I got a phone call on Wednesday that blew me away. A guy called me to apologize for something he had publicly written about me over two years ago. As he apologized I played it off as if I had totally forgotten about what he had said. But in my moments of doubt and insecurity the words he wrote about me would come flooding into my mind. I could see them as clearly as if I was holding them on a piece of paper in front of me, because in many ways that had been etched into my mind. The conversation I had with him was incredibly healing, but it got me thinking.

Criticism happens, right?

I don’t care if you lead a public ministry, bag groceries, stay at home with your kids, or govern a state. You’re going to be criticized for the way you do it.

We don’t like to think about it much until we overhear it or read it, but guess what?

It’s happening right now in THIS moment. Some people don’t like you. They don’t like how you…

dress

sing

lead

preach

vote

think

write

spend

And there’s not a thing you can do about it. Nothing.

So in the words of my friend and favorite theologian Taylor Swift “Don’t you worry your pretty little mind. People throw rocks at things that shine.”

So, today, do your thing. Shine bright. And remember there’s a bunch of us who really believe in you!!

Time Magazine had a great article about employee perks at some of the top companies around the country.

For instance, at Mattel, the World’s largest toy maker helps its employees find their inner child by shutting its offices at 1 p.m. every Friday.

Microsoft offers their software engineers an organic spa for letting off steam.

If you work at Factset, a financial research firm, you get free lunches, but there’s also an onsite Pie Truck, Chinese Truck, and Cupcake Truck.

Autodesk, a Mill Valley, California company, allows its employees to take a six week paid sabbatical every four years (you can also bring your dog into the office as well).

Google has a bocce ball court and bowling lanes at the company’s Mountain View, California, headquarters — and for a nominal fee you can get your eyebrows shaped at its New York office.

So here’s what I want to know. If you could add one perk to your place of work what would it be?

I believe sometimes you have to forgive someone, not for their sake, but for your freedom.

This past weekend my friend and neighbor, Will, did one of the bravest things I’ve ever seen. He shared with us his story of sexual abuse and how it led to a double life.

I know, statistically, there are hundreds of you who read this blog who have been a victim of a similar devastating and painful act. I have no right to tell you what you should do or how you should handle it, but I’m praying if there’s hidden pain in your life that you can find a safe person to confess that hurt and pain to and possibly begin your process of healing.

I’m sorry you’ve been hurt. I’m sorry you have to live with the consequences of someone else’s sin. However, I think there’s a big difference between living with those consequences in the bitterness of unforgiveness verses the freedom of forgiveness.

We’re all praying for you today!!

Like everyone else I go through seasons where I doubt myself and my effectiveness. When you have a public ministry you constantly have people in your ear saying things like…

I wish you preached more like this…

I wish you counseled like this….

I wish you led like….

I wish you interacted like this…

I wish you spent your time like this…

It’s easy to start to doubt and wonder if you should be more this or that.  Last week I spent some time with some crazy gifted friends and as I watched them do their thing it made me doubt even further.

I spent an evening with my friend, Steven Furtick, at his church in Charlotte. As I watched him masterfully lead worship and then preach his guts out it made me think….I need that kind of charisma. If I had his charisma I could be so much more effective. That was Wednesday night.

Than on Friday I found myself in a round table conversation with my friends Chris Seay and Len Sweet which was being video taped for a future small group curriculum. The whole time we talked I felt like I needed a dictionary. These guys are not only incredible ministers of the Gospel, but they’re unbelievably smart. I couldn’t keep up. I didn’t understand half of what they were talking about. I honestly walked away wondering if I was even smart enough to be in ministry.

I say all of this not to invoke some kind of sympathy. I’m just letting you know what goes on in my head because I bet these things go on in your head as well. I bet these voices get really loud in you from time to time.

While I won’t argue that lack of character has brought down more good leaders than just about anything, I would say insecurity runs a very close second.

Insecurity can torment the most gifted of leaders. It will make you…

doubt instead of trust

criticize instead of praise

assume the worst instead of the best

talk instead of listen

micromanage instead of empower

control instead of release

In the end it will erode your effectiveness and leave you useless and powerless. Your worst nightmare will become a reality as you look around to discover that, no longer, is anyone following you.

Be yourself. Live your giftedness. Listen to the voice of your Creator which is the only voice that really matters and tell those other voices to shut up.

What does your insecurity look like when it raises its ugly head?

Hebrews 12:15 Look after each other so that none of you fails to receive the grace of God. Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many.

You may be justified in your bitterness, but it still contaminates everything.

You may have every right to not forgive certain people in your life. But you need to know bitterness contaminates everything. It spreads far and wide and deep.

And maybe the most dangerous and destructive thing about bitterness is that it doesn’t remain isolated to the source of bitterness, but spreads to all of your relationships. Left unchecked it will ruin everything that is important to you.

I love what my friends, Mike Foster and Jud Wilhite wrote in Deadly Viper.

You see, when you don’t forgive someone, you let them park in your life forever. These people are like parasites that can suck the life right out of you and allow bitterness to rot you out. If you let these people and their actions haunt your thoughts, emotions, and spirit, you allow them to continually damage not only you, but those around you, too.

Almost everyday I come in contact with people who are allowing unforgiven anger and bitterness from their past to destroy them today. Unknowingly their unwillingness to forgive is impacting their marriage, the way they treat their kids and their attitude toward most everything in life.

I’m not going to pretend like forgiveness is always easy because we all know it isn’t. Some of you have been hurt in ways I can’t imagine.  Someone wounded you, or betrayed you or lied to you or maybe cheated you.  You’re afraid if you let go of the hurt, they get away with something.  And you’re right, to forgive you will pay a high cost.  In fact the only thing that will cost you more than forgiveness  is not forgiving someone.

I know you want to see them hurt back, but that desire is a weight or burden that actually becomes a part of you. You’ll carry that weight from relationship to relationship, from season to season and if you carry that bitterness and anger around long enough it will choke the joy out of your life.

It costs a lot to forgive. But to not forgive will eventually cost you your heart.

I read yesterday that officials in Louisiana are attempting to ban the wearing of pajamas in public. And I was just getting ready to institute a “Pajamas Sunday” at Cross Point.

It seems all of my innovative ideas have been ruled “illegal” as of late.

Now, I will confess that I did recently go out in public in my favorite flannel pajamas (a bit more tasteful than the ninja monkey pajamas illustrated above). I was with my family getting ready for the long drive back from Toledo, Ohio. It’s our family tradition that on long road trips we like to wear our pajamas to make what’s otherwise an excruciatingly long road trip a bit more comfortable.

On our way home I decided to visit a local department store that was having a killer sale on Christmas decorations. I can’t verify it, but I did seem to make the visit in said pajamas without any official complaints being made. However, I don’t plan on making this a habit.

Okay, confession time. Do you ever wear your pajamas in public? No need to post pictures, thank you very much.

One of my ministry heroes has always been Chuck Swindoll. I’ve listened to his sermons on and off since I was in college.  One time I heard him say…

“There will be people in your life who, basically, want to worship you. In their eyes you can do no wrong. They put you up on a pedestal and believe every word, every action, every thought is pure as the fallen snow.”

“On the other hand you will have your critics for whom you can do nothing right. Every word, action, and thought will be criticized with little thought to who you are as a person.”

If I remember correctly, he went on to essentially say that the wise leader will not take either one of these groups seriously. I don’t think he meant we shouldn’t still love them because, I believe we should. I think he meant we shouldn’t allow them to shape and mold us. Their false worship and eager critical hearts will simply damage the work God is doing in you and through you.

I’m embarrassed how much time I’ve wasted focusing on that blistering email, brutal review or just down right hateful comment.

Hear me now: Don’t waste your time listening to false praise or distorted criticism. The praise will go straight to your head and the criticism will go directly to your heart. Both will lead you astray and both will damage the work God is doing in you and through you.

Which is more likely to get you off course? Praise or criticism?

This is for all you pastors, like me, who get scared to death every weekend about having to get up in front of a crowd of people.

I just wanted you to know it could be worse. Much worse.

What job would give you nightmares?

I’ve drawn the following picture a couple hundred times to give a visual illustration of one’s need for Christ to bridge the gap from that which separates us from God.

While I think it’ s a pretty accurate description of life before Christ the illustration makes no sense if you’re a Christian and yet, it’s unfortunately how so many Christians are living today. So many are living as if their salvation never happened.

Isn’t it true that you often view your sin as a cavern/barrier to God?

That you think God may love you, but he’s perpetually disappointed in you and desperately wants you to kick it in gear and work on your sin issues?

Listen, if you’re a Christian you now have Christ in you!! It’s not God on one side and you on the other, both of you staring at this gap of sin saying, “Now what are we gonna do?”

The theologically correct picture is you standing in front of your sin, taking full responsibility, but realizing Christ is in you and he has made the provision for the very sin you’ve just committed.

Why is this important?  Because the intention not to sin is not the same as the power not to sin*. God never intended for you to conquer sin on your own.

You have to give up on your power, which is really no power at all, and trust in Christ’s power which is now in you! Your sin is not a barrier to your intimacy with God, but a humbling reminder for your need for what Christ alone can give you.

Do you ever struggle with this concept like I do?