are not betrothed to)… we have both recognize what we’re doing and act accordingly.
I think if you are not responsible for your own actions first then your fighting an uphill battle.
Both have a responsibility to God, others and themselves. Then it may become an issue of how we think God values us, others value us, and how we value ourselves.
Yes
There’s no way I believe that a woman looking at a man’s arms is the same as a man looking at a woman’s chest. Not to say that women cannot be visually stimulated, but I’m just saying. No way.
And yes, both parties do have responsibility at how they act and react. I think it’s probably easier for a woman to decide what to wear in the morning than for a guy to control his thought life. Maybe I’m wrong. But that’s not saying a guy should just let his eyes/thoughts run wild. Not at all.
I’ve helped serve communion before in churches where the people come and kneel at the rail and are served one at a time. Those are definitely times that I’ve had to be careful of where my eyes go.
Yes.
I sing on the Worship team and I am especially aware of my presence there. Being on a stage above where others are seated can present it’s challenges. There was a time when women on the team would call my husband (he’s the Worship Pastor) and ask him if it was OK for them to wear such and such, OR they would arrive and ask him about their skirt. He would always respond with, “If you have to question it, don’t wear it. Don’t wear it here or anywhere else”
But we all have to own up to our part.
In this day it is increasingly hard because of the fashion. The tops are the size of rubber bands. My 11 month old niece has shorts bigger than what I see on some jr. high girls.
hmmmm….do yo think there’s as much of an indfedelity issue in colder climates?
there is a responsibility for all of us….
we as women, have the choice to offer as much protection as we can to the men in our lives….both close and passerbys…..
the men have a choice….pounce (think)or bounce (walk away)….
i made a choice a long time ago to do whatever i could do to protect my brothers
i choose clothes that are still cute, but are not too tight or revealing as to say to all the guys i meet
“you are someones love…and you deserve to give her all of you that you can….”
i pray that wherever my hubby to be is he is being protected in somewhat the same way……
guys definitely have to take responsibility as well. great discussion man…as well as anne’s. i travel full time doing music, and we mostly do high school & college events. i often times wonder why in the world parents would let their high school daughters wear the things that they do. doesn’t make any sense to me. there is no telling what it is doing to the guys in the youth group…or even the youth pastors. i know that’s off subject…but it still sort of falls into it.
you should do a do sermon titled…NO BOOBIES AT COMMUNION…that will get their attention.
I don’t know if I can add anything that hasn’t been said, but I thought I would chime in.
As a single, Christian woman I feel it is definitely my responsibility to keep my brothers from stumbling. I have stressed that to my girls, too.
Having said that…men have a responsibility to keep themselves and each other accountable for what their eyes are taking in. You are right…it is normal for men (and women) to notice beauty. However, once your eyes have glanced once….it is up to you whether or not you take a second look. It is up to you to ‘take your thoughts captive and make them obedient to Christ’ (2 Cor. 10:5).
linnae – there is an old school type program called ‘true love waits’ – and it is absolutely fantastic – and mature
when we did this program with our youth group (male and female) we had women who had sex before marriage, some got pregnant, some had std’s , some had abotions, soem kept their child – all talk to the girls personally. Same thing for the boys with men – but we also had several of the ladies who willfully had premarital sex and were all fot talk to the boys about how it made them feel to tell thier future husbands thet were not virgins. my son’s comment was ‘how could man take something so beautiful as sex and ruin lives with it?’ he was 15 at the time – wow, just wow
cure all, solve all: everyone should walk around blind folded. It’ll make for some interesting stories…for some people will start looking with their hands…and that could be quite problematic.
I could give a long answer to this very simple question. However, I have been married 13 years. I have 3 kids. SEX is the last thing on my mind.
(If you believe this, I have some ocean front property in Arizona I will sell you)
Tam, I’m quite sure there are some hot eskimo’s out there. I don’t know any personally but I’m thinking they exist.
I know I am not going to be very popular after posting this but whatever… here goes.
I notice pretty girls. Duh.
But just the face. I don’t notice the body too much because women will dress a certain way to get you to notice them below the neck.
But it takes a half a second to see, yes, they are pretty.
I then move on.
I don’t dwell. I don’t linger. I don’t stare and flirt.
I just move on.
I used to think it was because I worked in porn that helped me train this way. But lust was still within me and I still linger and fantasize.
But now I know it is God and God alone.
Yea, I fight my flesh every waking and sleeping moment. But because of who God is in my life, my spirit is strangling my flesh to where he can barely breathe.
I have to keep this up until I see His glory:
Psalm 17:15 As for me, I will see Your face in righteousness; I shall be satisfied when I awake in Your likeness.
Until then, I fight.
Two things…
First, just a few years ago, my husband asked me to be the one to take our son to karate. There was a mom there that continually dressed in a sugestive manner. What made it worse is that we went to church with her and her husband. I have NEVER seen her in anything that was not in some way provacative. Short skirts, tight shirts, “hooker” boots, spaghetti straped tanks(that I wear all the time too, BUT as an under shirt!!!) I did start to be the designated car pooler but what are we to do IN CHURCH!!! My husband, just this past week in SS, shook his head when they walked in. What to do?
Secondly, a few years ago when the show “Alias” was still on air, I always kept trying to get him to watch it with me. Finally, Super Bowl Sunday, he watched it. It was the one when almost the entire show she is in lingerie….GREAT!!!! As I sat there thinking, “this is so stupid, put some clothes on!!!” I wondered what HE was thinking. That prompted me to ask him what goes through HIS mind when he sees that. It was a very frank, and eye opening conversation.
On a side note…can I just say that I am a little feaked out by the “week of hot sex” next week that flowerdust and deadly viper are doing. I am interested in the info, but fear the pandora’s box.
I think it goes both ways for sure. I think sometimes women underestimate the power they hold by choosing their clothes. I also think some women know that power and choose to use it. To peg the blame on one gender is really missing it, I think. I know I struggle with this often. As a mom, I am the closest thing my boys have to measure their future wife against. What I wear now makes an impact on the type of beauty they feel is important.
Hey BJ where in Arizona is the property exactly??
Thanks, Pete!
I’ve heard it discussed how women need to dress modestly – and too often without the balance of the fact that guys can and should be careful of where their eyes are going…
Certainly if our female friends can be mindful about how they dress – without going to extremes of looking like they’re about to embark on an Arctic expedition – that’s nice. However, the idea that a guy just can’t help himself is just disgusting. Men who suggest this sort of thing ought to grow up and take some responsibility for their own actions! (Ok, I think we might have struck a nerve… sorry about that!)
)
Jonathan – JonathanPaulMusic.com
My answer to your question, Pete, as to whether both genders need to own this issue, in a word, is “yes.”
)
Sometimes it’s not the action but the REACTION that gets you in trouble.
My tactic….I just keep looking (at her). Wait, was that my outside voice?? Was that so wrong?? Paula, are you reading this? JK!!
I haven’t had time to read any of the comments, but I just had to thank you for your post. Women need to be modest, the Bible says so. But the lie that “men can’t help it” is hurting men and women. The men have an excuse and the women are paranoid. Especially the wives. It also keeps men and women that should be brothers and sisters in Christ afraid to have godly relationships with one another. Not always, but too often.
I definitely think this applies to both men & women. I agree with the comment above mine from fullofboys, in that I’ve noticed women really do underestimate the power they hold by dressing appropriately. What breaks my heart the most is when I see women who ‘dress to be noticed’ because it’s the only thing they feel they have going for them, or that their worth is measured only by how they look. The attention they get or don’t get from men either fulfills them (temporarily), or gives them a sense of failure and the need to try harder. Either way, it only deepens their insecurities & the attention they’re getting that they think is appropriate and flattering, really only widens the void they think is being filled.
For men, remember in school when one or two people in the class would do something that would affect everyone as a whole…’ruin it’ for everyone, not just for those that caused the trouble? I don’t even come close to thinking that all men think about is sex. I’m certain that every human has their share of thoughts on the subject, and that each person is visually stimulated on different levels…men & women. What I think is that there are some men out there who have acted & made comments to women in inappropriate or disrespectful ways, and that they’ve given women the perception that ALL men are like that…which is simply untrue.
There is so much to say about this…is it possible for us to purely enjoy the beauty of other people, without making it about lust or sex?
So Blake….I’m suggesting women wear low cut blouses to get noticed. I’m suggesting men with great muscle tone wear sleevless shirts and cuff up their sleeves to their biceps to get noticed…. same/same.
Men look at womens chest assets, and women look at the beefy biceps. Men think their thoughts and women think theirs. Same/same. Suggestive dress seeks attention. I am a woman. I no longer gawk over mens biceps outloud to my friends, and I am a married woman….. but that doesn’t mean that my mind doesn’t go..”wow, check on those biceps!”. I’m just sayin…
Melissa, I want to apologize to you for making you stumble. I promise I will stop wearing the sleeveless shirts that show off my massive biceps.
Here’s the problem I have with your “choice”. I think that both of your options upon seeing an attractive woman, do the same thing to that woman. They treat her not as a person, but as an object of sexuality. Because whether you’re choosing to look or choosing to avert your gaze: in your mind, you’re not treating that person as an equal human being, you are instead reducing them to being a danger to you.
If keeping ourselves sexually pure is reduced down to “avoiding looking at nice boobs”, then sooner or later, you’re going to fall into that. Because there’s no recognition that the person you’re looking at, or avoiding looking at, has any value outside of the visual stimulation.
So I’d propose that instead we take the third choice, and after “noticing an attractive woman”, we remind ourselves that this is a person made in the image of God, and find a way to treat them as a real person (even if that only happens in your head). I hope that makes sense, and hasn’t come over as too critical. I appreciate that this conversation is happening.
The Message says, “You’re blessed when you get your inside world-your mind and heart-put right. Then you can see God in the outside world (Matt. 5)
I think this has become an issue for men and women alike. Women viewing porn is on the rise…maybe for different reasons, maybe not. Yes, women need to dress modestly, but you cannot control those around you.
Men might gawk at women and have sex on their minds, but women also have issues of the heart and mind as well…they’re called emotional affairs, and they’re just as serious.
I have 4 boys, and I feel for them as they become teenagers, but I also realize that Abba for some reason put these desires in us, and hopefully at their point of need they will cry out to Him to be their ultimate desire.
PETE, OFF THE SUBJECT…..PLEASE KEEP JET’S SING DEBUT ON YOUR
BLOG….BY POPULAR DEMAND!
[strategy #1] the school where I went for undergrad made the auditoriumm so stinkin freezing that the girls had to wear sweaters all year long, and the guys were only worried about their face not falling off.
[strategy #2] nudist colonies never complain about immodesty.
OH Pete, I can just hear you laughing at yourself right now.
Great point Geoff. And I would say that 95% of my interactions with women fall into your third choice. I’m addressing the other 5% where additional action is needed.
I would love to get to the place where I never have to bounce my eyes. Until then, I’ll keep bouncing.
Uuuhhh Stegall…I vote for Strategy #1.
I don’t really like either of your options, to be honest. I would like to add a third option which is a man notices a beautiful woman, acknowledges her (in his mind) as beautiful, and then moves on to thinking about what’s for dinner. I think trying to “will” yourself to stop noticing something can often lead to the exact opposite–obsession with that something that you can’t have.
But, then again, I am not a guy. I probably don’t know squat
@ Pete, thanks for giving me another Google search for you. “Pete Wilson likes hot eskimo” Thank you, brother.
This is what THIS little man thinks about!!!teehee…
oops… sorry, here it is.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kHq2iJAmofI
@ Deb, I can’t believe you would pull my pure son into your perverse world called Brett Michaels.
All sides guilty… All sides responsible…
Girls must admit that we all have our “power” outfit. You know the one. Your husband (boyfriend, fiance) loves it. You put it on and think maybe you shouldn’t wear it, but you love the attention you get in it so you wear it anyway. You know the one. I have this leopard print dress that I called my “power dress” that I used to wear when I was in sales. Every time I wore that dress I would go over my quota for the day. I mean it. Never ever failed. If I needed to make up for a bad selling day, “power dress” came out of the closet. Bam – quota hit!
I am a SAHM now. My power outfit is one that repels spit, snot, and poop. Sexy!!
Heidi Reed
of
http://www.candidchatter.wordpress.com
hey…if you’re still awake [it's thurs night]…hop over to Mandy’s blog. We’re bombarding her w/ comments before she comes home tomorrow by playing the game where you list the first word that comes to mind after reading the previous comment…come over and play!!!
as long as we have a pulse, we’re going to notice, and were going take second looks. one of my favorite verses tells me to be delighted in my wife’s breasts. I thank God for the direction otherwise I need so badly. But we’re built that way. Everyone could stand to use a little more discretion as well as lighten up a little. and if you don’t want guys to look, not only should you cover up, but quit getting boob jobs and quit buying those push-up bras that make boobs ever so admirable.
My family lived in africa as missionaries when my son was middle school aged. women over there whip out a boob to feed their kids anywhere. kids of all ages reach inside the shirts of their moms, aunties, and other women in the villages to get a quick snack. my son says he will never think of boobs the same again.
I can’t speak for all men…but being married to my husband for the past 4 years has taught me a lot about respect and love. He, in the beginning I thought was totally legalistic and weird. I grew up in Las Vegas…so boobs were everywhere and even though I was sold out for Christ, I guess I was calloused a bit. Daniel (when we lived in the States) would ALWAYS change the channel when a Victoria’s secret commercial would come on or any kind of underware/bra add would flash across the screen. He always turns his head when we are in the mall or wherever and a billboard with a scandalously dressed woman is flashing her ta-tas at him. He checks with Kidsinmind.com before ALL of our movies to see what is hidden or not so hidden in the movie so we can make an educated choice as to what to go see. I used to think it was “no big deal” because like I said…I grew up with naked people everywhere…even in the Christian circles. Seriously, in Vegas, you can’t hide from them. But now that I am away from that and have been “educated” on the fact that the rest of the world isn’t as naked or as unaffected (like me) I am so honored that my husband takes those extreme measures to protect himself and ultimately our family. Yay for Godly men. I totally dig it and am honored that he loves me and the Lord so much to take those meaures. As a response to Bryonm…it is true…in Africa, the woman are kind of shirtless here all the time….but I have asked him about that and if that is a temptation or a lure to sneak a peek, and he assures me that it is totally different. That when they are feeding a kid and hanging down to their bellies and carrying a bucket on their head…it is all kinds of different then what Americans would find as sexy. He said it is just not quite the same.
We are both resposible
i did a similar post last week after anne’s post…there is a responsibility to one another…love does not desire someone to lust after them and it does not lust.
and if we are to love another then how should we act, dress, etc. it is also a matter of the heart but being naive is a rationalization that is stupid…(proverbs 12:1)
HEY WaxyOne, Thanks for the help this morning at the gym with “this issue” What was that song you kept singing
BA
Women–dress so as to call attention to your countenance.
Your inner beauty–or lack of it–is manifest there.
I think it’s a double standard if women wear their tank top and shorts showing their talents and later on saying ‘oh my friggin’ gosh that guy is a jerk for staring at my hoo-hoos!’ I have somebody at my work who wore a very skimpy shorts/shirts yesterday and even though I exercised everything in my power to NOT look, I am (as well as many men are) are blessed with peripheral vision.
So I had to practice my roundhouse kick to burn off my excess energy afterwards.
After almost 20 years of being together David and I have worked through many phases of this issue. It first started out with sheer jealousy (teen years), then moved to accountability (that’s the spiritual word for “Hey, keep your eyes over here!”), we then moved into self control mode. David began “bouncing his eyes” so to speak. He amazes me. No, neither of us is perfect by any means, but I’ve never met a man in all my life who had so much self control. During this phase I ironically began to take offense when I would see him practice this self-control. Instead of appreciating the victory I would beat myself up inwardly. I might even ask questions like, “Why do you have to do that?” and “Am I not good enough.” All that said, we’re in a different phase now. I adore his self-control! Please know, we’ve had our share of battles and I’m not naive to think there won’t be more, but every phase has brought with it a bit more wisdom. Finally, let me get my jab out there! Ladies, I’d appreciate if you’d watch what you wear cuz’ I ain’t gettin’ any younger!
The title of your post caught my eye. I wrote a book last year called Is That All He Thinks About? (Harvest House)
Looking forward to more of your blog.
I’ll have to pick up your book Marla. It sounds interesting. Thanks for dropping in on us!
Sex Pete.
Hmmm … I have to agree with both of your points but would add that if a man goes into the day with the idea already in place that that is not a path he needs to let his mind go down it’s easier (at least for me) to not get caught up in the moment.
Also, believe the woman has a responsibility to not push the issue. To try to get the man to look and keep looking.
Don’t believe the problem is in the noticing or in noticing your being noticed. Rather, its what one does after that which matters. We were all made with senses that respond to what they become aware of and we were all made with the ability to make a choice about what we have sensed.
I think it’s both men and women’s responsibility. Women should keep an eye on how they dress and men need to watch out and watch where our eyes go. In the end it’s up to the men ti take responsibility for their actions.. Instead of women watching what they wear keeping us guys in mind, what about keeping in mind what Christ would want them to do.
Also, it’s not just the boobs. What about legs and short skirts?
ummm yes, women get blamed far too much for “causing our brothers to stumble”. whatever. if i am dressing against the convictions God has given me, THAT is my problem and my fault, NOT if men choose to look at me as a sexual object. regardless of what we wear, most of us do NOT want to be reduced to “object” status and do not choose or endorse it. a women in a short skirt deserves every bit as much respect as a woman in a more traditionally “modest” skirt, and therein lies the problem. too many men are still requiring women to always look sexy for them and then attacking them because they “caused them to sin”. and too many leaders of both genders continue to pin the blame for the mens’ misconduct on the women.
ah yes, the second glance. the bane of my existence. i wish that i could get thru a day without having to make this choice. oi vey.