How Do You Take Constructive Criticism?
Monday mornings are always a scary time for me. I know I’m going to be sorting through tons of e-mails in regard to my weekend message. I enjoy getting the feedback and sometimes going deeper with the conversations, but as you might imagine, I receive my fair share of nasty e-mails. However, every once in a while, I get one that truly falls in the category of “constructive criticism.”
Pastor Dave Brown was visiting Cross Point Nashville this weekend and offered some very detailed and much-appreciated constructive points on my speaking skills. If you’re like me, then these kinds of things are difficult to hear at first. However, if you will take the time to listen to the people around you, I believe you can become a much better communicator. If you speak in public at any level, read through these and see if they apply to you. Maybe you can learn from my mistakes.
I would simply like to offer you a couple of small things that I believe will make a huge difference in your ministry.
1. You and I are very similar in our delivery style. I’m not very dynamic but, through Toastmasters, I learned to vary my speech volume and even get loud every once in awhile, when I’m genuinely passionate, just to get their attention. It works. I have to work at it. I have to sometimes do it consciously until it becomes more natural. But it works. It wakes up the guy on the fifth row. He needs to hear what we’re saying.
2. This is the MOST important thing I can offer you and you really need to hear this. It will make a HUGE difference. Please slow your head movement down. Please talk to me when I’m in the congregation. To ME. And then, slowly, look to another section of the church and talk to them. Look someone in the eyes and hold it for about a full sentence. Talk to that person. And while you’re talking to some section that’s to my right or left, I promise I won’t feel left out. I’ll watch you and hang on your every word… because I know you’re going to slowly come back to me and my section and talk to us for awhile. I mention this in my blogs about two other churches where the pastors did it way worse than you do. But in every case, including yesterday, I never felt you were talking to anyone in particular. I felt you were just throwing the words out there and hoping someone would catch them. Make me hear you. Look me in the eye. It’s okay. I won’t feel offended. I’ve had so many people tell me, “I felt you were talking right to me.” That’s because I was. And I didn’t even know it. I just randomly picked a pair of eyes and gave that person one complete thought – just between the two of us. If you watch Joyce Meyer (you may not like her, but she does know how to command an audience and draw a following), she’s casual, slow in her body movements, deliberate, and she looks people in the eye – and I know she can’t see anyone really. The stage lights are too bright. Enough. Dead horse. But I can’t tell you how much this will make a difference. People won’t be able to tell you why, but they’ll be able to follow you better. Every time you “searchlight” from right to left extremes, they’re trying to keep up with your movement and they’re not hearing what you just said. And, if anything, give the people in the middle section MORE of your attention, not less. There they are sitting right down front in the middle. They deserve to be treated a little special. And talk to your cameras. If you’re simulcasting, those people in Dickson need to feel like you’re talking to them, too. They NEED your eye contact.
3. I loved the way you closed your service. Most others we’ve visited had no time of introspection and prayer. And then when you actually started talking us through this time, giving us ideas as to where we might be judging someone, it was perfect. EXCEPT that the band obviously came up and starting tuning up their guitars, etc. Right in the middle of the most important time of the service. And I never looked up, but I knew what was going on because I couldn’t hear you anymore. I heard the guitarist tuning up. I’m a guitarist. I know it’s important to tune up. But it can be done so softly that no one hears it. Or better yet, I’ve learned that music behind your speaking during this very important and sometimes emotional time, enhances it greatly. Just like in a movie (which you know so much about, obviously). Music behind the script and acting takes it all to a new level. Get your P&W leader to begin playing something softly while you’re closing your sermon and leading people in prayer. That will cover up some of the noise the band makes when they re-enter the stage and tune up.
4. It’s a small thing and perhaps yesterday was just one of those sermons where, for some reason, you didn’t do it when you normally do. You talked about judging others, etc. and you alluded to your own struggles with such things. VERY COOL. People need to know the Pastor’s a person, too, and we’re all doing this Christian life struggle thing together. I know that’s one thing that people love about you. I think it would be even more effective if you told us HOW you struggle. When were you judgmental? What does that look like? Can you make it funny? Can we laugh at you a little while we know we’re laughing at ourselves as well? Can we find out you struggle with being judgmental in very specific ways so we can pray for you? And so we can then, more easily discover (with the help of the Holy Spirit) the specific ways we’re being judgmental as well? You may do this a lot but I don’t recall any specific personal examples, yesterday. If you gave some, then you should ask yourself why I don’t remember them.
thanks for sharing…happy to have found these gold nuggets today.
Wow. This is great feedback from someone who obviously has an eye and ear for this. When I get detailed constructive criticism it usually stings initially, but then I ended up feeling loved by the person giving it. I figure if someone is willing to invest time and energy in helping me glorify the Lord better, he or she must love me and love the Lord, especially since the person runs the risk of my response not being positive or accepting of the feedback.
I thought the message yesterday was great, and I particularly found the closing prayer to be meaningful. God is clearly using you, and I am glad to benefit and learn from how He’s doing that.
J. Oswald Sanders said, “No leader is exempt from criticism, and his humility will nowhere be seen more clearly than in the manner in which he accepts and reacts to it.”
You accepted it as David offered it, in love, and you reacted to it by sharing it with us, so we can learn from it.
I spoke publicly every Sunday for more years than I care to admit. I struggled to master all the things he talks about. He shared some great points. Thanks for sharing them with us.
Btw, all these Sundays, I thought you were talking just to me. You must be pretty good already.
Wow…so now I don’t feel so bad about the items I shared with you a few weeks back
Guess I can finally let that go.
I am happy to have some insight as to just how intentional and yet natural you strive to be to serve us (your congregation). I’ve been listening to you preach for about 6 1/2 or 7 years and I have always felt that you connect with me and speak to me. I’ve never noticed busy head movement, nor have I ever noticed the guitarists tuning the instrument in the background. You are a gift to me….to see that you seek and swallow criticism and advice and that you use it to be the best you can be, and all for Gods’ glory. You’re a great man and a wonderful pastor.
Hey man! That was awesome, I just started speaking and man that was some good feed back! Im going to print this and show it to all my co-workers and Pastor. He would love this! I love criticism, and man that was a good one, that will truly help your ministry and mine and others that read that!
well, don’t get me started! : – )
PDB is a very kind and genuine… just as you are Pete…
All of us need that “iron sharpens iron” thing… and sometimes a few sparks fly… but rarely does it start a fire.
I’m delighted to see CrossPoint becoming something more authentic than it’s initial roots. God is good at teaching us… when we are willing to learn.
… and just how many young ‘uns are you going to have?
May Jesus fill your heart, mind and spirit daily… and fashion you into the wonderful creation He knows you ultimately can be… through Him.
Cheers,
C. Evan Leonard (Chuck
I appreciate the need to be able to accept constructive criticism, as we all grow from those people God puts in our lives to speak the truth in love. I do have to agree it’s sort of weird if this Dave guy’s purpose is visiting churches and critquing the pastor’s speaking. Pete, I would rather you keep delivering the truth that God has enlightened you with in the passion and the love that I have sensed from you since coming to Crosspoint. It would be disturbing to me if you become more concerned with the volume or your voice or your head movement or lack of, where you are looking, etc. I don’t want to be manipulated by slick delivery. Just keep on feeding us the truth and allow His Spirit to speak to us however, He chooses. Maybe part of the key in accepting constructive criticism is in knowing what to take and what to leave. I am blessed and growing in Christ under your teaching just like it is.
Wow… some very good feedback. It is interesting for me because I think I can say that public speaking is a ‘gift’ for me (did it well since before I was 10 but I realized as a read you blog I’m still insecure about seeking out and taking constructive criticism on it – I totally see I need to grow in it (speaking and taking cc).
I’m inspired to seek it out more.
Thanks for sharing…
GRRRRR> Pete. I hate this and I love it. The hard part about getting feedback I think is that a lot of people want to give it without even having a relationship.
I take feedback really well from people who are in the trenches with me or from people who I know have a reputation for great things. There is no surprise for who these people are in my life and I am guessing that there is no surprise to you either.
It is a whole lot harder to take “constructive criticism” from a person who you know absolutely nothing about or where they have come from, how they lead their family, where they have grown up, how they have grown up. It’s tough when you haven’t even had a cup of coffee with this person and you are getting an email from them.
In response to email criticism in generaly:
My encouragment would be to take what is good and leave what you are not called out to do and to be. In essence, leave the back door open. There are a lot of great churches , raised up for different purposes, and you will celebrate with all of them in heaven. AMEN! HAHA!
Thank you for the post. This was great. And its nice to know that you are the kind of guy who wants to be sharpened, because you are a guy who has been called to sharpen!
well… overall I think everyone sees the “humility” factor in honest and constructive criticism… thanks to your humble response to it, Pete…
there will be those that don’t understand… and I pray they rethink their perspective… and recognize that the contemporary american church is struggling with whether to make people feel good and entertain them for an hour or so… or preach the gospel in a way that leads them to a deeper relationship with Christ… which comes with the price of humility… and most importantly… grace…
I still marvel at how much time, energy and effort is put into programming God… for the sake of producing a Jesus show… and not a Jesus experience…
… I suppose that’s just my opinion and constructive criticism of modern church…
Cheers,
C. Evan Leonard (Chuck)
Pete,
Your friend’s sermon critique was interesting, but I hope you don’t change too much! I don’t live in TN and have only seen you preach once, but I listen to your sermons online. It’s so refreshing to feel like I’m being spoken to as a real person and not as an audience member. Too many pastors rely on stage craft to get their points across. When I see this, I always think ‘is that how they would talk to me one on one?’. I know they wouldn’t and it’s hard not to get annoyed by theatrics during a sermon.
Don’t change too much. I mean it!
Correct me if I’m wrong, God called Pete Wilson to be Pete Wilson – not Joyce Meyer (whose mannerisms feel awfully calculated in my humble opinion), or Charles Stanley (who speaks to the TV camera and rarely makes eye contact with his congregation – ewww?), or any of the pulpit screamers who show up on all those cable TV stations. (Oh wait – did that sound judgmental? Oops. My bad.)
Pete, part of the reason your church family loves and appreciates you so much is because above everything else, you’re AUTHENTIC. Never once have I felt “preached at.” I’ve been doing the whole church thing all my life and hands down – you are the most transparent pastor I’ve ever heard. (Want me to send Rev. Brown a copy of “Your Secret Life” series?)
Sorry if this comes across defensive. I realize it’s always good to have constructive feedback, and I applaud the way you handled it. But puhleeeeez, just be the man God called you to be and leave the theatrics to the TV evangelists.
My name is Diane Moody and I approve this message. :>)
I truly appreciate the way most realize the spirit in which my email was written – with true humillity and love. In response to those who apparently question my motives and my methods (because you don’t know me and don’t know the whole story), please know that there is no pride or criticism involved. I am a pastor who has a passion to lead others to Christ and then to lead Christians to personal and spiritual growth. My reasons for preaching and teaching and speaking to people one-on-one are based on that simple premise. But God has led me to perhaps preach to a different congregation – churches. Only for a time, I believe. And like any congregation, they hear the sermon and decide for themselves whether that was indeed the Holy Spirit speaking through the pastor to them – or not. They have to be willing to hear what the pastor knows they need to hear. And like every pastor knows, someone’s going to get offended (unless the sermons aren’t saying a whole lot) because growth is painful. Pruning back so more flowers can grow isn’t fun for the few flowers that get cut. It’s evident that Pete felt what I wrote him was out of love and hope or he wouldn’t have posted my comments. He would have ignored them. So it’s odd to me that people who obviously trust Pete’s judgment question the judgment of a guy whom Pete trusts. Oh well… My goal is not to offend anyone. It’s to help. And the message I preach to these pastors and church leaders is based on what I know personally and what I’ve learned from others who know so much more than me. And it’s certainly not intended to hurt anyone for the sake of hurting them. But it might still hurt a little. It’s up to the pastors and leaders whether they want to even consider they might need to ask someone, “How’d I do? What can I do better?” When’s the last time you heard a pastor ask that? Much less church elders. It’s obvious most aren’t. I see it every week.
Regarding my methods, I emailed my critique to Pete personally. Go to my website. You’ll see what I think of Crosspoint. It’s an incredible church! I have so looked forward to visiting there because I’ve heard so many good things about it and they’re all true. It was better than I anticipated. My email was personally to Pete and he could have dismissed it. Instead, he posted it. That’s obviously what he thinks of me and what I offered.
And while I met Pete for the fist time this past Sunday, my wife taught him in the 7th grade. She’s told me so many good things about him. I have many friends who knew Pete from his BCC days and since he’s been at Crosspoint. They’ve all told me what a great guy he is. I felt like I knew him and he already knew of me as well through conversations with our mutual friends. They must have told him good things or, again, he wouldn’t have been so nice to me when we met and he certainly wouldn’t have posted my email to him. Pete is obviously a wonderful pastor and a great speaker. We can all improve and should welcome any help that can be trusted. Pete must trust me. I hope others will learn to as well. I think that’s exactly what Pete intended when he posted my comments. He wasn’t putting me out there to be attacked for my willingness to do what I feel God is leading me to do. That’s not Pete. And being a jerk is not what I’m about. I mean no harm. I’m careful to only say what I know is true and right and will help. That’s what good pastors do.
Pete, you’ve honored me by posting this. Thank you. I can learn so much from you as well and hope I’ll have the opportunity to someday. What you’ve accomplished is great! What you will accomplish with God’s help and the help of the great team you have around you is really going to be something to see.
Wow. I don’t think I realized I was going to start such a fire storm. I really appreciate all of your kind words and remarks. You guys are the best.
I certainly don’t think Mr. Brown intended his comments to come across as harsh or critical. I received his remarks as a true willingness to help me become a more effective communicator.
I have done with his comments exactly what I do with all comments I receive. I simply pray and ask God what truth there is that I need to hear and receive. Although, I never plan to change who I am or the style that God has given me, I do think I need to continually seek counsel from others so I can be the most effective communicator possible.
Well said, Pete. I think we’re ready for you to open a new can of worms now.
I guess “constructive criticism” is a subject that many of us struggle with… and in my life I’ve experienced it from folks that I knew… and folks that I didn’t…. but probably the most difficult CC I’ve received has been from my children… : – )
They can humble you better than most… and I’m pretty sure they do it out of love…
Pete… I’ve got one of them fire extinguishers, if you need it… but… really… being purified (or tempered) is part of being a Christian and a disciple of Jesus… isn’t it?
I think the Word speaks about being purified/tempered by fire…
Luke 3 verse 16: “John answered, saying unto them all, I indeed baptize you with water; but one mightier than I cometh, the latchet of whose shoes I am not worthy to unloose: he shall baptize you with the Holy Ghost” and in this version, “and with fire:” but the original says: “Holy Ghost fire.” Because God is a consuming fire. The Holy Spirit is a Spirit of fire. And Jesus said, “I’ve come to bring fire on earth.” There is no escaping fire.”
And if we have Jesus in us (God in us, Holy Spirit in us)… any of us might just be used by the Holy Trinity at times… to “fire” things up… : – )
Cheers,
C. Evan Leonard (Chuck)
IMHO God judges our hearts and not our actions. While the bible tells us to strive for excellence we are also fortunate enough to have a God who can overcome even the tuning of instruments. At MCC we stive for excellence every Sunday, not so we look good but so we don’t get in the way of God.
Pete, keep your head still for God’s sake. PUN INTENDED!
Hi Pete, I also have a problem taking constructive critisism.I am working on my open mindedness on that.It is worth listening to,however no matter the exprtize it is not always appropiate advice. I have never been distracted by your head movement.I think it let’s the congregation know you are speaking to everyone.How,can you speak to one person and to every one?I have never been un-inspired by any of your sermons.It is clear that God has given you a gift.
At the end of the day, Pete, I look at it like this:
Is the work of CrossPoint helping a lost and dying world meet Jesus?
Is the methodology (including your presentation) breaking through the clutter of the world in love and with Truth?
Are lives being changed and the community being affected in a positive way for the Kingdom?
The answers to all of these questions are YES.
Now, can we all stand a little improvement in what we do? Sure. Your response to this is just another testimony to who you are and why we are honored to walk alongside you in this ministry journey.
Continue to be Pete. I know that “being Pete” means you’re ifting up everything in prayer, including how you should receive and digest constructive criticism.
The awesome God we serve will take care of the rest. May God continue to bless you, your family and the ministry at CrossPoint.
Pretty interesting. Frustrating to hear the requesat for an example of you being judgemental though…you self disclose so much, using many examples, and at that particular moment an example was unneccesary in my opinion, as I assume it was in your opinion also or we would have heard an example. That’s so your gift…knowing when to and when not to. The great thing about criticism, besides being able to learn from it, is that you can also ignore it. I should know (hee hee…)
p.s. I think the clock is wrong…it’s 10:15 a.m.
Hi, Pete!
I just wanted to say that I always feel like you’re talking to me on Sundays =) You’re right, sometimes it’s hard to take criticism of any kind, even when it’s meant to help… but I think you’re right in assuming that it wasn’t meant in any cross manner.. I just think he wasn’t 100% accurate. Which is cool–none of us are!